Beneath Our Faults (18 page)

"I know," I agreed. "Come on, I have a surprise for you.” I grabbed her hand and marched us down the hallway into the kitchen.

"Whoo, you know how much I love surprises.” We were both trying too hard. Our friendly banter just seemed too … forced.

She smiled when we reached the kitchen. "Gingerbread houses!" She squealed, grabbing one of the boxes and jumping up. Every year, since we were tiny tots, Tessa had always come over and we would decorate gingerbread houses together. As much as I wanted to hide under my blankets until the holidays were over, I had to do something special for her to make up for my sucky bestfriendism.

She pulled out a chair, sat down and started opening up the box. "How have you been?" I asked, grabbing our mugs and holding one out to her.

"Good," she muttered, taking the mug. "Better."

"You look better.” I wasn't lying, either. Her blonde hair was back in its long, loose curls and she looked like she was actually eating again.

"Thanks," she smiled. "I can't believe I even let myself get that way. Ugh, it was so embarrassing."

"We all had our own ways to cope with losing him," I reminded her, breaking apart my walls and roof. Okay, Dr. Daisy, I probably needed to learn how to take my own advice sometimes.

"Yeah, but mine was stupid," she replied, taking a small sip of the cocoa. "Dawson has been forcing me to go to therapy and I mean, literally forcing. The pain in my ass comes up to my room, drags me out of bed and drives me to my appointment."

"Seriously?" I asked, eyeing her warily. Dawson? Since when did they get so close?

Her hand went up. "That's not even the worst of it. When we get there, he actually sits in the waiting room until I'm finished to make sure I don't leave." She shook her head but I caught the smile on her face. "It's definitely helping, though. I even convinced my parents to come to a session with me, which was huge." Her eyes got big at the last word.

"I'm happy for you, Tess," I said. "Is there something going on with you and Dawson?"

"No way," she said, unable to look me in the eye.

"Shut it, skanker. I want the truth and nothing but the truth," I demanded, laughing. The old Daisy and Tessa was surfacing and I loved it.

"Ugh, I don't even know if there is something going on between the two of us. It's just so weird." She sighed. "You pushed me away because all I did was remind you of Tanner and he won't stay the hell away from me because I remind him of my brother."

"And you don't like that?" Tessa had always had a thing for Dawson since he first moved to our school freshman year, but the dumbass couldn't keep his paws out of other girl's panties long enough to realize it.

She scrunched her face up. "I don't know. I feel like so much changed, ya know? I have no idea what I want anymore or who I am," she paused. "But I know for a fact I would much rather have you around than him," she assured me, opening up the icing bottles.

"Ha! Unless he is giving you orgasms, then you probably like him better," I joked, getting an eye roll in return.

"No orgasms for me, thank you very much," sticking her roof on her walls. "Dawson told me what happened at the hospital between you two," she said, looking over at me and licking her fingers.

I sighed. "I don't blame the kid for hating me."

"Dawson doesn't hate you."

I gave her a skeptical look and put some polka dots on my house.

"Daisy, what you said hurt and pissed him off but he doesn't hate you. All four of us were inseparable for years and when we tried to help you lashed out at him," she explained.

I exhaled. "I was a sucky person to him."

She leaned across the table and took my hand. "He knows you didn’t mean it, trust me. Now, I want to hear all about this guy who brought you to the hospital."

I blinked. "What?"

"Dawson said this guy got all fired up when he was being an asshole to you. He said the guy jumped out of his seat all ready to beat his ass. God, I am so mad that I freaking missed it."

"I see Dawson still has a huge mouth. Keegan is my neighbor."

"Your neighbor? Omgosh, how romantic. It's like
Friends
!"

I leaned back in my chair. "Did you not hear anything I just said? He's my neighbor and a friend. He found me upset in the hallway and offered to give me a ride." I shrugged my shoulders. "No big deal."

"Riiiight, this guy made an eight hour drive just for a friend. Are you sure he didn't ask you if you wanted some dick with your ride?"

I snagged a piece of candy from my house and tossed it at her. "Not funny."

"What? It would be nice to talk to you about boys now that you're not banging my brother because you know I couldn't hear about that before. I mean, we shared a womb."

I frowned at her aloofness. "I'm not ready to start dating yet.” Eventually, I knew the day was going to come. I wasn’t that damn naïve, but I needed it to be the right time and the right person. Sure, I did feel comfortable about Keegan and he never did bring up the night I shared my secrets with him, but I couldn’t see him doing the monogamous thing.

“I have something for you,” she said, grabbing my hand.

I followed her into my living room, our six-foot artificial tree brightly lit in front of the trio of windows at the front of the room. A large, silver star was perched at the top, reflecting the sunlight from the windows, and matching the ornaments hanging on the thick, green branches. Grabbing a match from the table, I threw it in the fireplace loaded with wood and watched the flames come to life.

Tessa left the room, returning with an old, beat up shoebox. "We cleaned out Tanner's room last week and found this," she informed me, holding the box out to me. "I didn't know whether you wanted to keep them or toss it” I grabbed the box carefully from her hands and squatted down on the floor in front of the fireplace. I gasped when I opened up the cardboard lid. The box was filled with notes and I immediately recognized the handwriting on them as mine.

I hadn't known Tanner kept all of these. "Did you read them?" I asked.

"Uh no," she answered,. "Who knows what kind of freaky stuff you two were talking about in those things.”

"We were in middle school!"

"You never know. We also found a box of condoms, do you want those too?" She asked, sitting down beside me.

"Tell me your parents didn't see them."

"Yeah, my mom was shocked. She was somehow convinced the two of you weren't doing the deed and I think my dad was happy his son didn't die a virgin."

"Tessa!" I cried out, smacking her arm.

"What? I am beginning to practice celebrating the life of my brother, not just mourning his death."

"Therapy?"

She nodded.

"Damn, does she provide you happy pills or something?"

"Something like that." Her phone beeped and she glanced at it. "That's Dawson, he's here to pick me up." We brought ourselves up from the carpet and she turned to face me. "You promise to keep answering my phone calls?"

I nodded in confirmation. "I promise. Tell Dawson I'm sorry."

"I know you are." I jumped at the deep voice, whipping around to see Dawson standing in the entryway. "You know I can’t be mad at you for long," he elaborated, coming our way.

"I was a bitch to you," I blurted out.

"Yeah and I was an asshole to you at the hospital. Truce?" He held out his arms wide and I stepped forward to give him a hug.

"Truce," I whispered into his chest and he gave my shoulders a squeeze.

I waved goodbye to them as they walked out the door and clutched the box in my arms. I went to my bedroom and tipped it upside down, watching the paper float down to my bed. Sitting down, I unfolded each note carefully.

After each note was read and reread a few times then folded back, I tucked the box under my bed and lay down. “I miss you,” I whispered into the emptiness of my bedroom and folded my arms around my pillow.

T
HE FIRE
was blazing and I kicked my legs out in front of me with my ass planted on my aunt's living room couch, nursing the fruit punch in my hand (spiked with vodka from the hidden flask in my pocket.) My aunt always went all out for her annual Christmas parties and that night was no exception. Everyone around me was dressed to the nines in their formal gowns and tuxes - including me. As much was I wanted to show up in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, my aunt would have had my ass if I didn't dress up for the damn thing. I did, however, go sans tie.

A few girls tried to start a conversation with me but I had brushed them off. I wasn't sure what had been wrong with me lately. I wanted to convince myself that my anti-social behavior was the result of my mom bailing on me again this year, but it wasn't. Ever since Daisy opened up to me, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I’d never had someone trust me like she did that night and it felt good. What I wanted with our friendship and a potential hookup was now shifting into wanting something I’d never wanted before. Daisy didn’t make me feel the same way other girls made me feel. I liked being in the same room with her and her little irks didn’t annoy the shit out of me. No, when I was around her, she had my full attention and I always wanted more.

The stiff couch dipped in as a warm body landed next to me. "Merry Christmas, asshole.”

"Right back at you," I replied, taking a huge swig from my glass. "I would have given you a heartwarming name too, but I'm feeling in the holiday mood tonight so I'll be nice," I teased Cora. She had on a bright red dress that hit just above her knee with her hair in some weird looking bun on the side of her head. "And my aunt would most likely kick my ass if I ever said anything like that to you."

"I know," she laughed, using the handle to spin the drink that I would bet my car was spiked too. We had both attended one too many of these parties to know we all needed alcohol to get us through them. Drunken parents would start arranging marriages and shit. "But that's not why I came over here."

"And why is that?" I had known Cora since grade school and she knew all about my mom and family issues. I didn't like it, but I trusted her. She wasn't the type of person to go around and feed off someone else's problems.

"I've noticed you've been getting close with Daisy," she answered, looking up from her glass.

"You could say that," I answered vaguely, not sure where she was wanting to go with the conversation but hoping she wasn't about to tell me to stay the fuck away from her. Cora knew my history with girls. She had warned me off all of her friends because she'd witnessed me fuck over too many of them.

Her mouth opened to talk but my aunt interjected. "Cora, honey, I want you to come here and meet a few of our family members who have just arrived. They can't wait to meet the future daughter-in-law I can't stop gloating about," she smiled, grabbing Cora's hand. My aunt looked gorgeous for her age. Her dark hair was in some up do and she was wearing a long, black gown that ran all the way down until it hit the floor. I admired the woman standing in front of me more than anyone.

Cora nodded, mouthing "we will talk about this later" to me before walking away. With her gone, Gabby scooted closer to my side.

"She's been through a lot, you know," she informed me softly, even though there was no one around us to hear. Thank you captain fucking obvious. We both knew Daisy had a long list of problems. "Be careful with her."