Best Served Cold (26 page)

“Okay.” Jesse glanced at me. “You all right?”

“Yeah. Let me just grab my bag and coat.”

I scooped up everything as fast as I could and followed Jesse out the door, blowing kisses to Desmond as he slurped up his noodles.

“Thank you.” I smiled up at Jesse, taking his hand as we headed toward the guest house. “They were so pitiful, I really was thinking I’d be there all night.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know Des was sick.” Jesse unlocked the door and leaned to turn on a light, then stood back to let me go inside.

“I think it’s just a cold. I’m crossing my fingers he didn’t share it with me.” I leaned against the edge of the sofa as Jesse went into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. “So, do you still want to go out, or did you want me to make something here?”

Jesse turned around, and for the first time, I got a good look at his face. His eyes were distant and his mouth tight.

“Whatever works. I don’t mind going out. You shouldn’t have to cook after taking care of a sick kid all afternoon.”

I stepped into the kitchen, feeling just a little off-kilter. I realized that Jesse hadn’t made any move to touch me, aside from when I took his hand to walk over here.

“Jesse, is everything okay? If you don’t want to go out tonight, we don’t need to. I can just go back to campus.”

“No, I’m--” He stopped and shook his head. “No, I’m not okay. I shouldn’t say anything tonight, when you’re so tired. But I need to know.”

My heart sped up just a bit, and I licked my lips. “What do you need to know?”

“I had class today with Cal. Remember, you met him Sunday?”

I nodded, a wave of dread falling over me.

“Cal asked me how long we’d been dating. He said he knew the guy you used to date.”

“That’s not a secret, Jesse. I told you about Liam.”

“Right, and I said that. But then he said...” Jesse drew a deep breath. “He said since you broke up with Liam, you’ve been, um, seeing a lot of different guys. He said he’s heard stuff about you.”

I closed my eyes. “Jesse, it’s not what you think.”

His voice was low. “Then tell me what it is. I asked you the first time we went out if you were seeing anyone else. And you told me your ex was the only other person you’ve dated.”

“And that’s the truth. I’m not seeing anyone but you. I haven’t. Jesse, it’s complicated. It just wasn’t the right time to explain everything to you then. It would have seemed weird.”

“What would have? You’re talking in circles. And why wouldn’t you just tell me whatever it is that’s so complicated?”

“Because things have changed since we started dating. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Jesse leaned his back against the fridge. “It matters to me.”

“Okay. Do you mind if I sit down?”

He spread his hand in a be-my-guest gesture. I sank into the same easy chair where we’d sat together during the Super Bowl.

“I told you my break up with Liam was messy. I’m going to assume you haven’t heard exactly what happened.”

Jesse shrugged. “Cal said something about a birthday party.”

“Yeah, it was Liam’s birthday party. The surprise party I threw him. He showed up, late, drunk and with his hands on the tits of another girl.”

Jesse’s eyes flickered. “Shit.”

“Yeah. On top of that, because he hadn’t embarrassed me enough, he announced right there that he had broken up with me. Apparently, he had just neglected to tell me about it.”

Jesse nodded. “I’m sorry. That’s must have sucked.”

“Just a little. We’d been dating for over ten months. He did it on purpose. I was...” I cast my eyes up. “Oh, I don’t know. I wasn’t heartbroken, but I was mad. And hurt. And humiliated.”

“And that’s why you started going out with lots of guys?”

“No. Well, not really.” He was going to make me say it out loud. “I came back from Christmas break, and I still couldn’t stop thinking about how mad I was at Liam. So Ava and I came up with an idea. I know it sounds immature or crazy. And even saying it now makes me feel stupid. But I decided I needed revenge. So we came up with this idea to get back at Liam by making him want me back. Our friend Giff—well, he’s Liam’s roommate, but he thought Liam and I should get back together—and he set me up with all these guys, to make Liam think I was dating them. So that’s why I was doing it.”

Jesse frowned, nodding slowly. “I guess I see. All the guys Cal was talking about—they were all set ups?”

“Yes. I know it sounds idiotic. All I can say is at the time, it made some kind of sense. But nothing happened with any of them, other than being out where Liam might see us. And after we started dating, I told Giff I was out. I haven’t seen anyone else but you since then. I promise.”

“So you’ve given up on the revenge plans against Liam?”

I fiddled with the button on my coat. “Yes. Well...mostly. I was going to use the blog I’m doing to write about what Liam did to me. That’s what gave me the idea for the whole thing. But I changed my mind, and I’m not doing it now.”

Jesse came around the counter and sat down on the sofa. He kept his eyes on the floor in front of us.

“Is that all of it?”

I took a deep breath. “For me, yes. But then Liam started messing with Ava. He kissed her, tried to get her to see him. Go out with him. If I hadn’t told her what he said to me after the wrestling match, it might still be going on.”

“What did he say to you after the wrestling match? What wrestling match?”

I swallowed. “I told you about that. Kind of. Remember I said I had run into my ex and he had said some crap to me? He offered me the fabulous opportunity to be his booty call babe. He said he’d be willing to sleep with me without strings. So I didn’t have to keep seeing all those other guys.”

Jesse shook his head. “Yeah, he’s an asshole.”

I leaned forward. “So you see why I wanted to get back at him? To teach him a lesson?”

“I guess I can. To a point. But Julia, once we started going out, didn’t it change things?”

I nodded and got up to sit next to him on the sofa. “Of course it did. After I met you, I didn’t care about getting back at Liam. I realized anything I did wasn’t going to change him, and I didn’t care, anyway. Ava’s birthday party was her idea.”

“What does Ava’s birthday party have to do with any of it?”

I realized I hadn’t explained that. “I’m throwing the party for her. I told you he’s been trying to get her to go out with him. She’s inviting Liam, and when he gets there, she’s going to turn him down, once and for all. Tell everyone he’s been after her, and then...humiliate him. Publicly. In front of all our friends.”

Jesse dropped his head into his hands. “Julia, I can’t do this. I don’t like games. I’ve been honest with you since we met, and now I’m not even sure I know you.”

Tears choked me. “Jesse, you do. I haven’t been dishonest. I was just—I don’t know, a little crazy for a while. Liam made me miserable, but when I met you, I realized how much I’d been missing. I promise you, who I am with you is the real me. The only me. For good or for bad. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I knew it was in my past, and I hoped it wouldn’t matter.”

He leaned back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. “Remember how I asked you the first night we went out if I were your rebound guy? That’s important to me. My mom and dad got together after my dad broke up with the girl he thought was the love of his life. He tried with my mom, he really did, but she always knew she was second best. Or at least she felt that way. It’s what caused their divorce. I never want to be someone’s second choice.”

I ventured out a fingertip to touch his hand. “You are not my second choice, Jesse. You’re my only choice. I wasn’t lying when I said Liam didn’t mean anything to me.”

Jesse rubbed his forehead. “I need to think, Julia. I need some time. And you need to make some decisions, too. I don’t want to be part of any payback plans. Not even for Ava.”

I nodded. “I understand.” I stood and picked up my bag. “I’ll go now. Just--” Tears filled my eyes and ran down my face, and I fled before Jesse could see them. Flinging open the door, I stumbled blindly toward my car, my hand shaking as I pulled out the keys.

“Julia.” Jesse stood in the doorway, anguish in his voice. “Don’t. You’re upset, you shouldn’t drive.”

I finally found the right key and opened the door. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t answer him. I threw my bag into the car and wiped at my eyes just enough to clear my vision. Mindful of Danny and Sarah, I pulled out slowly, until I got to the end of the driveway and turned onto the road.

Then I floored it and drove home as fast as I could.

If I thought Liam’s betrayal had crushed me, I was sadly mistaken. Losing him after ten months of dating didn’t even begin to touch how I felt knowing I’d hurt Jesse.

Jesse texted me that night to make sure I got home. When I didn’t answer, he called, over and over, until finally I sent him a one-word response.

Since then, I’d heard nothing.

Ava was beside herself. “It’s my fault. I never should have come up with that plan. And I’m sorry, about the idea for the birthday party, Jules. Call it off. I’m not going through with it.”

I sniffed, swallowing back more tears. “We’re not canceling your party, Ave. As far as what happens with Liam, that’s up to you. I’m done with it. With him.”

“But Jesse...” Her voice trailed, but there was worry in her eyes.

I held down a sob. “I screwed up everything with Jesse, and it’s not your fault. You told me all along, that I should stop and think about it. God, Ava, what was I doing? I’m not in high school. I’m supposed to be smarter than this. And all I’ve done is mess up the one good thing in my life.”

I dragged through the next week, sleeping through classes and walking campus like a zombie. I dreaded going back to work on Friday, but I didn’t have to worry; Sarah called and told me that though Desmond was getting over his cold, he was still fussy and she had decided to stay home with him.

Part of me wondered if Jesse had said something to her about us, but then she added, “I hope you don’t come down with it. Jesse will not be happy with me if you do.”

I laughed awkwardly and told her I’d see her the next week. But even though Danny got home a little later both days, I didn’t see Jesse on Monday or Wednesday.

Kristen came over on Thursday after seminar so that we could work on the final posts for the blog.

“Are you okay?” She eyed me critically. “No offense, but you look like hell.”

I tried a smile. “I’ve been better. I don’t want to talk about it, if it’s okay with you.”

“Sure, no problem. So do we want to finish up with your story as our big finale?” We’d run a slightly altered version of Kristen’s heartbreak the week before. Response had been huge; it had generated so much discussion, we’d run a second, follow-up post a few days later.

“No.” I shook my head. “I don’t want to put mine in. I’m sorry, Kristen. I’m not wimping out, I just don’t want to hurt anyone. The details are too specific.” I paused. “But I’d like to write the round-up if you don’t mind. I think I have something to say.”

“Fine with me. What are you going to write?”

“Just what we’ve learned. That it’s both sexes experiencing bad break-ups and cheating. That there are usually two sides to any story. And that the best revenge is moving on.”

Kristen nodded. “I like it. I think we’re going to get an A on this.”

She stood, stretching. “Thanks for letting me do this assignment with you, Julia. It was very...” She glanced past me. “Healing.”

“I’m glad. Just don’t tell Dr. Turner it gave you closure.”

Kristen raised her eyebrows. “Okay. I’ll see you in class next week.”

After she left, I curled up in bed, pulling the comforter to my chin. Ava had gone home for the night to have an early celebration of her birthday with her family. She rarely went away anywhere, and it was odd for me to have the room to myself overnight. But I wasn’t going to complain. A night to just lay around and wallow in my misery was about all I was up to doing at this point.

My eyes drifted shut. I hadn’t been sleeping well the last few nights, and I began to doze.

“You know I can’t resist you all warm and sleepy.”

Still disoriented, I struggled to sit up straight in bed. Jesse stood in the doorway of my room, his eyes steady on me.

I laid a hand over my chest. “You scared the hell out of me.”

“Sorry. The door wasn’t quite latched. When I went to knock, it opened.”

I nodded. “Kristen just left. She must not have closed it on her way out.”

Jesse leaned against the door jam, hands in the pockets of his jacket. “Can I come in?” He glanced down the hallway. “I’d rather talk without the audience.”

“Oh, yeah, come in. You can shut the door.” I tried to smooth my hair down.

Jesse sat down on the end of the bed, looking nearly as nervous as I felt. I saw his chest rise as he took a deep breath.

“Julia, I’m sorry about the other night. I was upset. Cal said some pretty nasty things, and I told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. I was pissed. I wanted you to tell me it was ridiculous, that Cal was lying.”