Becky Bananas (18 page)

I wish I’d been nicer to him when he was a tiny baby. I wish I hadn’t been jealous, because of him having a dad and me not. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t ask to be born. Nobody asks to be born. I wish I’d cuddled and kissed him more. I love him ever so much!

When we go to Wonderland, Danny is going to come with us. I’m not going to go if Danny can’t come! We oughtn’t to have left him behind that night when we went to celebrate. The night Mum bought champagne. He can’t help it if he’s a silly babyish nuisance and bangs on the table and tips his chair back and does all those things that make Mum mad.

“He’d only ruin it for you.” That’s what Mum said. But I wouldn’t have minded!

When we go to Wonderland, we will go on Concorde.

Mum has said that we can! She says it will be a special treat, for being twelve.

I shall be twelve in … a few months.

Three months!

Less than three months.

Soon.

Then we’ll pack up our cases and Mum will say, “Have you put your toothbrush in?” And Danny will want to take his teddy bear and Mum will groan and say, “Can’t we go
anywhere
without that wretched bear?” But it’s the only way that Danny will sleep.

He has nightmares if he’s parted from Teddy.

Danny will take Teddy and I will take my signed photograph of Darcey. I don’t go anywhere without my signed photograph. I’ve had it on my locker all the time I’ve been in hospital. The nurses call me their little dancer. They all know I’m going to dance in
Swan Lake.
Once when it was Carol’s birthday they had a party for her on the ward and I did a snowflake dance that I made up myself, specially for her.

I danced it in my nightie! It was the nearest I could get to a proper ballet dress.

I made it about snowflakes because outside it was cold and snowy and people’s mums and dads kept saying things like, “My goodness, you’re in the best place in here!” It made Zoë ever so mad. She said, “How would they like it if they had to be in here?”

Zoë’s at home now. She’s doing really well. She sent me a card the other day.

I have good feelings about Zoë: she is going to be all right.

I still wish she could come to Wonderland with us! It is going to be the very best birthday present I have ever had. Uncle Eddy will come and pick us up in his car

and we will all drive to the airport together.

Then we will get on the plane

and do up our seat belts

and fly high up into the air

all across the seas and the oceans and the mountains

high amongst the clouds