Becoming Jinn (32 page)

“Beautiful,” she says in a voice two pitches higher than usual.

We made peace (sort of, more like we passed the sugar bowl and ignored what happened last night) before I left for work this morning. So her current twitchiness must have another cause. Why should I expect anything else?

She clears her throat. “You look great, honey.”

“What's wrong?”

“Wrong? Nothing.” Her eyes scan my body. “Hey, is that my skirt? And my … my bracelet?”

“Don't change the subject.”

She must wonder if I found what the bracelet was hiding, but my instincts tell me whatever she's trying to cover up here is even more important.

“What subject?” she says. “This conversation's barely started.”

I point to the small rectangular chips floating in the sea of creamy white. “Something made you stop eating that. The thing is, I can't imagine anything in this world that would cause that to happen.”

My unwavering stare compels my mother to talk.

“They sent an assignment.”

So it turns out it's not something in this world after all.

The smile that follows my mother's statement is so forced it makes me wince even more than the idea of granting another wish. Another wish. Already.

Breathe, Azra
.
Air in, air out.

It's just a job, right?

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Just like slathering mayo on a BLT. Just like disinfecting a toilet.

“It's okay,” I say. Knowing how much we look alike, my fake smile must be a perfect match for hers. “I'm ready this time.”

My mother still hesitates.

“I am,” I say, trying to convince her as much as myself. “I've actually been studying. I've even been reading about spells.
Azra-cadabra, I'm ready!
”

I'm standing there waving jazz hands and still nothing. Not even the slightest upturn of her lips in response to my joke.
Work with me here, Mom.

“You're kind of freaking me out,” I say.

Her plastered smile returns. “Azra, honey, it can wait. Tonight, just be a normal girl, okay?”

Normal girl? She's never once told me to be a normal girl. Not even when I begged her to. Something's very very wrong.

I hold out my palm. “Let me see.”

Worry lines draw a gloomy mural on her face. But she gives in, compressing the side of the cushion she's sitting on. I slide my hand down the crack and yank out the gold envelope with my name perfectly embossed on the front.

The seal's broken. She's already opened it. I untuck the flap and pull out the single slip of paper.

No, it can't be.

My hands drop the whole thing as if it were on fire. The sheet lands face up and stares at me from its spot on the floor.

They're pushing things too far. They're pushing
me
too far.

I back up, slowly, until I hit the front door.

It feels almost intentional. Purposeful.

Clasping my hands behind my back, I press my body against the door as if I could push myself through it and away from here.

It's not fair. One night. One normal night. That's all I wanted.

My mother, still calmly seated on the sofa, picks up the envelope and the sheet of paper and lays them on the coffee table. Like last time, the letter contains the name and address of my wish candidate. But this time, I don't need the address. Though I've never been there, I know exactly where he lives.

Dizzy, I lean against the front door until I'm able to regulate my breathing. I ease my way across the room and lift up the paper as if it were a live grenade.

Nathan Reese.

Nate. My Nate. Nate is my next assignment.

I make it to the hall bathroom just in time.

*   *   *

Between the cold cloth my mother presses against my forehead and the streaks lining my face from the tears I couldn't hold back, my careful makeup application has just become collateral damage.

Staring at the unmistakable 3 on the back of the note card, I say, “This can't be a coincidence.”

“Sure it can,” my mother says, but something in her voice suggests otherwise.

“I like Nate. A lot. And you said it yourself. Being invested makes granting wishes messy.”

“Oh, that.” She balls up the damp washcloth. “I was being melodramatic.”

“No you weren't. You were right.”

She waves her hand to dry the fabric but instead soaks it. Water pools on the table and cascades over the edge onto the floor.

“You're nervous. You think I'm going to screw up again.”

She grabs a dish towel to mop up the water. Her cleaning without magic confirms she's worried.

Her hand shakes as she sets the towel on the table. “You said you've been studying, right?” Her question sounds more like a plea. “We'll make sure you're ready. You'll be fine.” She starts nodding her head. “Yes, we'll make sure you'll be fine.”

I'm worried too, but right now, I'm less concerned about what might happen to me and more afraid of what could happen to Nate. “What if I hurt him?”

“You won't hurt him. How could you hurt him?”

I suck back the mucus clogging my nose and throat. “Maybe … like what if he wishes to be a Tiger, meaning on the varsity team, and I turn him into an actual tiger?”

Her tension releases in a laugh. She smiles and squeezes my shoulder. “Let's not go totally off the deep end, kiddo.”

I shrug off her hand. “Okay, so what if I don't hurt him but he wishes for something that makes me lose him? Like being with Chelsea or some other rah-rah cheerleader?” Or me. What if he wishes for me? And what if granting that wish makes me lose Henry?

“He likes you,” my mother says. “Let's also try not to invent problems, okay?”

I'm all out of reasons, but still I don't want to grant Nate a wish because … because I just don't. My pulse quickens, and I struggle to take my next breath. That's not true. That's not why. All of a sudden, my brain seizes on what my heart knew instantly.

My mother may be worried about my safety, but for me, the overarching reason why this sucks as much as it does is because it means my two worlds are colliding. The two worlds I was starting to think I could keep separate will become one. The part of me that could be normal Azra with Nate will vanish the moment I begin the wish-granting ritual. He won't know it. But I will.

I'll always know his deepest desire. And I'll have to make it come true. Once I link with his anima, a part of him will always be with me. I'll know him in a way he'll never know me. But I'll have to pretend I don't.

I was wrong. Getting to lie to Nate isn't better. I was delusional. Human attachments are indeed too hard. I will be exactly like my mother and Samara and every other Jinn.

So much for the liberation I thought the bronze bangle gave me. I've become a Jinn. A Jinn I will always be.

 

31

But do I have to be the Jinn that grants Nate a wish? Why not let me swap out Nate for another candidate?

When I ask my mother if she thinks this is possible, her olive-toned face goes pale.

“We don't question the Afrit,” she says, setting down two cups of hot chocolate.

“Baa. Right. Because we are sheep. Drones. Worker bees. Mindless—”

“Please, Azra, don't,” my mother says softly. “There are things you don't know. The Afrit … they can do things.”

I tap my bronze bangle.

“Yes,” she says, “they can restrict your magic. And if you defy them, they can extract you from this life and force you to live months, years, a lifetime, alone. And not just alone, but terrifyingly alone.”

This I know. Which makes me scared of what I don't know. “There's a but, isn't there?” My mother nods. “And I don't want to hear it, do I?”

Another nod as my mother lifts her mug to her lips. “But you have to. Because what you don't know is there are a few steps in between. Having to remove young Jinn from the human world is not in the Afrit's best interest. They need you. They need you here to grant wishes. Extracting you is a last resort.”

“Oh, really?” My grin is automatic. “So I
can
push the envelope before they'll slap real handcuffs on me?”

Her pained smile and the sadness in her gold eyes cause a tightness in my chest.

“You can.” She shifts her gaze away from me. “But there are consequences.”

“Like what? More years of granting wishes? More time on probation?” I flex my arm muscles. “I can take it.” I'm desperate to make light because of the darkness I feel coming.

“Sometimes, but they've found that's not as effective as other methods of keeping Jinn in line.”

I blow on my hot chocolate. “What kinds of methods?”

“They … they use us against one another.” My mother pushes back her own mug. “If you were to continue to defy them, they won't take you away from this world.” She now looks me in the eye. “They'll take me. They'll take me from you. From everyone.”

Stunned into silence, I struggle to absorb her words.

She squeezes my hand reassuringly, but her voice shakes as she says, “I'm the one they'd send to their little torture chamber. I'd never see you again, Azra. I'd never see Samara or Nadia or any of my other Zar sisters again.” Her eyes full of longing, she continues, “One day I'm supposed to be rewarded for following their rules—reunited with my loved ones who have been kept away from me, from us. But the truth is, before they'd do anything else to you, they'd make me pay for your crimes.”

I'm light-headed, and my throat is so tight, I'm having trouble swallowing. If I screw up, my mother will be punished, and I will never see her again.
Never see her again.
As many times as I've angrily hoped for such a thing since hitting puberty, I cannot wrap my head around the idea.

“But why?” I finally ask.

She wrings her hands, and her tone shifts to one of anger. “They'll say it's because I didn't teach you properly. But it's simply a way of controlling us. Forbidding contact between loved ones serves as a pretty damn good deterrent for acting out against the Afrit. They use fear to get what they want. Fear and the hope that our love for each other is stronger than our hatred of them.”

I lean forward in my chair. “But if they did that, if they …
took
you, it wouldn't be. I'd despise them.”

“Well, I'm relieved to hear it, kiddo.” She smiles weakly. “Unfortunately, they've thought of that. So it doesn't end with me. Once I'm gone, they'll place you with one of my Zar sisters for retraining.”

My stomach drops. Yasmin's staying with Samara. Does that mean…? No, Yasmin would have gotten a bronze bangle first, wouldn't she?

My mother continues, “If you act out, that sister will be taken away, and you and her daughter—your own Zar sister—will move on to the next, and the next, and the next, until you've exhausted everyone. And as each sister is ripped away and thrown in tortura cavea, we all feel it. Our Zar connection means one sister's living hell is felt by all.”

My body grows so cold, it's like my blood has been replaced with ice. “Then I'd be taken?”

My mother shakes her head. “Not quite. There's one more thing they can use against us.”

“Humans,” I say, piecing it together. “That's why Jinn don't form attachments to humans.”

My mother exhales slowly. “Underneath it all, the Afrit do want us to serve the human world. We need to if we want to keep our powers. But they'll go after humans if they have to. It's rare. Most Jinn don't let it get that far. But the Afrit have done it, if only to show that they can and will.”

Henry.
I pick up my hot chocolate, hoping whatever warmth is left will stop me from trembling, but I can't stomach a sip. “What … what do they do?”

“They ruin their lives. Even for the Afrit, mind control is tricky. Whether it's inserting thoughts or erasing memories, it's risky. Dangerous. The Afrit's goal is to wipe the human's memory of the Jinn they know, leaving the Jinn without their trusted friend, lover, what have you. But in far too many cases, they've left humans as amnesiacs or damaged their brains so much that the person winds up in a mental institution. They've even killed a few humans in the most dire cases.”

My mug falls from my hand. My mother's powers catch it before it drops to the floor where it would have shattered into a million pieces, the same way my heart seems to be doing.

“Are you sure?” I say. “I mean, have you actually seen it?”

“A human being killed? No.” My mother bites her lip. Though she forces back the tears I can just see forming, she can't stop her voice from trembling. “But the other part … the damage … I'm sure it's true because I've done it.”

My pulse thumps in my ears. “I thought you couldn't do mind control?”

She stands abruptly, moves to the back door, and stares out the window. “I can't. Not like you did. Not unassisted. I've never known a Jinn who could do what you can do. But with a spell, like the one I used on Ms. Wood, I can come pretty close. It's probably the hardest spell to pull off. Most Jinn can't.”

“But of course you can, being the model Jinn and all.”

My mother turns to me, sadness darkening her eyes. “It's not something to be proud of.” She beckons me over. “Come here. I need you to see this.”

Dread makes me hesitate before pushing back my chair.

She steps to the side and taps the glass with the tip of her fingernail. “That's how I know the dangers of mind control are real.”

Crazy old Mrs. Seyfreth from next door, wearing her usual fur coat, is staring over the fence into our backyard.