Before The Storm (7 page)

Angelina doesn’t answer for a second. But then when she does I almost wish she hadn’t. “Katie Stevens.”

“Katie Stevens?!” I ask in a way that must sound shocking even to Angelina, because she’s suddenly laughing. “But, but, Katie Stevens is so…so…so…” I stutter, trying to find the right words to finish my thought process.

“Nice?” Angelina offers up helpfully.

“Yeah, nice,” I whisper.

And she is too. She’s probably one of the only girls in what’s considered the popular crowd who has never done or said anything mean to Angelina or me, just the opposite actually. She always goes out of her way to say hi to us or to ask us how we’re doing, even when she’s with her friends who make it clear they’re not too fond of us.

Some people think it’s an act with Katie, but I always thought she was a genuinely nice person. Knowing this girl who has been so nice to me all these years is now Nathan’s girlfriend makes the whole situation much worse. It would almost be better if whoever he was dating was a complete and total bitch. Actually, it would be ideal if he didn’t have a girlfriend at all. But if he does have to have one, can’t she at least be a bitch so that it’s easier for me to hate her? Katie is so…so…so…just so unhateable.

“It’s recent if that counts for anything,” Angelina adds softly.

“How recent?”

“I don’t know, really. I’ve only seen them together like that for the past few weeks.”

“Right,” I say, not allowing myself to cry, “like that.”

“He doesn’t know Tor. He doesn’t know any of it. He thinks you just left without any explanation at all. If he knew the truth do you really think he would have moved on that easily?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to think. I need to tell him, I need to talk to him.

I need to talk to him now. I need to see him.”

“Whoa, slow down there girl who likes to get ahead of herself,” Angelina says, putting on the stern voice she used to use when we were younger and I would do something without thinking it through. “You can’t just go over there telling him some wild story about his mom and your dad putting you in a crazy person asylum. You need to approach it in the right way. It’s a very fragile situation.”

I roll my eyes and sigh. “I know that I can’t go over there. If my dad or Missy sees me anywhere near there so soon they’ll ship me back to the wellness center before I know what’s hitting me.”

“Exactly, so let’s be smart about this. Besides, he wouldn’t be home anyway.

He’s probably on his way to practice by now.”

“Practice?” I ask, standing up from the bed and feeling my heart beat faster in my chest.

“Yes,” Angelina says slowly. “You probably didn’t hear, with being cut off from civilization and all, but we’re about to be in the state finals thanks to Nathan. The coach has them on this like crazy practice schedule, before and after school. The whole basketball team is like walking around school like complete and total zombies, which is actually kind of annoying because…”

She keeps blabbing on and on, but I stop listening as soon as I hear “before school practice.”

“Sure, sure. Listen, I actually have to get going,” I tell her, grabbing a pair of the new flip-flops my aunt bought me from my closet floor and slipping them onto my feet.

“Why?” Angelina asks suspiciously.

“I think I hear my aunt,” I say, trying to sound like I’m nervous.

“Tor,” Angelina says to me sternly, “do not go to that school. Do you understand me?”

Shit, I hate how well she knows me sometimes.

“Gotta go!” I say, hitting the end button before she has a chance to say anything else.

My phone starts to vibrate almost immediately in my hand again. I hit the reject button and then hit the power down button so I won’t get anymore incoming calls. I grab a gray hoodie, quickly slip it over my head, and slide my phone into my pocket.

I glance at Mo who’s sitting on my bed, looking over at me with his ears perked up in a curious way.

“Shh,” I mouth to him, moving my finger up to my lips, “not a word.”

I then tiptoe over to my door and open it slowly. I look up and down the hall to make sure no one is there. Yup, coast is clear. I tiptoe into the dim light of the hallway and gently close the door behind me.

I love Angelina and I know she’s just looking out for me. I know all the risks, but I can’t help myself. I need to see Nathan. And I need to see him now.

Chapter Six

The school is only about a ten-minute walk from my aunt’s hotel. With each step I take on the concrete I can feel my pulse racing faster and faster. I am clearly not in the best state of mind, but I don’t care. I know I can trust Nathan. And I know if I explain the situation to him he won’t tell my dad or Missy he talked to me. We’ll figure it out together. We’ll figure everything out together.

God, I like the sound of that. That’s all I’ve wanted all along, to be able to explain everything I’ve gone through these past few months to him. And for him to tell me everything is going to be okay, that we’ll make it thorough whatever comes next together, no matter what it takes. I know he has a girlfriend now, but he has no idea what happened to me. He thought I just left him. When he knows what really happened I’m sure it will all be different. It has to be different.

I keep saying this over and over to myself as I get closer and closer to the school.

But the truth is, somewhere way below the surface, somewhere deep down in my soul, I can feel something else. Pain. He’s with someone else now. And I wish somehow, someway, it could be me. But it’s more than that. He gave up on me. A part of him must believe that I could somehow do something like that to him, just get up and leave without saying a word. Otherwise he would have never moved on to Katie, or to anyone else for that matter.

I exhale the static I feel in my body and brace myself for what’s to come as I approach the school. It’s still dark outside, and as I walk up the sidewalk toward the front doors of the school I get an almost eerie feeling. It looks the same, yet so different somehow. Same structure, same foundation, same bricks, yet so different. I give myself a minute to take it all in. A minute to deal with the fact that I’m back here when deep down I feared I never would be again. I take a deep breath and pick my feet up, climbing each step slowly and carefully.

The gym is at the front of the school, right across from the main office, and I know this is where the basketball team holds their practices. What am I going to do though? It’s not like I can just walk into the gym and say, excuse me Nathan, can I please talk to you? The coach will probably rip my head off and throw it across the gym floor for interrupting his team’s practice, especially with the state finals coming up.

The state finals. I can’t believe he’s actually done it. Before Nathan transferred here there was no hope for our school’s basketball team in any way, shape, or form. But Nathan has changed all that. He completely transformed the team. And now, apparently, he’s leading them to a state championship for the first time in our school’s history. I can only imagine how crazy our school is getting with excitement over the news. I can’t help but feel happy for him, proud of him even. I know how important this accomplishment is to him.

I glance around the school one last time and then walk toward the main entrance. I figure I might as well get inside and see what I can do. I tug on the big front door, trying to swing it open. Nothing. I sigh and pull harder, willing it to budge even a little.

Nothing. It’s locked.

Shit, now what? Why is it locked if they have an early morning practice? Unless they lock it after the players go inside? Ugh. It occurs to me all too quickly that I really didn’t think this one through enough. Maybe I could sneak into a nearby open window.

That’s not sketchy at all, la la la.

And then I see him, walking across the parking lot. He’s way too far away to make out his face, but I know it’s him. I would know that walk anywhere. It’s not only that though, I can feel him, I can feel him throughout my bones. Suddenly, I’m really nervous and really, really emotional. What do I say? How do I even start?

I just want to run to him. To run into his arms and let myself melt right here and right now, in the middle of our high school parking lot. But he’s not alone. Someone is with him. Shit, shit, shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why am I thinking with my emotions here and not with reason?

They’re getting closer and closer and suddenly I feel scared, like a coward. And before I know it I find myself backing up slowly to hide behind the bushes that surround the windows outside of the school. I kneel down and place my head in my hands praying that no one notices me. This is such a bad idea. I’m not ready to face him, especially not with an audience.

I can hear the footsteps getting closer and closer and I brace myself, telling myself I’ll wait for them to pass and then get out of there as quickly as I possibly can.

With each step they take closer I feel my heart thumping harder and harder, praying silently to God that it explodes in my chest.

“No way, bro. I’m telling you right now, if we break down their defense there is no way they can stop us on the other end.”

I peak out from over the bush and recognize the kid walking up the path with Nathan. It’s Jake Hall. He’s in the same grade as me and plays on the basketball team with Nathan. I don’t really know him, but I’ve seen him around school before. I think I even had a few classes with him freshman year. He’s a quite kid, and never really stood out to me, until right now. Suddenly he seems really important to me.

I can see Nathan just a little from where I’m standing. He’s wearing a pair of red Nike basketball shorts and a long-sleeved Jordan shirt, the same exact color red as his shorts. He looks more tan than I remember. And his body looks more toned, if that’s even possible. He’s as perfect as ever and I can feel the butterflies coming to life in my stomach. It’s as if I’m seeing him again for the very first time.

“I feel you,” Nathan says, adjusting the Adidas gym bag he’s holding tightly so it doesn’t slip off his shoulder, “but I still think we need to keep the ball away from Thompson. Think about it, he’s really the only scorer they have. If he’s not scoring, then who is?”

When they reach the door Nathan tries to pull it open only to discover, like me, that it’s locked.

“Coach must not be here yet,” Jake says, pulling on the door for himself, as if to make sure they really can’t get inside.

“That’s weird,” Nathan says as he runs his hands through his perfect hair and shrugs. “He’s usually the first one here in the morning, and the last one to leave at night.”

“Maybe just running late, man. I still can’t believe we’re playing in the State Championship in less than two weeks. This is huge. So many college scouts are going to be there. And we owe it all to you bro.”

Nathan waves him off and half laughs at his comment. “You owe nothing to me.

We all stepped up, we all deserve to be here. I honestly believe that too. I’m not just saying it.”

Jake nods, reaches in the front of his bag, and pulls out a granola bar. “I was worried about you for a second there bro, but you definitely proved us wrong,” he says as he rips open the package and takes a huge bite of the chewy bar.

I can hear the edge in Nathan’s voice, even from where I’m kneeling down and hiding like a coward. “Why would you be worried about me?”

“I don’t know. A few months back man you were just on some other shit. You seemed on edge with everyone, mad at the world almost. Me and some of the guys were worried about you. But in the last month or so you really seem calm again, more focused.

And just happier. Katie probably has a lot to do with that.”

Nathan doesn’t say anything for a minute, but when he finally does speak I kind of think his silence would have been better.

“Yeah, I feel that. I guess the pressure of it all was a little much. But I feel stronger now, better. And I’m ready to impress the fuck out of these scouts and take home that state title.”

“Hell yeah!” Jake says, slapping hands with Nathan.

“Plus,” he adds, “Katie’s a good girl. Not like most high school chicks, no drama.”

“Yeah,” Nathan says, “you’re right. No drama for sure.” And it could be my imagination but I swear I almost hear a hint of sadness in his tone.

“Sorry boys!” I hear the coach’s voice booming from the other side of the sidewalk. “Had to stop for some brain energy,” he says, swishing the coffee he’s holding in his hands back and forth.

He throws a pair of keys up into the air and Nathan catches them with almost no effort. Wow, someone’s chipper this morning.

Nathan smiles as he unlocks the door, allowing them all to slip inside. The last thing I hear before the door slams behind them is the sound of their laughter filling the hallway.

The second I know they’re gone I take off running back toward the hotel, and I don’t stop until I’m all the way back inside of the building. I then slowly tiptoe into my bedroom, close the door, and lay down in my bed.

He’s okay. And what’s worse, he’s happy. And I know, I know, I can’t tell him what I need to tell him. He’s about to play the most important game of his life, with every major college scout in the country coming to watch him. And more than that, what will happen to me if I do tell him? If my dad and Missy find out anything about me and him being close again it’s back off to the wellness center. So even if I tell him what really happened, what good will come of it? Will we be together in secret for the next two years, until I’m eighteen? That’s not fair to either of us.

I hate it, I hate it all. Everything about it.

The bottom line is, I care about Nathan and I just want him to be happy. But I always thought that his happiness would be with me, not without me.

And then all at once, as these thoughts are swirling through my mind, I allow myself, for the first time, to do what I said I wouldn’t. I allow myself to show the emotion that I’ve been trying so hard to avoid. I allow the tears to slip out of my eyes and slowly surround my pillow.

The last thing I remember thinking before drifting off to sleep is how much more can one person possibly take?

* * *

The first thing I see when I wake up is Angelina’s face looking down at me with an angry expression plastered across it. Yikes!

I had totally forgotten to call her back when I got home this morning. I also forgot to turn my phone back on, which I remember all too suddenly because it feels really heavy inside the pocket of my sweatshirt.

“What the hell?” she spits at me, crossing her arms over her chest as she looks down at me from above.

Somewhere in the distance I hear Mo letting out a sad moan.

“Shh,” I tell her, “your scaring Mo. How did you get in here anyway?”

“Your aunt let me in. I told her I wanted to help you get ready for your first day back at school, which is true. But I also wanted to yell at you!”

“Can we just skip the yelling and jump right to the getting ready part?”

“No!” she tells me, still raising her voice.

I sigh and pull the covers over my head, thinking maybe if I don’t have to look at her she will somehow go away. I wonder if there’s any way I can convince my aunt to let me start school tomorrow, or the next day, instead of today, or never. Maybe I can be home schooled even. Hmm, that might be the best idea I’ve had in a while.

“No need to worry,” I say, throwing the covers back from over my face and forcing myself to pull my body up out of bed, “I’ve decided it’s best if I’m home schooled anyway! Let’s go tell my aunt, shall we?”

Angelina’s look of anger disappears and one of amusement replaces it. “Oh, I’m sure your aunt will just love that, seeing as how she risked everything to get you out of that hellhole. But no, you’re right, what’s the sense of going to school when you can be locked up in a hotel slash apartment slash whatever the hell this place is all day long.

Might as well have stayed at your room back at the wellness center, at least there you were getting used to it. On the other hand, you’d be away from Nathan for good, which I’m sure your dad and Missy would absolutely love. But you’re right, give them power over the one thing you actually have left.”

Hmm. Maybe I didn’t think this whole home schooling thing through after all.

“You’re being mean to me!” I declare.

Angelina flops her tiny body down on the bed and takes her wild curls out of the hair tie that’s holding her hair back from her face, allowing them to fall freely down her back and around her shoulders.

“Tell me what happened,” she orders.

“It was a disaster,” I confess.

I kneel down and peer under my bed trying to make eye contact with Mo, leaving Angelina to ponder this for a second.

“How so?”

I gently put my hand out to Mo who looks at it as if I’m a dried-up old piece of bubble gum on the bottom of someone’s shoe that he could be less interested in. Actually wouldn’t dogs be interested in gum on the bottom of people’s shoes since they like things that are like, um, dirty? Well whatever, you get the drift.

“I chickened out and ended up hiding behind a tree while he walked right past me and inside of the school.”

“Ouch,” Angelina says, gathering her hair in her hands again and tying it all back up on the top of her head. It clearly looks better down, I’ve been telling her that since we were kids, but no one ever listens to me!

“Exactly,” I say, growing frustrated with Mo and pulling myself up to sit Indian style on the floor. “I have so many problems. This was supposed to be easy. I was supposed to come home and everything was supposed to be okay, but somehow things are way more complicated than ever.”

“Well, we just have to take one thing at a time.” Angelina tells me softly.

I nod. “What am I going to do about Nathan?”

“What do you want to do about Nathan?”

I look down at the ground and start to play with the bottom of my yoga pants as I ponder her question. I wrap the elastic cuff around my finger until it’s so tight that it feels like it could cut off my circulation.

“Well, there’s what I want to do, and then there’s what I know I have to do.”

Angelina gets off the bed so she can come and sit next to me. She rests her head on my shoulder sadly.

“He does have a right to know.” Her voice is soft, like even she knows I can’t tell him.

“He’s happy,” I tell her softly. “That’s all I really want.”

“I know.”

“And besides, what would it matter? I’m not allowed to be with him. And the second he breaks up with Katie, if he even wants to, Missy and my dad will see a major red flag. Plus, he has this huge game coming up and all this pressure on him. And, look at me, I’m a mess, like a major mess. Maybe someday, but not now. I can’t tell him now.