Beyond Deserving (44 page)

Ursula boils water and rinses the teapot. “I'll make Geneva a cup of tea,” she says to the wall. “I know she's feeling wrung out. Ha. Who isn't?”

Katie's observation is that Geneva is close to exploding. She hasn't moved from her post at the dining room table. Through the double doors Geneva can see Gully at the table with Rhea, and she stares at him as if he were having a tête à tête with another woman.

Fish bursts through the room and down the stairs, letting the door slam hard behind him. In short order he is back up and out again, carrying his tape player and a handful of tapes. At the back door he turns and says, “Are you all asleep? This is DEAD CITY around here!” He sticks the player under his arm and grabs a beer out of the refrigerator.

Michael crosses paths with his brother on the deck and comes into the kitchen. “Have we got lemon?” he asks. Ursula says yes, and spoons loose tea into a pot. Michael says, “I can eat again by the time the fish is done. Fresh salmon. What a surprise.” He leaves again.

Rhea looks at Katie. “I didn't catch it,” she says. “I was just there.” There is a blast of Janis from the yard.

“Nobody's blaming you,” Katie says. “Eat up. I have something for you upstairs.”

Katie goes to the window to look out on the yard. Ursula switches on the yard lights and returns to the sink to rinse dishes and stack them in the dishwasher.

“I'm not really hungry,” Rhea says. She is leaning on her arms.

“Come up,” Katie says. “Come see what I've done.”

“Gully,” Ursula says. “Here's a cup of tea for Geneva. Why don't you take it to her? We'll sit down.”

When Katie and Rhea come back down with Juliette, Ursula is at the table with Geneva, and Gully has gone outside with his sons and the dog.

“You better come see, Aunt Ursula!” Rhea says. She is feeling much better.

The twirler's outfit is baggy in the seat of the pants, but otherwise it fits nicely. It is pale blue satin, trimmed with white false fur. It has a short pleated skirt, a close bodice with a scoop neck, and cap sleeves. Katie has attached yards of shiny rickrack around the neck and sleeves. It was worth it all for the look of astonishment and delight on Rhea's face when she saw it. Rhea said, “
That's
where you were!”

Rhea carries her baton into the yard, followed by Juliette. Katie sits at the dining room table, facing out through the nook and the windows, into the yard. She can see the two girls prancing and strutting, Rhea holding the baton up high. The dog is barking and racing about.

“I don't know what I thought happened,” Katie says wearily to no one in particular. “It was like he'd gone off with her. Like to Canada or Mexico. Like he robbed her from us. And they were having a good time, that's all. Rhea is full of it. She had a great day. I've made a scene about nothing.”

Ursula says, “Fish was thoughtless and stupid to go off without a word, but maybe it would be better to shut up about it for now. We don't want Rhea feeling guilty. Kids pick up on these things.”

“Doesn't she seem like a really happy child?” Katie asks.

Ursula says, “I thought that right away.”

Geneva says, “In all of Evelyn's nineteen years, I cannot remember a single time Gully went anywhere with her alone.”

The other two women stare at Geneva.

“The boys had dogs. The boys had birds. But let Evelyn try to pet one, and it bit or scratched or pecked or barked. One year they had a pigeon and it dropped doo-doo in her hair.”

Katie and Ursula look at one another.

“He stays up late like this, he'll have an angina attack driving home.”

“Michael can take you,” Ursula says quickly.

“He won't be able to sleep, and he'll roam around the house and I won't be able to sleep either,” Geneva keens.

“You could sleep in the spare room upstairs if you want. You could go up there now,” Ursula says. Her eyes are drooping and dark, her hair sticks out in tufts, her kelly green tee shirt has several stained spots on it. Katie thinks it was worse for Ursula than for anyone today. She expected the most.

She stands by the window and looks out on the yard. The girls are chasing the dog, catching him and sitting on the grass, letting him run back and forth over their legs and around them. Rhea lies flat on her back and the dog jumps across her belly, but lands halfway on her chest. Fish is playing a Grateful Dead tape. “Ripple in still waters. When there is no pebble tossed, no wind to blow …” Why, this should be a good time we're having, she thinks. “Where's Carter?” she asks without turning around. They wouldn't get him down.

“He's working tonight. Two more weeks till he quits and gets his place ready. They're going to call it ‘Annabella's Pizzaria.'” Ursula drums her fingers lightly on the table.

“He's a funny kid.”

“Don't I know it?” Ursula sighs.

Fish comes in fast and takes a six-pack out of the refrigerator. “Fish is almost done!” he yells as he exits. Geneva slumps with her midriff against the table. “His last dog died ten years ago. Why does he get one now?”

Ursula stands up. “I'll get Gully, Geneva. Michael can drive you both home and he and Fish can bring your truck out tomorrow.”

Geneva lays her head on the table.

Katie follows Ursula into the yard. Fish has changed the tape to the Rolling Stones. The girls are back to their baton twirling act, with Rhea leading Juliette as they march from one end of the yard to the other and back. “Watch, Katie!” Rhea calls. She twirls in place, and her pleated skirt flies out around her. When she stops, she does a bump with her butt.

Fish has a beer in his left hand and a long fork in the right. He is poking at the fish on the grill. Smoke is billowing.

Ursula says, “Michael, Geneva's tired and wants to go home. Maybe you should drive them.”

Gully says, “I can drive when I want to, I want to try the fish first.”

Michael says, “I'll talk to her in a minute, Ursula.” He pops the tab on a can of beer and sips it. Fish takes a long noisy drink from his, and burps loudly.

“If you're going to get drunk, you can go to hell,” Katie says.

Michael says, “It's our birthday. Both of you could stand to lighten up.”

“What have I done?” Ursula protests. “Cook and talk? Serve and clean?”

“I wasn't talking to you, Michael,” Katie says.

“I'm drinking beer too,” Michael replies.

“Never mind, Michael,” Ursula says. “Your mother is
tired
.”

“Everybody's TIRED,” Fish says. He jumps up on the lawn chair near the grill and swings the fork around. “They're all WORN OUT. Somebody didn't DO RIGHT and it's got them all DOWN. Katie's afraid Fish won't stay SOBER. Katie's afraid Fish will FUCK UP and DESERVE DIVORCE. Fish might lose his keys, drive the wrong car, break a plate, piss in his pants. HAVE A WRECK! FUCK A HIPPIE! FISH MIGHT GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE AND INTO HIS OWN MOTHERFUCKING HOUSE. FISH MIGHT SHOOT THE ASSHOLES WHO ARE STILL IN IT.” He burps again.

Gully says, “Son, I know just how you feel, I've been there too.”

“High and Dry” comes on the tape player. Fish bellows the song out along with the tape. He swings the fork, kicks one leg out and back, sways precariously. “You left me with no warning …” The girls are giggling and racing with Bounder now. They rush by and away again. Gully says to his son, his voice crackling, “You don't think that fish is done?” Fish is screaming the song. “High and dry, well I couldn't get a word in …”

“I better go,” Gully says. “I don't feel so good.” He reaches out toward Michael.

Rhea and Juliette are shrieking, running after the dog.

Fish screeches, “What a way to go …” He swings his head and shoulders around. The chair tips and then topples. Fish falls as the chair hits the barbecue grill and sends it onto its side, fish and coals flying. Everyone jumps back. Michael misses Gully's hand. Fish sprawls on the far side of the chair. As Gully steps backwards, Bounder bounds behind him, and Gully stumbles and falls with a thud. He moans once and lies still.

Katie grabs the tape player and throws it all the way across the yard against the garage.

Rhea cries, “Grandpa,” and Juliette, “What happened?!”

Fish says, “Now what have I done? Shit, what have I done?”

Michael and Ursula are on the ground by Gully. Gully says, “I think it's broke.”

Rhea begins to cry loudly. “It's my fault,” she wails. “I made Bounder do it.” Juliette puts her arms around her and starts to cry too.

Katie starts hitting Fish on the chest and head and arms. She doesn't say anything; she grunts and hits and starts to weep. Fish stands with his arms hanging at his side limply.

Ursula says, “Thank God nobody's burned.”

Geneva appears and says, “I hope everybody's happy.”

60

Ursula sits with Katie at the dining room table under the soft glow of the hanging lamp. The rest of the house is dark, except for a night light on the stairs and in the upstairs hall. Ursula managed to find some gin stashed in the cabinet above the refrigerator, along with an inch of cheap cognac and half a dozen miniature wine bottles from airplane rides. They have killed the gin, drinking it with Sprite, and Ursula feels not so much high as slightly numb. She probably would feel the same if she drank water, she's so tired.

Michael calls a little before midnight and says it's going to be a while. Gully's heart is acting up, it's his angina. They still haven't set his arm. “Mom's asleep on a couch,” he tells Ursula. “She's half-dead, I wish I could check her in too.”

“And you?” Ursula asks. “Are you okay?”

“Sure I'm okay,” Michael says. “Why wouldn't I be? Is Fish there?”

“No, he left right after you did, in his truck. We haven't seen him.”

“Maybe he went to a bar. Or driving around.”

“Katie says maybe he went to Mexico.”

“Too hot this time of year. Listen, I've got to go. Don't wait up.”

“We'll see.” She hangs up and recounts the conversation for Katie.

Katie says she doesn't know if she can stay awake much longer.

“You don't need to. Go up to the spare bed. Rhea's with Juliette.”

“I was hoping Fish would come back. I was hoping he wouldn't go out and get drunk, or drunker, and do something stupid.”

“It's up to him, I guess,” Ursula says. She wishes she had more gin, or liked cognac.

The phone rings again. “Just a minute, just a minute,” she says. She puts her hand over the mouthpiece. “It's the renters. They say Fish is sitting in his truck in the driveway. What do they think we can do about that?”

“Give me the phone,” Katie says. “Who is this?” Now she pulls the phone away from her face to tell Ursula, “Sky the dipshit. Okay, Sky, he's had a very hard night, and he is very pissed at you. You go out there and tell him Katie says come home, it's cool here. You don't make it worse, you hear? And in the morning start packing your shit.” She bangs the phone down.

Ursula feels guilty, though she has nothing to do with it. “Michael was absolutely scrupulous about references, deposits, all of it. But all the people who wanted to live in your house were a little—
alternative
. Know what I mean?” Katie knows. “Michael did go file for an eviction notice, you know. They're wrong, but they're there. It could take a while.”

Katie waves her hand in front of her face. “I hope Michael knows what he's doing, starting a house with Fish.”

Ursula props her chin with her fist, leaning on her elbow. “I don't allow myself to think about it. Michael is going to teach half-time this year, Global Studies, mornings at the high school. He's completely changing what he's doing so he can work with Fish.”

“Fish is lucky.”

“Michael says he feels like he's a big winner, doing this. He was in a rut. And he likes working with his brother. For all of Fish's troubles, he doesn't have many with Michael, as far as I know. Michael says, the time is right. I think he senses some changes in Fish. The turn at forty-five. Ahh. What a birthday this turned out to be.”

“Oh Ursula, why do I have trouble?”

“Maybe because you expect trouble.”

“They tell you, learn from history.”

“What Fish did today—going off harebrained as a seventh-grader—it really wasn't big enough to merit all this that came out of it. From Rhea's point of view, it was a damned good day, evidently.”

“So who's fault is that? Didn't Fish knock over the grill? Didn't he make the scene?”

“Not by himself. I don't think he could do it by himself.”

Katie pulls herself up tall in her chair. “I didn't do it. I didn't tell him to get on a chair and sing like Mick Jagger. God DAMN it, Ursula, don't do that to me.”

“I'm worn out, Katie. I don't mean to blame or criticize. Don't you know I love you?”

The phone rings again. Ursula answers, tells the caller to wait, and hands the phone to Katie. “Carol Lee?” she whispers.

“Carol?” Katie says. “What's going on?”

She listens for a minute, looking more and more alarmed, and then tells the girl to wait. She explains to Ursula. Fish has stormed into the house and started throwing stuff out on the lawn.

“Damn.”

Katie is back on the phone. “Michael's not here, Carol. I don't know anything to do. I think you ought to stay out of his way. He's not crazy, really he's not. He's mad. He'll stop for a breath and realize what he's doing, and go tearing off in his truck. Stay out of his way. Keep the babies out of his way.” She hangs up and begins kneading her fingers, wringing her hands. “Don't do this,” she whispers. “Please don't do this.”

Ursula moves over by Katie and puts her arm around her. “You want to take my car and go out there?”