Bella Summer Takes a Chance (29 page)

I shuddered at the mention of salsa dancing. ‘Are those the hallmarks of a midlife crisis?’

‘Oh, yes, I’m reliably informed that those are the obvious signs.’ He laughed, no doubt relieved at the burst of levity. ‘I just didn’t allow myself to think that the answer could be as simple as another man. You don’t, do you? It’s so clichéd. It makes you question her, of course, but it also throws everything you think about yourself into question. It’s a real shock to your well-being, to think that you’re just not enough, that there’s someone she finds better. It hurts to contemplate. It wasn’t until I’d been moved out for almost a year that she told me.’ He shakes himself and sighs deeply. ‘But we’re not here to talk about my ex-wife. We’re here to enjoy our date. I’m very much enjoying our date.’

He stared into my eyes. He was going to kiss me. I wished I’d excused myself to check my teeth. I felt like there was a bit of starter in there. I bet Julia Roberts never worried about her teeth. I smiled, Mona-Lisa-like in case of dental greens. He kissed me. ‘I’ve wanted to do that all evening,’ he said. ‘Actually, I’ve wanted to do that since the night we met.’

‘Funny, I’ve been thinking the same thing.’ We kissed again. ‘Thank you for tonight, this is really nice.’

‘It’s more than nice, B., and I’d love to see you again. I’m so sorry I can’t stay with you longer, but it’s an hour journey back on the train.’

‘Of course, I understand. We could have rescheduled, you know, on a weekend when your children are with Elizabeth.’

‘No way.’ He shook his head. ‘I really wanted to see you. I don’t put my life on hold because I’ve got my daughters with me. I’ve got a fantastic childminder to help out and the children understand that their dad has a life too. It’s much better this way. Otherwise you’d feel like you have to fit in around them. It’s better when everyone accommodates each other.’

He talked like we were already in a relationship. It didn’t feel creepy. It felt good.

‘Then maybe next time we can go out somewhere near where you’re living,’ I said, struck with magnanimity and the willingness to travel outside Zone 1. ‘That way you won’t have to do the commute. We’ll share the burden.’

‘I’d like that very much, B., yes, I’d love to show you the area. It’s really beautiful, you know. People poke fun at Essex, and parts of it are as bad as you’ve heard, but we live by the sea and it’s beautiful. Maybe if the weather is nice we’ll go for a walk. How does that sound?’

‘Yes please. I’ve got my gig on Thursday, and I suppose you’re working during the week anyway, so maybe next weekend?’

‘Please, let me get this,’ he said as he gently moved the bill away from my hand. ‘Chivalry isn’t dead yet.’ He handed his card to the waiter as I thanked him. ‘Let’s say Saturday, if you’re free. I’ll plan a nice day out for us. Are you ready? I’ll walk you to the Tube.’

Sod feminism, I was all for a bit of chivalry. My dad always opened doors for Mum and me, or ran ahead to drive the car round so we didn’t have to walk in the rain. They were little things but I was used to them. I didn’t need anyone laying his coat over puddles, but common good manners went a long way.

We held hands on the way to the Tube, like a regular couple. I couldn’t properly snuggle into him because even in ballet pumps his shoulder was a little closer to the ground than mine. That still bothered me. When we talked on the phone, or bantered by email or even sat in the restaurant, I forgot the height differential. He was so gorgeous he made me swooney. So it shouldn’t have been a problem. What did I want in a man anyway, someone who’d bring down a woolly mammoth? Surely his taxi-hunting skills were much more important. I wasn’t about to reject a seemingly otherwise perfect man on height grounds. It was just that I wasn’t
unaware
of his inseam measurement.

As we reached the Tube he clutched my hand, pulling me to him. His kisses were slow and deep, intense. I could feel his body against mine. He definitely worked out. The kisses were slow but there was an urgency, as if he exercised great restraint to hold back. I loved it! ‘Have a wonderful day tomorrow with Clare,’ he said, breaking off our kiss and leaving me a little breathless.

‘Thanks, I will. Have fun with the girls. Thanks again for tonight. I’ll see you next weekend.’

‘Okay, sleep well, B., and we’ll talk tomorrow.’

As I skipped down the stairs my stomach fluttered with each step.

‘The kissing’s really good?’ Clare asked for about the fourth time as we wandered, dazed, through Mothercare the next day. It was an alien world full of colour and noise. ‘Do you think I need one of these?’ She held up a box.

‘What is it?’ I asked, scrutinizing the picture. It looked like a horn that a clown might use to hilariously frighten his friends.

‘It’s for expressing milk.’

‘Wha?’

‘You’re never going to have kids after I tell you this. It’s a breast pump for pumping the milk out of your boob so you can store it to feed the baby later.’

‘You’re right. After lunch, please can we stop by the hospital to have my tubes tied? You’d seriously hook yourself up like a milking cow?’

‘The women in my pre-natal class say it’s really useful. Apparently you can freeze it, like ice lollies.’

‘I suppose that’s useful if you ever run short of milk for your coffee.’

‘Don’t be repulsive.’

‘Oh right, because sucking milk out of your tit with a machine isn’t repulsive.’

She looked miserable. ‘You’re right. Listen to me. What have I become? One minute I’m a twenty-six-year-old single woman and the next I’m an elephant lumbering about comparing the merits of nappies. I didn’t think my life would come to this.’

‘It’s not for much longer, just a few months.’

‘I can’t do it for much longer! I feel like the Dover to Calais ferry every time I enter a room. I just want this baby out of me. Even The Shag finds me repellent now.’

Finally, a voluntary Shag mention. I wasn’t letting that go. ‘I’m sure he doesn’t. Has he said something?’

‘No, but I can see it in his face. He doesn’t even try to have sex with me anymore.’

‘But I thought you didn’t want to have sex.’

‘That’s not the point! He’s stopped trying, and you know how horny he is. Even he can’t stand the sight of me.’

‘Clare, I’m sure that’s not true. He’s probably just being respectful after you told him so often not to try anything. Would you have sex if he wanted to?’

‘I don’t know. I’m confused. I’ve spent so long not wanting a relationship with him. I did everything I could to discourage him, but now that he doesn’t seem to want anything, I don’t know. Oh, he’s still completely into the baby, and being a good dad, it’s not that. In fact, I think he’ll make a more natural dad than I will a mum. You should see him, B., he comes over with piles of baby books,
that he’s read
, and highlights pages for me so I don’t have to make my way through the whole thing. And he’s changed his job. Did I tell you? He got himself a position with the council. He says he wanted to know that he could always help support the baby. That’s sweet, isn’t it, considering how much he loved that bike shop. He says he loves the baby more.’ She sighed. ‘It’s probably just the hormones talking. It’s getting close. My life is about to change completely.’

‘I never thought I’d say this, Clare, but you shouldn’t be with The Shag just because it’s hard to be a single mum. It won’t work if that’s the only reason you’re together. Believe me, I know there has to be more than just convenience.’

‘I know. That’s what I’ve said all along, right? Don’t listen to me. I’m all over the place these days. Come on, we’ve got to get through this list or the baby will be born and not have a–’ She consulted her notebook. ‘A wipes warmer.’

‘A what?’

‘My little crème caramel, don’t you know that baby mustn’t have room temperature bottom wipes? It’ll harm its psyche. Really, I’m not some animal living in a cave. We are civilized, after all.’

‘Where did you get this list, Clare?’

‘Pre-natal class. That’s nothing. According to the checklist the baby must also have a top and tail bowl, because baths are so yesterday. Here, look. According to the baby whisperers it’s unhygienic to wash baby’s face and bottom in the same water. It makes you wonder how we survived the barbarity of a warm bath.’

‘Our mothers were cretins. Clare, promise me you aren’t going to succumb to all this.’

‘B., I solemnly swear I will never become one of those women. Now, lunch? I could murder a cheeseburger. With extra chips.’

That made me smile. The body snatchers may have forced their lists upon her, but my friend was still in there under the angst and the flatulence.

Chapter 24

Funny how little time it took for the extraordinary to become ordinary. The gigs were the highlight of my life only a month earlier. I prattled on ad nauseam about them. The girls risked exceeding their monthly text allowances with squealing messages of support.

Fast forward. It was September and I’d just answered Kat’s perfunctory question (How’re the gigs going?) with ‘fine’. I wondered whether real stars became blasé about their successes. I couldn’t imagine it. I doubted that Rihanna pitched her Grammy in the cupboard, shrugged and said her career was ‘fine’. I wasn’t actually blasé myself, just conscious that constant repetition of minute detail would cause my friends to want to strangle me. So I was outwardly calm. Inside I still fizzed at the thought of being paid regularly to sing.

‘Good, that’s good,’ Kat said, distracted by the three-course meal she was single-handedly concocting. I loved Kat’s kitchen. It was cosy and built with families in mind, with half a dozen chairs set around the island where she worked. The seating arrangement and proximity to snacks on every surface made it the perfect place to host a girls’ night.

It felt weird knowing James wasn’t there. Her investigator caught him and Pockface in flagrante delicto, which gave her lawyer some ammunition against James’ demands, and allowed her to file the divorce petition. Divorce. It sounded so
Desperate Housewives
. James was still threatening to fight her for custody, but at least it would be an even fight – adulterer to adulterer. Kat looked terrible lately and I knew she wasn’t sleeping. I loved James but he was being an arsehole. He just wanted to punish her, knowing that losing the boys would kill her. Things certainly got complicated when kids were involved.

‘Are you sure I can’t help?’ I asked her.

‘I prefer to cook alone.’

‘She means she doesn’t trust you,’ Faith said.

‘Or you.’ Kat took aim with her spatula. ‘Or Clare.’

‘Cheers,’ said Clare, raising her peppermint tea. ‘I wouldn’t be much help anyway, not unless you want a vomit starter.’

‘Charming as always, Clare,’ Faith said.

‘Like I can help it.’

‘I mean the statement, not the nausea.’

‘Same answer,’ she said. ‘Sorry, Kat, it all looks lovely, but I don’t know how much I’ll be able to eat. At this rate I’ll be sick going into labour.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s so unfair. Where’s the happy glow I’m supposed to get? The energy boost and glossy hair? Everyone else in class is floating around talking about how wonderful they feel and I’m still popping Rennies like they’re Belgian chocolates. My feet have grown
again
and now, look at this.’ She lifted her shirt.

‘That goes away, right?’ Faith looked horrified.

‘Usually,’ Kat said, glancing at the dark line down Clare’s belly.

‘And look at this.’ She pointed to her upper lip. ‘The latest in the catalogue of horrors. I look like Groucho Marx.’

We examined Clare’s new ’tache. ‘More like Hitler,’ I said. ‘Oh, honey, it doesn’t really matter. Two more months and you’ve got a little baby. Besides, it’s not like you’re on the market right now. You’ve said yourself that The Shag is back to his randy old self.’

‘Unlike The Dad,’ Kat said, glaring pointedly at me. ‘B., there’s something wrong.’ The others nodded their agreement.

Of course they wouldn’t miss the opportunity to pass judgment on my sex life. Or lack thereof.

The Dad and I hit the ground running after our first date. We just hadn’t properly hit the bed yet.

‘It’s not like we don’t have any physical relationship,’ I objected. In fact, we got pretty close the last time I slept over. ‘We’re just taking it slow. We get along so well, we talk every day and really have fun together. He’s an interesting man, funny, charming, chivalrous.’

‘Still too short?’ Clare asked.

‘No, not really.’

‘He’s grown on you, then?’ Faith said.

‘Ha ha, but yes. I don’t notice the height difference as much any more. The point is that we like each other. He’s obviously interested in me, and I like him a lot.’

‘Then why aren’t you having sex?’ Faith asked.

‘I’m not sure. He’s an incredible kisser and we do fool around. We just haven’t… you know. But I can tell that the growth spurt he missed out on in his legs went somewhere.’ I nodded slowly. ‘He’s a tripod.’ We took a moment to toast this anatomic anomaly. ‘He tells me how wonderful I am and is remarkably in touch with his feelings for a man. I get tingles just thinking about him. He ticks all the economic boxes too.’

‘He’s divorced with kids. That’s a drawback, no?’ Clare asked. ‘No offence, Kat.’

‘None taken.’

‘You could look at that two ways, though, couldn’t you?’ I said. ‘Either he’s damaged goods, having screwed up at marriage. No offence, Kat.’

‘None taken.’

‘Or he’s not afraid to make a commitment and now, even after splitting with his ex, he’s a devoted father. I don’t know. I’d lean towards the latter.’

‘Me too,’ said Faith. ‘God knows there are enough men out there afraid to commit. It’s nice to see ones who aren’t. Even if it doesn’t work out for them, it’s not for lack of trying.’

‘Exactly. Clare, Kat, where do you stand on the divorced-with-kids issue?’

Clare gestured to Kat in an I’d-like-to-buy-a-vowel-please manner. ‘Well, all we have to do is look at Exhibit A. She is divorce…ing with kids. And we know she’s not damaged goods. So that’s not an issue for me.’