Being(s) In Love 03 - A Beginner’s Guide to Wooing Your Mate (18 page)

Theo continued to gape at him.

Zeki felt a flutter in his stomach, an anxious flip as it occurred to him that Theo truly hadn’t noticed, not even a little bit. Zeki had always assumed Theo had at least thought of him as yet another kid mooning over him.

“Zeki,” Theo said faintly, “if you thought I was attractive, why didn’t you say anything? Why wouldn’t you tell me? You said you… you really didn’t want me to know?”

“I wasn’t exactly being subtle.” Zeki rolled his eyes but angled his body defensively away. Once again a conversation with Theo was not going how he’d imagined. “Yes, I had a huge crush on you, but approach you? You never glanced at me, and I can’t really blame you. My hair was out of control, and I never went to any parties, or The Meadows. Why would you have looked at me?”

He couldn’t meet Theo’s wide-eyed stare anymore and moved past him into the living room. “You know, I imagined you married to someone as good-looking as you,” Zeki admitted. It had been the kind of torturous thought for the end of a night out, or late on New Year’s Eve as he watched the fireworks by himself, brief moments when he’d let himself think of home. “I thought you’d be a writer like your aunt, or on the town council, and definitely married. Maybe to your pixy friend.” He had been so jealous of that pixy.

“I didn’t think you’d ever come back to Wolf’s Paw.” Theo’s voice, firmer than it had been, surprised him. “You never did, not even for summers. Not until now.” Zeki thought Theo was accusing him of something, but when he looked over, Theo was watching him with an expression Zeki couldn’t read. It didn’t seem like fury. “You have talent, education, power. Why are you here?”

“I had offers, but I wanted to go where I would be needed.” Zeki didn’t like not being able to read Theo when he knew Theo could tell most of what he was feeling. He crossed his arms. “I’m visiting my dad and taking a break while I consider my options.” Which might have carried more weight if he hadn’t been trying to establish himself as a practicing wizard in town. He lifted his chin. “Maybe I also wanted to show some of the people from high school how far I’ve come.”

He’d picked a terrible moment to admit to himself that he’d hoped for a chance to show off for Theo. He tried to deflect with a partial truth. “I got picked on a lot by a couple of jerks, and even a wizard can have petty revenge fantasies.”

Theo alarmed him with the simple act of lifting his head to smell the air between them. Zeki gasped. He’d never expected this of Theo, but Theo continued to frown as if Zeki’s every word was deadly serious.

“Okay.” Zeki leaned against the bookshelf with false nonchalance. “It’s possible that I also came home so I might see my old high school crush around and… you know, all those usual daydreams.” He scowled a bit at his own words. “Actually my vague dreams have been improved upon since I’ve talked to you. We never talked then, so my fantasies rarely got as far as us exchanging words. Not that you couldn’t talk. You talked to the pixy all the time. What was their name then, Kick Rocks?—something they picked to annoy the teachers who didn’t approve of how often pixies change their names. You talked to them just fine. If you didn’t talk to me, it was my own fault.”

Theo exhaled noisily. “It was probably mine.” He lurched backward in a graceless movement and sat down on the couch. “Violet says I manage to be oblivious better than anyone they know. I don’t notice a lot of things, I guess.” Theo braced his hands on the couch cushion. “Were you bullied?”

At another time, Theo’s obliviousness might have been endearing. “I was small and human—” Zeki put up a hand to forestall any arguments. “I know other humans attended our school, but I was magic, and I have an unusual name and poufy hair, and I was in advanced classes. Trust me, I was picked on.”

“I didn’t notice.” Theo’s voice was tiny. “I’m sorry. If I had, I would have—”

Zeki interrupted him with a snort. “You were in advanced classes too. And you’re big, but there were two of them. You would have gotten picked on too, probably. Or they would have picked on me more, for obvious reasons.” Zeki smiled to gentle what he was saying. “You weren’t a tough jock, and you weren’t a fighter. I liked that about you. I still like that about you.”

“You did?” Theo’s squeak only proved Zeki’s point. Theo was so sweet-natured Zeki had the conflicting desires to protect him from everything and fuck his brains out. A deep breath didn’t make Theo seem any less faint. “I didn’t know you were picked on. Who was it? And what do you mean ‘for obvious reasons’?”

“Jason Hendricks. That friend of his, Kevin.” Zeki shook his head in distaste. “It doesn’t really matter. I haven’t seen them around anyway.”

“Kevin went to work on an oil rig somewhere, I think.” Theo blinked several times, as if he was trying to clear his vision. “Jason should be in town. You probably just haven’t seen him. He settled down with a nice human accountant.” Theo paused. “Maybe he liked you, if nerdy humans are his type—no offense.”

Zeki was not at all offended at being called a nerd, but he jumped for the rest of it. “Huh. I guess that might explain why he was so fixated on my crush on you. That was their favorite thing to mess with me about. That was what they were doing that day when you finally spoke to me. It’s why I was, well, not in a good mood.”

“That day.” Theo went very still except for a painful-looking swallow. His face tightened. “That day I spoke to you,” he echoed.

“You remember?” Zeki squinted at him. He’d kind of thought if Theo did remember that day, he wouldn’t bring it up, seeing as Zeki had turned him down. “I did
not
react well when you asked me out. I really wanted to explain that, if I got a chance. Before you walked up, they were fucking with me… about you, as usual. You were my weak spot, and they knew it. I guess they sniffed it out. But they were relentless, and I fell for it every time. This time they made it seem, well….” This was so embarrassing. “They made it seem like they’d heard you were planning on seeing if I was interested in going to Thaw with you, and then when I stupidly reacted like the heartsick teenager I was, they started laughing.”

Theo flinched. Zeki stepped forward and raised his hands in a soothing gesture. “It’s okay. I’m okay now—some secret vengeance fantasies aside. I suppose I
was
a joke, my feelings spilling everywhere…. But at the time I’d been dealing with years of them, and it was senior year and the last chance you were ever going to talk to me….” Zeki dropped his head. “
Anyway
, I snapped when they laughed. I shouldn’t have done it, but I wanted them to see what they were messing with. I wanted them to see
me
. For years I’d known I could curse them, and I hadn’t because I didn’t want to be like that. My dad didn’t raise me to bring more ugliness into the world.” He tried to figure out what Theo was thinking, but Theo looked blank, utterly blank. Zeki kept talking, assuming Theo was shocked at his somewhat illicit use of magic. “I knew reckless magic was wrong, but I was a humiliated kid who’d had enough. I didn’t hurt them. Even then I didn’t want to hurt them. But I called up too much. It scared them off, but then I was sort of, um, stuck with it, I guess you’d say. It left me wired and anxious, and then you appeared.” Theo very slowly focused on him. Zeki tried to smile, but it wasn’t a happy memory. “I still don’t know what possessed you, but you were finally speaking to me. But I didn’t think you meant what you were saying. At first I thought you were making fun of me too.

“I was planning on making this more of a funny story when I told you,” Zeki went on, growing more nervous when Theo stayed quiet. “I know shortly after that day you were rejec—” He could not finish that word in front of Theo. “But I want you to know that I never meant to say no. Think about that, all right? I would have gone to Thaw with you. Oak and mistletoe, this isn’t how I meant to do this.” It had to be said, but they hadn’t even had any kind of real date yet and already he was bringing up Theo’s lost mate. He let his shoulders droop. “Look, I don’t know how long I’ll be in town, and you’re obviously still mourning your mate, and I’m sorry about that, I truly am, but I think we could have… something. Some kind of something. I like you, even if I’m not your mate.”

He realized about five seconds after he said it that Theo had closed his eyes and Theo’s raspy breathing was way too fast. Zeki tripped forward and knelt in front of Theo but hesitated before taking Theo’s face in his hands. “Theo!” He called it out repeatedly, louder each time, and on the third time Theo opened his eyes. His breathing wasn’t even, but he met Zeki’s worried stare and seemed to force himself to take a deep breath.

He brought his hand up to Zeki’s wrist, and they both noticed his claws at the same time. Theo tore his hands away and shut his eyes again. He shuddered as the claws receded and his fingers appeared fully human again. “Weres understand in that moment, but humans can hurt us so much,” he whispered. “It’s why we wait—are supposed to wait.”

Zeki took his hands off Theo. “Theo, what’s wrong?” Training let him sound calm when he wasn’t, but he tried to keep his breathing measured, hoping his concern wouldn’t influence Theo. He didn’t know how susceptible werewolves could be to other’s emotions, but he knew it was difficult to relax when those around you were tense. “Theo.” He said it as gently as he was able. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” He could keep his breathing even, but he couldn’t keep the regret out of his voice. “We don’t have to do anything. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was this bad.”

The growl in Theo’s voice rocked him. “How could you know? You
left
.” Theo opened his eyes, and Zeki was startled at the hurt and fury in them. But when Zeki reeled back, Theo lowered his gaze and shook his head. “I’m sorry.” His voice was soft again. “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not your fault that I…. I should go.”

Zeki didn’t ask where Theo would go when they were in his home. “Or I could go,” he suggested. “I’m the one bothering you.”

“You aren’t bothering me.” Theo made a distressed noise that another were probably would have comprehended perfectly. “Don’t leave.”

Zeki was pretty sure he’d caused a mini werewolf panic attack, but if Theo didn’t want him to go, then he wouldn’t. “But I don’t know what’s wrong. Sorry, but I’m human. I need words, Theo, or at least actions that I can understand.”

This was another moment to wish he had were senses, so he could better guess what had Theo so upset, why he raised his eyes at Zeki’s words and carefully studied Zeki’s face. Zeki leaned in, trying to observe him in the same way, and then shivered as Theo slid his hands over the side of his face and cupped his jaw. He tipped Zeki’s chin up and then held still long enough for Zeki to notice he was trembling.

“Are you afraid?” Zeki whispered, not wanting to move and risk losing this. Theo had large hands, warm and strong without being rough. His strength was something Zeki tended to forget about. Theo was so soft-spoken it took work to remember the sheer power he possessed, or that he could shift into a predator whenever he chose, that he
was
a predator. Theo could overpower him before Zeki could think up a spell to defend himself. Any were in town could, if they moved fast enough and Zeki didn’t see them coming.

He shivered again, because Theo wasn’t doing that or anything else; he was shaking. He very obviously wanted to kiss Zeki, but he wasn’t,
because
he was so strong. Theo hadn’t forgotten, even if Zeki had. The rules of Wolf’s Paw were becoming clearer to Zeki by the second.

Zeki slid his hands up along Theo’s arms. He was shaking too. He closed his eyes and felt heat as Theo leaned closer. The scent of sweat tickled his nose, silky hair brushed his face, and Theo’s breath was warm on him until Theo held it. Zeki curled a hand into Theo’s shirt and pulled.

He’d dreamed of kissing Theo, but dreams were nothing to the rightness of the powerful shudder under his hands when he parted his lips, or Theo’s hesitation and hungry whine at the touch of his tongue. Zeki pushed up from the floor, and Theo kissed him back, trembling for every breath between them. He slid his hands to Zeki’s hair, his nape, his shoulders, scrambling to get Zeki closer as if Zeki weren’t clumsily trying for the very same thing. He stumbled over nothing in his efforts to kiss Theo and keep on kissing Theo, his full, soft mouth, his sweet exclamations against the edge of Zeki’s lips.

He could not stay delicate when he brought his hands to Theo’s face and Theo’s hair brushed the backs of his hands with a tingling, magic shock. He kissed Theo until he couldn’t breathe, until he forgot how, and still he wasn’t close enough. He was supposed to be closer. He needed to be on top of Theo, and Theo needed him there. Theo pawed at Zeki’s shoulders until Zeki got up, and he didn’t settle until Zeki climbed over him.

Zeki urged him against the couch, panting at the darts of magic running from his fingers to Theo’s skin and back again, unimpeded by the bandages. Theo’s shoulders and throat were bare. Zeki left his mouth to try kisses there, drawing out whimpers from Theo, sweet sounds. He glanced up, his mouth buzzing with the need for more, and saw Theo with his eyes closed, his lips parted. He shouldn’t be desperate from so little. Zeki eased up to slide a heavier kiss across his mouth and clutched too hard at Theo’s shoulders. Theo shouldn’t be so hungry. But feeling thrummed under his skin like the blood coursing through his veins. He moaned when Zeki left him and curved his hands at Zeki’s hips when Zeki slid in closer.

“Has it been years?” A warm tenderness curled through Zeki at the thought of Theo allowing him this, a moment for a small, gentle kiss to Theo’s upturned mouth. And then the warmth darkened, a trace of possessiveness sending greater heat through Zeki. “Let it be me, Theo.” The words were rough into Theo’s ear, but Theo gave a body-length shudder at the sound of them and whined once again. He scratched at Zeki’s scalp, perhaps with claws, but Zeki couldn’t seem to feel concern. Theo was the one in pain. Zeki could make it better.

He struggled to hold himself still as Theo nosed at his jaw, wondering what Theo found that made him breathe in deep, and then had to move again, touch Theo more.