Better with Ben (How to Tame a Heartbreaker Book 3) (17 page)

Chapter 19

That evening was a quiet one for Ben and Molly. Nick had plans to go to dinner with one of his friends. He told Molly she was welcome, but she decided to chill at the apartment and rest up for the start of another busy week of beauty school and working at the salon.

One of the first things she'd asked when Nick left was, "So, what's going on with you and Taylor?"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

She scoffed. "What do I mean? Oh, I don't know, could be the fact that you were all over each other."

"No we weren't," Ben said. "In fact, I have to reign it in because if it were up to me I
would
be all over her."

"I'd hate to see what you came up with if you let loose, because you are already insatiable," Molly said, giggling.

"I just can't help it. I'm trying to stop myself, but I
like
her. I know what you're saying, though, and I don't want to give her the wrong impression."

"I think she's already getting the
wrong impression
, Ben, you were all over each other."

"You already said that, and we weren't. I wasn't touching her nearly as much as I wanted to."

"God, Ben, I don't understand what's holding you up. Why don't you just ask her out? She's a great girl."

He regarded his sister with a frustrated expression that said she was stating the obvious. "I know she's great," he said. "I usually don't have problems keeping my hands off women, and I can't with her, so apparently I understand how
great
she is." He thought for a second. "Believe me, if I was looking for a girlfriend, she'd be first on the list."

"Why
can't
you have a girlfriend?"

"Because. I already explained that."

"Well explain it again, because right now I'm having trouble understanding why you torture yourself when we can all tell you want to be with her." She paused. "Did it freak you out when you met her family?"

"That has nothing to do with it."

"What if you were looking for a girlfriend? Would it matter?"

"Would what matter?"

Molly looked at him with an expression that said he knew good and well what she was talking about, but he still didn't answer.

"You know what I'm talking about, Ben. Would her family situation matter?"

"That's not even a question because she's not my girlfriend."

"Well, you're giving her the wrong impression."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I see the way she looks at you."

"She looks at me like she likes me. I like her too."

Molly narrowed her eyes at him. "Ben, don't be an idiot."

"Well stop fuckin' talking about it then, Molly. I don't know what the hell you want me to say. You want to hear that I
like
her? Because I do. But that doesn't change the fact that the
last
fucking thing I need right now is a girlfriend. I'm just starting my new job, which is gonna require
continual training
even when I'm not traveling. The last thing I need is some girl asking me questions about where I'm going and giving me a hard time for working. I know that's exactly what you girls do, and I don't have time for it." He paused, and then continued before she could say anything. "She's a nice girl, but I can't have a girlfriend right now. And no, it has nothing to do with her family."

Molly's expression was unreadable the entire time he spoke. He honestly didn't know what was going to come out of her mouth when she spoke. "I didn't mean to get you all upset," she said. He could tell she was offended by his outburst. "I'm not saying you have to marry her, Ben. I don't care
what
you do. But know that if you continue to act with her like you have the last two days, she's
gonna get the wrong impression
." Molly wasn't yelling, but her tone spoke of not wanting to hear any more of his attitude.

"Thanks," he said, sarcastically. "I made a note of that."

Ben and Molly didn't talk about Taylor after that. He went to his room for a little while so they could both cool off, but eventually he came out and they were on speaking terms again… they just never spoke of her.

****

Taylor's plan was to call Ben and tell him they couldn't see each other anymore. She'd thought about it all night the night before—losing sleep and everything. It was Monday, and she was working a morning shift at Common Grounds, but she had it all set in her mind to call and break it off with him once she got off work.

She told herself if he text or otherwise got in touch last night it, would be a sign that he cared and she would reconsider. Ben didn't call, and by the time she got off work she'd thought about all the reasons it
couldn't
work between them and was primed to forget about him.

Everything was wrong about how they'd met. She harbored resentment for the ill-timed dead body incident and for the fact that her mom sucked as a parent, which meant she had nothing to offer in the way of bringing a family into the mix. Taylor had worked herself up and was frustrated and embarrassed when she made the call to Ben that afternoon.

"Hello?"

"Hey, do you have a minute?"

Ben could tell by her voice that she wasn't smiling, and he instantly knew something was wrong.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, you got a minute?"

"Yeah. What's up?"

"Hey, I know we're not really hanging out, and don't have plans to see each other anytime, but I just think we probably shouldn't anymore."

"Shouldn't what?"

"See each other."

"At all? Not even as friends? Is this about me kissing you?"

She almost said it was because she wanted to be more than friends with him, but that was pretty obvious now wasn't it?

"Ben, it's about the kids. It's too much for them. You can't come into their life and be this awesome person for fifteen minutes and then turn around and not be there. They don't understand that we are just friends and they'll want you to come with me every time."

"I'm not trying to be around for fifteen minutes and leave. I want to be friends with them. I want to be friends with you."

"It's not like that. They can't understand it that way."

Truth was,
she
couldn't understand it that way, but it was nice to have the kids to blame it on. It was probably really obvious what she was doing, but she just didn't care. She had to create distance before her feelings got to be too much.

"So what? We're supposed to avoid each other when our friends get together? Can I see you from across a fuckin' crowded room?" He was pissed. He liked her and couldn't understand why it had to be all or nothing like this. How ridiculous.

She didn't expect him to cuss, and it made her feel even more embarrassed.

"No. Don't even
fucking
look at me from across a crowded room," she said.

He let out a frustrated huff. "Are you serious right now, Taylor?"

"Yes Ben, I'm serious. I can't see you anymore."

He paused for several long seconds, considering what Molly said about Taylor having the wrong impression. He hated the thought of not having her in his life, but what could he do? It seemed like this was an all or nothing situation, and he certainly wasn't prepared for
all
.

Enough time passed that she almost spoke again, but he beat her to the punch.

"I hate this Taylor."

"I do too, but it's just got to be this way. I'm a little fragile right now and I just need some time to myself… to put the pieces together."

Ben wanted to help her with the pieces, but he knew she was right. They were both in danger of getting in too deep.

"For what it's worth, Taylor—I like you. If I was looking fo—"

"Don't. You don't have to explain." She paused, but then continued. "And, I'm sorry for saying that about the crowded room. That was stupid. I know our friends are friends or whatever, and I don't want anything to be awkward."

"I'm a fan of avoiding awkwardness if at all possible."

"Good, then we agree."

"Yep."

A silence.

"Okay, uh, goodbye I guess." Taylor said.

"Bye," Ben said.

She pushed the button to disconnect before she could change her mind and yell out to him.

Instantly
, her body went into a panic attack.

It was the thought of him being the one responsible for her quick recovery that did it. He was like medicine to her, and the fear of not being able to call on him made her body go into panic mode. She did all her normal tricks. She told herself over and over and over and over that none of the symptoms were real and everything she was feeling was in her head.

Unfortunately, that's not how a panic attack works. Once your body manifest those physical symptoms, it's extremely hard to turn them off. She felt as though her heart wasn't adequately pumping blood to her body. Her arms, legs, and eventually entire body felt as if heavy weights had been attached to them. The Passout Kings were knocking at her door, and she could do nothing but ride out the anxiety attack and remind herself she wasn't
actually dying
. She laid on the cold linoleum of the bathroom she shared with Gina, hoping no one would come home and catch her like that.

That anxiety attack ended up being a two-hour ordeal. It was an experience she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy. By the end of the night, she was feeling slightly more normal. She could still feel the physical aftershocks of the attack, but she'd gotten through it with no help from a doctor, or a prescription, or even Ben Fletcher. She did it by herself, and would continue to do so until she didn't even remember what they felt like.

Here's hoping, anyway.

Chapter 20

It was the last day of March when Taylor got her cast off. That cast was her biggest link to all the memories that went with finding the body, and she was relieved beyond measure to be rid of it.

What a mother scratching nightmare—a bloody nightmare—and I mean that like an English person would say it, not that it was literally bloody, because there was really very little blood. Anyway, this little window of her life was something she was looking forward to forgetting altogether, and it all started with getting that thing off of her arm.

The orthopedic doctor told her they would take the cast off at four weeks and x-ray her arm to see how it was healing. There was a chance she would be able to leave it off completely at that time, but more than likely they'd have to recast it for another couple of weeks.

Taylor was so ready to be done with it that she cried when they told her they wouldn't have to put another cast on. It wasn't a big dramatic scene or anything, but she was so relieved at the thought of having it gone she couldn't help but shed a few tears. She left the doctor's office feeling like she could finally get back to the business of being Taylor again. She'd worn a reminder of that incident around her arm for long enough.

She sent Hannah a text as soon as she got into her car at the doctor's office.

Taylor: "Guess who got her cast off just now, sucka!"

Hannah text back instantly.

Hannah: "Sucka! Are you serious? I thought you had to get another one."

Taylor: "I'm fixed! Let's eat sushi to celebrate."

Hannah: "I'm game. Tonight?"

Taylor: "Yeah. I'll probably ask a few others too."

Hannah: "I'm with Molly now. Getting my hair did. Want me to ask her?"

Taylor still felt a flip in the pit of her stomach when she read Molly's name. She'd seen her a couple of times during the last two weeks, and each time she was sick with anticipation of seeing Ben or even getting an update on him. She really needed to get over it, and since today was a new day, she decided to face her fears. Besides, she really liked Molly and hated trying to avoid her just for her brother's sake. 

Taylor: "Of course, I'd love to see Molly! Tell her I say hi either way."

There was a minute between texts where Hannah must have been talking to Molly. Then another one finally came through.

Hannah: "Molly said she's in. We'll see you tonight. I assume you want Sakura. What time?"

Taylor: "Seven. Sound good?"

Hannah: "Perfect."

****

"Hey, congrats on the cast," Molly said as Taylor walked up. It was a beautiful evening, so Molly and Hannah decided to wait outside until Taylor got there.

"Thanks," Taylor said. She raised her left arm, and wiggled it around.

"Showing some skin!" Hannah said, making them all laugh.

"It's such a relief, you have no idea."

"I can only imagine," Hannah said, reaching out to hug Taylor, who'd approached as they were talking. "Who else are we waiting on?" Hannah asked.

"Nobody actually. Everyone I know who likes sushi was already working at the coffee shop. I'm sort of glad it worked out that way anyway because if we had a lot of people, we'd have had to get a table and I like sitting at the bar."

"Me too," Hannah said. "We can go by the shop when we're done if you want to show them your new arm."

Taylor shrugged. "We'll see," she said. "Right now I feel like I'm cool with just having sushi and chillin' over here, but I might change my mind."

The girls went in and sat at the sushi bar. It was Monday night, so there were only two other people at the bar, which meant they had their choice of seats. They sat in front of their sushi chef friend named Tak and made small talk with him for a minute before setting to work choosing their rolls and filing out the little paper order form.

Once they had their order in, Hannah, who was in the middle, sat back in her chair so they could all talk.

"What have you been up to?" Molly asked Taylor. They'd seen each other in passing, but hadn't had the chance to speak since the whole Ben thing. Taylor decided to give her the standard answer since she wasn't about to let her in on the turmoil she'd been in for the past two weeks.

"I've been really busy with work."

Molly smiled, and Taylor was relieved it worked. "Nick's parent's are really excited about the party this weekend," Molly said.

"I'm excited too," she said. "I've worked events at Mason Place, but never given one. It should be good."

"We'll be there," Molly said. Taylor wanted to ask if Ben was included in
we
, but she refrained. "Ben's coming too, I think," Molly said, reading her mind.

Taylor gave her a confused look, wondering how she knew what she was thinking. Molly took it to mean that Taylor couldn't understand why Ben would be there. "I invited him," she explained. "I hope that's okay."

Taylor shrugged as if it were of no consequence. "Oh, it's up to you who you invite. I figured he'd be coming."

"I'm not sure that he will, but I'm trying to talk him into it. I've barely seen him in weeks."

Taylor's head whipped up to regard Molly. "Why?"

Molly raised a shoulder as if she didn't even really know the answer to that. "I'm really busy with school and Reflections, so I'm sure he's around more than I think, but he's never, I mean
never
home when I'm there lately." Molly took a sip of her green tea, but Taylor didn't say anything. She just waited for her to continue. "He's had to be out of town quite a bit lately, but even when he's home, he's never at the apartment. I don't think he's trying to avoid me or anything, but I've barely seen him at all lately." Taylor wanted to know more about Ben. She wanted to know where he was right then. Was he out of town? It was all she could do to keep from asking Molly all of her questions. "I honestly think he took it pretty hard when you said you couldn't be friends with him anymore." It was rare for Molly to speak so candidly, but she loved her brother, and it was hard to see him suffering, which was exactly what she suspected was going on.

Taylor didn't know what to say. Part of her felt like Molly was trying to call her out, but the other part was
overjoyed
that he might just be affected by her absence. As hard as she tried to forget, she was most definitely troubled by not seeing him, and was relieved that maybe, just maybe, he was feeling the same way. She must have let Molly's comment process for too long because Molly spoke again. "I'm not trying to give you a hard time," Molly assured her. "In fact, I'm pretty sure if something went down with you guys that it was his fault. I just wanted to be honest with you that I don't think he's been quite right since—"

"It wasn't his fault. It was mine. He's just such a great guy, and I didn't want to feel like I was too dependent on having him around."

"So you asked him to leave you alone?" Molly asked.

"Pretty much," Taylor said. She thought for a second before continuing. "He was probably relieved. I know he doesn't really have time for a—"

"I don't think he was relieved," Molly said.

Taylor looked past Hannah, regarding Molly with a quizzical, sincere expression. "What do you mean by that?" she asked.

Molly smiled sweetly. "Maybe I'm overstepping my bounds. Maybe I'm making assumptions, but I know my brother pretty well, and I just don't think he's been quite right since you broke it off."

"What do you mean by quite right?"

Molly put a hand up as if to say she'd probably already said too much. "I don't really need to get involved," she said. "You're both capable of making your own choices. You both know how to use a cell phone. I know it's a two-way street, I just wanted to bring it up in case you had any feelings."

Hannah looked at Taylor with wide eyes, waiting for her maybe juicy response.

"I could
easily
have feelings for your brother," Taylor said looking at Molly. They shared a few seconds of sincere eye contact where neither of them knew quite what to say. Taylor relished the idea that he might miss her since she most definitely missed him. She had to suppress a smile at the thought of him being
not right
. It wasn't that she took joy in his pain, but she sure did enjoy imagining him being miserable without her.

They were interrupted by Tak, who had just finished the first few rolls and held out a plate for them to take. They talked with him while he made the rest of their order, telling him they were there to celebrate Taylor getting her cast off. Even though he didn't know all the details, he'd seen her cast and congratulated her for getting it off.

Taylor spent the rest of the meal in an excellent mood. She was already happy about the cast, but the revelation about Ben and his moodiness over the past two weeks had her walking on clouds. As a result of this excellent mood, the girls decided to go by Common Grounds before they went home. Gina, Kent, Anne, and Matt were all working and everyone was happy to see her out of her cast.

The girls were all still so full from sushi that they didn't eat or drink anything at the coffee shop. They were only there for about fifteen minutes—long enough to show everyone her cast free arm and check the schedule for next week while they were at it. Kent gave Molly a hard time since she was the only one of the three who didn't work there, and Molly told him that she would get a job there in a heartbeat if only there were enough hours in the day.

Hannah and Molly both went home after they were done at the coffee shop. Taylor invited them to stay at her house for a while, but they each had to be going. Molly was planning on spending the night at Nick's and just going straight to school from his place in the morning. First, she had to stop by her apartment to get her things.

Her brother was leaning against the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal when she came in. "What's up?" she asked.

"Nothing. I'm just hanging here for the night. I have to head out early in the morning."

"Where you going?"

"Atlanta."

She looked like she wanted to know more, but didn't ask.

"It's just a training exercise. I'll be back Friday." He rinsed the empty bowl and loaded it and his spoon into the dishwasher.

"Aren't you going to ask where I've been?"

"No, not really."

Molly scoffed. "You're being a real asshole lately."

He let out a little laugh and gave her a shrug. "I'm not trying to be an asshole I just wasn't going to ask where you were." 

"Fine, then I won't tell you I was with Taylor, and she got her cast off, and she looked amazing."

Ben's expression was unreadable as he took in his sister's statement. "That's cool she got her cast off," he said, seemingly unaffected. "I'll bet that felt good."

"Yep. Also, I'm hooking her up with this guy I work with at the salon."

"Hairdressers are gay."

Molly gasped. "They are not! I'll have you know Jesse is very straight. He's hot too. I think he does CrossFit or something."

"CrossFit's gay."

Molly gasped again. "You better stop," she said. She threw her hands into the air as if he was a hopeless cause. "Okay, I guess you'll find out how gay he is after he
hooks up with Taylor
." Molly really did work with a guy named Jesse at Reflections. He was both hot and straight, but she had no intentions of hooking Taylor up with him. She was just trying to get a rise out of her brother, and obviously it was working.

"I went to see her family." Ben's statement came out of nowhere. Molly had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. "Taylor's," he said. "The eleven-year-old got my number out of Taylor's phone and called me the other day."

"What'd they say?"

"It's a girl. Abby. She said Taylor said I couldn't come back and wanted to tell me how sad they were that they wouldn't get to see me anymore. She also told me Henry said I could keep the motorcycle."

"What motorcycle?"

"Just a little toy."

"What'd you tell her?"

"I told her I could still come see them sometime since I'd already promised to take Jack for a drive."

"So, you went over there?"

"Yeah."

"Without Taylor?"

"Of course without Taylor."

"What'd you do?"

"I picked up the four kids, took them to dinner, and bought them some shoes. It was no big deal. I like them. I'll probably do it again sometime."

"You bought them
shoes
?"

"Yes."

Molly shook her head and stared into space.

"What?" Ben asked.

"And Taylor doesn't know about any of this?"

"No. And they're not gonna tell her."

Molly was silent for a few seconds. She didn't know how to feel or what to say about him seeing her family, so she dropped the subject completely. "Don't forget Nick's parents are throwing that party this weekend and you're invited," she said on her way to her room to pack her things.