Behind the Altar: Behind the Love Trilogy (13 page)

Dean parked the motor
home next to the barn. He set up a hose to run from the well where an old pump
still worked, at least for his purposes. For now, he used a generator for his
minor needs, just until electricity was updated and a pole placed next to the
RV. The first night he stayed there, he walked the line of the woods, which
served as the property line. The state owned from there down to the river’s
edge.

He decided to take
his mind off Leah by marking off the garden. He’d never obsessed over anything
as much as he had that woman he’d met less than a week ago. The feelings were
new, and he didn’t understand them. He only knew he’d never wanted to be with
anyone as much as he did her. When thoughts of living with her in a house by the
river entered his mind, he pounded a stake into the ground marking one corner
of the garden. He thought they should start on a small scale with room to
expand. He walked toward the barn counting off forty feet, and then turned
perpendicular and counted another forty feet. A 40x40 foot garden should
provide enough food for salads and side dishes for twenty folks easily.

He clumped the soil
together in his hands, and it stayed in a ball. His father told him that soil
ready for planting should fall apart. He’d have lots of work to get the ground
in shape for planting in September. After putting up a few more stakes to mark
the area, he went inside the barn with his tape measure and starting writing
down measurements. He went up into the loft and noted that while the floor
still seemed sturdy, some of the boards were loose. He took the hammer hanging
from his back pocket and pounded some of the nails sticking up. These still
need some work, he thought. If Leah wants cots up here, it needed to be safe.

As the light faded,
he went into the motor home, but left the screen door open so he could hear the
sounds of the night coming to the land. The plaintive cry of “chuck-will’s-widow”
by the bird of the same name reminded him of his childhood before Geraldine stole
it. Then a bullfrog rumbled and others followed suit, beginning the nightly
cacophony of frog songs from the river. He’d never felt so much at home
anywhere. He sat on the small sofa and drank in the feeling of peace. He never
should have let Geraldine chase him off all those years ago.

He slept well, and
never woke once to thoughts of Leah. Maybe he’d break this spell once he worked
with her and saw her sweat and groan with the weight of hauling lumber around
the barn. The exhaustion of physical labor would help. His life as Harold Grant
didn’t require much physical effort. He saved that for the gym and his nightly
parade of South Beach beauties trampling through his apartment.

As he combed his
hair, he wondered how he’d ever lived that life for so long. That wasn’t him.
He pulled a t-shirt over his head, and poured a cup of coffee. When he stepped
outside, he found the table and all the tools he’d left out the night before
covered in dew. A golden-silk spider spun a web between a tree and the barn
door, and he used a stick to break the strong thread of the web letting the
gray and black spider with its one-inch body move down the stick. He threw it
aside and opened the barn doors. Time to let in some fresh air, he thought. As
he stood in the opening, he heard a car approach. He wasn’t expecting anyone
until the afternoon when Leah came back after serving lunch, but before he
turned around a slight feeling of hope came that Leah might be coming early.

He looked with dread
at the Lincoln driving toward the barn as if it wasn’t going to stop. He didn’t
budge. If Geraldine wanted to take him out this way, then she’d have to ruin
that pretty brown car to do it. She slammed on the brakes, and the car lurched
when she threw the gear into park.

“What do you want, Geraldine?”
Dean asked as she tumbled out of the car.

She walked toward him
with her bleached blonde hair perfectly in place, lacquered with a can of hair
spray. She wore three-inch royal blue heels to match her blouse. She stumbled
as she walked toward him. Her black slacks hugged her ample hips. To Dean, she
was a disgusting specimen of a woman.

“You think you’ve won
something big here,” Geraldine said as she hobbled on the heels over the sand
of the barn’s driveway. “I’ve got news for you. You’ve lost a whole lot more
than you’ve gained.”

“What would that be?”
Dean asked. He leaned up against the side of the door and sipped his coffee.
“I’d offer you a cup, but I don’t have any arsenic to put in it. I’d hate to
waste a perfectly good cup of coffee.”

“Don’t act so smug,”
she said. “I’ve got some news for you.”

“I can’t wait.”

“You remember Mable
Cornish, I’m sure.”

“Yes, the poor girl
you told everyone I raped.”

“I talked to her
mother yesterday about you,” Geraldine said. “She’s got notes you wrote to Mable
and photos of the two of you together right before you left town. She also has
a journal that says you often forced yourself on her.”

“You are so full of
shit, Geraldine, and you know it. Didn’t you hear Big Jim’s will yesterday? If
you try in any way to make trouble about it, there’s information you won’t want
released. Why are you risking that?”

“I’m not going to do
a thing,” Geraldine said. “I merely wanted to come over here and tell you what
might happen next. Carleen Cornish is more than eager to release that
information to the police, along with some other things I’m not going to tell
you about right now. That poor woman has never gotten over those allegations
Mable made in her suicide note. She knows it simply isn’t true. You were the
culprit all along, just like I said.”

“I don’t care.
Besides, what’s it going to accomplish?”

“All I want from you
is the money Big Jim gave you. You can have this worthless property, but I want
that million dollars he gave you. You don’t deserve it, and you know it.”

“And you do deserve
it? You don’t deserve Jack shit, Geraldine. Now get off my property before I
get the gun I hid in the barn last night.”

“You’ll be sorry, if
you don’t give me what I want. Real sorry.”

He watched her drive
away, spinning up dust as the back tires of the Lincoln fishtailed in the sand.
He made a note to get a gun out here in case there was more trouble. Fortunately,
today she didn’t call his bluff because she would have won. He walked back to
his motor home to fill up his coffee cup and wished he had a bottle of whiskey
to splash into his morning brew.

Leah cleaned up from
the day’s lunch in the church hall and went to find Jacob in his office. The
door to his office was partially open so she knocked lightly and waited for a
response. When she pushed it open, she found him as he usually was mid-week,
sitting at the desk and reading the various magazines from other districts to
find an idea for Sunday’s sermon.

“How are you?” Leah
asked as she sat down in the chair in front of his desk.

“All right, just
searching for a topic for Sunday,” he said. “How are things with you?”

“Good. Dean and I met
yesterday with the man who’s going to head up the renovations at the barn. He
seems like he understands what I envision. It’s going to be wonderful, Jacob.”

“That’s good news.
I’m happy to hear it.” He smiled. “Can you work with Dean? After his confession
the other day?”

“Everything’s fine,
but we need to talk. Do you want to ask me anything about what he said?”

“If you want to tell
me anything, go ahead.”

“All right,” Leah
said. “I’d like to tell you about it. He says he’s in love with me, as you
know. I don’t know how I feel. I still feel the same way about you, but being
around Dean confuses me.”

“In what way?”

“I’m not sure I can
tell you,” Leah said. She turned her face away from Jacob. How did she tell the
man she was supposed to marry that she wanted to sleep with his brother? It was
more than that, but the truth was she wanted Dean. “He’s an attractive man, but
so are you.”

“He’s different from
me; he’s always been different. The girls always chose him over me when we were
growing up. Even Geraldine preferred him to me, until he left home.”

“Do you know what
your father might have left in that sealed envelope?” Leah held her breath as
she waited for Jacob to answer.

“I have no idea,”
Jacob said, but he began moving papers around on his desk, not looking at Leah.
“But I think Mother knows and doesn’t want it revealed. She left right
afterwards, and I still haven’t heard from her. It’s not like her to just
disappear.”

“I hope she’s all
right and doesn’t cause any trouble for either Dean or you.”

“Me, too. It’s been
quite a week, and I’m not sure what to do next.”

“Have you thought
about the will?” Leah asked. “Are you going to do what Big Jim said you should
do?”

“I’ve been thinking
about that,” Jacob said as he sat back in his chair and relaxed his shoulders
for the first time since Leah walked in the door. “He’s right that I took over
the church to please him, but Mother mostly. She pushed for it just like she
pushed for us to become engaged.”

“You didn’t want
those things?” Leah asked.

“I didn’t not want
them; there’s a difference. It didn’t matter one way or another because I
didn’t see any other possibilities.”

“Is there someone
else you’re interested in?”

“No, that’s not the
point. I never had a say in anything that’s happened in my life so far. Mother
has directed it all. Daddy was right when he said that I need to figure out
what I want.”

“How are you going to
do that?” Leah asked as she sat forward in her chair.

“I don’t know, but I
have a suggestion. You’re confused; I’m confused. I’ve never done much of
anything without Mother there behind me, and now she’s gone, at least for now.
I think we should take this time to figure out what we want. You’ve already
moved to Susie’s. You’re going to be very busy with Soup’s On and the barn. I couldn’t
leave the church without someone ready to take my place.”

“That’s all true.
What’s your suggestion?”

“Let’s spend the
summer figuring out what we both want.”

“That sounds
reasonable,” Leah said.

“If we decide we
really do love one another, we’ll get married sometime in the next year. Maybe
you’ll find out you love Dean instead. Either way, the important thing in all
of this is that we both end up happy.”

“You’re a pretty
smart dude for a minister,” she said as she came around the desk to give him a
kiss on the top of his head. “Or maybe I’ll discover that I’m just not ready
for a commitment to anyone.”

“You might. Leah, I
think you’re one of the best people I’ve ever known. You’re beautiful even in
your shorts and tank top, despite what Mother always said. I’d be honored to be
your husband, but I need to figure out if I love you enough to be a good
husband.”

“I understand,” Leah
said. “I feel the same way. I’d be honored, but I’m not sure if that’s enough
to make a good marriage.”

“Just be careful when
it comes to Dean. He may look the part of a man you’d want, but I still have my
doubts. I find it hard to believe he’d change so much from when he was a
teenager.”

“Sometimes people can
change, Jacob. If you don’t believe that then perhaps you do need to find
something else besides the ministry.”

Jacob looked at Leah
and shook his head. “It’s hard to believe in much of anything sometimes.”

“I’m going to get out
of here so you can get the sermon finished. I think taking a break from one
another is the right thing to do right now.”

“Why don’t you use
the van for the summer,” Jacob said. “You can’t keep using Susie’s car, and I
know you have things to haul, especially with the barn undergoing such a
massive overhaul.”

“Thank you. I’m sure
Susie would appreciate that, although she’s been a sweetheart about letting me
use it.”

“She’s a good
friend,” Jacob said. “Now I better get the sermon started, not finished.”

“Maybe you could do
something about redemption?” Leah smiled. “It might help you as much as the
congregation.”

“I should have
thought of that. Thanks. I’m going to miss you, Leah.”

Within a few days of
the first meeting with Stan, the work on the barn began. Leah’s life took on a
certain rhythm that she enjoyed. No longer hounded by Geraldine on the proper
behavior of a minister’s wife, she reveled in the freedom of acting in her own
natural way. She’d always been so grateful to Geraldine that she didn’t realize
how much she resented the intrusion into her life.

In the mornings, she
worked at Soup’s On, collecting food from Reggie and Clara, preparing and re-heating
the food, and serving from 11-1 p.m. every day. Then she cleaned up and was on
site at the barn by 3 p.m. She worked until she couldn’t move one more muscle,
and then she headed back to Susie’s where she fell into a deep sleep until the
alarm woke her at 7 a.m. The only exception was Sunday when she attended
church. Joshua and Carol made sure the river folks had food on Sunday, so Leah
could have a day off. But she still managed to put in an hour or two on Sunday
afternoons after Jacob and she had dinner together at the parsonage. He knew
how hard she was working so he made sure the dinner was either ready to put in
the oven, or it was a simple meal of sandwiches and a salad. Despite taking a
break, they maintained their friendship.

“Have you heard
anything from Geraldine?” she asked one Sunday in late June.

“Nothing,” Jacob
said. “Her brother in Tallahassee hasn’t heard from her either.”

“That’s all the
family, right?”

“That’s right. Her
parents are gone. She does have a childhood friend in Jacksonville, and I’ve
thought of calling her, but then I stop. Do I really want her back in my life?”

“I think you want to
find out if she’s OK; there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, if you didn’t,
I’d be worried.”

“How are things going
at the barn?”

Leah launched into a
description of the current work, which included putting up dry wall and
constructing the kitchen and bathrooms.

“They’re knocking out
the back wall to expand so the kitchen is big enough,” she said. “It’s really
going to be something. Of course, getting it done in a month was very
optimistic. We’ll be lucky if it’s done by August.”

“Is Dean paying for
all the renovations?”

“He is. Dean told
Stan, the contractor, that there was no limit. He told him to make it right the
first time.”

“That’s very generous
of him,” Jacob said. His elbows rested on the table as he tapped his fingers.
“I wonder what he wants in return.”

“He’s becoming very
connected to the place. I don’t mean just the barn renovations, but the
farmland and the river folks. He’s been driving some of them to their
appointments to the VA or wherever they need to go. He goes down to the camp at
night sometimes and plays guitar with Bud.”

“He’s the
schizophrenic?”

“Right. At least
that’s what the diagnosis is. I think it’s a case of Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder, but the VA is reluctant to use that diagnosis. But the point is,
Dean’s interest in him is bringing him out of his shell.”

Leah watched Jacob
and knew he was thinking about what she just said. She wished she could bring
the two brothers together. They were both good men who learned to hate one
another at an early age.

“Maybe you could come
down sometime and take a look,” Leah said. She was hurt that Jacob had never
visited the barn, and she knew it was because of Dean.

“I don’t think my
brother wants me around there,” he said. “I’ll wait until the grand opening.”

“You better come to
that,” Leah said. “I expect you to give the opening prayer for the ribbon cutting.”

Leah left Jacob after
helping him clean up the kitchen. She drove the van down to the barn. She
didn’t know what she might find to do, but there was always something. Dean
told her they were ready to start thinking about paint, so she’d gotten some
paint strips to choose from. Maybe she’d be able to make a decision today.

Dean was in the
kitchen area cutting boards to frame the back wall. Plastic hung over where the
old wall had been removed. No one else was on site today. They were completely
alone for the first time in a month.

“Hello,” she said
when she came inside.

He stopped sawing and
raised his goggles. Leah almost gasped when she saw him without his shirt on.
It wasn’t the first time, but it was the first time when they’d been alone.

“Hi there,” he said.
“I thought I’d get some of these cut, so they can start framing tomorrow. Stan
gave me all the measurements.”

“I’m sure he
appreciates your help.”

He walked toward her,
and they stood in the middle of the room looking at one another. Nothing had
changed between them. Their eyes locked and neither moved or said a thing. Leah
wasn’t even certain she was breathing, but she could hear the blood pulsing
through her ears.

“I wanted to show you
something up in the loft area,” he said. He took her hand and led her up the
stairs. “Be careful, we still have to secure a few boards. Surprisingly, this
place is in pretty good shape for having been deserted for so many years.”

Her hand was lost in
his big rough hand, and she felt safe and secure as if he’d wrapped her in a
protective bubble.

“I’m wondering if we
should put in a walk-in closet on either side where the roof slants down. You
could store bedding materials, and it could serve as a private dressing room
for the more modest.” He pointed to the sides of the room where the eaves of
the roof came down not allowing for standing room in those corners.

“I think it’s a
wonderful idea,” she said. “Thank you for thinking of it.”

“I think we should
put in some lockers, too. It would give them a sense of security to have their
own private spot they could lock.”

“That’s a great
idea.”

He still held her
hand when they turned to one another. Each took a half a step closer until the
front of their bodies touched.

“Leah,” he said as he
grabbed her in his arms. “I can’t stand this. I can’t stand seeing you every
day and laughing with you and talking about all our favorite things, and not being
able to touch you. It’s killing me.”

He began kissing her
hair as she reveled in the feel of his chest beneath her face. She breathed in
the scent of him, his sweat mixed with an after-shave she didn’t recognize.
Musk. He smelled of musk, the scent of sex as she imagined it.

She looked up at him
as his bent his head. They sought each other’s lips and began searching for
what they’d both been missing for more than a month. The kiss deepened as she
ran her hands along the line of his shoulders, as finely honed as his pecs. She
felt him tug on her t-shirt tucked into her shorts. He pulled the shirt up over
her head, and only then did they break the hold of each other’s lips. He looked
down at her blue simple bra with lace over the cup.

“You’re beautiful,”
he said as he began unsnapping the bra in the back. When it fell to the ground
at their feet, he held both of her breasts in his hands and bent down. He
kissed each one with reverence. “Beautiful. Simply beautiful.”

He locked his lips
over one of the nipples and suckled her tit as she threw her head back with the
power of the sensation rippling through her whole body.

He pulled her close
so her breasts smashed against his chest, and he swayed his upper body back and
forth to feel the full force of their nakedness. Dean began fumbling with his
belt buckle after a few minutes and pulled down his jeans, which he laid on the
floor.

“We don’t have a
blanket, but you could lie down on these,” he said in a voice she’d never heard
before—somehow deeper and huskier.

She didn’t dwell on
that for long because she gasped when she saw he’d pulled off his briefs to
reveal himself to her. She was amazed at the size of him; it was unlike
anything she’d ever imagined, even when she dreamt of him.

“It will be all
right, Leah,” he said. “I won’t hurt you; we’ll go slow.”

She smiled and undid
the button on her shorts before pulling them down to reveal blue bikinis. Dean
took care of the rest of that job. She sat down on his jeans with her butt on
the crotch part.

“Here, let me take
off the belt,” he said. “I don’t want that pretty back of yours getting
scratched up from my belt buckle.”

He kneeled between
her legs and gently laid her back on the floor. He began kissing her thighs and
moved up her legs and then to her belly. She was writhing beneath him and
raising herself toward him, so he concentrated on her most private part. She’d
never experienced anything like the sensations going through her as his tongue
darted in and out of her. Nothing else in the world mattered. She grabbed his
head and pressed him to her even more. Then there it was—the release. She heard
a scream, not sure if it came from her or from him. It must have come from her
because his head was still buried in her.

He moved himself up
her body until his face reached hers.

“Are you ready for
me?” he asked.

“Yes.” It sounded
more like a moan than a word.

“This might hurt at
first, but you are very juicy, so it might be easier. Just know that if it’s
too much, tell me to stop, and I will. We can take this part very slow.”

She nodded her head,
unsure if she could even speak.

“Are you sure you
want to do this?” he asked as he fumbled with his jeans now under her head.

“Yes, yes, please.”

He pulled a small
package out of his jean’s pocket and ripped it open.

“I’m sorry, but we
need to use protection,” he said. “I’d like to just feel you, but we’ll wait
for that.”

He rolled over on top
of her and kissed her nose.

“You’re lovely,” he
said as he raised himself up slightly. “Remember we can stop at any time.”

She gave a gasp as he
entered her. She felt a slight pain. It was nothing more than the pain of
feeling a needle go in the arm for a shot, then it was gone and replaced by the
most pleasant sensation of all, and then she knew the screams were coming from
her for sure. Dean was moaning, and his eyes were closed and then suddenly he
was jerking, and she wondered if she’d hurt him. Then he relaxed, opened his
eyes, and looked at her with a smile on his face.”

“Sorry, it was so
quick, but I’ve been dreaming of you every night for more than a month,” Dean
said. “I couldn’t hold back any longer. Next time it’ll be better.”

“Next time? When?
Right now?”

“You need to give me
some time, say thirty minutes?” Dean said and then laughed. “Maybe we could
move down to the motor home and be more comfortable.”

“I’ve never been more
comfortable in my life,” Leah said. “Is it like this every time?”

“For us it will be,
but it’s never been like this for me ever before.”

“So it’s like we’re
both virgins?” Leah asked.

“You, my dear, are no
longer a virgin,” he said as he stood and offered her hand to pull her up off
the ground.