Beyond Eighteen (14 page)

“What’s wrong?” I asked, worried at what his
pained eyes and distant smile were telling me.

“It happened so fast,” he started before he
bit at the corner of his bottom lip. “I didn’t have a condom.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t wearing a condom,” he
repeated.

The visions of our lovemaking replayed in my
head. It didn’t even register at the time that I didn’t hear a
wrapper rip open or remember a moment of pause while I waited for
him to put it on.
Shit, I don’t remember even asking him if he
had protection with him.
I didn’t even let that second of
responsibility enter into my head…until now.

Suddenly every thought of
amazing
turned into fear of what could be; every
if
became a
when
, and every
choice
became a
consequence.
My heart hammered in my chest, feeling as if it was going to bust
through my sternum.
What was I thinking?
Obviously, I
wasn’t.
It was incredibly intense, and so amazingly sexy,
especially since Max had never really acted like that with me
before. I pulled slightly away from him, but he wouldn’t let go;
instead he clung tighter to me. His hands pressed harder into my
back.

“Wilson, it was so fast, you were so
incredible, I thought I’d be able to hang on a bit longer—” he
tried to make me feel better.

“Max, what if?”

“Hey, no ‘what ifs’. It’s going to be okay,
I promise,” he murmured. But I looked in his eyes and knew he was
just as scared as I was.

“But what if it isn’t—okay?” I asked. I
could feel my eyes begin to dampen with tears that held every drop
of fear in my soul. Instantly, thoughts crashed through my head.
Off-the-wall images of Max leaving me pregnant and all alone.
Suddenly I didn’t want to be naked any more.

“I think I should get dressed. I just want
to get dressed,” I repeated as I leaned down to pick up my clothes
off the floor.

Max reached over and took my hand. His
appearance softened as he read every fear on my face.

“Wilson, sweetheart, I’m serious;
everything
will be okay…no matter what.” Max dragged his
warm hands across my cheeks as he stared into my eyes. “I love
you,” he whispered.

I wanted to trust him. I wanted to believe
everything was going to be okay, but how did he know? How could he
stand next to me and tell me everything was going to be okay when
my own father left my mother the minute he found out she was
pregnant…with me?

I brusquely pulled my panties off the stone
countertop and pulled them on. I snatched my pants and was dressed
all the way to my bra before I raked my fingers through my hair,
pushing it back from my face.

“I want to believe you, Max, but if this
leads to something more than just you and me…I don’t know if you
can handle it. My father couldn’t,” I choked, trying not to bawl. I
struggled to work my shirt and his hoodie right-side-out as I
answered his declaration.

“Wilson, come on now, just wait a minute…I’m
not your asshole father, and you are not your mother. Damn it, you
should know by now, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you,”
he steamed as he grabbed my wrists, stopping me from putting on my
shirt. “You have us pregnant and broken up before we even know if
there really is something to even worry about.”

His eyes were narrow and dancing between
mine as he stared at me. His strong chest rose rapidly as he
breathed and the muscles in his jaw constricted as he stood looking
at me. I knew throughout my entire heart and soul that Max loved me
more than anything, but all the screwed up experiences that were
ironed into every fiber of my childhood seem to resurface when life
decides to try and trip me up. We stood silently for what seemed
like forever. He didn’t make another sound or plea for his case; he
just watched me and waited for me to answer him.

“I trust you, Max.”

“Do you really?” he rebutted.

“Yes, I do. And I love you, Maximillain
Goldstein, more than anything,” I added before I let go of the
breath I was holding.

Max let go of my wrists and helped me pull
my shirt on. His fingers were rougher than usual as he guided my
top down my sides. It reminded me that, earlier that day, he fought
for me. He reached over, grabbed his hoodie from the counter, and
held it over my head. He pressed his mouth to mine as the collar of
his gray sweatshirt passed my lips. He tasted like every bit of
shelter I craved, like all the loyalty I needed.

“Maxi?” Nancy called from in the
kitchen.

Max ignored her call and pressed deeper into
our kiss, urging his tongue between my lips. I released the tension
in my jaw and let him push for more from me.

“Maxi?” Nancy called again.

My body stiffened.
God I don’t want
anyone to find us in this bathroom together. Please don’t let her
come looking for us. Come on, Max, acknowledge your mother!

Max, clearly lost in a moment of utter
abandon with me, persisted with his kiss. When I pulled away, he
pushed his forehead against mine, letting out a steaming huff
across my lips. The same lips that didn't want to stop kissing him
either.

“Um, Max, your mom’s calling you,” I mumbled
as I noticed his gorgeous emerald eyes narrow. “It sounds like
she’s been crying,” I added in a whisper.

I could tell Max wanted to ignore my
question and my observation, but he knew. He knew there was
something that didn’t feel right; her voice was shaky.

“Yeah, I’d better go find out what’s going
on. Are you okay?”

“I think so…yeah…I’m okay.”

“Do something for me?” he asked, still
resting his forehead against mine. I nodded.

“Tell me again that you trust me. Please,”
he breathed before closing his eyes.

“I trust you,” I sighed.

“Remind me how much you love me,” he
whispered.

“I love you more than anything in this
world,” I answered as our lips caressed each other’s delicately.
Urges stronger than any addiction surged in my groin. “You’d better
go.”

“I know. Now go upstairs and wait for me,”
he growled in a low, breathy voice.

I pulled my head away from his and
countered. “Nope, I think I will join you in the great room, with
your family.”

I don’t think he expected me to answer him
that way. But if I was going to be a part of his family, and he
wanted me to trust him, then he needed to know that whatever was
happening to his them was happening to me too.

“You sure? I just thought you’d want to take
a shower,” he said innocently.

“No thanks, I’ll be fine. I’ll take one
later,” I responded.

“Alright then, let’s go,” he said as he held
out his hand and opened the bathroom door.

Luckily the coast was clear. No Nancy
waiting by the front door or Calvin hovering in the hall waiting to
talk to Max, just the extra sound of Camille and Dan in the great
room. For a moment I thought,
maybe I should have waited
upstairs for him.
But then Max pulled me down the hall into the
great room and I knew…
this is right where I belong, with his
family
.

~ Max ~

I wasn’t too much help to my mom as she
struggled with the death of the most important person in her life.
She had reached the breaking point of holding it together today as
we all grieved our father. Burying Dad today landed heavy and
square on her heart. I get it. There was nothing I could say to
make it okay, so I just listened as she rambled endlessly about all
the things he would do around the house and how he had expectations
for each one of us kids.

“
You should know, Maxi,
your father was
very
proud of you. Very proud,” she stated as she dabbed her eyes
with the kitchen towel hanging from the handle on the refrigerator.
I stood across from her, leaning against the sink.

“
I know, Mom,” I said
carefully as I turned and began to rinse a couple of plates with
the remainders of mixed berry pie. I wasn’t about to remind her of
the major guilt trips dad would lay on me when I came home on
holiday breaks from school. Today and for the rest of her life I’ll
let her believe my dad was proud that I wanted to be a teacher
instead of running the family business.
Now I just wonder if this is the best time to tell her about
my father’s last turn of the knife in my back? Probably
not.

“
He loved you kids so
much,” she cried as she came over to me and rubbed my back. Her
tiny, warm hands pressed softly against my back.

“
I’m glad Dad had a chance
to meet Wilson,” I said trying to change the images of me being CEO
of GP that wanted to take over my head.

“
Me too. You know your
father absolutely adored her…Maxi, we never really talked much
about my reaction when I found out about Wilson…being…so much
younger than you. It was selfish of me…to worry about our family’s
reputation instead of your feelings.”

“
No, Ma, it’s over. Let’s
keep that in the past where it belongs,” I said as I choked on my
words. I kept rinsing dishes.

She tapped her fist a couple of times in a
dull rhythm just below my shoulder blade. “Well, Maxi, I don’t want
you to feel like I don’t love Wilson, because I do. She makes you
happy and that makes me happy.”

I stopped rinsing and snatched a small towel
off the counter as I turned around to her. “Thanks, Ma, that means
a lot to me, with Wilson not having family now,” I murmured as I
focused down at the towel I twirled between my fingers. I didn’t
expect to feel my mom’s delicate hands catch either side of my face
and push my head up to look at her.

“
Wilson most certainly has
a family! She has us. We are her family now,” her voice broke into
a serious tone. Her emerald eyes swelled with tears, mirroring the
same expression that must have been broadcasting across my face.
She leaned in and stretched up and gave me a kiss. It was like I
was a kid again. I wrapped my arms around her petite frame and gave
her the same type of hug that I would whenever I needed my mom to
make my life better.

“
Thanks, Mom,” I mumbled
as I locked my chin across her shoulder.

“
You’re welcome, sweets.
And don’t think I didn’t notice the marks on your neck and your
knuckles. You want to talk about it?” she asked.

I knew she noticed, but part of me wanted to
believe in the theory of “if she doesn’t ask, don’t volunteer the
information.”

“
Nothin’ for you to worry
about, Ma; everything’s fine,” I replied.

“
Well, if you want to
talk—”

“
I know,” I
interrupted.

“
Okay, fine. So,
where
is
that
little lady of yours?” she asked as we broke from our embrace and
she brushed her hand across the spot where her face had been buried
in my chest.

“
She’s with Camille and
Dan. She insisted that I take a moment alone with you, to make sure
you were okay,” I answered her honestly.

“
Oh, phooey. Go get her
from that room. Poor girl, she should be with you,” she hissed as
she pushed me out of the kitchen. I turned back just in time to see
her drag her fingers across her forehead and drop her gaze to the
floor.

“
Go on, I’m fine, go on
now,” she responded when she saw me falter, waving her hand high in
the air.

“
Love you,” I said in a
low rumble as I pushed through the black shiny door.

I hurried through the dining room, weaving
between the chairs that were still pulled out from the table. I
kept thinking about Wilson’s insistence that I go talk to my mom
alone. All at once, the images of Wilson and me in the bathroom
flashed through my head.

I froze in the doorway of the great room as
I came upon Wilson in a conversation with Dan and Camille. She
didn’t see me standing there, so I just took advantage of a
stealthy moment and watched her. She was sitting on the large stone
hearth of the fireplace, her legs crossed alluringly in front of
her. Her curvy lips danced when she spoke, and loose pieces of her
blonde hair tumbled across her cheek before she flipped it and
wedged the loose strands behind her ear. Her eyes glazed over as
she tried to stay engaged in the conversation, but I could tell she
was preoccupied. She shifted her body and slowly rubbed her hand
against the lower part of her stomach before pulling her knees up
against her chest. She was my breath. She was the thought that
moved me. She was my world, and the woman I wanted to spend the
rest of my life with. It took everything I had not to bust in there
and snatch her up. I tucked my bottom lip into my mouth, biting it
as I dragged it back between my teeth. I took a deep breath and ran
my fingers across my hair, trying to cool off before I entered into
the great room to save her from the droning conversations she’d
been having with my sister and her husband.

I walked over to Wilson and stood next to
her. The fire was raging and blazing hot as the heat penetrated
through my pants, burning my legs. I couldn’t believe she’d been
sitting in front of the fire as long as she had. When I lowered my
hand against her back, she was scorching hot.

“
Holy shit, Wilson, your
back is on fire; maybe you shouldn’t sit there,” I said as I
grabbed her hands to pull her up.

“
Oh, it’s not that hot,”
she said.

“
Come here,” I
countered.

Wilson stretched her feet down to the floor
and I watched her unfold, bit by bit, away from the fireplace and
into my arms.