Best Black Women's Erotica (15 page)

Now don't get me wrong. Jamal's smart, too, but he's using his smarts to get over. Over on women, over on his friends, over on life. Or so he thinks. He's nothing more than a damn hustler. We both know that, but he's
so
charming. And he can be very sweet when he wants to. I'm not gonna lie; if Jamal told me to jump off a bridge, I might not do it, but I'd damn sure think about it if he was smiling when he asked. He's almost
too
good-looking and he always manages to say the right thing at the right time. I wind up forgiving him for every
wrong thing he does to me. Now, he's got pleasing a woman down to a science—
when
he shows up. But I know Jamal's a “bad boy.” A snake, actually. And he's unpredictable. I never know what he's gonna do.
Why
is that so damn attractive? That little voice in my head is screaming: “Don't do it! Get away from that man! Run! Run! He's a snake!” And you know what I do? I say, oh yeah,
that's
the man for me. Ain't about
nothing
! Exactly what I'm lookin' for. Total opposite of everything my common sense dictates, l80 degrees from what I know is good for me. I cannot resist. I
have
to have him!

I don't
know
why. Do
you
? I mean, was it like that for you with Lynette? She pumped you up, huh? Made you think you were the
man
. And the sex was wild, huh? I figured as much. So, you know who it was? The guy? I understand if you don't want to tell me…I mean…What is
wrong
with me? Sorry. I'm talking too much. I know it. Let me shut up. Let's change the subject.

Oh, thank you. Red is my favorite color. I think it accents what you used to call my “Hershey brown” color. You don't think it's too tight, do you? I got it especially for Jamal. He likes to see me in stuff like this. Shows off my figure, he says. Makes me look sexy. Hey! Where'd you hear that? That's what my daddy used to say when I was a little girl. “Girl, you've got legs all the way up to here!” Used to crack me up. You been staring at my cleavage since you been here. It's too low-cut, isn't it? Too much of my stuff showing, huh? Go on, now. Tell the truth and shame the devil. It's distracting? What do you mean, “distracting?” I
know
you're a man, so what's your point? Like magnets, huh? So have you heard anything I've said all evening? Or have you been too magnetized? You heard everything, huh? Right. Repeat something. Anything. Tell me something you heard me say tonight while you were hypnotized by my breasts. Go ahead. I'm waiting. Get outta here! You
know
you wrong. I did
not
call Lynette a tramp-ho-bitch!
You're so funny. And, no. I am not glad that you find an “old girl” like me still attractive.

What time you got, now? Shit! We should be shakin' our asses on the dance floor right now. It's my damn birthday! Everybody's gon' be wondering what happened to me. I know one thing, it's time to get this slow-ass music off of here. I want to hear some party music. You want to dance? Don't worry about Jamal. He wouldn't even notice. I guess he's pretty sure about how I feel about him. Sometimes I wish that he was a little jealous, but he could care less if I flirt, or dance with every man at the club. Besides, he's usually so busy checkin' his pager or on his cell phone…shit, it would serve him right to walk in all late and find me having a good time without him. But, frankly? It wouldn't bother him at all. You like Latin, right? Santana is the man. I have almost everything he ever did, but I'm partial to the old stuff. Gimme your empty; you want another one? You put some Santana on and we'll dance. We can start the party right here!

Whoa! Guess I've had enough Rémy for a minute. Falling over my own two feet. Got my li'l buzz on. You like these shoes? You do? I had 'em dyed to match my dress. Jamal says he likes me in high heels. Says they show off my legs. Oh, you agree, do you? Well, thank you very much, but I'm gonna kick them off 'til we're ready to go. Nope. Never wear them. No pantyhose for the kid; they're too itchy. And besides, I think my legs look good once I lotion them down. You remember this ankle bracelet? I guess so! You gave it to me on our first date. That's right; I wouldn't accept it. Told you it was too personal a gift. I think it was right after my grandmother called my ex-boyfriend a bum and I was trying to do better. But you slipped it in my purse when I wasn't looking. That was the same night you introduced me to your boy. Remember? I found it about a week later, but by then Jamal and I were…well, you know. Be back in a second.

Here you go. Nice and cold. Wait! Don't sit down! Let's dance. C'mon now, I saw you swinging that tight butt with Lynette. Jamal didn't know I was watching your ass all night, he was so busy watching Lynette's skinny little no-dancing ass…Go on, Santana, with your bad self. Oye como va! Da
daa
da! That Lynette. She don't know a good thing when she got it. Shoot! If she had any sense, she'd woulda stayed just for the way these buns move! I
meant
when you're dancing, but I'm glad to hear it translates to the sheets! Ooo! Dip me again! I love a man who can dance, and you're a good dancer. Hey, did I know that before? I did? I told you so? Well, I was right! I like the way your hand feels, resting on my hip like this. Not nasty, like Jamal. He acts like we don't have a bed to go home to. You know? Like we had to get our groove on all up on the dance floor in front of everybody. I like to dance when I'm at the club. I like to make love in private. Jamal doesn't get it. What
is
that? A guy thing? No? Then what is it? Oh. A Jamal thing! I feel that!

Wait, wait! Stop twirling me, I'm getting dizzy. Did you hear something? No? I thought I heard a key in the door. Wishful thinking, I guess. Now what time is it? You know what we should do? We should go on down to the club ourselves. You and me. Jamal will know where I am if he gets here and I'm not home. If he gives a fuck. So what if Lynette is there? Screw Lynette! We can show that stiff-ass heifer how to truly get down. She can't dance worth shit. She too worried about being cute. She'd probably have a heart attack if she started sweatin' or danced the curl outta that weave, with her off-beat ass. She's the kind of woman who's too busy watching to see who's watching her. You know what I'm talking about; she was
your
woman. Sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Sorry.

You all right? This is a slow song. You want to sit it out? Okay, but no dippin' and twirlin'. Let me put my head on
your shoulder, I feel a little dizzy. Mmm, this is nice. You feel good. I like the way you move. I love this song, don't you? I wish some man would do to me what Santana does to his guitar. This does feel good, though, all pressed up on your nice hard body. You didn't have to move your hand back up. I like the way it feels. Put it back. Makes me feel sexy. You better watch out. It
is
my birthday and I
do
plan on celebrating—one way or the other. Ooo, I am getting a little hot. Good thing the music stopped. I
said
…the music
stopped
. I know. I was feelin' it, too.

Listen, why don't we wait a few more minutes, then we'll head on out. My friends are waiting for me and you know what? I'm thinking that maybe Jamal and me got our wires crossed. Maybe he thinks I was gonna meet him at the club, not here. It's probably a big misunderstanding. I'll bet you anything that that's what happened. I could kick myself! He's probably sitting at the club right now wondering where I am. Probably pissed off because
I'm
late. I don't know why I didn't think of that earlier. Duh! See that's why I don't drink. Five more minutes? Then, if he's not here, we'll head on out. Let me get my heels back on, and get my coat.

What time is it now? That's not what I asked you. You don't know whether Jamal is showin' up or not. Who asked you that? Not me. I only asked you for the time,
not
your opinion. If I wanted your damn opinion, I would have said, “What's your opinion?” But I only asked you for the damn time. I
got
a watch, you know. I got a clock in the bedroom
and
the kitchen. So if it's too much trouble for you to look at your damn wrist and tell me the time, I do have options! You can keep your damn opinions to your own damn self! And nobody asked you to put that depressing-ass Barry White CD on. I
told
you. I want to party, dammit!

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I apologize. It's just that, well…it's my birthday and I spent the whole
day cleaning and cooking and now I'm all dressed up and ready to go and Jamal is either late or waiting for me at the club. And you and I both know that Jamal won't wait too long for anything or anybody. So, can you
please
get your coat on and let's get out of here. Naw, I ain't crying. You the one oughta be crying. I
got
my man. You the single one around this camp. Oops, must have a hole in my lip! Drippin' all down my chin. Damn! This shit is way too expensive to be spillin' and shit. I got to pee. Excuse me, please!

Okay, I'm ready. Do I look all right? You don't even have your coat on. You haven't even moved…What? C'mon, what is it? You know something I don't know, huh? Tell me. Go ahead. What's up? I can see it in the way you're not looking me in the eye—or the chest—anymore. It's Jamal, huh? He's not coming, is he? You know why, don't you? Where is he? Is he with another woman? Shit! I
knew
it! I knew something was up. Truth be told? I've suspected for some time that he was cheating on me. Yeah, so? Maybe I
like
being in denial. It's the
truth
that hurts. I got to sit down; move over.

I am so…so…so fucking…pissed off! At Jamal, of course! Who the hell else! Doggin' me out on my
birthday.
Now ain't this just some shit! I got to take some deep breaths. Iyanla Vanzant says take deep breaths so you can be in tune with the universe; so you can open yourself up for the truth. I hate this shit! Why me? And on my birthday. Surely it
must
be somebody else's turn by now. What am I doing wrong? I meet a nice guy like you, then turn around and go straight for the King of Bad Boy. I swear! I knew Jamal wasn't right when I first laid eyes on him. But I pretended I couldn't see; pretended I didn't hear that little voice. No. I had to go and fall for the same okey doke. He's no different than the last good-looking, sweet-talking asshole I thought I was in love with. I
knew
he was jive. Knew it! But I figured I'd be able to change him once he realized that I was the only woman for him. I figured I'd
have it all, the best of both worlds. A good-looking, sweet-talking, and eventually—sensitive, responsible, monogamous man-for-life. You see? Thought I was gonna have my cake and eat it, too. He'd straighten up and see the light and we'd grow old and wealthy together. He'd treat me like the queen that I am. You're right, I guess. I'm pissed off at myself for being so damn stupid! What the fuck was I thinking? I
know
better. Son of a bitch! Shit, how could he do this to me? I'm walking around on Fantasy Island with my head in the clouds and he's standing at the dock, waiting for “de plane, de plane!”

Well, go on. Say it. I know you think I'm a fool. Yeah, right. Sure you don't. Is that why you came over? To see me make a fool out of myself? I hope you're happy? But I don't need a witness, thank you very much. Don't! Don't touch me! I don't need your sympathy. Save it for yourself. Yeah, you're damn right I'm pissed! He's not worth it? Oh? Is that what you said when you found out Lynette dumped
you?
No? Then what did you do?

You came over here? What in the hell for? What? You lying! She dumped you for
Jamal?
My Jamal? Oh this is too much for one little birthday girl to handle. So
how
do you know all this? You saw them? Where? You were at the club tonight? Well what were they doing? No they weren't! Not in front of my friends! Not on my birthday! Now ain't
that
a bitch.

Let's both take some deep breaths. I don't believe this happening. Breathe in. Now hold it. Breathe out. I mean, what in the hell…breathe in. Hold it. Breathe out. We've both got dogged. Breathe in. Hold it. We've been had, we've been hoodwinked, we've been led astray. We've been clowned—big time! We're losers, both of us. Oh, hell no, not tonight. Tonight,
they're
the losers. Yeah, they're the losers and we're the winners. Screw their sorry asses. Oh! I'm sorry…breathe out! Whew! You were starting to turn blue.

Well, that sure as hell blew
my
high. You know what we need? We need some weed. Me, either. I gave it up a long time ago, when people still rolled joints. But Jamal left half a blunt somewhere around here and I'm gonna smoke me some tonight. I don't want to be this clear. Not tonight. You down? Now where did I see that thang? Yeah, here it is, behind the Bible—figures. You got a match? Look in the drawer in the coffee table. There we go.

Mmm! This is some good shit. Here, you want some? Like learning to ride a bike, huh? You never forget how. 'Course, it looks like
somebody
forgot how to pass it! Thanks. I can feel it already. You? No, huh. Then what the hell are you laughing at? Yes, you are. Those dimples are a sure giveaway. You think this shit is funny, huh? Well I don't get the joke. We've been dumped. Both of us. I don't see anything funny about it. Stop it! It is
not
funny. You gon' make me start laughing and I don't wanna laugh. Stop. I'm tryin' to be pissed off. Shit! Okay, it's funny, but it's not
that
funny. You're doin' too much…fallin' all over…on the floor and shit. Whew! Shit, now I can't stop laughing…this shit
is
funny. It's actually pretty fucking hysterical! I mean…here I am talkin' all this shit…oh, my sides are hurting…tellin' you about checkin' for signs…and he's doggin' me out. Don't laugh with your silly self—he dogged you, too…That makes him a dog-ass mothafucka—with his crooked-ass teeth…
you
know it's the truth…oh, my stomach…I can't even talk. No, don't! Don't pull me. Stop, I'm falling! Ow! My butt! You could have caught me…Oh, stop. Please! Stop. I'm gonna pee on myself…I can't get up…I can't stop…laughing. Oh, God, please don't let me pee on myself…I just cleaned this carpet. Oh…shit! Let me catch my breath. Whew! I haven't laughed this hard since…since Jamal's zipper got stuck! Came all over his self. I thought I was gonna die, I laughed so hard. What bright side? You see a bright side to this mess? Oh, now that
is
deep! He coulda been my baby daddy! You're right. This coulda been
a lot
worse!