Bedford Street Brigade 02 - Love Unbidden (22 page)

His lips were warm and gentle atop hers, his touch tentative at first, then increasing in intensity. For the first time in her life, she was being kissed. Really kissed.

She should push him away, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to. She wanted to experience the gift he offered her. She didn’t know why he was kissing her. It wasn’t because he desired her. She knew that wasn’t a possibility. No one as handsome as Hugh Baxter would ever desire anyone as plain as she.

No doubt, the only reason he’d done something so rash was because he was overcome with relief. He’d worked so hard to make sure she survived that when he saw her weak from exhaustion, he was more worried than he had to be. Kissing her was just a thoughtless reaction.

But she didn’t care. She’d felt an attraction to him from the first, and wanted to kiss him. And even more than that, she’d wanted to be kissed by a man who had no intention of wooing her because of her astronomical dowry. She wanted to be kissed by a man whose actions were nothing more than a rash impulse. He was giving her the experience she’d dreamed of having her whole life.

He deepened his kisses and she accepted his ministrations. He was more skilled than she so she allowed him to show her what to do. She would learn from him, accept the emotional upheaval he offered her as the gift it was. Being kissed by someone as perfect as Hugh Baxter was a dream come true.

He opened his mouth atop hers and she opened to him. His tongue skimmed her lips, then entered her mouth. Fiery bolts shot through her body.

She couldn’t remain still in his lap. She turned into him, then pushed at the quilt that was wrapped around her until she’d freed her hands. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and held tight.

He was perfect. What he gave her was an encounter more incredible than anything she’d imagined. His arms held her securely as he tilted his head. Although she didn’t think it was possible, the shift in position allowed him to kiss her with even more intensity. She moaned with desire.

He kissed her once more, then again.

She took him into her mouth, eagerly accepting his entry, seeking out his tongue, battling his intrusion, doing a frantic dance that stole the breath from her body.

Bright lights exploded behind her closed eyelids. Fiery bolts of lightning shot through her body. Harsh gasps of air threatened to overtake her. She was no longer in control of her emotions. No longer in control of rational thought. No longer in control of anything.

When she thought she couldn’t endure another second of his kisses, he lifted his head and broke their contact.

She gasped, then took in huge breaths of air as if she was coming up for air after nearly drowning. She been so cold earlier she couldn’t say a complete sentence without her teeth chattering. Now, she was so fevered she wanted to throw off the covers and rush outside to cool her burning flesh.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

She nodded, but she couldn’t speak.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I had no right.”

Lorna experienced a wave of embarrassment. She wanted to push herself off his lap, but doubted her legs would support her. Instead, she tucked her head beneath his chin and nestled closer against him. “Please, don’t apologize. You couldn’t have found a better way to stop my teeth from chattering if you’d tried.”

Her head was pressed against his chest and she heard his laughter rumble beneath her ear. “How inventive of me,” he said on a chuckle.

“Yes,” she sighed, then hesitated. She knew she shouldn’t ask the niggling question that refused to go away, but she needed to know. “Why did you kiss me?”

There was a long pause, then she felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath. “I don’t know.”

She tilted her chin upward and looked at him. “You don’t know?”

He smiled down on her and shook his head. “I don’t know. Other than that I wanted to.”

She tucked her head back against him. “That’s rather confusing, isn’t it?”

“For you? Or, for me?”

“Not for me. I found it a pleasant experience, considering I don’t harbor any expectations. But I can’t imagine it is the same for you.”

“You don’t think I enjoyed kissing you?”

“I don’t think you will allow yourself to enjoy the kiss we shared.”

“Why do you think that?” he asked.

“Because you did something you had no intention of doing, and cannot explain your actions. I imagine you are a man who never reacts without knowing why you are taking an action, and what the outcome of that action will be.”

“You think I am that methodical?”

“I think as an investigator, you are extremely disciplined. I think you possess amazing talents for putting yourself in someone else’s mind and knowing what action they are going to take. I can’t imagine your frustration at not being able to explain your own actions.”

He pulled the covers about her more securely but he didn’t release her. “That’s very astute of you, Lady Lorna. Or, after what just transpired between us, may I have permission to call you Lorna?”

“You may.”

“And you may call me Hugh.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he said, then leaned his head back against the chair.

She knew he was deep in thought. “What are you thinking?” she asked.

“You know we can never do that again,” he said.

“Yes,” she answered. “But not for the same reason as you give yourself.”

The muscles holding her tensed. “Please explain.”

“You’re telling yourself that you did something wrong when you kissed me. That your actions might have consequences you don’t want to consider. I, on the other hand, consider what we did wonderful. So wonderful that I couldn’t stop you from kissing me again. And that would be the biggest mistake of my life.”

After a lengthy pause, he said, “We need to return to London.”

She stiffened. “I can’t. You know I can’t.”

“We have to. We have to face your cousin. You have to tell him you know his plan, and you have to say so in front of witnesses.”

She shook her head. “Not before I reach my majority. I won’t be safe.”

“I will keep you safe. Have you forgotten, I promised to protect you?”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to trust anyone,” she said.

“Then it’s time you relearned how.”

But Lorna knew putting her life in someone else’s hands was not a possibility until she was certain she would be safe. And that wouldn’t come until after her twenty-first birthday.

. . .

She needed a plan. Her desperation to escape him was never more urgent than it was now. Especially after his announcement last night that he intended to take her back to London. He didn’t realize that she couldn’t trust him. He didn’t understand how it was to be a woman and be at the mercy of a man. Or maybe he didn’t believe the danger she’d be in if she was forced to marry Burlingdon.

She laid awake the entire night thinking of a plan to escape his watchful eyes and only one possibility came to mind. As they ate breakfast, she realized she had to set her plan in motion. She prayed she had the courage to have the discussion with him she had to have, but there wasn’t any way she could avoid it.

“Are you still hungry,” he asked as he gathered their breakfast dishes and put them on the tray. “Or are you biting your nails for another reason?”

Lorna pulled her fingers from her mouth and placed her trembling hands in her lap. “I’m finished.” She rose and walked to the window so she didn’t have to face him. “I need to speak with you, and I find the subject I need to discuss rather uncomfortable.”

He leaned back in his chair. “Very well. What is it?”

“It’s… Well, it’s…” She stopped to take a deep breath. “I’d like for you to move to a room of your own.”

He paused for a few moments. “Is this because I kissed you? If you don’t feel safe with me any longer, let me assure you that—”

She turned. “No, it has nothing to do with…that. I just need to be alone for a while.”

“Are you afraid the ton will find out and you’ll be forced to marry me?”

“No. We’re far enough from London that no one will find out. And even if they did, I wouldn’t be forced to marry you. I refuse to let anyone’s opinion force me to marry.”

“Yes, you’ve mentioned that. And in that regard we are in total agreement.”

“I would just like to be alone,” she whispered. “At least for a few days.”

“Why for just a few da—” He stopped short, then continued when understanding dawned. “Oh. Do you become ill during your time?”

“Ill?”

“Yes, my wife often suffered during that time.”

Lorna lifted her gaze. “Your wife? You were married?”

“Yes. And that time each month was often painful.”

Lorna shook her head. “No, I don’t suffer in that regard.”

“I’m glad. And I understand your need for privacy. My wife preferred to be alone when she suffered from her monthly bleeding.” He turned to the door. “I’ll ask Mrs. Grady if she has a vacant room nearby.”

He opened the door to leave but she stopped him. “Thank you, Mr. Baxter.”

He nodded and closed the door behind him.

. . .

Hugh spent a restless night sleeping in a room several doors from where Lorna slept. He knew his unease was because he wasn’t there to watch her. Because he wasn’t next to her to make sure she was safe. But he understood her need for privacy. His wife had wanted to be separated from him during that time, too. Especially the first day or two.

He dressed, then went below to get their breakfast. If she were like his wife, hot coffee and toast would be as much as she’d want for breakfast. But then, Angela had always been ill, where Lorna said she seldom was.

“Have you come for a tray, Mr. Baxter?”

“Yes, Mrs. Grady.”

“Have a seat, then, and I’ll get one ready and bring it right out.”

She slid a mug of hot coffee toward him and Hugh took it to a table nearby and sat. He had several things to consider before he broached the subject of going back to London. The thought of returning to where her cousin could reach her terrified her. Perhaps being so vulnerable would frighten him, too, if he were in her place.

If only she could trust him to protect her. But if he were in her shoes he wasn’t sure he would react any differently.

Hugh took a swallow of the coffee then stared at the strong liquid. Nothing confused him more than how he felt about Lady Lorna Willis. He hadn’t felt this way about any woman since he’d first met Angela more than three years ago. He thought that part of his heart had died along with her.

But every time he was near Lorna, his body came alive like it hadn’t since he’d held Angela in his arms. Last night he’d awakened dreaming about her. Wanting her.

He wrapped his hands around the warm cup. She wasn’t at all like Angela. Angela had needed him, had relied on him. Had depended on him to provide for her and keep her safe. And he hadn’t.

Lorna was entirely different. She didn’t need him, or anyone. She’d convinced herself she only needed to rely on herself. And she definitely didn’t need him to provide for her. Once she reached her majority, she’d have more money than she could spend in ten lifetimes. But for a while
at least, she needed him to keep her safe. She needed him to protect her from the forces that intended to harm her. Even if she didn’t think she did. Even if she didn’t realize that there were some things in this world that bravery couldn’t fight.

And she was the most courageous woman he’d ever met.

How many women would dare to travel alone and unescorted across England in the dead of winter? How many women were valiant enough to brave the elements in order to reach Scotland? How many women would push themselves past the point of exhaustion in order to reach safety?

Hugh released the mug of cooling coffee and fought the steady thrumming of his heart. And anyone who’d gone to the lengths to which Lorna had gone to escape, would not yield to his threat to take her back to London. She’d traveled too far not to escape his clutches the minute she had the chance
.

Bloody hell! She’d traveled too far not to escape…

He bolted to his feet and raced up the stairs, calling himself every kind of fool with each thundering footstep.

Why hadn’t he seen through her charade?

He reached the top of the stairs, then ran down the hall. He didn’t stop to knock. A voice inside told him if he interrupted her in the midst of taking care of her needs, or caught her without being fully dressed, he’d apologize later.

But he knew he wouldn’t be required to apologize. He knew before he threw open the door that there wouldn’t be anyone inside the room to apologize to.

He threw the door open with such force that it bounced when it hit the wall.

He rushed into the room and looked around at the empty
space.

“Damn you, Lorna!”

For three days, Lorna had avoided the well-traveled roads as she made her way northward by less-traveled back roads. Only once did she enter a town, and that was to buy food for her journey. She thought she would feel a pang of guilt when she handed over the coin she’d stolen from Hugh’s jacket pocket to pay for her food, but she didn’t. She’d make sure he was repaid when she got her inheritance.

Other than being cold, the weather had cooperated—until today. Last night she’d taken refuge in a farmer’s barn. She’d slept on a pile of clean straw and covered herself with several horse blankets. When she woke this morning, several inches of snow covered the ground and a gusty wind blew from the north.

She hated that each step she took left a trail that Hugh could follow, but prayed she was far enough ahead of him that the falling snow would hide her footprints.

She pulled the collar of the heavy coat she’d borrowed from Mrs. Grady around her neck, and trudged through the building snow. According to a faded sign she passed, she was nearing Orton. Although she’d never been there, she knew she was on the right path to reach the Scottish border. A ray of hope set her heart beating faster.

She lengthened her strides and lowered her head. The wind still gusted from the north, and the snow came down harder. If Hugh had not been on her heels, she’d stop for a few hours to warm her hands and feet. But she couldn’t afford that luxury. She could feel him breathing down her neck.

Lorna turned around as if she expected him to be there, but the path behind her was clear. She breathed a sigh of relief, then turned back to continue forward.

After only a few more steps, his voice stopped her.

“Stand where you are, Lorna. So help me, if you dare run, I can’t guarantee what I’ll do.”

She looked both directions, praying that an escape would appear. But there was nothing. Only the snow swirling around her.

With a sigh of defeat she turned, then focused on where Hugh sat atop his large steed. He was dressed all in black: black hat and gloves; a black greatcoat; black boots; and a black expression that darkened his features.

He didn’t dismount from his horse, nor did he approach her, but glared at her as if he didn’t trust himself to come close to her for fear of what he might do.

She studied him for a few moments, then glared at him, trying to hide the fear and trepidation building inside her. “Would it be so hard for you to return to London and tell my cousin that you couldn’t find me?”

He anchored one fist on his thigh and leaned forward a few inches. Those inches seemed to bring him next to her.

“Do you honestly think that fleeing to Scotland will solve your problems? Are you so naïve that you think your cousin’s greed will simply
evaporate once you turn twenty-one? You’re worth a bloody fortune, Lorna. And your cousin wants it!”

The man who’d rescued her, and cared for her, and kissed her, pounded his fist against his thigh. He was angry. Angrier than she’d ever seen him. His next words confirmed it.

“Do you think such an insignificant matter as your age will deter him from getting what he wants? There are other ways to get your inheritance than forcing you to marry. Ways that don’t include having to share your inheritance with Lord Burlingdon!”

Lorna stared at him. She wasn’t sure she understood his meaning. His next words made that inference plain.

“You’ll be worth that amount whether you’re twenty or twenty-one. Whether you’re alive…or dead.”

The air left her body. She staggered and reached out, but there was nothing there to help her. Her knees gave out beneath her. Fortunately, Hugh was at her side before she hit the ground.

He pulled her to him and swung her into his arms. “You little fool. Is it so hard to trust me? Can’t you accept my promise not to let anything happen to you?”

He carried her to his horse. “Wrap your arms around my neck and hold tight.”

He kept one arm wrapped tightly around her, then used his other hand to pull himself onto the saddle. With a sharp tug, he urged the horse to move.

“Where are we going?”

“We’re not going back…yet—if that’s what you’re asking.” He didn’t say more for several long seconds, then continued. “My family has an estate close to here.”

“An estate?”

“Winsome Abbey.”

“You’re related to the Earl of Winsome?”

“He’s my father.”

“You’re—”

“I’m Hugh Baxter. An investigator with the Bedford Brigade.”

“And the son of the Earl of Winsome.”

“The second son.”

Lorna wondered what more she didn’t know about him. “Why didn’t you mention that before?”

“Because it wasn’t important. Now, pull my coat around you and try to stay warm.”

Lorna snuggled closer to Hugh’s warm body as they continued northward. She’d been cold earlier, but the heat from his body radiated through her until she was didn’t notice the sharp wind still blowing, or the snowflakes fluttering around them.

For many days she’d fought the emotions raging through her. Since she’d regained consciousness and found him sitting at her bedside. Since she realized how much she cared for him, and dreamed that perhaps he could learn to care for her at least a little.

They rode in silence for an hour or more, then Hugh turned his horse into a long tree-lined lane. Winsome Abbey stood in all its majesty at the end of the lane.

The U-shaped manor house was gigantic in size, and built from gray stone. Several tall windows lined the front of the house as a welcoming invitation.

When he reached the apex of the half-circle drive, a young lad ran toward them to take their horse.

“Give me your hand,” Hugh said, then slid her to her from the horse’s back.

Her feet were numb from the cold and Lorna was thankful that he wrapped his arm around her waist when he dismounted or she was afraid she might slump to the ground.

“Mr. Baxter,” the butler in maroon and black livery said from the open doorway. “Welcome home.”

“Thank you, Higgins.”

Hugh led her into the house, then took her coat and handed it to the butler.

“Higgins, this is Lady Lorna Willis. Please inform the upstairs staff that we have a guest, and ask Cook to prepare a tray. We are cold and hungry. Is there a fire going in the morning room?”

“Yes, Mr. Baxter.”

“Good. Send tea and sandwiches there.
And bring a shawl for Lady Willis.”

“Very good, Mr. Baxter.”

“And Higgins. Have Mrs. Dundee get some clothes from Lady Alice’s room. They should fit Lady Lorna.”

“Yes, Mr. Baxter.”

Higgins nodded, then led the way down a long hall. He opened the third door on their left and stepped back for them to enter. “I’ll return shortly with something warm to drink.”

“Thank you, Higgins.”

The butler left the room and they were alone.

Lorna took in her s
urroundings. The walls were papered in bright yellow, with orange and white accents, and long, multi-paned windows faced the east. She imagined how pleasant this room was on sunny mornings.

Although a fire blazed in the grate and the temperature in the room was warm, Hugh’s demeanor erased any comfort that warmth provided, and left the air with a definite chill.

“Please, sit,” he said, pointing to a chair angled before the fire.

His offer was polite enough, but ca
me out as a command she’d best not refuse.

She sat, knowing the battle in which they would engage soon would be fierce.

He stood next to the fire, with his back to her and his eyes focused on the leaping flames. He didn’t move until Higgins opened the door again and a young female servant carried in a tray and placed it on the table near Lorna.

Lorna wasn’t sure how the young lass managed not to tip over the tray considering the intense manner in which she studied Hugh. Obviously, she’d never seen him before and was as stunned by his handsome features as
was everyone else who saw him.

When the servant finished, Hugh thanked Higgins, and the servants left the room.

“Please, pour,” he ordered, without turning.

Lorna’s hands shook slightly as she poured them each a cup of tea. “Cream or sugar?”

“No.”

Lorna held out his cup and saucer until she realized he had no intention of turning to face her. Or of taking what she offered him. He was obviously too angry to begin the discussion she knew was coming.

She set his tea down on the table and lifted her cup to her mouth and drank. The warm liquid seeped through her and settled in the pit of her stomach. She hadn’t realized how cold she’d been until she finished her cup of tea.

When she was done she breathed in a deep sigh. “We might as well get this over. I’m quite tired and would like to rest for a bit.” She stared at his battle-ready stance. At his fists clenched behind his back. Everything about his rigid posture told her he was struggling to keep a grip on his temper.

He finally turned, and took his first step toward her. When he reached the chair opposite her, he sat.

Lorna tried to tell herself he wasn’t as angry as he seemed, but even the way he sat with an ankle of one leg propped atop the knee of his other leg bespoke a tenseness brimming with irritation.

“I’m not going to ask you why you ran away from me. Nor am I going to bring up the lies you told me in order to form a plan to be alone. I only want to know one thing, Lorna.” He dropped his propped foot to the floor with a decisive thud. “Why do you have such little faith in me or the promise I made you?” He pushed himself to his feet. “What have I done to lead you to believe I am incapable of protecting you?”

Lorna opened her mouth to speak, but clamped it shut when the only sound that wanted to escape was a sob. She was exhausted from the three days she’d spent on the road, sleeping little for fear that a farmer would find her asleep in his stable and call the authorities. She was cold and hungry and…scared.

“Wasn’t my promise to keep you safe enough? Wasn’t my assurance that I wouldn’t allow your cousin to harm you, enough?”

She lowered her gaze and shook her head. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what? Don’t show your actions for what they were? Evidence of your doubt in my ability to keep you safe. Do I really seem so incompetent to you?”

His words were like arrows aimed at her, each one piercing her heart with painful accuracy. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “It’s not you.” A tear fell to her lap. “It’s not you,” she repeated.

“Then who?”

“Me,” she whispered. “It’s me. I can’t…trust you—or anyone.”

She’d finally admitted how terrified she was to put her faith in anyone, and all she wanted now was to be left alone. But his actions said he wasn’t going to give her the privacy she desired.

He stepped to her and hunched down on one knee in front of her. Before she could pull away, he cradled her hands in his.

“Why, Lorna? Why are you so afraid to trust me? Surely you know I won’t harm you?”

“Not even for three hundred thousand pounds?”

His fingers tightened around her hands. “You think I’m after your money? You think I would betray you for your inheritance?”

“If my father taught me one lesson, it was not to trust any man. He told me there wasn’t one man in all of England, no matter how noble I thought he was, or honest, or trustworthy, who pretended infatuation with me, did so for any other reason than the dowry that would come with me. Certainly not my looks.”

“Your father told you that?”

“Of course. My father was always painfully honest with me. He told me there wasn’t a prince charming out there for me because…” How could she go on? How could she admit something so painful? Yet, he had to know how impossible it was for her to trust in him like he wanted her to. Like he expected her to. “…because I was an ugly duckling in a sea of beautiful swans. What allowed men to notice me was not my looks, but what I was worth.”

“Those words came from your father?”

“He wanted to prepare me for when he wouldn’t be there to protect me from charlatans who were only after my dowry.”

“Does that include me?”

“I’m worth three hundred thousand pounds, Hugh. You’re exactly the kind of man Father warned me to avoid. A handsome man with a charming personality and extraordinary good looks.”

“Bloody hell, woman. Look around you. I may not be worth as much as you, but I have more than enough to live any lifestyle I want.”

“I didn’t know that,” she said.

He looked into her face and studied her. “Is that the reason you thought I kissed you? Because of the dowry you’d come with?”

She lowered her gaze to their clasped hands. “I couldn’t believe there was another reason. Especially after all the warnings my father gave me.”

“You little fool,” he said, then pulled her to her feet.

Before she realized his intent, he gathered her in his arms and kissed her.

Lorna was desperate to be kissed. Eager to accept the passion he’d showed her before. And as long as she didn’t let herself forget that Hugh wasn’t kissing her because he felt any deep emotion for her, what could it hurt? This would be her only opportunity to experience emotions she knew only a man like Hugh could awaken in her.