Being Shirley (11 page)

Annie’s head had been buzzing by the time she got home from the travel agent’s. Her plans had acted as a temporary salve to her grief over losing Jazz but as she waited for Tony to come home, her eyes had strayed outside. Through the veil of misty rain, she could see the cherry blossom wavering on the wind. It looked so fragile and forlorn as it braved the elements that her eyes had welled up again. It had been a sweet and thoughtful gesture on Tony’s part and look how she was about to repay it. By the time the front door banged shut and signalled his arrival home, she had no fingernails left and her stomach was in knots.

You are doing the right thing
, Annie reaffirmed silently. She closed her eyes for a moment and braced as he came up behind where she sat at the kitchen table and nursed a glass of wine. He planted his customary kiss on the top of her head before he grabbed a beer out of the fridge. Annie stared at his broad, familiar back. The easy option would have been to write a note for him to digest at his own pace while she camped out at Carl’s but it would also have been cowardly. She couldn’t do that to him, no matter how tempting. She was hopeless at confrontation but she didn’t have a choice; she’d just have to brazen it out.

Her hands had been clasped in her lap, her nails dug into her palms when Tony sat down opposite her. He’d looked at her quizzically for a moment as he pulled the tab on his beer and she’d launched straight into what she had rehearsed since she had booked the tickets before she lost her nerve. The words tripped off her tongue in a nervous jumble and all the while, Tony had sat with his beer untouched as he stared at her uncomprehendingly and tried to make sense out of what she said.

As she slipped the ring off her finger and slid it across the table to him, he finally seemed to get it. She was leaving—it was over—and then the disbelief turned into anger as he accused her of having someone else on the go. He’d looked like a stranger as he demanded to know how long it had been going on and why in the hell she was going to Greece, of all places.

Her tears hadn’t garnered sympathy as she tried to explain without going into what had triggered her decision that she wasn’t doing this trip for anybody but herself and Roz. Tony had stared at her uncomprehendingly before he lowered his head and muttered under his breath that she was bloody mad. As for Carl coming with her—he just shook his head slowly from side to side as he tried to make sense of what she had told him.

At least he couldn’t accuse her and Carl of doing the dirty on him
, Annie thought as she tried to lay things out as plainly as possible for him. “I have to do this. You know that things haven’t been right with us for a while now.” She leaned towards him and willed him to understand. The look in his eyes told her he knew she was right; he just wasn’t ready to accept it.

They had stagnated, not that he would ever admit that he had no intention of them ever actually getting married. And even if he had, she knew now that it wasn’t what she wanted anymore. Oh sure, they could have continued as they were and just drifted along for a few more years but in the grand scale of a lifetime together, they weren’t right for each other and it would not work. She knew, too, that all this would dawn on him soon enough, as would the fact that she had given him an easy out from the big white wedding where his mother was concerned. He could lay the blame for Ngaire not having her moment as mother of the groom squarely at Annie’s feet, which, not wanting to lose his halo, she knew he would do without batting an eyelid.

She hadn’t liked to mention the deposit money they’d been saving—not so early in the piece because it felt mercenary—but half of it was hers, and she had no choice. The tickets she had booked that afternoon had to be paid for in full before the week was out or she’d lose the special offer and that would be that, she wouldn’t be going. This revelation had set Tony off again and he played the part of the wronged man to the hilt as he ranted that he’d be forty by the time he got the money together for a house.

As she tuned him out, an idea that was such a glaringly obvious solution to the house scenario came to her. She interrupted him with the tentative suggestion that perhaps he could pool his resources with his brothers and buy a house. As she shuddered at the thought of a Goodall bachelor pad unleashed on an unsuspecting city, she caught the glint in Tony’s eyes and knew that the idea had registered. It would be filed away to be brought out again and dusted off when the disbelief—and it was disbelief, not distress—of their breakup had worn off.

Yes, Annie decided, he wouldn’t act on it for a while but the seed had been planted. She’d bet money that before the year was out, the Goodall brothers would make a trip to see the bank manager together. She could see it now: the boys would take their washing round to Ngaire and come back with a week’s worth of meat and three veg frozen dinners. They’d all be in heaven.

Tony, never one for big discussions or dragging things out, had drained his can, scraped his chair back in that way she hated, and stood. Without a backwards glance, he headed towards the door. He told her that he was going out for a while and that when he got back, it would be best if she was gone.

The finality of the front door shutting followed a moment later by the roar of his Ford’s engine sank in. Annie’s eyes burned. So that was that—the end of six years together, all done and dusted. She threw back her wine; she didn’t like the bitter taste it left in her mouth. She forced herself to get up and headed through to the bedroom. She needed to keep moving or she would crash. Annie pulled things out at random to take with her. As she grabbed a jumper, she spied the bunny outfit hiding beneath it and couldn’t hold back the tide any longer. She picked the costume up, rabbit ears and all, and sat down heavily on the edge of the bed.

She didn’t know how long she sat there, shared moments—good and bad—with Tony flashing before her, but the sound of her mobile announcing a text jolted her from her torpor. She swiped at her cheeks with the backs of her hands and rifled through her bag for her phone. The message was from Carl, wanting to know whether she was okay. It spurred her into action. She couldn’t sit there all night because it wouldn’t be fair on Tony if she was still here when he came back, so she got to her feet.
First things first
, she thought and still clutching the bunny outfit, she headed outside to dump it in the rubbish bin.

She came back in the house and texted Carl back to tell him she would take him up on his offer of accommodation and be round shortly. She thought that they would be living in each other’s pockets soon enough anyway, so she supposed they might as well get used to it. Besides, there was no way she could face the Spanish Inquisition her parents would subject her to were she to show up there tonight with her bag in hand. She chucked one last pair of knickers onto the bed before she grabbed a bag to stuff everything into from the bottom of the wardrobe.
Oh hell, she still had them to face yet.

As she made her way through to the bathroom, she swept her toothbrush and moisturiser into her toilet bag; her shampoo and conditioner could stay put. Carl used a pricier brand than she did—she’d use his.

Satisfied she had packed life’s bare necessities, Annie zipped the hold-all up and glanced around the bedroom at all the things she’d accumulated over the years. They were just things—they didn’t really matter. Tony could keep all the sundry household items that make a home function because she didn’t plan to cart a toaster, kettle, or a microwave—even if she had paid for half of them—with her on her travels. Once she told Attila what she could do with her job tomorrow, she’d be a free agent until she got on the plane and it seemed kinder to come back to pack up the bits of herself that would remind Tony of her when he was at work. Besides, she had no desire to run into Ngaire when she took it upon herself to come round and comfort her son. As it was, she knew she wouldn’t get away scot-free: she was sure to get a mouthful down the phone between now and when she left.

The thought of Ngaire no longer being a part of her life perked her up. She allowed her eyes to sweep over the room and pushed the sadness that came with this unexpected ending to one side as her eyes settled on what had set the wheels of change in motion in the first place. Unhooking the Santorini print carefully from where it had lived for the past six years, she tucked it under her arm. With her bag behind her, she walked out the front door.

Carl had insisted she ring her parents as soon as she’d arrived on his doorstep that evening. She’d been looking a sorry state with her bag at her feet and the print tucked under her arm when he opened the door, but at least her shoes had been a matching pair.

“Good grief, girl, your eyes look like two wee-wee holes in the snow. Cold tea will fix that. I’ll sort a pair of old bags out for you while you give Mum and Dad a call. You don’t want them hearing what you’ve been up to second-hand— that wouldn’t be fair.” He ushered her inside before he picked up her bag and slung it over his shoulder. “Here, give me that.” He took the print from her and held it out in front of him for a moment. “Cheesy but at the same time magnificent. Hard to imagine we’ll be looking at a view like that in a couple of weeks.”

“I know. I can’t quite believe we are both going. I don’t think any of this will feel real until we are actually on the plane cruising down the runway.”

“Well, it has all been rather sudden but I have to say now that we are all booked, I for one can’t wait. I’ll put these in your room. Go on through—you know where the phone is.”

Annie wasn’t sure that letting her parents know her plans over the telephone was the right thing to do but as she heard her mother’s voice, she was glad she hadn’t gone round there to tell them in person. She could not have faced their fully justified astonishment and she knew they were going to need a night to mull everything she’d just told them to get their heads around her abrupt change of direction. Tomorrow they could sit down and talk through her plans properly.

“Where’s all this coming from, Annie?” her mother had asked bewilderedly as Annie had shifted from foot to foot in Carl’s living room, willing the conversation to end.

She knew, though, that once they got over their initial shock, they would realise that had they had a choice in the matter, Tony was not who they would have picked out of a line-up for their future son-in-law. They would probably be left with a feeling of relief the pair had gone their separate ways. It was the news of the trip that had thrown them the most. The fact she wouldn’t be a few blocks away when they wanted to see her which was something they did more and more of lately having need of a post quake stress, sounding board.

“I understand you’re upset that your cat died, dear, I really do, but breaking it off with your fiancé and flying to Greece is rather an extreme reaction, don’t you think?”

Annie could picture her mother’s puzzled, tired green eyes—mirrors of her own in years to come—looking over at her father, who would look back at her equally baffled. Their need for her to be readily available to them was at times hard to take because when she had needed them most they had been too absorbed in their own private loss to let her in. She had kept how isolated she had felt when Roz died from everyone. It had felt disloyal to share her feelings of having been let down by her parents with anyone including Carl or Kas because she knew it wasn’t their fault. Grief didn’t come with a text book and they had done what they had to do to survive it.

“Oh Mum.” She’d sighed. “It’s not just Jasper—it’s everything. Truly, it’s not as out of the blue as it seems and I promise I’ll explain it all properly to you, just not tonight. It’s been such a huge day.”

“Roz always wanted to go to Greece.” There were traces of sadness in her mother’s tone as she changed tack. “She had a real thing about the place.”

“I know,” Annie answered simply. She did not want to open old wounds by telling them that it was Roz who was the main instigator of her upcoming trip. “She’d approve of what Carl and I are doing, Mum.”

“And you’ve bought your tickets, you say?” Her voice had taken on the distracted tone of someone lost in memories.

“Yes, we leave a week tomorrow. It’s a direct flight, apart from a couple of hours in Singapore and Heathrow. Then it’s straight through to Athens.”

“All that way.” Her mother sighed as she tried to get her head around the distance. “Well, at least Carl’s going with you—that’s something, I suppose—and if it doesn’t go well, you can always come home. Your room is always here for you. You know that, don’t you, Annie?”

“Thanks Mum.” Annie didn’t like to correct her assumption that she had purchased a return ticket.

“And you’ll be with Kassia.”

“Yes, we’ll be with Kas.”

“So you two girls will finally get to meet after all these years of writing to each other.”

“Yes.” She didn’t tell her mother Kas was still in the dark as to her and Carl’s impending arrival.

Annie rang off after receiving a summons for the pair of them to come to dinner the next night. As she placed the phone back on its charger, she gratefully accepted the large glass of wine Carl proffered. She needed it.

“Sit back and put your feet up,” he ordered. When she had kicked her shoes off and stretched out, he scurried back into the kitchen and reappeared with two tea bags in a saucer. “I’ve had these chilling in the fridge. Close your eyes.”

She did so and had to admit as Carl placed the cool bags on her swollen lids that they felt wonderful. He sat down on the other end of the couch and lifted her legs up so her feet rested on his lap. She raised her glass tentatively and tried to find her mouth. It wasn’t that easy with a pair of teabags blocking her vision but like a homing pigeon, the glass found its way and she took a sip. The wine was cold and crisp and she savoured the sharp bite of the Sauvignon grapes for a moment. She could always rely on Carl to buy a good wine.
Mind you, he wasn’t price driven like she was
, she mused as she felt a surge of gratitude to her friend. “Thank you, Carl.”

He gave her sock-clad foot a squeeze. “You might not feel like it right at this moment but you and me, sweetheart—we are going to have a blast.”

“I hope so,” Annie murmured.

“Well, I know so. Are you hungry?”

“Not really. You go ahead and have your dinner. I’ll be fine.”

“No, I’m not hungry either, and this is going down rather nicely on its own at the moment.” He raised his glass to inspect its contents. “I’ll fix us something later if we feel like it.”

The something to eat didn’t eventuate as Carl kept their glasses full while he flicked through his newly purchased guide book. After they’d booked their tickets that afternoon, he insisted they find the nearest bookshop. Hotfooting it into the nearby mall like a child heading for his presents under the tree on Christmas morning, he’d spied what he was looking for and homed in on the bookshop’s travel section. Snatching up the Lonely Planet’s latest edition of the Greek Islands off the shelf, he’d hugged it to his chest as though someone was about to try to take it off him. Then, as he banged the book down on the counter a moment later, he had announced in an overly loud voice that he was going to the Greek islands in a couple of weeks. The disinterested young girl serving smiled at him politely as she zapped his card, bagged the book and looked behind him to the next customer.

“I don’t know, Annie—you can’t get good staff these days.” Carl huffed as they left the shop. “She could have had a companion sale there without even trying. I gave her the opener by telling her about the trip so she should have had the nous to offer me one of those leather passport holders. They were on the rack by the travel section. Selling is not rocket science,” he muttered as he stalked back through the heaving mall. Annie didn’t care; she just wanted to get back to her car and away from the bemused stares her mismatched shoes were garnering.

Now, lying on the couch, she felt her eyes well up again beneath the tea bags. The realisation that her life as she’d known it for the last six years was over snowballed with having lost Jazz. It was a double whammy and she was glad she was here now with Carl. Despite his idiosyncrasies, he was an amazing friend to have, especially when she was ill or down or just not having a very good day.
He could always make her smile and she really would be lost without him
, she thought as she tried to blink. It was impossible, so she removed the bags and plopped them in the saucer on the side table. She batted her damp lashes a couple of times. As her vision cleared, she saw that Carl sat on the floor. His back leaned up against the couch and his fringe had flopped into his eyes as he pored over the book. Feeling a rush of affection, Annie leaned over to plant a kiss on the top of his head. He looked up at her in surprise and grinned. “What was that for?”

“For being you.” Annie picked up her glass and held it aloft. “A toast.”

“Oh goodie, I like toasts.” Carl picked up his glass and swivelled round to face her.

“To you, Carl Everton, for being the most amazing friend a girl could have.”

“I’ll drink to that—to me!” He giggled as he stretched over and clinked her glass.

As she took a sip of her drink, Annie spotted the framed picture on the mantel of David and Carl’s grinning faces. It was a selfie by the looks of it and she felt a stab of guilt at how happy they looked. She had been so caught up in what was going on with her that she hadn’t spared a thought for how Carl must have been feeling of late. She knew despite the way he made light of the breakup, it had to have knocked him. She placed her hand on his shoulder. “Are you doing okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I know it can’t have been easy for you breaking up with David, and I have been so caught up in my own drama that I haven’t really been there for you.”

Annie watched as Carl’s eyes wandered over to the frame on the mantel. “Don’t be silly, sweetie. I love a good drama, you know that, and I wouldn’t have missed yours for the world. I am fine. David is history. He can sweat it out at the gym while I”—Carl flicked through to the photo pages of his book—“sun myself here.”

Annie squinted and focused on the picture Carl’s finger pointed to. An azure inlet curved like an arm around a tiny whitewashed fishing village. Excitement pushed past the heavy, flat feeling the day had wrought. She was doing the right thing; she knew she was. All the horribleness of this moment right now, it would fade into the background once she plonked her bum down on a deck chair on a pebbly beach in the sun. “It’s going to be good, isn’t it, Carl?”

“Of course it is, babe. Of course it is.”

***

By the time she opened the laptop and sat down to type to Kassia, she had polished off the best part of a bottle of wine and eaten two pieces of peanut butter toast. Carl had taken himself off to bed. With her vision ever so slightly impaired, she decided the best course of action was to take a feather out of her friend’s cap and keep her message short and straight to the point.

To: Kassia Bikakis

From: Annie Rivers

Subject: Hello!

Hi Kas:

So much has happened in the last couple of days since you told me to follow my heart. My lovely cat Jazz was run over, after which I decided to leave Tony and head to Greece. Are you still breathing? I hope so because on the 16
th
of June, Carl and I will arrive in Athens. We haven’t had a chance to make any plans other than a spot of island hopping down to Crete and the only definite on our itinerary to your part of the world is that we will visit Santorini (remember Roz’s print that I told you about?). It’s all happened so fast and I will explain everything to you properly when we meet. WHEN WE MEET! Can you believe it? It hasn’t sunk in properly that I am actually going to meet you after all these years. Please don’t panic, though; we know this is incredibly short notice and don’t expect you to put us up, especially with it being peak season and you no doubt being fully booked but if you could keep an ear out for any work or accommodation around your way that would be wonderful.

Lots of love and kisses to you and all the Bikakis family.

Annie and Carl

xox

***

The reply sat there blinking out at Annie from the laptop the next morning as, huddled in her dressing gown, she sipped tentatively at a glass of fizzy orange vitamin B. She’d slept soundly, too soundly thanks to all the wine, and now she needed a serious dose of motivation, which she hoped the vitamin drink would provide her with quick smart. Her eyes flitted over the message and she beamed at the effusiveness of Kas’s reply when Carl mooched through. He was wrapped in his black kimono style silk gown; his nose twitched as he sniffed the air in the hope that she had put a pot of coffee on. Annie tapped the screen. “See, oh ye of little faith?”

He leaned over her shoulder to read the message as Annie said, “I told you she’d be excited. She can’t wait for us to come and we are more than welcome to stay with them. We’re family.” She downed what was left in her glass, wiped the bubbles away from under her nose and made to shut the laptop down and caught sight of the time displayed in the corner of the screen as she did so.

“Oh crap!” She jumped out of her seat as though someone had put a Whoopee cushion on it and pointed in the direction of the front door. “I’m going to be late if I don’t get myself out that door in the next fifteen minutes.”

Carl’s hand flew to his head. “Do you mind not shouting? I’m feeling a bit delicate this morning and besides, what is the big deal? It’s not as though you are going to be there much longer anyway. Who cares if you are late?” He headed through to the kitchen with a swish of silk. “What are they going to do? Sack you?” She heard a cupboard door open as she stamped down the hall to the bathroom. “Annie! Where did you put those god awful vitamin B thingies that always turn your pee yellow? They certainly put a rocket up you.”