Between the Seams (20 page)

The driver—um, Mark—tipped his hat and smiled before closing the back door behind them. Chase led her down a path as she heard the car drive away.

Too busy taking in her surroundings—these cabins were absolutely gorgeous—she paid no attention to where they were going. Chase drew to a stop in front of one of the smaller cabins, withdrew a key from his pocket and placed it in the lock. He opened the door and stepped back, gesturing for her to enter first, which she did.

The first thing she noticed was the smell of something absolutely delicious that made her mouth water. The second was the modern, yet somehow natural feeling décor. The ceilings were surprisingly high, the walls painted a neutral stone color.

“This place is beautiful.”

“You like it?”

She nodded. “And what is that smell? I’m suddenly starving.”

She set her purse down on a chair and wandered around the small space. The source of the wonderful food smell came from warming dishes that had been set on the counter top, along with plates, silverware, two wine glasses and a bottle of wine chilling in a bucket of ice. She touched the dome of one of the warming plates, found it to still be warm, and turned to Chase. “I’m guessing this hasn’t just been sitting here for a couple of hours.”

He stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, a nervous gesture that was so unlike him that she barely managed to resist the urge to walk to him and wrap her arms around him. Sure, she was going along with things for now, but she wasn’t foolish enough with her heart to risk it all again without knowing what the lay of the land was.

“I texted the lodge about fifteen minutes before we got here to let them know to bring it on over and leave it. I figured a private dinner and conversation would be better than a public one.”

Fair enough. “It feels kind of weird, getting here and immediately eating.”

“The food will keep warm for a little longer.”

She shook her head. “No, I’m actually starving.”

God, this was so freaking awkward.

“Okay,” he said before walking over to the sliding glass doors, sliding back the curtain and revealing a private patio area with a table for two. Well, that answered one question she’d had.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she began to pull off the warming covers and discovered what looked to be herb-crusted prime rib, fluffy mashed potatoes, and roasted green beans, already plated. Another dish revealed little wells of what looked to be au jus and horseradish butter. There was also a basket of crusty, still warm bread that smelled heavenly, with individual pats of butter tucked in here and there.

By silent agreement, Chase took their dinner, and Jo managed to grab the condiments, butter and bread. They carried their fare out to the little patio, arranged it to their liking and then went back inside for silverware, bread plates, the wine glasses, and wine, which Chase opened before going back outside.

Once settled, they looked across the table at each other, and Jo almost smiled.

Chase poured them each some wine, giving her more than he did himself. From all the research she’d been doing, she guessed he was cutting back on alcohol due to his kidneys—not that he’d really drank all that much to begin with.

They each took an appreciate sip of the red wine, set their glasses aside and then simply stared at each other across the table.

After long, silent moments, Chase cleared his throat. “So this is kind of uncomfortable and awkward.”

Jo shrugged, somehow managing not to smile again, and then picked up her steak knife and fork. “It’s been better, that’s for sure.”

He sighed and picked up his utensils, too, but didn’t seem as interested in the meal as she was.

She relented, just a little. “Eat. This conversation will go much better if we’re not both hangry.”

“Hangry?”

“Yup. Being hungry makes people angry. You combine hungry and angry and you get hangry.”

He shook his head, but he at least seemed to relax enough to enjoy his meal (which really was superb).

They ate pretty much in silence, broken only by small talk about work how the Wranglers were doing. Safe, fairly neutral subjects. Nothing like the conversations they used to have over countless shared meals.

It was awful and awkward and there had to be a way to get past it.

Jo just wasn’t sure how.

~~*~~

Once the dishes had been cleared from the table and placed in the sink for the lodge’s staff to retrieve, Chase led Jo to the sofa inside the cabin, unwilling to have this conversation outside where anyone and everyone could hear them. Yes, the cabins had wood privacy fences that were impossible to see over unless you were maybe a professional basketball player, and with it being the beginning of the school year most of the other cabins were empty, but what he had to say to Jo was between the two of them and nobody else.

He refilled her wine glass before taking a sip out of the bottle of water he’d grabbed for himself after dinner. The jewelry box in his pocket felt like a lead weight, and the one in the bedroom taunted him.

He hoped like hell what he had to say was enough to make Jo forgive him.

Although to be fair, he was still struggling with forgiving himself.

She waited patiently, and he knew her silence was her way of getting him to talk. God, he’d been stupid to push her away.

He took a deep breath, studied the water bottle in his hands for long moments, and then slowly began to speak.

“That day I broke up with you, I was out of my mind. I was scared. So I pushed you away because I was trying to protect myself and you. At the time, I knew it was stupid. I knew it felt all wrong. But all I could think about was how unfair this was to you, and how you deserve someone better, healthier, who’ll live to grow really old with you. I felt like if I stayed with you, I would be condemning you to a life of doctor’s appointments and medical scares and uncertainty. You’ve had enough instability in your life, I didn’t want to pile on.”

He looked up at her then, met her gaze head on and saw the tears swimming there, felt his own eyes burning and continued. “The thing is, Jolene Dolly Sommers Westwood, I’m an idiot. I was scared of having a short life to spend with you, so I ended it now instead of getting to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter how short that life might be.”

A tear spilled over and onto Jo’s cheek. He reached out and brushed it away with his thumb, feeling his own threatening to fall. “But then I got to thinking about that, and realized that there are no guarantees in life. For all we know we could die tomorrow, a year from now, ten years from now, or live until we’re eighty-five. We just don’t know. And the longer I thought about it, the more I realized that a life without you—no matter how long or short that life may be—isn’t living at all. What I have, yeah, it’s a bit of a death sentence, but that doesn’t mean I should stop living between now and when my name is called.

“I’m sorry for being an idiot. I’m sorry for hurting you—that’s the last thing I want to do, and yet I did it. I’m sorry I made you cry. Most of all, I’m sorry that I was so willing to throw our love away out of fear of the unknown. Life is short, but what good is life if you’re not actually living?”

Jo sniffled, set her wine glass down on the coffee table and grabbed a tissue out of the box on the end table beside the sofa. She swiped at her eyes, blew her nose and then said, “So all the gifts this week, those were from you?”

He grinned. “I wasn’t sure how much I needed to butter you up. Sorry if I went a little over board.”

Her smile was wobbly, but at least she was smiling now, which was better than the past few hours had been. “It was kind of sweet, if not a bit exasperating. I’m not sure what was worse—knowing they were from you but not knowing why you were sending things anonymously, or the questions I kept getting from all of my coworkers. Why did you send everything anonymously? It’s not like I couldn’t figure out it was you.”

He shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not really sure. I think I was a little scared that if you knew they were from me that you would refuse to accept them, which meant it really was over.”

She scooted closer to him, leaned into his body and wrapped her fingers around his. “Chase, honey, things will never be over between us. Even after the good Lord decides it’s your time to go I’ll still love you. You’ll always have my heart, no matter what happens.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you so, so much. I don’t think I can apologize enough for being so stupid.”

“This is a pretty good start. And I love you, too.”

They sat in companionable silence for long moments, until Jo finally spoke again. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been doing some research about End Stage Renal Failure, dialysis and kidney transplants.”

He raised an eyebrow. “How much research?”

“Maybe just a few…dozen…hours’ worth?”

He laughed. “I don’t mind at all. What have you found?”

She told him about everything she’d found, from online support groups to news articles about the kidney transplant black market to research institutions developing artificial kidneys that would work in lieu of biological ones.

“You really have been busy, haven’t you?”

“Just a little. I couldn’t help it, though. I wanted to better understand what’s wrong with you and what you were dealing with. From what I’ve read, you’re not the only person to kind of freak out when given a less than stellar diagnosis. I’ve also read so many stories about people living pretty normal lives while on dialysis or after receiving a transplant. It’s not a death knell, you just have to adjust to a new normal.”

He tightened his hand around hers. “Are you sure you’re willing to go down that road with me?”

She nodded and looked up at him. “Absolutely.”

His heart swelling with an emotion that went far beyond love, he leaned in and kissed her, just a light brushing of lips over lips. “God, I love you.”

She smiled and kissed him more fully, nibbling on his lower lip until he opened his mouth and met her tongue with his. They caressed each other with lips and tongue and hands, saying “hello” and “welcome home” with touch rather than words.

After long moments he broke the kiss, remembering the box in his pocket. “Oh, yeah, you never got to open your gift.”

He pulled the box out of his pocket and held it out to her. She gently took it from him and just as slowly opened the lid before peering down and gasping.

“Chase! This is beautiful.”

He’d contacted a jeweler friend of Matt’s and found something he thought fit Jo perfectly—a thin silver chain with a horizontal infinity pendant. One of the curves of the infinity symbol held the word “love” in cursive, accented by both of their birth stones.

He didn’t give a shit how corny Matt had said it was—the look on Jo’s face let him know he’d chosen well.

She removed the necklace from the box, unclasped it and turned so that the back of her neck was presented to him. “Help me put it on?”

He took the necklace from her and clasped it around her neck. When she turned back around, he was relieved to find he’d chosen the correct chain length. She smiled up at him and kissed his cheek.

“Y’know, I was pretty determined to make you squirm, but it ends up I don’t have it in me.”

“I’m glad.”

“Hell, me too.”

Chase rested his forehead against hers and simply breathed her in. Jo closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist. They sat there, silent, for long moments until Chase spoke. “So I was going to wait until tomorrow, but there’s something I need to show you.”

Jo pulled away and glanced up at him. “Well that sounds vague.”

“Sorry.” He got up from the sofa and then pulled her up, too, before leading her around the fireplace wall and into the bedroom. “Wait here.”

“Okay…”

He turned and walked over to his suitcase, unzipped it and pulled the box he was looking for out of it. He then walked back over to Jo, his hand curled around the box so she couldn’t see it, and said, “Close your eyes.”

She knitted her brows but did it anyway.

He took a deep breath, and the sound vibrated through the room. “The thing is, when I said earlier that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, no matter how short it may be, I meant it.”

He closed his eyes, opened them back up and cupped Jo’s cheek with his free hand. “I’ve loved you since we were kids, and I’ve been in love with you since I was fourteen years old. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, and the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know there are no guarantees, and I feel like a selfish bastard even asking you this considering the road I have ahead of me, but I can’t not ask you to marry me.”

He placed the box in one of Jo’s hands and wrapped her fingers around it. “We’ve already wasted so much time, and I don’t want to waste any more. I love you, Jolene, and would love nothing more than to be able to spend the rest of our lives together—no matter how long or short those lives might be.”

Jo opened her eyes and looked at him and then down at the box in her hand. He swallowed past the lump in his throat, his heart pounding in his chest. This felt like every last out he’d ever thrown rolled into one, multiplied by about a hundred.

Or maybe a thousand.

After long moments of Chase feeling like he could throw up at any time, Jo finally spoke. “First, I love you, too. Second, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, too. Third, yes, I will marry you.”

He stepped closer, joy bouncing through him, but Jo pressed a finger to his lips and held him in his place. “Fourth, you’re not a selfish bastard. And fifth, if I ever hear you say again that I don’t deserve this, that I don’t deserve the stress and worry and fear that goes along with loving someone who one day will be very, very sick, I will kick you in the balls and leave.”

He couldn’t hold back the chuckle that escaped.

“Oh, you think I’m not serious? Believe me, Chase Ashley Roberts, I am very, very serious about that last one. And I may not literally kick you in the balls, but I will not tolerate you talking down on yourself for something that isn’t your fault to begin with, and I definitely won’t tolerate you thinking you know everything that’s best for me.” Her brow was knitted in frustration, and the finger she’d had at his lips was now poking him in the chest. “No one deserves to go through what you’re going through and what you will go through. But no one deserves to go through that alone, either. So if we do this, it’s not just a marriage, Chase, it’s a partnership. We’re a team. And you know how in wedding vows there’s that whole part about ‘in sickness and health’? That’s there for a reason, and believe me when I say that when I speak those vows I will mean them with every fiber of my being. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part, for as long as we both shall live. You better believe that as much as I do, or else the ring I suspect is in this box won’t be going on my finger.”