Bessica Lefter Bites Back (9 page)

“Fine,” my mom said, scrubbing the baseboard energetically. “Where do you suggest I put my supplies?”

I didn’t miss a beat. “A garbage can.”

“Bessica, this cleanup should be enjoyable. Don’t be difficult.”

I put my finger on the air-freshener nozzle and held it down hard. I wasn’t being difficult. I was looking out for Grandma and her feelings. And her underwear.

“I think you’ve released enough ocean scent,” my mom said. “Grandma has a very sensitive nose.”

“I know. The mothballs are going to kill her.”

“Okay. Okay. Okay,” my mom said, standing up and dropping the sponge in a bucket. “We need a break.”

“Sweet!” Because that meant it was getting very close to the time when Lola would be coming over to watch a movie and eat junk food with me. I raced up the stairs to get the cheese puffs. But I couldn’t find them, even after I’d opened all the cupboards where they should have been.

“What happened to the cheese puffs?” I asked.

“When you make your food collage, aren’t you going
to be embarrassed to have to put cheese puffs on it?” my mom asked.

“Not at all,” I said.

“I have pickles and olives,” my mom said.

“I don’t want my nutrition class to think I eat pickles and olives. Those are weird foods.”

“What are weird foods?” my dad asked as he walked into the kitchen and plopped down a box.

“Pickles and olives,” I explained. “I don’t want pickles in my collage.”

“She wants cheese puffs,” my mom explained.

“I hardly have any orange food,” I said. “The puffs will look great.”

“I don’t believe this!” my dad said. “Isn’t anybody going to ask what I’ve got in the box?”

He made a good point. “What’s in the box?” I asked.

My dad tore it open, but inside was another box. It looked like it was something electronic. My mom gasped and covered her mouth.

“Buck,” she said, sounding horrified. “I told you not to buy that!”

“This will save me time and worry!” my dad said. I read the box: RADAR JAMMER.

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s illegal!” my mother said.

I was shocked to hear this. Because my dad wasn’t a criminal.

“Only in certain states,” he said.

He used a pocketknife to open the smaller box. Then he slid a black plastic device with a long cord onto the table.

“Honestly, Buck,” my mom said. “How fast do you need to go?”

“This isn’t for intentional speeding. It’s for accidental speeding,” he explained. He sat down at the table, unfolded the directions, and started reading like mad.

“I still don’t know what that thing is,” I said.

“It’s a laser jammer,” my mom explained. “So when your father speeds down the highway and a police officer zaps his car with a laser gun, the officer can’t get an accurate reading of his illegal speed.”

“Ooh,” I said. That didn’t sound legal at all. Especially the part where my mom said “illegal.”

“This unit costs a third of what a ticket would cost,” my dad argued.

“Don’t speed. Problem solved,” my mom said.

Ding-dong. Ding-dong.

“That’s Lola,” I said. “Can we not fight in front of her or talk about how we buy things in the mail and use them to break the law?”

“Of course,” my mother said.

“I’ll take this out to the garage,” my dad said.

“I feel sick to my stomach,” my mom said.

“Please don’t puke,” I said. I really wanted Lola to have a positive experience at my house.

Letting Lola enter my house felt very wonderful. Because she was the first friend since Sylvie who I’d invited over.

My mom had already talked to Lola’s mom on the phone for a long time, so Mrs. Rodriguez hadn’t had to come inside and learn about us when she dropped Lola off.

“Cool carpet,” Lola said as she took off her shoes and scooted across it in her socks like an ice-skater.

Until she said that, I didn’t even know I had cool carpet.

“Are you hungry?” I asked. “We have snacks.”

“I love snacks!” Lola said.

“Hi, Lola,” my mom said as she came into the living room to greet my friend. I was thrilled that she was carrying a family-size bag of cheese puffs.

“Let’s see what’s on TV,” I said.

“Let’s watch a movie,” Lola said.

That sounded good. “Ooh, have you seen this one?” I asked. I watched as a horse ran out of a barn and thundered down a hill.

“I have,” Lola said. “The horse dies.”

“You’re supposed to say ‘spoiler alert’ before you tell me things like that,” I said. Because that was what Sylvie used to do.

I kept clicking through the channels. But nothing looked good. I paused on a show about goats.

“Farm animals are boring,” Lola said.

Because we lived in an area surrounded by farm animals, I sort of agreed.
Click. Click. Click.
I was surprised I couldn’t find a TV show about whales or dolphins. Usually there were lots on Sundays.

“Maybe we should do something else,” Lola said.

I stopped searching for something on TV and tossed the remote onto the couch. “Do you want to look through my movies?”

“No.” Lola rolled over onto her back. “I know. Why don’t you show me some cheers you learned at mascot clinic?”

I wasn’t in the mood to tell Lola how I’d gotten into a war of texts with Sylvie and ended up caged in Flat Creek’s cafeteria.

“Maybe later,” I said. “Is there anything else you want to do?”

Lola looked at me and her eyes twinkled in a mischievous way. “Yes!” she said.

“What?” I asked.

“It might freak you out,” Lola said.

“Why? Is it illegal?” I asked. I think the laser jammer made me ask that question.

“No,” she said in a whisper. “But it might be dangerous.”

I worried that maybe I didn’t know Lola as well as I had
thought I did. I held my breath and waited for her to tell me what it was.

“I want to meet your gorgeous neighbor, Noll Beck!”

That made sense. Because Noll was extremely good-looking and wonderful.

“Do you want to spy on him?” I asked. “Because that’s something I try not to do during the middle of the day.”

Lola’s eyes twinkled again and she smiled, and then she laughed in a way that made the hair on my arms stand up. “I don’t want to spy on him. I want to meet him.”

“Right,” I said. “But I don’t even know if he’s home.”

“Call him,” she said.

I had never called Noll Beck. And I wasn’t sure why Lola wanted to meet him so badly. He was my crush. She shouldn’t have a crush on him too. Didn’t she have her own high school neighbors?

“Maybe later,” I said.

“Maybe now!” Lola cheered.

Until now I’d thought of Lola as serious and a little reserved. This was a new side of her. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

“What would I say?” I asked.

“Take the advice you gave Annabelle,” Lola offered.

I couldn’t remember it exactly.

“Talk to him like he’s an adult and tell him how you feel about him,” Lola said.

I didn’t realize how terrible my advice sounded until Lola gave it to me.

“Yeah,” I said. “I don’t really feel like doing that.”

Lola got on her knees and crawled to the television set and turned it off. Then she flipped around and gave me her serious face. “What if he likes you too?” Lola asked. “Wouldn’t it feel awesome to know?”

“He has a girlfriend,” I said.

“Are you sure?”

I felt myself nod.

“People break up all the time,” Lola said. “When’s the last time you saw them together?”

I shrugged. “A couple of weeks ago.”

“Where’s your cell phone?” Lola asked.

“In my room.”

Lola was a very determined person. As soon as we got to my room she closed the door and said, “This is the most exciting thing I’ve done all month!”

It was flattering to be part of the most exciting thing Lola had done this month. I picked up my cell phone and dialed Noll’s number. I’d loaded it into my phone almost as soon as I’d gotten it, because I’d secretly hoped that one day Noll would call me, and I didn’t want to be surprised. I wanted to know it was him who was calling. I held my breath as I waited for him to answer.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Maybe he’s sleeping,” Lola said.

Gorgeous Noll:
Hello.

Me:
Hi, uh, this is Bessica Lefter.

Gorgeous Noll:
Well, what’s new on the menu?

I tried to think of something funny to say.

Me:
Corn dogs?

Gorgeous Noll:
Ha. That’s cute. So what’s up, neighbor?

Me:
I was just calling to talk to you.

I glanced at Lola and she was smiling huge and giving me a thumbs-up sign.

Gorgeous Noll:
That’s funny.

Me:
It is?

Gorgeous Noll:
Yeah. Because I’ve been meaning to call you.

Me:
You have?

I muted my phone very quickly and told Lola, “He said he’s been meaning to call me.”

“Put him on speaker!” Lola said.

But I shook my head and unmuted Noll.

Gorgeous Noll:
Can you meet me on my front steps in five?

Me:
Yes.

Gorgeous Noll:
Great!

Click.

“Wow,” I said. “That went really well.”

“This is unbelievable!” Lola said.

But that offended me a little bit. Why couldn’t Noll Beck’s asking to meet me on his steps be believable?

“Put on better clothes!” Lola said.

I looked at my clothes. I’d wiped my hands on my jeans a few times, so there were orange finger marks on them from the cheese puffs. I ran to my closet.

“Wear your jeans with the big pockets,” Lola said.

But I didn’t have any jeans like that. So I told her that.

“You wore them Friday,” Lola said.

Lola paid attention to which jeans I wore on which day? Weird.

So I put yesterday’s jeans on and a black T-shirt, because Lola and I both agreed that black was more adult than any other color. Even brown. Lola said she’d wait for me in my room. My stomach flipped a million times as
I walked over to Noll’s. My life was crazy. One day I get locked in a school cafeteria with my bear paws. The next I get invited to a gorgeous guy’s house.
Crazy!

Noll sat on his steps waiting as I walked up. Even though it was chilly outside, he was wearing shorts. I could see the toned muscles in his calves and thighs. His hair looked dark and shiny even from this far away. I waved. He waved. And my knees got very shaky.

“How are things?” Noll asked.

And because I knew I was supposed to talk to him like he was an adult, I filtered everything I said and made sure it sounded adulty before it left my mouth.

“Respectably well,” I said.

Noll laughed at that. “Well, you’re probably wondering why I wanted to talk to you.”

“I figured you wanted to have a conversation,” I said.

Noll laughed again. He really seemed to be enjoying himself. Yay!

But then he stopped laughing and took a deep breath and said, “I’m leaving.”

I felt like puking. How could this happen? Grandma was just returning, and now my gorgeous neighbor who finally wanted to start having conversations with me was going?

“When?” I asked.

“In a couple of days,” he said.

“Forever?” I asked. I sure hoped the answer was no.

“Two weeks,” he said. “I’m going to Wyoming.”

“That sounds awful,” I said. Because I forgot to filter that comment.

“I’m actually really excited,” he said. “I’m taking riding lessons.”

That explained why I kept seeing him on a horse.

“The reason I called you is because my girlfriend and I broke up,” he said. “It’s been a ton of drama.”

Suddenly, this moment was the best moment of my life. Noll Beck broke up with his girlfriend and he wanted to talk about it with me!
Me!

“Sorry to hear about the drama,” I said. And I also reached out and sympathetically patted his knee. And he didn’t stop me or pull away. He just let me pat him.

“I need your help,” he said.

“Anything,” I said. “Anything.” I continued patting him.

“Could you feed something for me while I’m gone?”

Hmm. I didn’t remember Noll having a dog.

“My girlfriend was supposed to feed my pet lizard for me while I’m away,” he said. “My parents have a trip planned, so they can’t do it for me.”

Hmm. I didn’t actually like lizards.

“So it will really just be the long weekend that they’re gone,” he said.

“Anything,” I said again. And I was surprised to hear myself say that word in this context.

“Her name is Bianca. She’s a green anole and she eats live crickets.”

“Gross,” I said.

“It’s not gross. She’s a reptile.”

But I thought being a reptile was gross too. Except I didn’t say that. I wanted to talk about stuff that mattered. For instance, why did Noll break up with his girlfriend?

“Hey,” I said. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, but I’ll also type up a list of everything you need to know. I actually want you to feed the crickets vitamins before you feed them to Bianca. It’s called gut loading.”

My stomach felt queasy to learn this.

“Not about the lizard,” I explained. I pulled my hand off his knee, because it felt like I might have been patting him for a long time. “Why did you and your girlfriend break up?”

Noll shook his head. “These things just happen, Bessica. You’ll understand when you get older.”

But I was old enough to understand right now.

“I’ve got to get packing,” Noll said as he popped up to a standing position.

“Yeah,” I said. “I should probably practice my mascot routine.”

Since the mascots were usually seventh and eighth
graders, I thought that reminding Noll I was a mascot made me sound older than a sixth grader.