Best of My Love (Fool's Gold) (22 page)

They’d become such a part of each other’s lives that separating was difficult. She missed him, missed their conversations, their time together. She missed Charlie. But she knew she’d been right to break things off. She needed to be safe, to protect her heart. The only way to do that for sure was to stay away from him.

“How’s business?” Justice asked her.

The question surprised her. Usually there wasn’t much talking at the games. “Um, good. The new space is working out. We’re busy for lunch every day.”

“You’ll get tourist business for sure,” Gabriel added. “Plus the ladies in town will enjoy going out to tea. Noelle gets a huge tourist trade. You should talk to her about putting flyers in her store.”

“Thanks. I will.”

More cards were dealt. Angel folded. Kipling studied his cards, then did the same.

“Not my night,” he said easily as he picked up his beer.

“How’s Destiny doing?” Sam Ridge asked.

“Good. Still trying to accomplish more than she should. Between Tonya, Starr, the upcoming tour and getting through the day, she’s overwhelmed. I help when I can.”

“They do love to take on too much,” Justice said. “Patience acts so casual about having a baby, but it’s tough on her. She’s still getting up at four in the morning.”

He sounded both amazed and proud.

Shelby wanted to bang her head against the table. She really didn’t want to hear about how much they all loved their wives. It was depressing. Because at one time she’d thought she wanted that, too. Love. Someone in her life. But now she wasn’t sure.

The price was too high. She would have to give up too much. Maybe it was better to simply be alone. At least then she was safe.

Only she missed Aidan. She wanted to see him smile at her, hear the sound of his voice. Maybe get just one quick hug. He’d changed so much in the past few months. He’d always been great, but now he was even better. While she still felt the same.
Stuck
was the word that came to mind. Talk about ironic. He would sure get that joke. She should call him and—

No! She pulled her mind back to the game. She wasn’t going to give in and be weak. She would stay strong. Solitary. She’d tried becoming normal and it hadn’t worked out. She didn’t want to keep trying. She had her answer. Now she would move on.

“You scared when Patience went into labor?” Kipling asked Justice.

“Terrified. I’ve been through combat, been chased by a sniper. The only thing worse was when Lillie was taken.”

Shelby frowned. “What do you mean?”

Justice sipped his beer. “Long story. My father had faked his death and was on the run from the law. He found me and wanted to hurt me, so he took Lillie. We got her back.”

Shelby did her best to keep her jaw from dropping. “Seriously?”

His eyes were cold. “I would have killed him for doing it, but Ford got there first.”

Shelby could tell she was going to have to have a long talk with Madeline about some Fool’s Gold history. “I had no idea. I’m sorry.”

“Me, too. I never would have come back if I’d known Patience and Lillie were going to be in danger.”

“You don’t mean that,” Angel said easily. “You had to come back to find her.”

Shelby was about to ask who “her” was when Justice sighed heavily.

“I know you’re right, but that was the worst. Knowing that Lillie was in danger, scared. I loved her so much. Both of them. Knowing it was my fault about killed me.” He held up his hand. “I know, I know. It was my father, not me. I get the distinction. But they were everything to me. Loving them, knowing they could have been hurt—” He shook his head. “I can’t begin to describe what that was like.”

“But it was worth it,” Kipling said quietly.

“Now. I’d be lost without them.”

Gabriel put down his cards. “I went through that with Noelle,” he admitted. “Not being sure. She was so happy and positive all the time. I could only see the darkness.”

Shelby had heard a little of his story. How he’d been a doctor in the army for several years, serving the front line. He’d been the first doctor the most seriously injured had seen. It had been his job to patch them up enough to get them to a real facility.

When he’d come to Fool’s Gold to visit his brother for the holidays, he’d been exhausted. Both physically and emotionally. She supposed it was impossible to see what he’d seen, day after day, and not be affected.

“She got me through,” Gabriel continued. “She was there, in my face, pulling me along.”

“How much did you resist?” Kipling asked.

“As much as I could. Every step of the way. But she never gave up on me.” He grimaced. “I could have lost her. Sometimes at night, I wake up in a cold sweat, thinking about that. I could have lost her.”

“But you didn’t,” Shelby told him. “You’re together now.”

“We are.”

They were lucky, she thought ruefully. Able to break through whatever their problems had been. They also weren’t the least bit subtle.

“I know what you’re doing,” she said, giving in to the inevitable and putting her cards down on the table as well. “But it’s not going to work.”

“Why is that?” her brother asked.

“Because I don’t want what you have. Any of you.”

Angel smiled at her. “You’re not a very good liar, Shelby.”

“I’m not lying,” she insisted. “I thought I did. I thought I wanted to have a husband and a family, but I don’t. It’s too hard. I wanted to learn to trust a man. So I did. I trust Aidan. But it doesn’t matter, because in the end, love means giving over too much of myself. I’m not willing to do that.”

Angel studied her. His pale gray eyes were a little unnerving. It was as if he could see into her soul.

“Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. I know they say the best things in life are free, but every now and then the good stuff has to be earned.”

“I know what you want,” Kipling told her. “You want us to say that relationships don’t matter. But we won’t, because it’s not true.”

Gabriel nodded. “The people we love and who love us back are
all
that matter.”

She wanted to cover her ears and not hear what they were saying. “Can’t we just play cards?”

“No,” Angel said easily. “Sorry, kid. This is an intervention.”

“My second one in a month,” she grumbled. “The last one was my girlfriends telling me I was a duck.”

“What?” Kipling asked.

“Never mind.” She folded her arms on the table. “Go ahead. Say what you have to say.”

She would surrender to the process because it was the only way to get through the moment. Then they would move on and she would be fine.

“For what it’s worth,” her brother said, “you got most of it right. You can trust Aidan. He’s not the problem.”

“You are,” Angel told her. “It was never about trusting someone else. It was always about trusting yourself.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it. “You’re wrong.”

“He’s not.” Kipling’s gaze was steady. “You’re not freaked out because Aidan has feelings for you, but because you have feelings for him. You don’t believe you can give your heart to him and survive. You don’t believe you’re strong.” He leaned toward her. “You are, Shelby. You’ve been through so much already. Look where you are—with your friends, your business and with Aidan.”

She didn’t want to look. She wanted to cover her eyes and not see anything. She wanted to have things go back the way they’d been before she and Aidan had been friends.

Only she didn’t want that. But if she couldn’t go back and couldn’t go forward, where did that leave her?

“You’re trying to control your way to feeling safe,” Angel said. “It doesn’t work that way. We don’t have control. All we can do is know we’re strong enough to survive whatever happens. That the love makes it worthwhile.”

Her eyes burned. She blinked away tears.

“You’re not your mother,” her brother said softly. “You’ll never do what she did. But you have to believe it in your heart. You have to accept that you’re going to screw up. We all do.”

“Every day,” Gabriel told her with a wry smile. “But we keep trying to do better.”

Kipling got up and walked around the table. He pulled her to her feet and hugged her. “You think you have to be strong enough to always take care of yourself and that’s a daunting task. The secret is, with love in your life, someone has your back. On the days you’re not strong, he is. And you’ll be there for him.”

Despite her determination not to give in, the tears came. Pain and confusion and loneliness filled her until she thought she would drown from all the emotion.

“I don’t know what happened,” she admitted. “One second everything was fine. The next I wanted to run as far and as fast as I could.”

“Sure,” Angel said. “Seek cover or higher ground. It’s what all wounded animals do.”

She raised her head and glared at him. “Not your best analogy.”

“Maybe, but it’s accurate. You’re wounded. More healed than you were before, but some injuries never completely go away. So you adapt. The question is do you accept where you are and make the best of it or do you spend the rest of your life feeling sorry for yourself?”

She pushed away from Kipling and walked toward Angel. “I’m not feeling sorry for myself.”

“You kind of are,” Justice added. “And you’re stupid. You and Aidan have a great thing going. He’s done everything you asked and you walked away because you’re scared. Did I miss anything?”

“Nope,” Angel said cheerfully. “That about sums it up. I’m hungry. Anyone want a sandwich?”

“I do,” Gabriel said as he stood. “I’ll go with you.”

“Me, too.”

All the guys left the room until it was just her and Kipling.

She put her hands on her hips. “Your friends are idiots.”

“No, they’re honest. And they’re your friends, too.”

She sniffed, then wiped her face. “If I was with my girlfriends, they’d be hugging me and telling me that Aidan was wrong.”

“I thought they said you were a duck.”

She stomped her foot. “You’re not helping.”

“Yes, I am.”

She felt tears forming again. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Yes, you do. Suck it up, Shelby. Face down your fears. If you don’t, they’ll always win.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

“H
EY
, A
IDAN
.”

The greeting, in stereo, had him looking at the two redheads who had just walked into his office. It was early on Thursday morning. A week had gone by without Shelby. Seven entire days without her. He knew that Taryn had been right when she’d said to give Shelby time. But how long was it going to take?

In the meantime he had identical twins smiling at him. Twins who were both beautiful and bright and very comfortable in their own skin. The three of them had spent an interesting couple of nights together the previous summer.

“We were in the neighborhood and wanted to say hi,” Paris said with a smile. He knew which was which because London had a small scar by the corner of her mouth. Yes, London and Paris—obviously born to parents with a strange sense of humor.

London moved close to him. “We had such a good time with you last year. We thought we could do it again.”

Talk about every man’s fantasy, he thought, feeling no anticipation at the thought. In fact all he felt was tired, which had nothing to do with how little he’d been sleeping and everything to do with being without Shelby.

“No, thanks.”

They exchanged a look. “Why not?” Paris asked. “We were good together.”

“I’m in love with someone else.” It was, he realized, the second time he’d said the words out loud. Huh. It still sounded pretty damned good, so he tried it again. “I’m in love with Shelby.”

Paris and London looked at each other. “Really? We would never have guessed you were the committed relationship type.”

“Me, either, but it turns out I am. Very much so. I like loving Shelby. It makes me a better man.”

London raised her eyebrows. “Wow, that’s impressive. Most guys aren’t comfortable talking about their feelings.”

“You’d be amazed by what I’m comfortable with these days.”

Paris sighed. “Our loss. If things don’t work out, call us.”

Things weren’t working out, but calling them was about the last thing he wanted to do. If he couldn’t have Shelby, he didn’t want anyone.

He saw them out. As the twins walked away, Nick drove up. Aidan waited until his brother got out of his truck and walked toward them.

“Anything I should know about?” Nick asked, looking over his shoulder at the departing twins.

“They’re in town for the weekend, if you want a going-away present.”

His brother raised one shoulder. “Tempting, but no. I think one at a time is enough for me. By the way, you look like crap.”

“Thanks.”

Nick’s expression turned sympathetic. “Shelby?”

Aware of a few customers by the front counter and Fay close by, Aidan grabbed Charlie’s leash from the hook by the door and stepped outside. The little dog trotted along with him. He and Nick headed for the trail by the office.

“I haven’t talked to her in over a week,” he admitted when they were out of earshot of the main building. “Taryn said to give her time, so I am, but it’s tough.”

“I’m sorry.” Nick grimaced. “That sounds lame, but I am. You two were good together. Do you know what the problem is?”

“I can guess. She’s scared. We were getting more and more involved and she couldn’t handle that. Or maybe she knew that I’d fallen in love with her and it freaked her out.”

Nick stumbled to a stop, then stared at him. “You’re what?” He held up his hand. “Never mind. I don’t want to hear you say it again.” He swore. “Are you sure?”

“Yup. She’s the one. I love her.”

The more he said it, the better he felt. Loving Shelby was the best thing he’d ever done. It was right.

“How much time are you giving her?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to rush her, but I don’t want her thinking I’m not interested. Maybe a couple more days.” He didn’t have a plan so much as a feeling. When it was right, he would know.

“I have no idea what to say to you,” Nick admitted. “You’re a braver man than me.”

“I can’t take credit for being brave. When it comes to Shelby, I don’t have a choice. Turns out she’s the one.”

Nick looked both intrigued and terrified. “Good luck with that.”

“Thanks.” Aidan saw the back of the truck was filled with boxes. “You heading out?”

“Driving to Happily Inc. tomorrow. I’ve shipped most of my stuff already. I’m ready to get out of here.”

And then there was one. Aidan wondered what it said about his family that he was the only brother to want to stay in Fool’s Gold. Del had taken off years before and the twins weren’t coming back anytime soon.

“You’ll need to come visit me,” his brother told him. “Hell, if things work out with Shelby, come to Happily Inc. to get married. It’s the country’s best destination wedding spot.”

Aidan grinned. “Tell you what. If Shelby and I work things out, I promise we’ll come there to get married.”

“Shelby might want a say in that.”

“She might, but I’m pretty sure I can charm her into seeing things my way.”

Or so he hoped. Because not having her as his wife was something he refused to consider.

“You take care,” Nick told him. “Don’t let the bastard get you down.”

“He won’t bother with me.”

Ceallach was only interested in the talented brothers.

Aidan slapped Nick on the back. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re making the right decision. You need to get out of here and figure it all out. Just don’t be a stranger.”

“I won’t. I promise. Good luck with Shelby. Let me know when she says yes.”

“I will.”

She would say yes, he told himself. She had to. She was the love of his life and without her, the world was a cold and dark place.

* * *

“T
HIS
IS
COMPLETELY
RIDICULOUS
,” Shelby complained.

“You said you wanted help,” Madeline pointed out. “I’m helping.”

“This isn’t what I had in mind.”

“Then you should have been more specific when you called.”

Her friend didn’t sound the least bit concerned about Shelby’s reservations. In fact, she pointed to the center of the oversized dressing room and said, “Take off your clothes” in a very stern voice.

“Talk about stupid,” Shelby grumbled, but she did as Madeline insisted. She pulled off her T-shirt and let her jeans fall to the floor before kicking them aside. “Happy?”

“Not yet.”

They were in the largest dressing room at Paper Moon. When Shelby called Madeline and asked if they could talk, Madeline had suggested Shelby come by the store. At the time she’d thought it was because her friend couldn’t get away from work. Now she knew that Madeline had something else in mind.

“You’re very petite,” her friend said as she took a white lace wedding gown off a hanger. “And delicately built. The trick is to wear the dress and not the other way around. Which is harder for your figure type.”

“I don’t see what trying on a wedding dress has to do with anything,” Shelby said. “I need to talk to you.”

“And we will talk. But you have to put this dress on first. Come on, Shelby. How can it hurt?”

She wasn’t sure, but the potential for pain seemed right there. She looked from the dress to her friend’s very determined face, then sighed.

“Fine,” she grumbled. “I’ll try it on. I’m sure I’ll look like an idiot, but I’ll do it anyway.”

“That’s my cheerful friend. Always looking on the bright side. Now, with a dress like this, you don’t pull it over your head. You step into it.”

Shelby did as requested. The dress was lined with a cool, smooth material—maybe silk. Madeline pulled it up around her and Shelby slipped her arms into the long, lace sleeves.

The dress had a fitted bodice and was covered entirely with lace. The back formed about a three-foot train. The style was simple and elegant.

“Not yet,” Madeline said, when Shelby started to turn toward the door.

Madeline pinned up her hair, then attached a short veil. “Now you can look.”

Shelby walked down the short hallway to the main salon of the bridal shop. There was a dais with a half circle of floor-to-ceiling mirrors. Madeline helped her up, then moved behind her, straightening the dress.

Shelby stared at herself. Madeline had been right. The dress didn’t overwhelm her. The lace was exquisite and the fitted lines were perfect for her. Funny how until this moment she’d never once pictured herself getting married. Oh, she thought about
being
married, but not the actual wedding itself. Unlike other little girls, that hadn’t been a game she’d played.

The why of it swirled in her head. She didn’t want to think about it too much because then she would know what was wrong. And as soon as she knew, she would have to either fix it or accept that she was a coward.

“What do you think?” Madeline asked.

“The dress is beautiful.”

“
You’re
beautiful. There’s a difference. The dress is simply there to reflect you. Tell me what you see.”

Tears filled her eyes. “I’m a fraud,” she whispered.

“Why?”

Her mouth moved, but no words came out. The truth was so elusive. Right there but when she tried to grab it... She drew in a breath.

“I’m so scared.”

“Of Aidan?”

“No. Of surrendering who and what I am. I want to be in control.”

“Of what?”

“Everything.”

They both faced the mirror and their eyes met in the glass.

“It was all me,” she continued, wiping away tears. “From the start. It was my idea to fix myself by learning to trust a man. I’m the one who picked Aidan, then convinced him. I set the rules, the boundaries. I even decided when to break them and become lovers.”

“Because you needed to be in control?”

Shelby nodded. “It made me feel safe.”

“Why did Aidan go along with it?”

A good question. Why did he? “Because he wanted to change, too. At first. Later, because...because he cares about me. Because he doesn’t have anything to prove. Because he trusts me.”

“Quack,” Madeline said quietly.

Shelby laughed, then sobbed. She took a second to catch her breath. “You’re saying he loves me.”

“Yes. He loves you.”

“You know this for sure, or you’re guessing?”

“I’m pretty sure.”

Shelby stared at her reflection. The bride staring back at her didn’t deserve the beautiful dress or the wonderful man. She was still living in fear. Still hiding.

“What if I can’t do it? What if I simply can’t hand over my heart?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

What would it mean to not be with Aidan? To never see him again, never touch him or...

The pain was sharp and instant. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. She needed him. Wanted him. Loved him.

He’d been right, all those weeks ago. When he’d helped her see that the real pain of her childhood didn’t come from her father’s fists, but from the reality that her mother had stood by while it happened. Aidan wouldn’t do that, and neither would she. As her brother had told her, she wasn’t the type of mother who would let her children be abused. She would break the cycle.

She’d come so far. Everything she claimed to want was right there. All she had to do was take a single step of faith.

“You know, this is all going to go very badly if it turns out he’s not in love with me,” she said, her voice trembling as she spoke. “I’m going to feel pretty foolish.”

“Won’t it be better to know? You love him, Shelby. Don’t you want to say it to him? At least once?”

“I do.”

They looked at each other and started to laugh.

Shelby pressed her hands to her stomach. “While I love the dress...” she began.

“It’s not the one. I know. But I thought trying it on would shock you and it seems to have, so yay, me.”

Shelby laughed again. She turned and hugged her friend. “You’re very good to me.”

“And you’re good to me. Now go claim your man.”

“I’ve never claimed a man before.”

“Then isn’t it about time?”

It took Shelby a few minutes to change back into her street clothes. As she walked home, she thought about what she was going to say when she finally spoke to Aidan. The words were a jumble in her head. Well, she would have time. She had to go to the office and talk to Fay first. Get his schedule. Once she knew he was in town, she would call him and—

She turned the corner only to see Aidan and Charlie sitting on her front porch. The bichon saw her and raced toward her. She dropped to her knees and held out her arms. Charlie threw himself at her. She hugged him tight.

“Hey, there, my man,” she whispered against his soft fur. “I’ve missed you so much.”

He swiped her face with puppy kisses. She hung on for another second before standing and looking at Aidan.

He’d come to his feet, as well. They stared at each other.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

He didn’t sound mad or disgusted or any number of negative things she deserved. He sounded like Aidan.

She thought about all they’d been through. How he was game for anything—from baby showers to pedicures to just sitting around and talking. He never said he didn’t want to or complained. She remembered how he’d had this idea of the dog he wanted and had instead fallen for sweet, little Charlie. So there he was—the big, burly mountain man with a bichon frise.

She thought about how her father had hit her until she was unconscious and how her mother had never done anything to protect her. How Kipling had been the one to get her safely away. She thought of how Aidan had faced down his own parental torment.

“Shelby?”

Oh, right. He’d asked a question. “I’m okay. You?”

“Fine.” He moved toward her but didn’t touch her. His dark gaze settled on her face. “I had to come see you.”

“I’m glad you did. I have to tell you something. A lot of things.”

Fear filled her. Fear of handing the very essence of who she was to this man. And yet, there was no one else she would ever love as much. No one else she would trust or need or want to be with.

“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you, Aidan. I thought I was being so strong and brave, but I was still afraid. I’m afraid right now. Maybe the fear will always be there. I don’t know. What I do know for sure is that I don’t want to be without you. I want us to be together. I love you so much.”