Before the Storm (36 page)

“That’s
our
business!” I heard my voice carry over the dark

water and wondered if the pier was such a good idea after all.

“Well, I just don’t want her to make it
her
business, if you

get what I’m saying.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you and I need to lay low for a while. Just till Dawn

settles down.”

“What do you mean, lay low?”

“Not see each other. Definitely not at The Sea Tender. We

can talk and e-mail, but I don’t think we should get together.”

How could he even say the words? “Ben!” I said. “I
have
to

see you! I’ll go crazy if I can’t see you!”

“I know,” he said. “Me, too. But we can’t risk pissing Dawn

off.You’re going to be eighteen soon and out of high school.

Then it won’t matter so much. So let’s just—”

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“Couldn’t we… We have swim practice Saturday. Wouldn’t

it seem normal to get together afterward like we used to? You

know, to talk about the team? Dawn couldn’t make a federal

case about that.”

He waited a second, then said, “Dawn’s coming to practice

Saturday.”

“What?”
I stood up.
“Why?”

“She said she misses watching the kids, but I’m sure it’s to

keep an eye on us. So we have to act cool, Maggie, all right?”

“Why didn’t you tell her she can’t come?”

“Because I’m trying to
protect
us.” I thought he sounded a little

fed up with me.“Not only could she tell your mother,but Marcus

or the rec center staff or the parents of the kids we work with.

Let me deal with her, okay? I know her better than you do. We

just need to keep our noses clean for a while. Till you graduate.”

“That’s over a month away!”

“It’ll fly by, angel.”

“How can you sound so
calm?
”

“I’m not. It’s just that I’ve had twenty-four hours to think

of the best thing to do. It’s fresh news to you.”

I lowered myself to the pier and lay down on my back. It was

too cloudy to see the stars. My eyes were full of tears, anyway.

The thing was, I knew he was right. I sucked at being patient,

but I could wait another month to have a lifetime with him.

“Maggie? You still there?”

“I think…” A plan was taking shape in my mind.“I think I won’t

live on campus next year,” I said. “I’ll commute. Maybe I could

find a roommate here on the island and not have to live at home.”

“What are you talking about? You’ve always planned to live

on campus.”

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“I don’t want to be that far from you.”

“It’s only forty-five minutes.”

“That’s too far.” I wiped tears off my cheeks with my fingers.

“I think you should live on campus. It’d be a good experience for you.”

“Don’t you want me to be closer?”

“Of course. But I’ll visit you there all the time, if you’re not

too embarrassed to be seen with an ol’ man.”

I smiled. “No way.” I loved the idea of finally being able to

show him off in public.

“Don’t decide now, Maggie,” he said. “I think it’d be good

for you, though.You know. Get that whole college experience.”

If it was
him
going away to college with me staying on

Topsail, I wouldn’t want him to live on campus. How could

he just let me go that easily? I thought how it felt to rest my

head on his chest. How content I felt when he wrapped his

arms around me.

“Ben?”

“I’m here.”

“Can we…maybe in a week…can we find someplace to be

together. Just for a while? The beach at night or someplace?

No one will know. Please?”

He was quiet and I tightened every muscle in my body,

waiting for his answer.

“All right,” he said. “I’d better get off now.”

“I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I clicked off my phone, and lay there on the pier until I fell

asleep, hanging on to his “love you, too” by my fingertips.

I HUNG UP THE PHONE, THEN RACED ACROSS campus from

the elementary school to the high school. I was breathless and

perspiring by the time I arrived in the main office.

“In there.” The secretary nodded toward the room used for

meetings. The door was slightly ajar and I pushed it open

without knocking. Flip Cates sat at the long table, and although

Flip was not a large man, he dwarfed Andy sitting across from

him. Andy leaped up from his chair and ran into my arms,

sobbing.

“It’s okay, sweetie.” I rocked him back and forth like I did

when he was little. “Don’t be scared. It’s going to be all right.”

Was it? Could Andy feel how my own body trembled beneath

his arms?

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Flip had left a message on my cell that they had a petition

requesting Andy be taken into custody. Now I looked at him

over Andy’s head.
“Why?”
I asked.

“His pants and shoes had traces of accelerant on them,” he

said. “I’m sorry, Laurel.”

The lighter. “Maybe he spilled lighter fluid when he—”

Flip shook his head. “It’s gasoline and diesel.”

Was that what I’d smelled on his shoes? It couldn’t have

been. “That can’t
be,
Flip!” Andy had settled into my arms as

if he planned to stay there forever. “It’s got to be a mistake. A

conspiracy or something.” I grasped at straws as my heart lost

its rhythm behind my breastbone. “This is completely impossible!”

“I know you’re upset, Laur—”

“Flip! You
know
this child.” I hugged Andy even closer to my

body. Tears slid down my cheeks that I didn’t want him to see.

“You’ve known him nearly all his life! Please! At least tell me

you think this is some kind of crazy mistake!”

I supposed there was some sympathy in Flip’s eyes, but I was

blind to it at that moment.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “but I need to take him to the juvenile

detention center in Castle Hayne.You can follow in your car

or ride with him in mine.”

“With
him,
” I said. “I’m not letting him out of my sight.”

I called Marcus’s cell from the back of Flip’s cruiser.

“Already on my way,” Marcus said. “I just heard.”

“I don’t know what’s going on, Marcus.” I tried to keep my

voice even for Andy’s sake. I’d scared him with my hysterics

at the high school. Now he shivered next to me, his body

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close to mine. I hadn’t seen him this frightened since he was

a little boy.

“Call his lawyer,” Marcus said. “I’ll see you there.”

“Is he going to shoot us?” Andy whispered to me when I

shut my phone.

“Who?” I asked. “
Flip?
No, of course not. No one’s going

to shoot us.”

At the detention center, the thirty-something, balding

intake officer had me fill out a form while he talked to Flip in

legalese. Then he fingerprinted Andy, because of “the serious

nature of the crime.”

Marcus arrived just as another uniformed officer handed

Andy a navy-blue jumpsuit and said to follow him. I suddenly

understood that they meant to keep him there.

“He can’t
stay
here!” I said to the intake officer as Marcus

came to stand at my side. “I’ll put up bail. Just tell me how

much and—”

“There is no bond in juvenile cases, ma’am,” the man said.

Marcus reached across the man’s desk to shake his hand, and

I was glad he was in uniform.“I’m Marcus Lockwood,” he said.

“The boy’s uncle.”

“You the fire marshal in Surf City?”

Marcus nodded.

“What do you mean, no bond?” I asked.

“He’ll have a secure custody hearing within five days and the

judge will decide if he waits here until his trial or if he can be

released to home. Given the serious nature of the crime,

though, I imagine he’ll be staying here.”

“Five days!” I said. “I won’t let him stay here a single night!”

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I grabbed Marcus’s arm, knowing I was digging my nails into

his flesh but unable to stop myself.

“Andy has special needs,” Marcus said. “He won’t do well

in detention.”

“Mrs. Lockwood here’s explained about his special needs,”

the officer said.

“I didn’t realize you expected him to actually
stay
here when

I told you, though!” I said.

“What did you think the word ‘detention’ means, ma’am?”

he asked.

“She didn’t know it meant overnight,” Marcus said with

more calm than I felt.“He’s never stayed away from home overnight.”

“I’ll recommend a hearing be scheduled as quick as possible,” the officer said.

“Today,” I said. “Please. It needs to be today.”

“Ma’am, it’s already three o’clock. This is not considered

an emergency case. However, one thing you may not have

thought of is that when this gets out, the community is going

to be mighty angry. It may be best your boy remain here for

his own safety, and the judge will take that into account.”

“There’s no way it would be best for him to stay here!”

“She’s right,” Marcus said to the officer.“Aim for tomorrow.”

Andy returned to the room in a navy jumpsuit that was too

big on him and blue flip-flops. The skin around his eyes was

puffy and red, but he no longer looked terrified. More like

defeated. I drew choppy breaths through my mouth, trying to

keep from crying. That would only scare him more.

Marcus hugged him, and I wanted to pull him into my

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arms again, but knew I’d fall apart if I did. Andy didn’t say

a word. It wasn’t like him to be so quiet and I worried

about what the other officer might have said—or worse,

done
—to him.

“Andy,” I managed to say, “please don’t worry, sweetie.

We’re going to get this all straightened out.”

“Y’all can sit down again,” the intake officer said, although

he remained standing himself. “I need to make a copy of the

petition. We’ll be sending it along to your attorney, ma’am.”

We sat down on the hard wooden chairs as he left the room.

“The man said I have to stay here.” Andy looked at Marcus.

“For a couple days,” Marcus said. “It’ll be all right. Your

mom has an attorney…a lawyer. He’ll come talk to you.”

“His name’s Mr. Shartell, Andy.” My voice sounded remarkably calm given how hysterically I was screaming inside.

“He’s on
your side,
sweetie, so you don’t have to be afraid to

tell him the truth when he comes, all right?”

“I don’t want to stay here.” He hadn’t heard a word I’d said.

I was sure of it. I wondered if Marcus caught the tremor in his

chin.

“I know,” I said. “I know you don’t. And we’ll get you out

as soon as we can.” Over Andy’s head, I mouthed the words

to Marcus,
I can’t leave him here!

Marcus reached across the back of Andy’s chair to squeeze

my shoulder.

Andy looked at Marcus again. “I don’t understand, Uncle

Marcus,” he said. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Marcus moved his hand from my shoulder to Andy’s, a

small smile of encouragement on his lips.“I know, son,” he said.

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I stared at Marcus. I’d never heard him call Andy “son”

before. Never. That was the way I’d always wanted it. But

now, I wanted to hear him say that word again and again and

again.

1992

JAMIE DIDN’T LET ME SEE LAUREL TILL SHE’D been in rehab

three months. Not that I didn’t
try
to visit her before that. Got

turned away by the sentry at the front desk.“Only her husband

and people he authorizes can visit her,” I was told. Apparently,

I wasn’t one of those people. Jamie said I’d “enabled” her

drinking. Give me a break. Laurel was no alcoholic and I didn’t

believe there was a damn thing wrong with her baby. Jamie and

the hospital and Protective Services had made a fuss about

nothing.

“You can see her,” Jamie finally told me one afternoon at The

Sea Tender. “She’s strong enough now.”

“She’s got to be ‘strong’ to see me?” I was pissed.

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“Yeah, exactly. She does.”

“Go fuck yourself,” I said.

Jamie closed his eyes the way he did when he was angry and

trying to control it, like he was silently counting to ten. I

hated when he did that. Hated his self-control.

“You know.” He opened his eyes again. “I have a two-yearold daughter in the next room. Maybe she’s napping, but

maybe not, and I don’t appreciate you using that language in

her presence.”

“You self-righteous—”

“Do you want to see her or not?” he interrupted me.

“Because I can still tell them not to let you in.”

“Yes, I want to see her!”

“Then shut up. And when you go there, go sober.”

I hardly recognized her as she walked toward me in the

rehab lobby. She filled out her jeans again—I hadn’t realized

how much weight she’d lost the past couple of years—and she

wore a red V-neck sweater, a blast of color beneath her dark

hair. She smiled at me as she came closer. I hugged her hard,