Because You Exist (18 page)

Chapter 25

We really didn’t do much more driving around. We parked. Not that either of us had any intention of doing all the things teenagers did when they parked somewhere late at night, wondering if it was worth it considering how much trouble they were going to get in when their parents realized they weren’t home by curfew. I guess it depended on how far they could get with the girl they were parking with. First base? Second? Third?

Not that I ever had to worry about that. You actually had to have parents who cared to get in trouble.

Mostly, we sat quietly listening to music. We were pulled into a grocery store parking lot. If Jenna was with me, I’d suggest we go over to I-Hop, but I didn’t think Jo or I wanted to risk running into any of the Shepherd High students who frequented the place late nights during the weekend.

I had my I-pod plugged in. When
Baba O’Riley
by The WHO came on, Jo reached forward and turned up the sound. “You like The Who?” I asked. Jenna couldn’t stand listening to them. I was convinced my mother must have listened to them while I was in the womb because I couldn’t get enough of them.

“No. I only turn the music up when I don’t like a song,” Jo teased, a smile on her lips. She reached her hand forward, stopping in front of my chest, and pretended to turn me up.

“Very funny,” I said, louder than needed. Jo laughed again and shook her head.

“You know what I didn’t do tonight during my quest to feel like a real teenager?” she asked.

I shook my head.

“I didn’t dance. That’s a staple of the whole drunk girl routine, right? To dance with no inhibitions? I was really striving to be as stereotypical as possible.”

I turned up the music even louder. “What are you waiting for, Jo? No time like the present,” I yelled over the noise that filled my car. I expected some smart remark in return, but Jo pushed open the passenger door and turned to me with a raised eyebrow.

Before I could make sense of what was happening, Jo was standing in the middle of the parking lot. Dancing. To The Who. The sounds of which crawled across the empty parking lot. Surrounding us. Protecting us.

This wasn’t the future where we fought to save existence.

This wasn’t the past where we learned how much of our lives had been touched by the things we didn’t yet understand.

It wasn’t Shepherd High were the balance between shifting and attempting to just get through without causing too many waves was getting harder and harder to keep.

Between the words of
Baba O’Riley
, this was just a world where we could be us.

I got out of the car and walked to the passenger side. We both left our doors open so the sound could go where it wanted. So, it could be free. As I leaned against the car and watched her dance, I wasn’t surprised by how good she was. She was good at everything. She was a beast of an athlete after all. Maybe it was the residual effects of the alcohol or because I had goaded her, but she danced with a freedom I hadn’t seen her body exhibit outside the track field. As her hips moved back and forth, her arms in the air, my smile grew. She began to playfully spin around when the song broke into its musical interlude, and her red curly hair looked a little like a fireball against the blackness of the night.

And then her hand was grabbing on to mine. She pulled me closer to her. She didn’t let me hesitate. She was going to make me dance. Even if I was as sober as I could be. Aware of my lingering injures, Jo only made me shift from foot to foot as she held on to my hands. Soon, we were both screaming out the words to the song as she started to spin faster and faster around me.

When the next song started, Jo jumped back into the car and slammed her door. I walked around the car and joined her inside. “Don’t like this song?” I asked with a smile. My I-pod was playing Muse.

“No. I just think one stupid dance in the middle of the parking lot is good enough for the entirety of my high school career,” she replied breathlessly.

Before I could tell her how good of a dancer she was and how she was denying the male species a real treat, her phone rang. Jo looked up at me, her eyes wide.

“What?” I asked, wondering why she wasn’t answering her phone. I assumed it was her foster mom. I wasn’t sure what kind of relationship they had, but if she was any kind of decent guardian she’d want to know where Jo was at nearly three in the morning.

“Nothing,” Jo said, turning her eyes from me and fumbling around her purse for her phone. Jo turned her body slightly away from me when she answered. I half wondered if she wanted me to leave the car and give her some privacy. Which would have been stupid. Weren’t we past all this evasive crap?

“Hey. Yeah. I’m still out.”

For someone who was in trouble, she didn’t sound apologetic. Nervous? Yes. But not sorry.

Jo glanced over at me and offered a small smile. Whoever was on the other end of the phone was apparently talking her ear off. Jo cleared her throat and turned away from me. “I know. It’s nothing. Really. I’ll call you when I get home.” After a rushed goodbye, Jo shoved her phone back inside her purse.

“Who was that?” I asked, trying to sound like it didn’t matter. I’m not sure why it did.

Jo ran a quick hand through her now messy hair before pulling her hood back up. “Ben,” she replied, looking out the window. Looking away from me.

I gripped onto the steering wheel. “How’s that going?”

“All right. I guess. He asked me out. I mean not like a boyfriend or anything. Just like a date. Dinner.”

“Did he ask you when he took you home?”

“Yes.”

Of course he did. I stared straight ahead through the windshield. It was difficult to look at her. “What’d you say?”

“I told him maybe. You know, when things calm down. I’m not ready, Logan.”

“You ever think about telling him why you aren’t ready?” I asked.

“I’m not ready to tell him all that. We’re still feeling each other out.”

And yet she liked him. Without knowing him? And she was being honest with him? Weren’t these the things she always was saying about Jenna and me? I knew I could throw her words back in her face, but I didn’t want to. She was my friend, and she just needed me to listen right now. When she was ready for advice, I’d damn well give it to her. Starting with ditching Bentham.

After the phone call, neither of us quite felt like dancing in the streets. We were friends sure, but sometimes I think it was a little difficult for us. Can’t quite say I’d had many true friends, and she definitely hadn’t. So, when it came to those awkward moments, we both kind of shut down.

After offering me the quickest of thank yous, Jo practically bolted from my car when I pulled up to her house. No doubt in a rush to call the waiting Bentham. I tried to not let it get to me, but the more I thought about it, the more it irked me.

When I got home my mood went from bad to worse. Like Redskins losing the football game in the last seconds of the game worse. My uncle was sitting on the couch. Waiting for me. Like he suddenly remembered he was my legal guardian. Like he had sensed that I spent a good portion of the night thinking about how much he sucked.

“A little late for someone who isn’t strong enough to play in a football game,” he remarked before taking a swig off the glass of red wine he held in his hand.

Pretentious ass.

“Well, they still won. As I’m sure you already knew. I was out celebrating,” I said, moving towards the stairs.

“Just a second, Logan. Why don’t you come take a seat?”

Because I can’t stand to listen to you tell me how disappointed you are in me about missing the football game. Again. No. Not disappointed I wrecked my car. Not worried I could have been hurt. Disappointed I couldn’t add to my stats.

“Now,” he demanded in the voice I’d only heard him use in court. The voice that told me I didn’t have a choice. The voice that could convince anyone to do anything.

I threw myself in the chair opposite him and crossed my arms. I wasn’t going to pretend to like it. I knew he wasn’t planning on berating me for being out late. He had something else in mind.

“You have anything to tell me, Logan?” he asked, moving his hand so the contents of his glass swished carelessly around the rim. His voice was back to that soft, velvety tone he used to talk to most people.

“Nope.”

“Really?” he asked, pausing to take another long sip of his wine. “I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how different you’ve been acting lately.”

“Different?”

“Your carelessness with the car for starters. Getting recruited by a top school has always been our goal, Logan. A goal you’ve seemed to abandon.”

“I didn’t want to hit the deer,” I scoffed.

My uncle smiled. “Of course not, Logan.”

Another sip.

I wanted to rip the glass from his hand and throw the contents in his face.

“Second, all this time you spend with Josephine Lambert. Not quite you’re usual type of girl. Not that I don’t approve. You’re far too young to be settling down with Jenna, but I must question your decisions. Something must have happened for you to even notice her.”

“We’re just friends,” I spat out between clenched teeth. How did he know about us hanging out? He’d only seen us once together.

“Friends. Of course. I understand, Logan. I am just a little surprised you’d even notice her. You haven’t always been the most appreciative of the uniquely pretty girls. You tend to go for the more obvious sort. Like your father in that regard.”

This was another thing my uncle always did that I hated. He would always make these comparisons to my father, knowing I couldn’t ever contradict them. I never knew the man.

“Like I said, we’re friends. Nothing’s going on. I’m sorry I didn’t play tonight. Are we done?” I asked, already standing up.

My uncle nodded. “Sure. We’re done. After I tell you this last thing, Logan. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I’m here for you. If you need anything. Anything at all. I know things at your age seem pretty much like life or death, like the whole world could end, so if you have any questions, please do ask.”

There it was again. That sickening feeling that crept up on me when my uncle knew Jo’s name without me telling him. Instinct. The only thing I could trust utterly. The way my uncle looked at me, the pure amusement that shone at me from his eyes, told me what I’d been denying—My uncle knew something. He was involved.

I wasn’t sure which side he was on.

I wasn’t sure there were sides.

I just knew he’d been watching us.

Chapter 26

There’s only one time that PE teachers enjoy teaching Health. Sex Ed time. It’s not because they’re some kind of pervs, but because they like to watch us squirm. They have given us the talk every year since fifth grade, but as the years go on the discussions become more and more graphic. Like gross-graphic.

I never understood the parents who refused to sign the waivers to allow the students to take part in this segment of our Health education. Nothing discussed in the class made anyone want to have sex. Something about seeing diagrams of a uterus really stopped those hormones from raging. It was as if the teachers really took joy in temporarily destroying our sex drive with each picture they showed us of a STD infected individual, or recounting how some moms poop right after giving birth.

Sexy.

Mr. Williams, our PE teacher, was having a good old time. Usually, right before they get into the discussion on boners, the boys and girls were separated into two different classrooms. But Mr. Williams didn’t feel like doing it before spouting off some really inappropriate jokes about boners and big notebooks. As he went on and on about erections, I could feel the shift start.

I was kinda excited about it. At least wherever I went, we wouldn’t be discussing the male’s inability to control his penis. I shot my hand in the air only to see Mr. Williams look past me towards the back of the room.

Jo.

Right.

In my class.

Listening to the same discussion about boners.

Her hand also raised.

Her eyes met mine and her cheeks turned red.

“Ms. Lambert?”

“May I go to the restroom?” she whispered.

He sighed, unwilling to believe anyone wanted to miss a minute of his class. He curtly nodded and turned to me. “Yes, Logan?”

“I need to go too.”

“Look’s like all that talk about boners really inspired them,” Alec called out.

I glared at him. I could say something back, but the smile on Mr. Williams’ face alerted me he liked the joke, and anything I said back would only be seen as a disruption.

Mr. Williams waved me off and I almost ran into Jo as I exited the room. I held out my arm, motioning for her to go ahead of me. “You know if you don’t say anything to them when they say stuff like that, the rumors will just continue,” she said over her shoulder as we both made our way to the bathrooms. My vision was already becoming blurry with the shift.

“It doesn’t matter what I say to them, Jo. They’re still going to say whatever they want to say,” I replied.

“If you say so,” she said, pushing the door to the girl’s bathroom open a little harder than she really needed to.

Great.

Jo was in a bad mood. I was starting to think she had a total of three moods:

Sullen—Usually a result of her being pissed at me.

Shy

Fun—But I’d only seen glimpses of this one.

I wasn’t quite sure why she was acting so sullen today, but I assumed it was because I didn’t say something to Alec. She didn’t understand that people like him would never change, and it wasn’t worth my time to try and change them. When it came down to it, enough of my time had been taken up by Josephine Lambert. My uncle thought we were together. My friends thought we were bangin'. Maybe we needed some time apart. I needed to focus on Jenna and Jo apparently had Ben.

As we came out of the shift, there was one thing I knew for certain: we were back in the past.

As I stepped into the hallway of 90’s grunge, I felt a sense of foreboding. No longer did I think this time period was less dangerous than the one where nearly the entire population had died and crazed men wanted to eat us alive. The past was pretty scary on its own. Who the hell would choose to wear that much plaid? Not to mention the whole getting my ribs smashed in the last time I had blasted-from-the-pasted it.

When Jo pushed the school doors open I was a little miffed to find Bentham and Randall waiting for us in the school parking lot. The only bit of comfort that I found when waking up and realizing we were taking another walk down memory lane was the understanding that I wouldn’t have to spend time with Jo’s boy toy.

But, like always, I didn’t quite understand how this whole shifting thing worked.

“Can’t quite say I’m glad to see you two,” I said, reaching out to shake Randall’s hand. His Redskins apparel replaced by a suit with a tie that had pumpkins on it. Cute. But I knew he had to have been burning up. Whenever we were, it wasn’t fall.

“Lovely manners,” Bentham commented.

“The boy meant that anytime he sees us means a shift. He hasn’t come to appreciate the gift he has been given yet. He will in time,” Randall replied, patting me on the back.

Yeah. One day I’d appreciate it. Right.

“I knew what he meant, Randall. Besides, the kid and I are old friends now. Helped him with the car thing, remember?”

Randall nodded. “Speaking of. I think it’s best that we stay as clear of each other back in our usual present as we can. I’m more and more sure they are tracking our behavior there, and I don’t want to give them a chance to muck things up more than they’ve already have. It’s important we keep this grouping about the task at hand. They already know about our connections with our shifting partners, and they’ll no doubt use it against is if they can. No need to give them more ammunition.”

I wasn’t the most intuitive of people, but I was pretty sure I knew exactly what kind of relationship Randall was referencing. I looked over at Jo who was kicking at a rock, refusing to join the conversation at all. Bentham was shaking his head at Randall, and the whole group had fallen silent.

I cleared my throat. “I think Randall’s right.” Jo’s head snapped up and her eyes found mind. I saw it there. The look. Betrayal. I was supposed to be on her side of things. Didn’t she understand my agreement was given in order to keep her safe?

Jo shoved her hands forcefully into the pockets of her hoodie. “You mean the Dark Men? You think they’re watching us back in the real world?”

Randall nodded. “I think so. I think their involvement is limited. But I’m sure they’re watching. And they’re controlling things like this shift. For some reason, they felt it was important we all be on this shift together. Which tells me two things. One, this date must be significant in the long scheme of things. Two—they sense our grouping is shifting from a simple alliance to something else. Whatever we are meant to see today will test this bond.”

“Well, let’s get the fun started. Anyone know what today’s date is?” Bentham asked, stealing a glance at Jo. Her head was back down.

“I could go back into the school. Look around, ask someone for the date,” I offered. I looked at Jo when I suggested this, but she refused to meet my eyes.

“I’ve got a better idea,” said Bentham before he ran across the street.

He always had a better idea.

When Bentham returned, he held up a newspaper. “Today’s date is June 6, 1994.”

“It’s my birthday,” I said.

“It’s mine too,” Jo added, looking up at me.

“That’s really weird,” I replied, getting that this can’t be good feeling I got lately around my uncle.

“Not as weird as you would think. My birthday is June 6, 1992. Randall’s is June 6—”

“The year’s not important, Ben. Seems like June 6 is an important day, but your birthday must be especially important as we traveled here to witness it,” said Randall, taking the paper from Bentham’s hands and looking it over.

“Well, that solves it. Let’s go.”

“Go where?” I asked, unsure anything at all had been solved.

“The hospital, Einstein. Let’s go see you get born.”

“I think you’re right,” Randall said, folding the paper up and sticking it inside his jacket.

As we trudged along to the hospital, I could hear Jo and Bentham talking behind me. “I tried calling you last night,” he said quietly.

“I know. I just...I didn’t feel like talking. I hope you’re not mad,” Jo replied lowly. I could feel her eyes on the back of my head, no doubt wishing I’d butt out. But I couldn’t.

“Not at all. Jo?”

“Hmmm?”

“Happy Birthday.”

I could hear the smile in the sudden lightness of her voice. “Happy Birthday, Ben.”

***

The good thing about time traveling to the 90’s is how easy it is to get in anywhere. We had no problem hopping a bus and making our way inside the maternity ward at Virginia Beach General. We told them we were there to visit a family member and we were in. No one asked for our ID. No one even questioned why Randall was wearing a suit jacket and pumpkin tie in June.

It was a little odd. I guess so much of my life had been spent fearing a terrorist attack or watching footage of the War in Iraq on television that I forgot life used to be different. We used to feel safe.

Or perhaps simply naïve.

“Now what?” I asked, getting a little uncomfortable looking at the hand-painted bears and balloons that covered the walls of the waiting room. I wasn’t so sure sitting in the waiting room of the maternity ward was any better than sitting through Williams’ talk about boners. They both gave me the weirds.

Even if we were there for my birth.

Mine and Jo’s that is.

I didn’t even know we shared a birthday.

“I think we wait. That’s usually how these things work. Wait for the truth to reveal itself,” Randall said with a smile as he sat down comfortably in a chair, pulling out the newspaper from his jacket pocket.

Bentham and I took a seat as well. Bentham laid his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. How anyone could sleep now was beyond me. I tried to avoid looking too much down the hall, afraid I’d see something like some woman’s water break.

This was not somewhere I wanted to be.

I looked over at Jo who refused to sit. She was carelessly rifling through a stack of pamphlets on the wall. Unaware of the fact that I was looking, her hand stopped over a pamphlet before she pulled it from its cubby. She opened her purse and began to shove it in. But not before I read the title: What You Need to Know About Birth Control.

Wait. What?

I looked over at Bentham who was snoring. I wanted to punch him right there and then. He had to have been pressuring her. They weren’t even going out yet. Why would she need a pamphlet about condoms and pills? That was probably why she didn’t feel like talking to him last night. She was good at reading people. She knew what he wanted.

But was she planning on giving it to him?

The thought made me feel a little queasy.

I turned from Bentham to look back at Jo only to realize she was starting to walk down the hallway. Something was going on. I glanced over to the nurses’ station to see they too were out of their seats.

That’s when I heard the yelling.

Jo froze, her face still turned from me.

“What’s is it?” one of the nurses yelled down the hallway to another nurse who was rushing down the hall towards us.

“It’s her again. The one with the twins. Ranting and raving. No matter how many sedatives we give her, she’s awake in less than half an hour.”

This was it. It had to be.

Twins?

Oh. God.

I felt my stomach tighten.

I felt lightheaded.

I reached out my hand, holding onto the counter to keep from falling down.

Jo slowly turned around and her eyes met mine. Wide. Frightened. I could hear Randall and Bentham behind me. The commotion must have called them into action. Jo had gone pale, and I could see she was trembling.

I heard the scuffle before I saw her. The woman had bolted from whoever held her back and was running down the hallway. The woman pushed a second nurse off her, sending her flying into a shelf of supplies, all of which came crashing down on the floor. The woman was wild, frantic.

And she was running right to us.

And then she saw Jo.

And then everything stopped.

The woman came to a sudden halt. Her hair was wild, covering most of her face, but anyone could see Jo’s eyes staring right back at her. She didn’t share Jo’s red hair. That she had gotten from her father. Her hair was more like...more like...mine. I took a shaky step to the right, so Jo would be blocking me.

I didn’t want this woman to see me.

I wasn’t ready for what it might mean.

Because this woman recognized Jo.

The woman fell to her knees and Jo rushed to her. The woman put her shaky hands onto Jo’s shoulders. “They’re going to take you and your brother from me!”

Brother.

The noise in the small waiting room was getting louder and louder. I couldn’t think. I could make sense of anything that was happening. I looked back at both Randall and Bentham, but they offered no helped. They were transfixed by the scene in front of them.