Because You Exist (9 page)

Was she really going to pretend like the whole thing didn’t happen?

“This is really the most disgusting room I have ever seen, and I’m a foster kid.”

Yes. She was.

“How the hell do you know how to shoot a gun?” I finally asked, frustrated by how she was forcing me to bring up the horror of what happened to us.

Josephine pulled her hands inside the long sleeves of Jenna’s sweatshirt. “My father taught me.”

“I thought your father was in jail?”

“He is. He taught me when I was little.”

“Like how little?”

Josephine laughed bitterly. “Real little. I hated it too. I was sick a lot when I was little. Spent time at the hospital. I can’t tell you how much of my time I spent watching cartoons and Disney movies.”

“I don’t really remember you being absent a lot,” I admitted.

“I don’t think I was your favorite recess buddy in elementary school, Logan.”

True.

“When I was about four my father got really into guns. He took me along with him hunting. I cried every time. I kept seeing him kill Bambi or one of the creatures from
Sleeping Beauty
. One day he got sick of my whining. He forced the gun in my hand and made me shoot. That’s how it went for years. He was brilliant when it came to hunting. And the more I resisted taking part, the more he killed. So, I started learning how to shoot. At least while he was teaching me he wasn’t killing every little Thumper he saw.”

The story was kinda sick. I mean it would never make it on ABC Family. Most unsettling was the way in which Josephine told it; she told the story like it was nothing out of the ordinary. I wondered exactly how screwed up her childhood had been.

“Why did he hide the gun in the flower bed?” I asked.

Josephine shrugged. “Guess he was kind of a paranoid guy. But hell, his paranoia sure worked in our favor.”

“Josephine. You killed that man. I don’t know that anything worked in our favor today.”

Josephine shook her head. “You could be dead right now, Logan. And those men could be...they could be...they...” Josephine closed her eyes and took a shaky breath.

“I know, Josephine. I understand. But it doesn’t change the fact that we saw a man die today.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” I replied.

“No. That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry I can’t tell you what you need to hear to make yourself feel better about what happened today.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“You need me to get all weepy and cry on your shoulder. Pretend I regret what happened. Act like I wouldn’t do it again if I had to. But I don’t regret it. I’m glad that man is dead. I’m even more glad that I was the one to kill him.”

“You can’t mean that,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry, Logan. But I do mean it. He deserved to die, and I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt me.”

“But I saw you crying.”

“I wasn’t crying because I killed that man,” she replied.

“Then why were you crying?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“Look, me and you, we’re different. We’ll always be different. You don’t have to try to understand how I work just because for some reason we were thrown together.” Her voice had gone dark, cold.

Who was this girl?

Why did I care?

Before I had time to respond, I heard the front door open. I glanced at the clock. It was only six. What was my uncle doing home? Josephine jumped up from her chair. Despite her, Insert Any Angelina Jolie Movie Role Reference Here attitude, the girl was a bit skittish.

“It’s just my uncle.”

“I should go.”

I nodded. “I’ll drive you back to get your car.”

As we trudged down the stairs, I heard my uncle opening a can of beer. Imported beer, soda, and leftovers were the only things that you could count on finding in our fridge. I hoped my uncle wouldn’t make a scene when he saw me coming down the stairs with Josephine whose hair was still dripping wet. He never hid the fact that he wasn’t a fan of Jenna. He told me I was too young to be in a committed relationship. He was probably the only legal guardian who wanted their charge to whore it up.

We almost reached the front door when the sound of my uncle’s voice stopped us. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your new friend?”

With a heavy sigh, I turned around and faced my uncle. Josephine took a slight step behind me. If I wasn’t mistaken she had somehow found a way to almost sink inside of the sweatshirt. She kept her eyes on the ground.

“Uncle Rick, this here is Carrie. She’s a friend of mine from school. We were just working on an English project.”

Carrie? Great. Just great. I was making an even bigger mess of things. And that was saying something.

“Is that so?” he asked, leaning against the wall.

I nodded.

“Well, don’t be shy Carrie. Lift your head up, so I can see if it’s true that my nephew is so shallow that he only hangs out with pretty people. That’s what my secretary was saying. Her daughter attends Shepherd High, and supposedly Logan here is kind of a jerk.”

Josephine reluctantly lifted her head and attempted a smile. “He is kind of a jerk. But only kind of.”

When my uncle caught sight of Josephine, something unfamiliar gleamed in his eyes. Excitement. He rarely got excited about anything besides his court cases. Not even when talking about football, which he only was interested in because he thought I would bring the Middleton family more fame and fortune when I went pro.

He took a step towards Josephine, and I felt her stiffen beside me.

“Beautiful,” he whispered.

“I really have to go, Logan,” Josephine muttered.

“Why don’t you stay for dinner? I was going to order a pizza,” my uncle said, ignoring how obviously uncomfortable he was making Josephine feel. 

“No thank you,” she replied. I looked back at her to see her furiously pulling at the sleeves of the sweatshirt.

“Oh. I won’t be staying if that’s what you’re worried about. I have a client I really need to see tonight. I’ll leave the money for you and Logan to enjoy,” he replied, pulling out his wallet.

As seemingly nice as the offer was, I knew it didn’t sound appealing to either of us. Josephine looked like she wanted to bolt out of the house as soon as she could, and I just needed one hour of this forsaken day to be commitment free: no school work, no practice, no trying to talk down possibly psychotic girls.

Uncle Rick slapped me on the back. “Seriously. Don’t let the girl rush out on my account. I’ll even call before I come home. Give you two some time to work on that project.”

He was even starting to creep me out. Not at all helped by the fact that he threw me a wink as he walk towards the door.

“It was a pleasure meeting you, Josephine,” said my uncle before he scurried out the front door. Gone just as fast as he came in.

I turned to Josephine, hoping I was quick enough to think of some clever way to explain my uncle’s behavior when I noticed how pale Josephine’s face had become.

“I gotta go,” she whispered.

“All right. Let’s go.”

She shook her head. “No. I’m gonna walk. It’s not that far.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s barely even light outside.”

“I can handle myself,” she snapped.

Her mood swings weren’t one of her best qualities.

“Fine. I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” I replied.

“All right.”

Before I could ask her if she was sure she didn’t want me to drive her back to the school parking lot, Josephine had slammed open the front door and disappeared.

I wasn’t surprised by her erratic behavior, but something about her exit left me feeling unsettled. I was halfway through a pizza when it hit me—I had introduced Josephine as Carrie. When my uncle left he most certainly called her Josephine.

It wasn’t easy for me to believe in coincidences anymore.

My uncle knew who Josephine was, and he knew her for a reason.

Chapter 14

“You can’t be here.”

“Oh, come on. Isn’t this supposed to be really romantic?” I whispered, wrapping my arms tightly around Jenna’s windowsill. I was five minutes from falling, breaking my arm and ending my football season. It’s not like I was a wimp or something. My body was still sore from the day’s time traveling.

Damn that Romeo for making this look easy.

“My father catching you and chasing you down with his gun doesn’t sound particularly amorous,” she replied, looking back towards her bedroom door.

“Crazed man chasing me down in order to kill me? Nothing out of the ordinary. I can handle it.” My arms were starting to shake.

Jenna sighed. “Seriously, Logan. You can’t be here.”

I locked my eyes to hers. “I really need to talk to you, Jenna.”

I don’t know what Jenna saw in my eyes, but after a moment she lifted her window up higher and took a step back. As I climbed into her room, Jenna rushed to her bedroom door and locked it.

Jenna leaned against her bedroom door and watched me as I took a seat on her bed. When I got in my car I knew I had to see Jenna. When I first shifted all I could see every time I touched Jenna was her destruction, but now all I felt was the need to touch her, to be with her. I don’t know what caused the change, but I wanted to fall into her and never find my way back home. It seemed insane that I wanted to run from her; she was the only thing I understood.

“Come here,” I said softly.

Jenna rolled her eyes and took a seat next to me on her bed. “You never called me,” she replied.

“I did better than calling you. I came over.”

“Is Jo all right?”

I shrugged. I took Jenna’s hand in mine and ran my fingers up and down her palm. “Would you believe me if I said that it’s not my secret to tell?” It wasn’t just my secret. It belonged to both Josephine and me.

“Yes, I would believe you. I know you wouldn’t lie about anything to do with us.”

I placed my hand against her cheek. “No, I wouldn’t.” I moved my hand to the back of her neck and pulled her closer. I hesitated only for a moment before kissing her, one brief second of fear that the moment my lips touched hers I would be reminded that I was running out of time.  When my lips touched hers I didn’t feel fear. I only felt escape.

I let the kiss deepen. When Jenna tried to pull away I gently pulled her closer. “Let me stay with you,” I said.

“My dad could hear us.”

I laughed quietly. “Come on. We both know I won’t take very long,” I said, pulling her shirt over her head.

Jenna brushed her bangs out of her face and rolled her eyes.

“Better stop. Your eyes might get suck like that.”

She hit me playfully in the chest. “You’re so stupid.”

“Good thing I’m so cute,” I replied, pulling off my shirt as well.  I moved and began to kiss her neck. Every second I was touching her loosened whatever had caused my chest to tightened, a feeling I hadn’t been able to shake since the incident between Josephine and my uncle.

Nothing is coincidence

Nothing.

“Logan? Where’d you go? Why do you keep leaving me?” The sound of Jenna’s voice pulled me from the darkness. I was stupid to think of her as some symbol of our doomed future. She was the only thing that could save me from it and keep me going.

I pressed my lips to Jenna’s hungrily. I needed this girl. I wanted her. My hands moved to her hair as I moved my lips to her ear. “I’ll always be right here with you.”

***

As we were putting on our clothes back on, I could feel Jenna looking at me. I pulled down my shirt. “You all right?”

She nodded. She took a step closer to me and moved her hands to my belt.

“Again?” I asked with a grin.

She smiled and shook her head. “Don’t think we should tempt fate again. It’s a miracle my dad didn’t hear us.”

“Well, maybe if someone wasn’t so loud,” I teased, wrapping my arms around her waist.

“Funny.”

“I like to think so,” I replied with a playful shrug of my shoulders. This girl was softness and timidity. She was safe. I knew her.

“We’re good right?” she asked as she began to buckle my belt. Her eyes refused to look into mine.

I lifted her chin up so she would look at me. “Nothing is going on with Josephine and me. She needed my help. That’s all. I promise.”

Jenna nodded. “When did you become such a nice guy?” There was a slight joking manner to the way Jenna said these words, but it still hurt a little that she thought like everyone else that I was a jerk. Even if it was true.

“I guess you’re just a good influence on me,” I said, forcing a smile.

Yeah, cause sneaking into a man’s home and seducing his daughter while he’s downstairs watching SportsCenter screams stand-up guy,” Jenna laughed.

Zinger two.

“Hey. I gotta go. My uncle is expecting me home so we can go over plays for Friday’s game.” He wasn’t. I didn’t even know when he would be home. To be honest, I wasn’t particularly anxious to see him. I didn’t need any more proof that the craziness of the future world was bleeding into my world, a world that was becoming less easy to control.

Jenna stood on her toes and pressed a gentle kiss on my lips. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

Right. School. Tomorrow. Great.