Before Him Comes Me (9 page)

Arriving back at the Jeep, Zara looks up toward her room to
see if it is as visible to Garrett as he was to her. She finds it is and that pushes
her further off kilter. For the first time since leaving the Circle, Zara feels
a desperate need to be alone with her thoughts.

“Little One, your face is giving you away. Would you like to
go to dinner and talk?”

“Thank you for walking with me. I need to get settled in as
you mentioned the arrival of all the other students will be overwhelming. It
would be better for me to return to my room.” Zara plasters a smile on her face
that she hopes radiates happiness and contentment.

“Very well. A student employee will be staying in the
building tonight so you’ll have someone available if you need anything. Dinner has
been arranged. I will take you to breakfast in the morning. Please be in front
of the dorm at 9:30.

“Now, get going. I will wait here until I see your light in
the window.” The lightness in Garrett’s voice was unmistakable.

“Thank you.” Zara says. Garrett tilts his head and stares
into her eyes with concern as she continues. “Thank you for giving me this
opportunity. I do not know how to express how thankful I really am.”

Emotions held too long at bay are beginning to take over. Turning,
Zara walks quickly toward the entrance of her new home. Just before turning the
corner, she hears Garrett say, “Goodnight, Zara. You’re welcome.”

Safely inside, and knowing Garrett is outside, Zara moves
the curtains to the side allowing him a glimpse of her arrival. Quickly closing
the curtains, Zara collapses on her bed, everything about the last several days
overwhelming. A lifetime of training for the Circle Ceremony had not prepared
her for this loneliness. In the past, Fredrik would have bound into her room to
push her worry away. Zara pictured how he looked at her before she got out of
the car the morning of the Ceremony.

He was smiling. Exuberantly, happy she was exiting his life
to embark on a new journey and start a different life, a life away from a
dominating father. Zara had felt so angry seeing his joy and knowing the
opportunities as a new submissive to visit your family for the first few years
was nonexistent. Traditions within the Community were hard to change and Zara
knew that she did not have what it took to change them. Ironically, she grew up
not knowing if she had what it took to live a life as was dictated by the King
Council.

Zara had spent hours questioning Sloane why she thought things
were the way they were. The history of the Council was not normally exposed to
younger members. Sloane never questioned the traditions. She just expressed
relief that her future had already been charted out. Romantic to her core,
Sloane was confident whomever her father and the Council chose for her would be
her soul mate.

Suddenly remembering her promise to call, Zara reaches for
her phone. Sloane picks up on the second ring and Zara hears the happiness in
her best friend’s standard perky greeting.

“Hello… Hello… Hello.”

“Hello.”

“And whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with this
evening?”

Smiling at the warm familiarity, Zara removes her shoes and
crawls under the soft white covers of her bed. Closing her eyes, she transports
herself to Sloane’s comfortable bed.

“Still just Zara.”

“Are you alright? Seriously, are you okay?”

“Yes. I am alright.” Swallowing hard, Zara does her best to keep
her voice even. The last thing she wants is to make her best friend worry. With
so much distance between them, as well as the distance Zara imagines being
placed between them by the Council, there is nothing Sloane would be able to do
to help.

“You are trying too hard. I already know that you are not
doing okay. Please do not underestimate how well I know you Ms. Zara Faith
Evans. Talk to me. Tell me everything and the nothings, too.”

Over the next several hours, Zara takes Sloane through the
entire story of how she came to be lying in a dorm room alone. Listening
closely, Sloane would chime in with a well-placed question, typically, for clarification
on a point. Her questions all revolved around Garrett and if Zara had been
paying attention, she would have realized that Sloane was leading her to a
particular point with the line of questions.

Exhausted with telling her story, Zara needs answers to her
questions. Carefully thinking of what is truly important and what she is
willing to do without knowing, Zara dives in headfirst.

“Sloane, how is Fredrik? I never got to say goodbye.”

Sighing, Sloane is quiet for a moment. Knowing Sloane like a
sister, Zara waits for her to determine how to best respond in a way that will
make it seem like everything is going to be okay.

“Zara, your father was embarrassed. Your mother’s expression
never changed. The Kings left first and were all muttering to themselves. Your
father led your mother out. When I was walking out of the hall, I saw your
father arguing with your Dom’s family.

“Wait. Not your Dom. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to call
him. We left immediately after that and I could not get anyone to tell me what
had happened. Zar, I was so scared.”

“I know. I am so sorry. I contacted you the moment I was
able. What about Fredrik? Have you spoken to him? Is he alright? Did you tell
him I was alright?”

“Zar, I have not been able to get in contact with him. I
started texting him and calling the minute I left the ceremony to see if he
knew what was going on and where you were. I went over to your house, Zara. They
are gone.”

“Gone? What does that mean? Gone? Did you ask my mother? What
is gone?”

“Zara, I have been over there every day. I have called Fredrik’s
number and the house phone. I have tried different times of day. I even went to
your father’s place of work.”

Zara gasps, alarmed that Sloane would go to see her father
at work. He is very private and from the earliest time she could remember, she
was told that when father is at work, he was unreachable.

Her father was good provider for the family. They lived in a
beautiful home and both of her parents drove top of the line cars. Zara and her
brother were home-schooled and she didn’t know other kids to draw comparisons
of their home life, but she always felt like she had what was needed.

As a member of the King Council, her father was proper in
every aspect of his life. Often, he would comment that it was up to him and the
family to be examples for the Community. All rules set by the King Council were
to be followed. This meant complete obedience for Zara and her mother.

Fredrik was the bright light in Zara’s home life. Being only
18 months apart, they were friends as well as siblings. Zara would ask Fredrik
to sneak into her room when she was on punishment. Or “in training”, as her
mother referred to it.

Zara would light up when Fredrik was around. King Council
by-laws were law in their house and he was the only one she could confide in
about her real dreams and fears. Fredrik had a few years yet but eventually he
would be heading toward the ceremonial circle to collar a submissive of his own
and join his father on the King Council. As the Dom, he would be privy to the
selection process and be able to contribute feedback on the pool of applicants.
Like Zara, the potential submissive would have no knowledge of who their future
Dom would be. This was always bothersome for Zara, as the Council and her
father expected this to be a legal marriage to the outside world.

The night her mother came to her room to inform her that she
had been paired, Zara rebelled. She screamed at her mother that she was being
sold to the highest bidder and that there was no way her mother could love her
if she would allow this to happen.

Sitting, rock still, her mother waited for her to finish and
then calmly continued going over the details; the date and events of the
ceremony were already known by all. Tradition dictated it was to be her
eighteenth birthday. The first night of being an adult she would be given to a
stranger to begin her new life.

With tears rolling down her cheeks, Zara fell to the feet of
her mother and asked her why. For one moment, the schooled expression slipped
and Zara was granted the opportunity to see the immense hurt in her mother’s
eyes.

In a blink of an eye, the well-trained sub slipped the mask
of control back into place and stared at her hands resting gently in her lap. That
had been the last time Zara ever questioned her mother on the traditions of
their Community.

That was five months before her eighteenth birthday and what
little relationship Zara had with her mother grew more distant after that
night. By the day of the Ceremony, the two of them only spoke about traditions
and exceptions.

Silent tears fall onto the pillow as she remembers that
night. Zara had never shared that conversation with Sloane. When she had told
Fredrik, they had both cried. It was one of only two times she had seen him get
emotional. To be honest, Zara did not know if he was crying for her or his mother’s
pain.

“Zara, are you still there?”

“Mmhm,” she snapped back to the conversation with Sloane. “I
am here.”

“Sweet girl, I know your family is fine. I am sure they went
on vacation that night. You know it is common for the Dom’s family to send the
family away to give everyone time to adjust to the transfer.”

“Sloane! Transfer?! We are not property. How is this still
happening? How can you be alright with this entire process?”

“It sounds to me like you already have feelings for your
would-be Dom. You talked about him for three hours. His hair, the way he
smells, even the fact that you miss his touch when he removes his hand from
yours. Yet, you ask me how I can believe in the process that paired the two of
you together?

Her tone switched to admonishment, “Seriously, Zara. It was
a really selfish decision not to go through with the ceremony. Everyone is
talking about you. It is our role to carry on the traditions and ensure that
the Community grows and stays secure. How could you not want to do your part?”

There is no mistaking the anger elevating Sloane’s voice. Zara
blinks away the tears falling from her eyes. Silence overcomes them and they
sit listening to the other breathe. Sloane finally breaks the silence.

“Listen, I am glad you are safe. I am also glad that you are
getting to follow your dreams and go to school. Your family is fine. Mother
told me tonight I have been paired and will have a lot to do in preparation for
my Ceremony.

“I think it would be better if we did not talk for a while. My
parents are not going to allow you to attend my Circle Ceremony because you
have fallen out of the good graces of the Council. I was not going to tell you
tonight but we may as well get it all out now.

“I love you. I always will, but I believe in our traditions
and I am looking forward to having my collar placed around my neck. I am sorry
you do not feel the same way. I have to go. Enjoy college, Zara.”

The phone clicks in Zara’s ear. She slowly brings the phone
to her lap. Sloane is gone. Pressing a fist against her lips, heavy sobs escape
as Zara’s anguish at losing her best friend a second time in so few days, as a
result of following her own dreams.

Her best friend. Her family. Her Community. Zara closes her
eyes and works to still her mind. She focuses on the sounds of the waves
rolling over the shore at the beach house, the smell of wet sand under her bare
feet and the warmth of the sun on her shoulders. Taking deep breaths, Zara
replaces the thoughts causing her such pain with a moment in time that is hers
and hers alone.

The rhythmic sounds in her mind send Zara into a fitful
sleep, the last thought of Garrett, and the wonder at how a short amount of
time together was all she needed to feel a sense of belonging that she had not
expected.

Zara wakes a few hours later, confused by her surroundings. Gathering
her thoughts, she rises and opens the door to her bathroom. No longer surprised
to find her favorite color or supplies, she steps onto a plush pink floor mat
and opened the new toothbrush. Grabbing toothpaste and dental floss from under
the sink, Zara brushes her teeth.

Exploring her dorm room, she pushes the bead curtain strands
aside to see what is hiding inside. Discovering a silver half-circle loop on
the side of the closet, she tucks the beads in the loop.

Zar. Look at all of that. Everything
is so perfectly perfect.

Zara steps back, struck by the organization. Shoes, boots,
blouses, sweaters, sweatshirts, sweatpants, shirts, and dresses fill the space.
Overwhelmed, Zara goes to the dresser and opens a drawer at the bottom. Sleep
clothes… just like at the beach house. Pulling out her all-time favorite pink
tee, matching sleep pants and a pair of fuzzy pink socks, she begins to change.

Lifting her shirt over her head, she is astonished by a
knock at her door. A muffled voice announces, “Hey. I have your dinner. Your
Highness.”

Surprised into stillness, it takes the person pounding on
her door to pull Zara from her trance. She opens the door. In the hall stands
Beth, from the front desk. She looks even more annoyed than she had earlier.

“Apparently, I am your personal delivery person now.” Handing
Zara two large handle bags, Beth turns and walks back down the hall. Not given a
chance to respond, Zara says thank you in a voice that would not have been
heard if Beth had been standing beside her.

“Whatever,” Beth snapped back with a wave over her head.

Zara peers into the two bags and retreats back into her
room, closing the door and placing the bags next to the flowers on the desk. Not
wanting to eat but knowing there is a good chance Garrett will inquire about
her dinner, she opens a bag. Inside are salad, bread, and dessert in Styrofoam
packages. The second bag has two heavier containers of chicken parmesan and
lasagna. Zara loves Italian but even on a good day, she would not be able to
finish the food and this had not been a good day.

Zara takes out the chicken parmesan, adds bread to it and
puts a bit of salad on the lid of the container. Re-bagging the rest, she grabs
her key and takes the excess food with her. Thinking that her mother would be
appalled that she was leaving her room looking this unkempt, she forces the thought
away and heads to the lobby.

Sitting behind the desk reading a book, Beth doesn’t look up
when Zara approaches. Setting the bags down on the counter, Zara turns and walks
away, tossing over her shoulder. “I cannot finish all the food so you can have
it if you would like.”

Already to the opening of her hallway before Beth responds,
she hears a quick thank you. Waving her hand above her head, a smile on her
face, Zara mimics Beth. “Whatever.”

HA! You were not expecting a
bit of kindness were you, Miss. Beth.

Unlocking the door to her room, the scent of warm Italian makes
her stomach growl. Zara is ready to eat her first meal as a college student. Zara
opens the mini fridge for the first time, knowing what she will find before the
door is open. She pulls out a can of Arnold Palmer, and then sits at her desk,
silently eating the best Italian she had ever had.