Becoming the Alpha (7 page)

I should have fought him. It was as if he hadn’t listened to a goddamn thing that I said. But the way his lips claimed mine told me how badly he wanted me. I opened my mouth willingly at his insistent probing, and his tongue danced against mine stroking it until I whimpered.

Then he used one of his massive hands to keep both of mine snug against the wall above my head while his other hand drifted down my arm and the side of my ribcage. As it settled on my hip, he pulled me against him. I felt his hard need against my thigh.

“Tell me you don’t want me,” he rasped against my lips. “Convince me you don’t want this too, Maren, and I’ll leave you alone. But I chose you, and I’m not going to let you go this time. Not unless you convince me you don’t want me too.”

My mind was a jumble of incoherent thoughts, especially when his hand wandered down further and grazed my bare skin of my leg below the hem of my dress. His hand pushed upward underneath the skirt. All I could think was that I should stop him, but I didn’t want to. He was right. He was the one I wanted. He was the one that I always wanted. Now he said he wanted me. He was saying all of the things I wanted to hear and was doing things to me that I had only dreamed about. But that wasn’t enough. At least, not yet.

“Lukas, stop,” I said. My breath came in short gasps as I turned my head away from his lips. “Please.”

His hands stilled, and then his body was gone from mine. My hands floated down from the wall. I looked in his eyes, and I saw that primal part of him still there.

“I’d never take advantage of someone who didn’t want me,” he said flatly. “If you’re telling me no, then I’ll accept that.”

“Lukas, you’re not listening to me. I’m telling you I am confused,” I said. “I never said I didn’t want you.” There. My secret was out in the open. I was exposed for him to see. “But I need to know that this is something different than before. Jesus, you’re asking me to make a pretty big decision. I’ve barely gone on more than three dates with a guy in my entire life. If I’m committing to something bigger than that, it can’t just be for lust and a good story.”

“Tell me what you want,” Lukas said. “What do I need to say?”

“Lukas, if I agree to spend the rest of my life with someone, I want to be in love with him and for him be in love with me. I want to be so crazy in love that I do stupid, irrational things to be with him. I want to be able to trust him with every part of me. I want to know that he’d never leave me.” The only thing that I didn’t say was that I was already in love with him. It didn’t matter that ten years had passed. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and let him have his way with me.

“You want to take things slow,” he said. “You need to trust me.”

My heart withered then. For some crazy reason, I thought that Lukas was about to profess that he did love me, that he had always been in love with me. It should have made me feel better about my decision to stop him, but instead it made me feel worse.

“I can’t throw my life away for you,” I said. I wasn’t going to cry in front of him. “When you’re done playing house with me because you got what you wanted, I need to be able to walk away.”

His expression was unreadable. He opened his mouth, and then the doorbell rang.

“Guess I am about to be saved by the bell,” he said. Then he turned on his heel and left the room, leaving me with my mouth hanging open at his gall.

When I heard Billy’s voice coming from the direction of the foyer, I quickly settled myself back on the sofa and smoothed my skirt and hair. I had forgotten that Lukas had summoned Billy to the house before the evening festivities got into full swing. Then I frowned and looked at my watch. If I was going to the gala that evening, I needed time to get ready too.

I threw my stuff back in my bag and stood up just as Lukas escorted Billy into the living room. Judging by the look on both of the men’s faces, this was one conversation that I felt okay sitting out.

“Where do I need to be tonight?” I asked after giving Billy the briefest nod. I could tell by Lukas’s expression that he didn’t want me to leave at all. “I should start typing up these notes, and I need to change.”

“Meet me back here at six,” Lukas said.

“Fine.” I brushed past him and showed myself out before he could try to convince me otherwise. Once I was back in my car and headed back toward town, I had a good pep talk with myself well underway. I was doing the right thing. I was glad that I hadn’t given in to Lukas’s seduction play. Using my tape recorder, I started lining up my questions for our next interview. I had to stay focused on the job. I wasn’t going to let Lukas railroad my heart again, and I sure in the hell wasn’t signing up to be some alpha bear’s mate if it meant there was no exit strategy.

As I navigated my way down Main Street, I saw my dad’s car parked at the Greyelf Gazette’s office. Even though it was Saturday afternoon, he was working like he always did. I considered not stopping, but I had looked at my phone when I left White Oaks. He had tried calling me five times. I couldn’t avoid him forever. I pulled the car into a spot out front. He didn’t know anything about what had happened with Lukas, and I wasn’t sure how he was going to react to what I was willing to tell him.

I got out of the car slowly and then made my way to the door. I could see the bald spot on the back of my dad’s head reflecting through the glass of the front window. I couldn’t help but shake my head with a smile. Dad always complained that there wasn’t enough natural light in the office, so he got as close as he could to the window.

I pushed the door open and stepped inside. As expected, my dad was sitting in a small armchair that he had dragged from his office out into the empty space in front of the window. He was using one of the other office chairs as a footstool. He looked up as I entered.

“Where you been, kid?” My dad wasn’t one for pleasantries. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all morning. There’s going to be a lot of overtime this week with the Summit going on. You’re going to have to pull some extra shifts for coverage.”

“Yeah, about that,” I said slowly. “I’ve got a new angle for the story.”

That got his attention. My dad loved new angles. “Hit me.”

“What if I told you that I was going to be able to attend the opening gala?”

“We’ve got media passes,” Dad said, his eyes dropping back to his laptop. “We’ll have the list of who’s here and who isn’t once we see them arrive and go inside. But that won’t get us inside the tent.”

“I know. That’s what I’m saying. I am going to be inside the tent.”

“How?” He still hadn’t looked back up at me.

I let the bomb drop. “Lukas invited me.”

Dad’s fingertips swishing across his keyboard stilled. “Lukas Kasper invited you to attend the Summit’s opening gala?” That was one habit of my dad’s that I absolutely detested. He’d insist on saying everything I said back to me as if he expected to trip me up on some part of it.

“That’s right,” I said.

“As in his date?”

This was the part of the explanation where things got hairy. I didn’t want to lie to my dad, but there was no way that I could tell him the whole truth either. He’d think that I was crazy. I wasn’t sure what I wasn’t yet. He’d accuse me of following along with whatever scheme Lukas had cooked up just like I always did, and he’d pretty much be right. I hated ever admitting my dad was right.

“He’s pitched me the idea of doing some work documenting the clan’s history.” I figured it was easiest to stick with the story that the entire clan had heard for consistency’s sake. Now that I had told Lukas I wasn’t going to play along with being his mate, I wasn’t sure how it was all going to go down. I still wasn’t sure that he believed me, or that I believed it myself. Apparently, it would be an ongoing discussion.

My dad set his laptop down on the floor and sat forward in his chair. He rested his forearms on his knees and looked at me pensively. “I’ve been after Markus Kasper for years to let me do a documentary series on the clan.”

This situation required a finesse. I didn’t need my dad to see me as competition. “I think that what Lukas is looking for would be something internal for the clan, Dad. Nothing that would be available for public consumption.”

“If that was the case, why would he ask you do to it?”

That was an excellent question, and one that I still wasn’t sure that I fully believed. “Lukas said I have the right style. He seems like he has a bit more of an open mind than his brother when it comes to letting someone from the outside in.”

“Hmm. Well, we’ll have to see about all of that. The sheriff is going to have something to say about it I’m sure, and he might end up being the alpha anyway.”

“Lukas was declared the alpha this morning,” I said. When I saw the surprised expression on my dad’s face, I realized I had said too much. I should have gone home while I had the chance.

“How do you know that?”

“Obviously, I’ve been talking to Lukas,” I said, deflecting the question. “Look, I’ve got to go. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I’ll be there tonight.”

“What are you going to be able to write that I’ll be able to publish in the paper?” Of course, that’s what my dad was worried about.

“I don’t know yet. I’ll have to check with Lukas,” I said, putting my hand on the doorknob. I needed to escape before I said anything else that could get me in trouble.

“Maren.” I paused and looked at my dad. His face had softened. “Be careful, okay? You’re a smart girl, but that boy always made you lose your head. You don’t want to get mixed up in that business again.”

As if I needed the reminder of the mess Lukas made of my life ten years ago. A decade of experience should have made me smarter, but I felt more like that awkward schoolgirl of my youth than ever. I left the office without saying anything else. I ruminated on his final words all the way back to my house.

I poured myself a large glass of wine when I got home and stared out the window for what seemed like hours. I went back and forth between wanting to kick myself for telling Lukas no to thinking that I should back out of the deal altogether, story or no story. I felt the weight of my past pressing heavily on my shoulders. I didn’t know what to do.

So when the knock came on my door as the shadows of the sun fell across the floor, I knew I shouldn’t be surprised. I opened the door to find the object of my frustration standing there with his hands dug deep into his pockets.

“I told you I’d meet you at your place at six,” I said.

“I wasn’t sure you’d come back,” he replied with a shrug. “That conversation was far from finished, and you didn’t answer your damn phone. If I was a gambling man, I’d only give myself fifty-fifty odds at best. Am I wrong?”

I left the door open and retreated inside. I sat back down in my chair and rescued my wine glass from the end table. “What are you doing, Lukas?”

He stepped inside and closed the door, but he didn’t move any further into the room. “I thought I made all of that clear.”

“You have to know this is hard for me,” I said. I felt a hot welling of emotion begin to clog my throat. “I am a professional. But when it comes to you, it seems I am still nothing but a mess. I probably shouldn’t be telling you that because you’ll use it against me.”

“We were always honest with each other,” Lukas said.

“Were we?” I asked as I looked up at him. “Why did you come over that night after graduation? Did you know that was what was going to happen? Did you plan it that way?”

He moved to my side and knelt down next to the chair. Even on his knees, his eyes were still even with mine. He took one of my hands in his and gently kneaded the palm. It was as if he knew what to do to calm my nerves.

“Maren, don’t you think I’ve asked myself that question over and over again during the last ten years? I can tell you honestly there was nothing premeditated about it. I was hurt and angry after my argument with Markus, and I went to the person that I knew could always make me feel better. What happened between us that night was amazing, and I was just beginning to realize that maybe I had missed something in my blind sighted youth when he sent me away.”

I wanted so badly to believe him. “If that was the case, I don’t understand why you never told me that.”

“At first, it was because Markus said that I couldn’t,” he replied. His eyes dropped to our joined hands. “Then, as time went on, I knew that you’d probably never forgive me, and the worst part was that I couldn’t blame you. So I stayed away because I couldn’t face you.”

“Coward,” I whispered.

There was a long pause. “Maybe so. I’m not going to ask your forgiveness, Maren. At least, not yet. But I am asking you for a chance to start over.”

“Start over as what?” My heart sped up in my chest, but I couldn’t resist asking the question. Once upon a time, I had been the coward. The result was I ended up with a broken heart. I couldn’t face that fate again. Not without a damn good reason.

“This.” Lukas pulled my hand up to his lips. They barely touched the top of my hand, but the effect was immediate as I felt that familiar wildfire begin to spread throughout my body. Then he brushed my hand against the stubble of his cheek. The stark contrast to the softness of his lips was electrifying. Dragging my hand back to his lips, he flipped my hand over to plant a kiss against my palm. His eyes never left mine. “You should be terrified of me. You should be screaming and trying to run as far as you can away from me. Yet when I look into your eyes now, I can see fear, but I don’t think it’s because of what you saw this morning.”

I shook my head mutely.

“I am an animal, Maren. Sometimes it feels like I’m about to jump out of my skin, and I am barely keeping control over it. Being back here has made it worse. Being the alpha will drag it back to the surface, and I don’t know that I’ll always be thinking with a clear head. You should be terrified of me.”

“I was never scared of you physically hurting me, Lukas. I don’t know why. Even watching you in the arena today, I didn’t feel threatened by what you are. But emotionally, you have the power to rip me apart.” There it was, the honest truth of the matter.

“Believe it or not, you have the same power over me.” His voice had dropped so low that it was hardly more than a rumble that seemed to reverberate through my core. “I knew the first minute I saw you in the hospital last week that whatever we started that night wasn’t over. It was just the beginning, and I want to find out where we can go. I shouldn’t have asked you to take on becoming my mate without telling you the whole story. I’m sorry. But I wanted to give you a reason to get to know me again so you could see that I’ve changed.”

I didn’t know what to say. I felt the genuineness of his words. “What do you want from me, Lukas?” There was my question again because I still didn’t feel like he had given me the right answer.

“Just a chance to see where this goes. I’d like that very much,” he said. “No pressure. No expectations. Just be with me, and trust me when I say that I’m not going anywhere. I’m in Greyelf to stay.”

I slid to the front of the cushion as he moved around the seat in front of me. I wasn’t sure who met who in the middle, but I was the one who pulled him into my embrace. He buried his head in the crook of my neck. I heard him sigh deeply, and I smiled. “Okay, Lukas. You win.”

“I always win,” he said. His words were muffled against my skin.

I chuckled. “Maybe this time I’ll give you a run for your money.”

When he began to kiss my neck, I didn’t pull away. There wasn’t any fight left in me. He was right. Something had been started that night, and I wanted to know where it could go too. When his thigh pushed into the crevice between my knees, I opened my legs to him. He moved in closer, and his hands wandered to my hips. He pulled me forward even further, and I tightened my hold around his neck.

His lips burned a trail up the side of my neck, and I met his lips eagerly when they reached mine. I felt bolder than I ever remembered as I dug my fingers into his hair and pulled him closer to me.

“Woman, you can’t do this to me,” he growled as he pulled away slightly. “We have somewhere to be in less than two hours.”

“That seems like plenty of time to me,” I said as I nipped at his lower lip. I let my palms splay flat against his chest and marveled at the hard muscles that I felt rippling beneath his shirt.

He chuckled as he put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me gently. His lips lingered, and I almost whimpered when he pulled away from me. “Babe, when we really get started, I’m going to want a lot more than just a quickie to tide me over. I’ve got ten years to make up for, and I plan on taking my time.”