Being Human (21 page)

Down a dark and deserted alley, I threw the human to the ground, stalking back and forth, and trying to get the courage to bite. The human scrambled to his feet with a curse, yanking a gun free of his pants. His eyes widened, the whites almost glowing in the darkness, when he saw me. The gun swung around to face me and a crack echoed off the walls. Pain burned my stomach, spreading through me like a wild fire.

The injury ignited my need, propelling me at the human. I sank my fangs into his neck, the blood bursting into my mouth. I greedily sucked, unable to drink fast enough. Once his body was drained, I licked up the drops that had escaped my frantic sucking.

I left the body in the alley and raced home, eager to see my family again. I threw the door open, taking no care to be quiet, even trying to make some noise. I wanted my family to know I was home. Taking the stairs two at a time, I hurried to my niece’s room. How mad would Rissa be if I woke her?

I didn't care.

The smell of my niece stopped me at her door. It hung heavy in the air, overpowering the other scents. Desire roared to life and the urge to feed on my niece filled me.

I backed away, not watching my step and tumbling down the stairs. A door above burst open, my brother flying from his room. He called to me as I raced away, darting out the nearest door and into the backyard. I paced the fenced area, trying to understand. Why did I still desire for my niece’s blood? I shouldn’t feel anything but minor hunger after feeding. Not full-blown desire.

“Tommy.” Relief filled my brother’s voice. He stopped my pacing, his eyes roaming over me. “What happened? Where have you been?”

I shook my head, refusing to speak. I couldn’t tell him what I felt, he’d be furious and send me away. He said my niece’s survival trumped everything. That had to include our twin bond.

“Come on, lil’ bro, talk to me. You know you can tell me anything.” His voice was soothing, easing the turmoil in me and making me speak.

“I don’t want to leave! I want to stay and be part of the family.”

“You are part of the family,” he assured me.

I shook my head. “No, if you knew, you’d be mad, you’d hate me and send me away. She trumps everything. That means us too.”

“You’re not making any sense. Who trumps everything?”

I looked at him. “M-m-ma-mackenzie, I almost bit her.”

His hands fell from my shoulders, mouth dropping open in shock. I braced myself, waiting for him to banish me from my family’s life.

“Tommy, it’s okay.”

I shook my head. “No, you hate me. I can’t be around her anymore.”

He shushed me, his tone gentle. “You didn’t touch her, she’s okay.”

“I wanted to. I was distracted from hunting by another vampire and I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I came home. If you hadn’t woken up, I would have killed her. I can’t ever hurt her, I love her.” The words were a relief to confess.

“I know how much you care about Mackenzie and I know you’d never hurt her.”

His heart thumped loudly in my ears and the desire throbbed in time. I grabbed his wrist and bit. Blood oozed, coating my mouth, but I didn’t suck. I didn’t want his blood. I didn’t know what I wanted. I released his wrist and bit into my own. No blood greeted my tongue or rhythm jumping as fangs sliced through flesh. I bit again and again, gnashing my teeth until he pulled my arm from my mouth.

“Danny, I’m scared.”

He hugged me tightly, his voice soft. “I know, lil’ bro, and I’m here for you.”

****

My brother and Rissa were visible through the kitchen window. He softly groaned, his hand rubbing his chest. Rissa pressed her hand over his, worry filling her face. “Does it hurt much?”

“Feels like it did the past two weeks, like a bad case of heartburn. I'm just glad to know what's wrong so I can help,” he replied.

“My knight in shining armor.” Rissa smiled and kissed him.

“Why are you a knight?” I asked as he rejoined me.

He took the chair next to me, his eyes blinking to stay awake. “That’s Rissa’s way of saying I’m being noble.”

I debated asking another question, wanting to keep him talking, but I didn't know what to say. Soon his eyes drifted shut, sleep claiming him. The fear slowly slid back, made worse by the silence around me. I wrapped my arms around my knees, terrified of losing myself to my feelings.

“He's been worried.” Rissa stopped by my brother, brushing the hair off his sleeping face. “The only thing that kept him sane was he knew you hadn’t been destroyed.”

Guilt picked at me, worse than the fear curling through my stomach and the confusion filling me. I didn’t want to feel any of it. I darted from the lawn chair and into the house. I rummaged through the kitchen, grabbing a beer. Ignoring the odor and taste, I drank it down.

“What are you doing?” Rissa grabbed the second beer from me.

“I’m getting drunk so I’ll forget,” I replied and grabbed another.

She snatched that beer from me and I snarled at her. She met my snarl with a glare. “You know I’m not scared of you.”

“Give it back.”

“It won’t solve your problem.”

“I want to forget,” I insisted. “I don’t like feeling human and I don’t want to feel like him. I want to feel like me!”

Rissa sighed and shook her head. “Tommy, you’re not feeling like Tommy the human, you’re feeling like Tommy the vampire.” She took my hand and led me into the living room. She pulled out a book from the bookshelf by the TV, flipping to a page and holding it out to me. “Read this.”

Mackenzie smiled for the first time today. It lit up her face. The moment was bittersweet though. The smile wasn't for me or Dan, it was for her uncle. He was holding her, staring at her with that wide-eyed look he always gets when he watches her. He smiled back, a quick, barely there smile that one could easily miss. She started crying and Tommy panicked. I think he believes he needs to protect her, chase her fears away with a growl and some fangs. I took her back and he stayed by my side until her crying stopped.

I looked from the book to Rissa. “I remember that. Why did you show me?”

“Because this shows who you are,” she replied. “I read this and I see a concerned uncle, ready to protect the ones he loves. You need to trust your feelings, trust the love you have for your family. It will protect us if you let it.” She left me with those words, heading back outside to my brother.

I stared at the book in my hand. Had I been complicating matters and making my life difficult?

A vampire’s life was straightforward. We survive, nothing more and nothing less. For me, it was the same with my family. I wanted to see them, so I did. If I didn’t want to hurt my niece, I wouldn’t, right?

Slowly, I walked up the stairs. At the top, I sniffed, searching for my niece's scent. It hung in the air, pulling at the desire. I hesitated, the book clutched to my chest. Footsteps creaked behind me. My brother yawned as he and Rissa reached the top. He smiled and patted my back and both disappeared into their room.

They trusted me.

I sank to the floor, afraid to go any farther, and the book fell open on my lap. I leafed through the pages of pictures of my niece and read Rissa’s commentary.

Under one picture of my niece wearing only a diaper, Rissa wrote,
Mackenzie managed to get her diaper off today. She laughed and laughed, running from Dan. Then she peed on the floor.

A few commentaries mentioned me.

We let Mackenzie stay up until Tommy arrived tonight. The joy on her face was indescribable. I think he was happy too. We let him put her to bed. It turned out to be a bad idea. He willed her to sleep. At this rate she's never going to learn to sleep on her own.

Tonight, Mackenzie played hide-and-seek with Tommy. Dan explained the rules to him twice. He didn't understand either time and kept asking why. Then Mackenzie joined in, asking why too. I do not need two mouths constantly asking why in my life.

I was absent in the pictures. The flash always made me think of the sun, so I hid.

Jumping up, I rushed down the stairs. I rummaged through the desk in the corner of the living room, looking for the camera. The device was clunky and black with a long, gray strap. Flipping the flash up, I turned it on myself and pushed the button.

Nothing happened.

I frowned at the camera, turning it over. It was on, so why didn’t it work? I held the button down again and a click sounded. Light filled my vision and seconds later a picture slid out.

Double-checking I didn't catch fire, I turned the camera back on myself. I held the button down longer, readying myself for the flash. I still flinched, the flare of heat tingling against my skin. Image in hand, I climbed to my feet, searching for a pen. I scribbled a quick commentary, placing the picture in the book. Then I set the book on the kitchen table, leaving it open to the page so my niece wouldn't miss it. Feeling content, I locked the front door behind me and headed to my resting place for the first peaceful rest in two weeks.

****

Giggles met my ears and a happy grin my eyes as my niece bounced to me when I arrived home at sunset. “Uncle, acrobat!”

Confusion filled her face when I stopped her at arm’s length. Her scent curled around me, drifting up my nose. Desire and need flared, filling my mind. I tried to banish the feelings, reminding myself of the human I killed the other night. The human hadn't been enough, not after failing to hunt for over two weeks. I should have gone hunting again, but upon waking, all I wanted to do was go home to the comfort of my family.

What if the night before had been a fluke? The injury from the gunshot propelled me to do what I hadn't been able to. I wanted my fears erased, hear my brother or Rissa assure me I wouldn’t hurt my niece. I looked from her to them. There was no fear in their eyes or scents. They still trusted me.

Pushing my uncertainty back, I managed a smile for my niece. “Did you see my picture?”

My niece looked behind me at her parents. When she looked back at me, her voice was serious. “Your eyes were closed and it’s blurry.”

“I don’t like the flash, it makes me think I’m catching fire.”

Little arms hugged my waist and my niece looked up at me with trust shining in her eyes. “Don’t worry, Uncle, I won’t let anything burn you.”

How could she trust me? She knew what I was, how I survived, and wasn’t afraid. When I first discovered she understood, I had been happy. I never thought there’d be a time she needed to be afraid of me.

As I raced out of the house, escaping into the night, I heard her ask, “Why did Uncle run away?”

“Family problems?” Amy appeared, keeping pace and a reasonable distance.

I slowed to a walk. “Guess so.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Do you care?”

“I don't.”

“Yes then.” I stared at her, tilting my head.

She mimicked me.

“I see what's creepy about that,” I said. “Do you think about your sister a lot?”

Amy untilted her head and tipped it back to stare up at the sky. “She’s always on my mind. I learned where she was buried and I visit her when I can, telling her about myself and making sure I don’t forget. Forgetting is the only real fear I have, but I think we have to forget. If we don’t forget what it was like to be human, we wouldn’t be able to survive.”

“But you still believe we have the same feelings as humans?”

“Do you laugh? Smile? Frown? The past couple weeks you've been expressing fear,” Amy replied. “We feel the same emotions as humans, we just express them differently.” She turned to me and reached up on her tip toes to gently place a kiss on my lips.

“Why did you do that?”

Amy shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe to see what the big deal about a kiss is. Have you ever been kissed?”

I nodded once. “During the day. This human–”

Amy cut me short. “It hurts to be touched during the day. Sometimes I wonder if that's what the sun feels like.”

“I've been above ground during the day. It was too hot and when the sun set, I still felt hot, energyless.”

“What had you above ground? Your humans?”

“My brother.”

“Mmm,” Amy sighed. “I can only imagine what that sort of trust must be like. Can't even trust other vampires. Makes organizing the protests hard, but sometimes I get help, another older one who's not threatened by the presence of other vampires.”

“Why do you let them be destroyed? They don't move when Vampire Forces come.”

“They're not supposed to let themselves get torched. Some of the younger ones don't get what it is us older ones are trying to achieve. We tell them not to fight the humans, it will hurt the cause, and they take it too literally,” she replied.

“What are you trying to achieve?”

“That the sympathizers aren't wrong. That's there's some part of us that is still human: the part to survive.”

I nodded. “I want to survive.”

“But you still refuse to help me.”