Before Him Comes Me (16 page)

“Zara Faith.”

The sound of his voice makes every fiber in Zara’s body come
alive. Pushing past Liliana and Ella, Zara is met by Garrett running up the
sidewalk toward her. Zara takes off running toward Garrett, stopping as she
draws near and resuming her natural position of looking down.

“Little One, tell me you are okay. I need to hear you say it.”

Without words, Zara slowly lifts her eyes to look deep into Garrett’s.
She raises her arms and he pulls her into his chest. Her arms wrap tightly around
his neck and she whispers hoarsely into his ear, “I was just scared. He didn’t
hurt me. I promise. Ella and Liliana were there and they brought me home.”

Garrett squeezes her tighter before letting go. Zara tries
to step back but he pulls her under his arm. “No, Little One you stay close to
me tonight. Please.”

Zara wraps her arm around him removing any space between
them. Zara finds Branden standing off to the side talking quietly to Ella and
Liliana. Garrett guides Zara to where they are gathered and catches Branden
mouthing something to Garrett.

Garrett turns them around and walks toward his car. Opening
the passenger door, Garrett puts Zara into the car and shuts the door. He jogs
around the car and slides into the seat next to her while she leans back into
the supple leather. As Garrett drives Zara away from campus, she takes a deep
cleansing breath and feels the unpleasantness of the last hour roll off her as
she exhales. Closing her eyes, she finds herself sinking into the music on the
stereo and the warmth of being close to Garrett.

Music begins to play and she allows it to fill her mind with
both its melody and captivating lyrics.

You’ve felt this way for far too long

Waiting for a change to come

You know you’re not the only one

“I like this song. I can feel it deep inside.” Zara opens
her eyes wide and lifts her head, astonished at her sudden openness.

“This is Kodaline. I love this song. Wait… listen to this
one.”

The new song has a haunting undertone but an uplifting beat
on the top. Zara allows the music to fill all the spaces of her mind. No
talking, only the sounds of Kodaline singing ‘The One’ can be heard in the car.

Zara looks out the window watching the city pass by without
any narrative from Garrett. When the song comes to an end, he asks if she would
like to listen to it again.

“Please.”

The car glides down the street as the song repeats. Turning
down a heavily wooded street, Garrett turns into a hidden driveway and comes to
a stop in front of a glass building that is all but lost in the darkness. It
would be overlooked by anyone who did not know it was here.

Opening her door, Zara takes Garrett’s extended hand and
steps from the car and walks to the house. The skin on skin contact causes the
surroundings to blur and fade away. The disappointment that hits when Garrett
releases her hand causes a shock to her system.

Eyes cast down, Zara is lost in the brief moment of contact
she was awarded only moments ago. Garrett turns to her at the door of the house
and asks if she heard him. Confused, Zara looks up into his waiting eyes. Illuminated
by the porch light, she is mesmerized by their slate hue.

They stand staring at each other until Garrett breaks eye
contact, looks at the door before them and reaches for the handle. Opening the
door, Garrett moves aside to allow Zara to enter.

Zara stands in the doorway of a modern, elegant showplace. Free
of any clutter, the living space resembles an art gallery with soft lighting
placed strategically to accentuate the artwork. Windows on either side of the
long room would brighten the dark wood during the day but, tonight, it gave the
space a warm feeling.

Zara welcomes the feeling of Garrett’s arm slipping around
her waist. “Welcome to my home. I have been wanting to show you the house since
we arrived in Michigan. Are you up for a tour or would you prefer to put it off
until tomorrow?”

Zara’s stomach flips at the implication of what Garrett has
just asked. “Tomorrow, please.”

Zara feels him squeeze her hand. They pass through the
living room and down a hall, past rooms with closed doors to a den lit with
soft lighting near the top of the walls. A leather sectional compliments a
large television on the wall while a comfortable desk sits next to a window.

Garrett releases Zara’s hand as she moves to take a closer
look at the items in the room. She walks over to examine a sideboard on the
opposite side of the room and gently runs her hand along the grain. She bends to
take a closer look at the clean lines then stands up and takes a step back to
admire the entire table. She senses Garrett as he walks up behind her and taps
the surface.

“This is the first piece of furniture that my parents
purchased as a married couple.”

Zara turns to look at him, a question formed on her lips,
but suppressed. Garrett quirks an eyebrow at her as he pulls his phone from his
pocket and hits a button. A gentle piano refrain floats softly though the room.

“You have a question. Please ask.”

Confused, she reverts to her training and casts her eyes
dart downward. She is in the home of a Dom – the Dom chosen to collar her. With
sudden dawning, Zara realizes she had been seeing his space not as his
submissive or his wife, but as her true self and the lack of clarity of their
relationship rushes up to her.

“Little One, where did you go in those thoughts of yours?”

Zara’s eyes falter and return to his. “I thought that when a
submissive joins her Dom, he is already established. It is my understanding
that she is coming into his life. Therefore, it would be his furniture. You
said it was the first piece your parents purchased as a couple.”

From a very young age, Zara was taught that as a submissive
you could not have anything of your own. Zara hears the confusion in her own
voice. Garrett grabs two water bottles out of a hidden mini fridge, and gestures
for Zara to follow him to the sectional.

From the moment Garrett has been thrust into Zara’s life, she
had felt a surprising level of comfort. Growing up, she would lie in bed at
night and wonder how her chosen Dom would treat her. Sloane believed whichever
Dom was selected for her would be her prince charming, that they would have
immediate affection for one another.

Zara had expressed that her only hope, was that the Dom she
would be paired with would be kind to her. The tradition of pairing the
daughters of King Council members had been in place for several generations and
the reports of mistreatment by a Dom were few and far between.

On the rare occasion abuse did occur, the matter was dealt
with swiftly and by the Community. Incidents were not kept from the members of
the Community in the region where they occurred. Once a year at the Regional
King Council conferences, a record was distributed to each member attendee.

Corrective measures were never reported, as that was a
matter between the Dom and the Council in their region. Zara understood the
purpose of the report was to demonstrate to the members that reporting was
encouraged and that any type of abuse had no place within the walls of the Community.

For Zara, the traditions and history of the King Council and
the Community were unimportant. She knew from an early age that her life had
already been predetermined. Asking questions and paying attention to the inner
workings did nothing to abate her importance and in response, she quit prying. Sloane
was the exact opposite.

She was able to recite the history of the Community as well
as the lineage of the regional community that both of them were from. It was
not uncommon for Sloane to beg Zara to practice the Circle Ceremony when they
were younger. For every, ‘I do not care about that’ that Zara would tell
Sloane, she was bombarded with ten more facts.

Zara often wondered why they had such a different outlook on
their future and the role they each played. Both of their families were
conservative and required precise adherence to all protocol, but whereas Sloane’s
parents doted on her as an only child, Zara’s mother grew more distant the
closer Zara’s Circle Ceremony came.

Sloane and her mother were so close her mother had shared with
her the details about life, as her father’s submissive. Zara’s mother, on the
other hand, had given no details of life with her Master and Zara never sought that
information from her. Watching her mother be ordered onto her knees was hard
enough, witnessing her transition into her father’s slave leaving her and her
brother to fend for themselves, was painful and confusing. She could not
understand why her mother would choose to remain in that relationship.

Never had there been a time when either of the siblings was
in danger, but emotional abandonment during a moment of need was bewildering. Zara’s
worst fear was that her father would pair her with a Master like himself and
her life would play out like her mother’s. Every night, as Zara drifted off to
sleep, she fervently wished for a freedom from her eventual commitment.

The waving of Garrett’s hand catches Zara’s attention.

“Hey, Little One. Tell me what you are thinking about.”

Her hands tense in her lap and she scans the carpet in front
of her. Zara begins to share the thoughts that had taken her away from the here
and now, “I was thinking about my parent’s relationship.”

Feeling him staring at her, she knows he is waiting for her
to continue. “I was raised by Master/slave parents and thinking I do not know
much about them. In my parent’s house, everything belonged to my father,
including my mother. There would have been no chance that she could have
assisted in picking out furniture.”

Zara looks at the table that brought about these thoughts of
her parents.

Garrett stands and walks to the table, resting his palm on
it, “Is that the type of relationship you are hoping for?”

“No,” she answers tersely.

“It occurs to me that you and I have never discussed what it
is we would like in a marriage. You are clearly not interested in a
Master/slave relationship.” He pauses and leans closer to her. “The million
dollar question is, are you a submissive?”

“I was raised to be a submissive.”

“That wasn’t the question.” Garrett leans in until he is
only an inch from Zara’s ear and breaths. “Are you a submissive?”

Zara takes a deep breath to calm her rattled nerves
intensified by his scent of cool mint, summer breeze, citrus and crashing waves
all dancing around her senses.

“Being a submissive is all I know about myself,” she begins
slowly. “That is what my place in my family has always been.”

“I disagree, Zara.” Swallowing hard, Zara looks at Garrett
as he continues, “I know that you enjoy learning, your friends, the color pink,
music and experiencing new things. You have not been submissive since we met.”

Zara works hard not to smile, but she cannot halt the blush
flushing her cheeks. Feeling Garrett take her chin in his hand, she lifts her
eyes to his.

“Little One, this is your time to explore. Find yourself. Discover
what it is that excites you. But do not discount all the parts of you that
worked in harmony before you entered that Circle. I certainly never will.”

His hand leaves her chin and Zara holds his gaze for a
moment longer before searching for something else to occupy her line of vision.
“I like the water. Being at the beach was magical. The sound of the waves
crashing on the beach. The smell. I loved it.”

“Excellent. The beach it is then.”

Sitting together in a comfortable silence, Zara replays what
Garrett said; how his touch made her feel. Soft sweet piano suffuses the room. He
turns to look at her as he takes a drink. A smile lights up his face.

“You asked me a question and I have not answered it,” Zara
confesses.

“It doesn’t seem you are ready to answer it yet.”

“I… I…”

“How about we put that question on hold for now?”

“Thank you,” she whispers, swallowing.

“Little One, I’m not pleased by the circumstances but I have
enjoyed spending this time with you. I was planning on emailing you to invite
you to spend Thanksgiving break here if you hadn’t already made plans. The
dorms get rather empty during the break.”

Zara nods, taking a long drink from the water bottle.

Thanksgiving. So… this is it. We are not going to see each other
until Thanksgiving. I am sitting in the house that I would have lived in as
your submissive and I am going back to school to be a regular student. Am I
submissive? Zar… are you? I am going to miss everything about him.

“Well… look who is doing her very first walk of shame. I am
not even going to ask how you have fresh clothes. BHAHAHAHA… I am totally going
to ask but let’s wait for Lil to get out of the shower so you don’t have to
tell the story twice. She is going to want the deets too. Coffee shop outing or
dorm room? Your choice.”

“Coffee shop,” Zara states, entering her own room, and
shutting the door. She flops on the bed and buries her face in her pillows, not
ready for the questions the girls are going to fire at her. How do you tell
your friends that the man you are in love with wants you to take time to
explore and figure out what you really want?

Sitting up, Zara begins to pull herself together for the
pending knock on the door. She ponders how she is getting everything she ever
wished for but now is not sure she is ready to live the dream. Perhaps, if she had
known there was a possibility of her wishes coming true, she would have been
more careful about what she wished. Falling for Garrett had not been part of
the plan.

Zara closes her eyes and tilts her head back. She sifts
through her thoughts for ‘her plan’. A long-suppressed memory of becoming a
doctor rears its ugly head but Zara shakes her head to send that fantasy back
to its rightful place in her childhood stories. The uncomfortable truth is,
there is no plan. Her only wish had been to be free of the Circle Ceremony. College
had been too far out of the realm of reality to hope for.

All this opportunity and all I really want is Garrett.

Zara hesitantly opens the door after continuous knocks from
Ella.

“One minute, please.”

She walks over to her desk and picks up the frame with the
picture of her and Sloane. She was no longer her confidant. Removing the
picture, Zara put the frame in the drawer and slipped the picture into one of
the colorful boxes at the bottom of her closet. Picking up her key, phone and
backpack, Zara joins the girl in the hallway and shuts the door behind her.

“Wait… Z. Are you sure the coffee shop is the right place? Are
you okay? You seem sad as fuck? Swear to GOD, did he hurt you?”

“El, please let Zara take a moment and talk to us. She looks
tired but fine. Would you chill for a moment? I have spoken to Garrett and so
have you. You know he is not going to hurt her. FUCK… CHILL!” Liliana scolds as
she continues to walk down the hallway. Zara follows behind not ready to be in
the middle yet.

The walk to the coffee shop is silent. Zara knows they are
waiting for her to relax and just start talking. Liliana gets in line to order the
coffees while Ella tells Zara to follow her to the back of the shop to save the
comfy sitting area. Zara does as she is told and takes a seat on the big purple
sofa. Looking around, she decides this will be her study hall for the day.

“Here we go, Freshman. Veranda with half and Splenda.” Liliana
hands her a cup.

Looking down at her coffee, Zara takes a deep breath and squares
her shoulders, knowing they are waiting out of concern. “He wants me to take
the time I need to explore who I am and what it is that I want before I make
the choice to settle down with him.”

Silence.

More silence.

“Wait… so let me get this straight…”

“El!” Liliana interrupts in a warning tone.

“I know, Lil! I know. He came and picked you up last night. I
presume he took you to his house… yes?!?”

Zara nods.

“You spent the night together,” she continues, stressing the
word, “and today he tells you that he wants you to take the time to ‘find yourself’
and decide what you want?”

Zara squirms in her seat. “We did talk last night and this
morning but I slept in a room he set up for me.”

She takes a sip of coffee to hide the embarrassment of
having to talk about such things openly.

“OH! Well, that’s different. A room set up for you? You have
a room in his house? I assume there are clothes for you in the room–”

Liliana interrupts her. “Z, how do you feel about the whole ‘time
to explore and find yourself’? I know for a fact that you have feelings for
him. It seems like he is intending for you to date. Is he seeing other people
while you are exploring?”

“I don’t know. He says that he is stepping back for a while
to give me space to enjoy college life. Garrett has provided everything I will
need but says right now I should focus on discovering who I am.”

“He is older. Maybe he is looking for a wife and wants to
make sure you are ready for that kind of commitment. Zara, he is definitely
into you.” Ella reaches over and places a hand on Zara’s knee.

“It says a lot that he has a room in his home for you. I’ve
never heard of that before. That has to make you feel special. And let’s not
forget the necklace that you hold every time you think about him.”

Zara nods as she glances down to find she is grasping the
pendants.

“Well, maybe Garrett is right and it is time for you to
experience college life. Now… Lil and I have a head start on most of this and
can help. I say you jump in with both feet and see where you land. What do you
say?”

Eyes wide and taking a big swallow, Zara forces a smile, “Thank
you, Ella. I think I am ready to do this.”

Both Liliana and Ella start laughing. “Freshman, there’s no
way you’re ready to do this but I like your optimism. First up, striptease
class. It is great exercise, but more importantly, it’s fun as hell. Someday,
whether with Garrett or some other guy, you will WOW them with the moves you’ve
learned while staying in shape. What do you say?”

Liliana puts her hands up in response to Zara’s dubious
expression. “Z, if you hate the first class you never have to go back. It was
not for me so do not feel like you have to do it.”

“Lil… you didn’t even give it a chance,” Ella whined.

“I would like to try it,” Zara states as the two hall mates
begin bickering back and forth. That stopped them in their tracks.

“Ready to go back?” Liliana asks.

“I think I am going to stay and do some reading here,” Zara
replies, setting her coffee on the table in front of her and picking up her
backpack.

“Freshman, are you sure? You know there is a massive study
session planned in the dorm later in the great room. You don’t want to go
explore for a while with us?” Ella says lightly in a concerned voice.

“Ella, I will be alright. I am going to read a couple of
chapters and then head back over. I like it back here. The couch is comfortable
and they offer refills,” Zara says with a big smile attempting to convince them
she will be fine.

“Do you have your phone?” Liliana questions firmly.

Zara lifts her phone out of the outside pocket of her
backpack and lays it on the arm of the sofa.

“If you get hassled by anyone or if you need anything, call
us. I know you are going to call Garrett and you should but we are closer and
can get here in minutes.”

“Fucking A… Lil! It’s Starbucks. What the fuck is going to
happen to her at a Starbucks? You’re going to creep her out. What is wrong with
you? This is usually my area of expertise. We totally need to pick contact
pictures to save in your phone for each of us. OMG… the pictures from the game
turned out so cute. The ones of you and Garrett are adorable.” Ella stops talking
and Zara can tell by the look on her face that she feels badly for bringing him
up again.

“I would very much like to see them. If there is one that is
really cute of the two of us, I have a frame ready to go.”

Ella is all smiles. “We can go through them tonight. Your
walls are in need of pictures and the first football game is the perfect place
to start. Okay, Freshman, we are going to leave you to your reading. Check in
with Mother Lil every so often so she doesn’t fret.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“You are so obedient. I like that about you,” Ella says as
she and Liliana walk toward the front of the coffee shop.

Sighing, Zara leans her head back against the sofa and
closes her eyes.

If you only knew.

Sitting alone, Zara pulls out her Biology textbook and stares
into space. After only a moment, she reaches for her journal. Knowing that the
only way to purge her thoughts of Garrett and concentrate on her studies is to express
them, Zara finds the next blank sheet and begins to freely write.

Garrett,

When I’m with you everything inside me comes alive like a
thousand butterflies waiting to fly. In your arms, I feel safe like I’ve never
felt before. Once I am there I have a difficult time when my time is up. Although,
our traditions say I should never look into your eyes, I find myself drawn into
a warm abyss wondering if I will ever find my way back.

The thought of not seeing you or talking to you is breaking my
heart. I will miss everything about you. I hope that you will miss me too. Please
miss me too.

Zara closes the journal and returns it to her backpack. Though
Garrett will never read it, Zara feels connected to him writing it.

Smiling to herself, she flips to the beginning of chapter
three and begins her assigned reading.

*****

Wanting to share the golden
beauty of the autumn day with Garrett, but knowing she should not call him, she
jots down a note in her journal once she has her coffee and is settled on the
sofa in the back of the coffee shop.

My walk through campus was absolutely breathtaking this
afternoon. The changing colors have altered the landscape and I have finally
fallen in love with your college. The carpet of fallen leaves makes the best
crinkly sound with every step. The girls laugh because of my excitement in
seeing what is to come next.

Midterms went very well. I have decided to take a heavier
schedule next semester to challenge myself. Unfortunately, I do not know what I
want to major in yet. The advisor says that it is normal and that I should
continue to take basic classes.

Eight more weeks… I miss you.

*****

Waiting for her study group to arrive, Zara pulls out her
journal. Taken aback by the length of time since her note to Garrett, Zara
quickly shares her big adventure of the morning.

I rode the bus by myself today. I wanted to get a Halloween
costume for a party that we were invited to but the girls were busy. At the
last minute, I decided to just hop on the bus alone. YAY!

I’m excited about the party. It will be my first Halloween
party. Garrett, there were so many costumes to choose from. I was going to wait
and come back with the girls so they could help me. But, I decided I needed to
pick one on my own. I am going to be a cowgirl. I love the outfit and it even
comes with a cowboy hat.

Can you believe I did that?

Enjoying the sense of
accomplishment, Zara remembered the last time she felt this way was this same
time of year. Her parents had hosted several King Council members for dinner on
Halloween. The evening was high protocol, which meant nothing for Zara as the
Evans family lived every minute that way. But for her father it was on
opportunity to showcase the training of his daughter, as Zara was required to
serve.

Because it was intended to be a
business dinner, their slaves and submissives were left at home. Zara’s mother
was positioned at her father’s side the entire evening. Without clues or
corrections, Zara navigated the meal flawlessly. She recalled falling into her
bed fully clothed, completely exhausted.

Her mother walked into the room
and closed the door behind her. Sitting on the bed, she spoke excitedly, “You
performed beautifully. I am so proud of you. Not one misstep. Not one. Two of
the councilmen complimented your father. Right there! Right in front of me!”

“Sorry, I’m late,” Ollie
announces jolting Zara from her thought.

She smiles up at him, still
thinking about her mother.

“Can I get you a refill?” Ollie
asks as he slides his bag on the chair adjacent to the sofa that Zara has
claimed. “Hey, I beat Nina?”

“Umm… NO! And I already have the
coffee,” Nina states triumphantly.

Zara giggles as she slips her
journal in her backpack and exchanges it for her notebook.

*****

So, I went on a date last night. A guy who works at the coffee
shop asked me out. The girls grilled him for an hour before he was given
permission to take me out. He was very friendly and polite. He wasn’t you.  

I miss you more now than I did before I went out with him. Eleven
more days until I get to see you. I wonder if you are missing me half as much
as I am missing you.

Zara sips her coffee as she
looks at the words on the page. They look almost as awkward as the date felt. Garrett
wanted her to have the experiences of a normal college student.

Are first dates uncomfortable and strange for all normal college
students?

Liliana had warned not go out
with the coffee guy. Now, sitting in the back of the coffee shop and him in the
front, the awkwardness continues.

I am not giving up my favorite place.

*****

“Told you she would be here. Freshman, we leave tomorrow you
know. One entire week without us. What are you doing here?”

“I came to get coffee and go over some notes. I need like
ten minutes… promise. Please.” Zara pleads with a mock frown that is quickly
replaced with laughter.

“Fine. You’re totally buying breakfast. Meet us at the diner.
Seriously, Z… Ten minutes!”

“Ten minutes. I’m so there. Order me pancakes, please!” Zara
yells after them.

Taking out her journal, Zara smiles as she opens to the page
with the entry of her first night in her dorm. Flipping the pages, she realizes
writing to Garrett in her journal had become her routine whenever she felt the
need to connect with him. Confirming the girls are out of the shop and checking
the time, Zara connects with him one more time.

I cannot believe I get to see you tomorrow. The time has flown
by in some ways and dragged ever so slowly in others. It is hard to believe
that Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I haven’t talked to you in almost three
months. I miss the sound of your voice, your laugh, and the touch of your hand
on my back.