Beloved Purgatory (Fallen Angels, Book 2) (19 page)

I ran down another corridor. This house did not seem
this big from the outside. And these doors, there were just so damn
many and--

I stopped.

The door to my left didn't look any different from
the others in the hallway. It, too, had dark wood paneling that
looked like a dried red rose in the dim light--fragile, paper-thin,
and with a hint of brown.

I spread my hand out on the surface of it and tried
to steady my breath. I couldn't. It felt like I was breathing in
something sweet yet toxic--a drug that filled your body with bliss
as it ate your skin.

I gripped the doorknob.

Don't
, I thought, or maybe someone else had
thought it. It didn't matter. I shut my eyes and sucked in another
breath, and another, pushing my cheek into the smooth wood as I
gently opened the door.

I felt it on my skin before I opened my
eyes--strange, because I'd only been in contact with it once
before, and at that time it had been small. But even then it had
made my chest ache, as if my heart were a sea anemone being prodded
by a clumsy child's finger.

I crept forward and placed my hands over my lips. I
wanted to touch them--those beautiful, tragic things that forever
grew towards the one place they could never reach--those plants
that should not have been here because they only bloomed in
Purgatory.

The door squeaked behind me.

My nails cut into my lips.

The door. There was only one way out. I was alone
with--

"Devi," the familiar, hated voice slipped over my
skin. "You found it. I knew you would."

Chapter 10

My sneakers squeaked as I spun. "I'm sorry, I mean, I
was just--"

"It's alright," Forneus interrupted. "I wanted you to
find this place--or rather, to see if you could."

He emerged from the shadows of the hallway, and the
tentacles of the
Rukah-Hayim
recoiled from the cool air.
Purple light shifted over his sharp features, as if we were trapped
inside a violet-tinted glass bubble beneath an aquarium.

He advanced. I took a step back. "Camael!"

Forneus pressed his fingers to his mouth to keep his
lips from smiling.

I called out the angel's name again.

His shoulders shuddered as he sighed. "Devi, I'm not
here to hurt you," he said, voice muffled because his hand was
still over his mouth. "Also, he can't hear you. This is the one
room in the house no one else can find or enter. I've put up charms
to keep out demons, angels, other devils, and humans."

I inched back. "That doesn't make sense. Why am I
here, then?"

His eyes glimmered. "Stop retreating. If you take
another step, you will squash the
Rukah-Hayim
."

I flexed my calves to keep from dashing away. He was
too close, and still coming closer. "Why do you have so much of it
here? I thought it grew in purgatory. And why am I here if humans
can't be?" I babbled.

He stopped when he was less than an arm's length
away. "It's alright to be confused. I was, too, for a while." He
cupped my cheek. I felt his waxy thumb slice beneath my gushing,
fake sore. "I don't know why you're a mere human. It is fitting,
but I didn't expect it."

"You aren't making sense," I stammered. "And you
aren't answering my questions. Why would I be able to enter this
room if your charm blocked humans?"

"Because you're more than just a human," he murmured.
"And you would be the one to find this room, because it was made
for you."

My heart seized up, as if it had been dipped in dry
ice. What are you talking about? What do you mean this is for me? I
couldn't say it. My throat felt too tight to move.

Forneus removed his hand from my face, and my body
went cold. "There are a few things we should talk about, but
first..." He plucked a tentacle from one of the plants. "I would
like to show you something."

"I don't want to see it." My white breath curled
through the air like smoke. It wasn't just me--the room was
freezing.

My feet shifted, and Forneus caught my wrist.

"Hey!"

He pulled me toward him. "I told you not to back up.
I've never shown anyone what I am about to show you. I promise you
won't come to any harm. It isn't that sort of thing."

I really, really didn't want to see whatever it was
he wanted to show me. I tried to wiggle away. He put his free hand
on my lower back, as if to reassure a trembling damsel.

I couldn't take it anymore. Forneus was strong--or at
least stronger than me--but I had longer nails.

I whipped up my free hand and clawed at his face. I
didn't have a lot of experience attacking someone like that, but I
made up for it with enthusiasm. His thin, soft skin gave easily
beneath my chipped nails. My scratches weren't deep, but they were
enough to reveal his true skin. I screamed as I saw my nails sink
into his cheek. It felt like raw hamburger meat that had been
dropped in mud.

The devil grit his teeth and caught my hand. "That
wasn't very nice." He twisted my arm and I shut my eyes. I couldn't
look at him anymore. His cheek was turning green and little bits of
plaster rained down into the front of my cheer outfit--or at least
I told myself it was plaster.

Then I felt his freezing, decaying breath fan over my
collarbone. "I regret promising not to hurt you," he whispered.

I bent my knees and catapulted forward off his
ankles.

Unfortunately, Forneus chose that exact moment to let
go of my hands, and I fell face-first on a pot on the floor,
splitting open my lip.

The bowl beside me rattled, spinning in a circle. I
pressed my fist into my mouth to try to stop the blood.

I glared at him. "You said you wouldn't hurt me."

"You did that to yourself," he muttered as he pulled
a match from his pocket and struck it against a patch of bare
stone. Then he dropped it and the tentacle into a clay bowl on the
ground beside me.

Hiss.

For one horrifying second I thought the sound was
coming from his leaking, brown and green hamburger cheek. Then I
saw the embers beside me.

The interior of the clay bowl glowed as the
Rukah-Hayim
inside folded in on itself. It twisted and
turned black, like lit newspaper. Heat and purple smoke coiled
through the air--too much and far too hot to have come from such a
small plant. It stung my busted lip.

I sucked in a mouthful of smoke. My eyelids grew
heavy. The brilliant lights in the room began to fade under a mass
of purple fog.

"Are you drugging me?" I slurred.

Three footsteps. Forneus was coming closer, but I
couldn't see him. I raised my arms, I think, but I couldn't see
them either, and my body was beginning to feel numb.

"Let yourself relax."

The voice came from far away--across a cavern,
perhaps. When had so much distance accumulated between us? Where
was I? The only thing I could see was the bowl beside me, glowing
like a lantern.

I wanted to touch it, but was too afraid to reach
out. I couldn't see my hands. I might accidentally knock it over,
and find myself caught forever in this world of smoke and heat. I
couldn't think of anything worse than not knowing if my body still
existed--not being able to feel anything. It made me even thankful
for the dull throbbing of my lip. I inhaled deeply, allowing the
thick smoke to fill my lungs, just to make sure they were still
there.

I heard Forneus again. "Just relax."

No, I can't let you win. I don't want to see it. Get
me out of here.

The smoke curled around my body, drowning out the
light. I shut my eyes and reached forward, then, not caring if I
knocked it over. I had to know something else was out there. I
needed--

"Open your eyes," he said.

Moments before I might have resisted, but my heart
beat too quickly, and I couldn't fill my lungs with enough air
regardless of how fast or deeply I breathed. I was afraid of being
alone--so afraid that his loathsome voice comforted me.

So I did as he said, and opened my eyes.

***

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw, but
one thing came close.

When I was young, my father read
The Secret
Garden
to me and Kai. Long after he'd closed the book, turned
out the light and left the room, I'd stayed by Kai's side, holding
his hand. In the dark, with my eyes shut, I'd imagine a garden. It
would be hidden behind a stone wall, and forgotten by the world,
but he and I would find it.

We'd touch gnarled branches with our tiny, soft
fingers and make them green. We'd sleep on the dry, hard earth and
wake up on a bed of grass. Flowers would grow from where our tears
fell. Such a place, I thought, must have been the closest place to
God, because in my little mind there was nothing more holy than
bringing the dead back to life.

I told Kai these things, and he listened.

I will take you there
, I said, hugging his
chest. I remember feeling the soft vibrations of his heartbeat on
my cheek, and its small and steady sound.

And he said,
Alright, I'm there with you
, even
thought it was all in my head and he couldn't see it.

So I hugged him harder, as if I could pull him into
my dream. I think he knew what I was trying to do, because he said
it was beautiful, and that there was no other place he'd rather
be.

I'll bring you with me
, I whispered.
I
promise
.

And then he'd stopped pretending. He knew I couldn't
bring him, and that continuing to pretend would just hurt my
feelings. So he'd simply said:
I love you, Devi
.

***

My eyes hadn't adjusted to the intense light, so my
first glimpse of that world stung. We weren't in Forneus' room
anymore. I could hear wind roaring in the distance, or perhaps it
was ocean waves.

"It's alright, Devi. You're safe."

Forneus? No, the voice sounded too kind. I glanced
up.

Gone were those ethereal plants. The walls were
replaced by a seemingly endless field. The air was so clear that
breathing it made me feel weightless. Taking it in--the subtle,
jasmine scent, the images of blades of grass and deciduous leaves
that shimmered like emeralds--made me forget myself. Surrounded by
that vibrant green, I felt more beautiful than I ever had
before--as if I, too, were a precious, secret, sacred thing.

I stumbled to my feet. It's not real, I thought. It
can't be real. But it was, and I too entranced to be afraid.

I'd come to that secret place forgotten by the
world--that place I'd imagined as a little girl.

But I hadn't gone with Kai.

In fact, I hadn't even found it myself.

A man had taken me. One who thought nothing of
stripping someone of everything they held dear for his own benefit.
One who stole men's souls. One who despised me.

He stood four paces away with his chin tilted towards
the sun. His eyes were shut, his mouth open, and his palms faced
the sky.

He looked nothing like Forneus.

It wasn't just because he had wings, though he did
have six of them--each a complex purple, like the final moments of
a sunset--nor was it just because the scratches I'd made moments
earlier were healed. The change was deeper than that. His skin was
luminescent, like a violet pearl. His poise lacked
self-consciousness. He seemed free.

He looked over at me with something akin to
compassion, and reached out to me.

I walked to him, but refused to take his hand.

"Does my appearance startle you?"

"A devil shouldn't be so beautiful," I answered
honestly.

For once, he had no snide reply. "This is what I
looked like before I fell." His lips parted as he looked past my
shoulder. "We were content, before Eden was touched by men."

Something within me twisted. How long have you looked
for a place like this? I wondered, but didn't dare ask. Instead, I
cleared my throat. "Where are we?"

"Still in my room."

The wind picked up, and two white petals from a
blooming apple tree flew past my cheek. "I don't understand."

He raised his arm in a dramatic sweep. "I created
this illusion. If I could, I would make a world like this."

I hugged my arms. The heat from the sun felt real, as
did the coolness of the breeze, and the drifting clouds. "I don't
understand."

Forneus looked back towards the hills. Wind bent the
long grasses, leaving its ephemeral touch on the world. "I can
manipulate the spirit of the
Rukah-Hayim
to make charms and
illusions. I can convince the body that it can no longer move, or
create an image of something that doesn't exist. I can even go from
this earthly realm into ones that originated from and are
maintained by spirit, such as Heaven, Hell, or Purgatory. In the
end it does not matter."

He inhaled sharply, as if he'd just become aware of
how loud he'd been talking. The wind picked up again. He waited
until it died to continue. "I cannot change the nature of this
world, and so everything I create is subject to the laws He put in
place at the beginning. This, like all sanctuaries man, beast, and
demigod have fashioned, will soon disappear."

I tucked my chin into my chest. I felt my heart
beating too quickly in my throat. I wasn't used to hearing such
passion in his voice--or, responding so strongly to his words with
something other than revulsion.

Far to our right, something moved in the
distance.

I stood still as a startled hart. In the center of
the field was a man with long black hair and smooth pale skin. The
corners of his green eyes crinkled when he caught my gaze.

I ran to him.

The grass stung my legs. My arms moved faster,
faster--even faster than my feet. I bowled over when I got to him,
trying to catch my breath.