Beyond These Hills (33 page)

“I came here and tried to be friendly with everybody. And what did it get me? I was ordered off people's property, I had a shotgun pointed at my head, and I had the girl I love tell me we were too different to ever have a relationship. I'm sorry I didn't grow up here and have a history with you like Jimmy does, but I was too busy in Virginia grieving over my brother and mother and wondering why my father didn't love me anymore.”

She held up her hands and shook her head. “You're wrong about how you were treated. If I remember correctly you were invited to Sunday dinner at my grandparents' home the Sunday you came to church and told me you were joining the CCC camp.”

“I didn't tell you I was joining. I said I was staying out there, which happened to be the truth.” His dark eyes bored into her. “It sounds
to me like you've been thinking about my shortcomings a lot. Maybe that's why you've made a point not to be alone with me lately.”

She shook her head. “That's not true, Andrew. I've been busy helping my mother with my father.”

“Well, all I know is that ever since your father got sick, you've hardly had time for me. I think this is the first time we've been together without one of your family members around. What happened, Laurel? Did they convince you that Jimmy was the better choice after all?”

She frowned and shook her head. “No, they haven't said…”

He gritted his teeth and took a step closer. “Don't deny it. They think of me as some monster from Washington who is forcing them to give up the land they've lived on for years. I don't think they have any more intention of accepting me than my father has for you.”

“That's not true. They've been nice to you since the day you came to the Cove.”

“Yes, they've treated me like they would any guest who came to visit but would soon go home. They know I'm in love with you, but they don't accept me like they do Jimmy. They never let me forget that he's practically family. They'd rather you marry Jimmy than me. Have they convinced you to give them what they want?”

Tears filled her eyes. “Andrew, please don't.”

He threw up his hands in resignation. “If that's what you want, don't let me stand in your way. Why don't you do something about it? He's back at home now, and he asked you to come visit his family. Why don't you go?”

Laurel stared at Andrew and tried to see a glimpse of the man she loved in the angry man who faced her, but she saw nothing that reminded her of the Andrew she'd come to know. After a moment she took a deep breath and spoke in a soft voice. “Maybe I will. Now I think it's time for you to leave. I'll make your apologies to Mama about supper.”

He blinked, but the anger on his face didn't disappear. He swallowed hard and took a step toward her, but she flinched and backed away. She wrapped her arms around her waist to still the pain that gripped her at the hurt look that flickered in his eyes. He exhaled and shook his head in resignation. “I think you're right. Evidently I've worn out my welcome around here. I think we need to take a new look at our relationship.”

She pressed her lips together and inhaled. “I agree. If this is any indication of what our life may be like in the future, I don't want to go any further with you. There are too many unresolved issues in your life, Andrew. Maybe deep down you do want a life in politics and the kind of home Lucy can make for you. And perhaps you do want your father to guide your career up the political ladder. If that's what you want, then you should accept it.”

“I don't want that, Laurel. You know that.”

She shook her head. “I don't know that. In fact I think you're sorry you ever told me you love me because you're scared of what that means and what you have to give up in your life. But I'm afraid too. Afraid that if you choose to be with me that one day you'll come to hate me because of the life you gave up for me. I couldn't stand that.”

“I would never feel that way.”

“You say that now, but who knows what the future holds? You need to be sure. Decide what you want and how you can bring peace into your life. Until that time, I don't want you to come back here. Goodbye, Andrew.”

She whirled and ran into the house. He reached the door just as she slammed it behind her. “Laurel,” he cried. “Come back out here. I can't leave with things this way between us.” His fists pounded on the door, and tears ran down her face as he continued to call her name, but she didn't give in. After several minutes his voice grew softer. “I do love you. I've never felt about anyone like I do about you, but it scares me that we may not be right for each other. I guess we both need to figure some things out. I'm going now, but I will be back. As soon as I return from Gatlinburg, we're going to settle this.”

Laurel listened to his footsteps as he went down the porch steps. In a few minutes she heard his car come around the side of the house and drive off down the road. She leaned her head against the door and let the tears flow.

Never in her life had she felt like she did now. It was as if her soul had been sucked from her body and left an emptiness that filled her from head to toe. All she wanted was to curl up in her bed and cry until she fell into an exhausted sleep, but she couldn't do that. She had to put on a pleasant expression and decide what to do.

After a moment the solution came to her, and Andrew had given her the idea. She would tell her family she had decided things weren't going to work out with Andrew, and he wouldn't be returning. She was upset, of course, but knew it was for the best. Since her father was getting better and most of the livestock had been sold, it seemed a good time to get away for a few days. The Fergusons' hotel in Tremont would be the perfect place to think. The mountain scenery there was beautiful, and Jimmy could help take her mind off her problems. That should please her mother.

She wiped the tears from her eyes, took a deep breath, and headed to the kitchen where her mother was preparing supper. Her excitement at the idea of the trip grew as she approached the kitchen. She hadn't been to Tremont in quite a while, and she really would like to spend some time with Jimmy's family. The only part she hadn't figured out was who she could get to take her to Townsend to catch the train that went to Tremont.

For the last week Andrew had struggled with how he and Laurel had parted before he left for Gatlinburg. During the day he'd been able to keep busy and concentrate on his job, but the nights had been a different story. Thank goodness he'd be back in his own bed at the CCC camp tonight. He didn't think he could stand another
lonely night in the Mountain View Hotel. Of course he hadn't made any friends at the camp, but at least he'd be back in the Cove close to Laurel.

As he drove along the road that led into the Cove he pondered the question that had been on his mind all week. Would Laurel want to see him again? He'd said some awful things, and his heart still pricked every time he thought of their argument. How could he have accused her of all those things? Her parents and grandparents had never been anything but good to him, and he'd accused them of only pretending to like him while working against his relationship with Laurel because they wanted her to marry Jimmy.

The truth was that deep down he was jealous. Jealous of Jimmy because they treated him like family, of Laurel because she had such wonderful parents, and of the closeness the Martins and Jacksons shared. As a boy, he'd longed for his father to put his arms around him and tell him he loved him. And it remained the same even after he was grown. He wished that just once his father would look at him the way Matthew looked at Willie.

When Matthew and Willie had left to walk to the creek the day he and Laurel argued, he'd wanted to go along. He'd wanted to see what fathers and sons were supposed to do together. Instead he'd been so jealous of Willie, his bitterness at his father had spilled over and hurt Laurel. If only he could go back and change things.

His thoughts drifted to the good times he'd had with Willie when they'd done the chores after Matthew's illness. Then there had been the family suppers that he'd enjoyed. It would be night soon, and the Jacksons would be getting ready to gather around the kitchen table for their evening meal. He wished he were there. If he was lucky, the cooks at the camp might have something left over for him to eat tonight, but he'd be alone.

Deep down in his heart he knew what made mealtime at the Martin and Jackson homes so different. They began by offering thanks to God for their blessings. But it wasn't that they thanked
God only before they ate. It was a way of life with them. That's what made their family so different from what he'd always known. They had a deep faith in God, and every decision they made was based on what Jesus taught.

That was another thing that had troubled him all week. He still couldn't figure out where they got all their faith and how they managed to hold on to it even when things were bad. He'd spent hours every night for the last week reading the Bible Matthew had given him, but he still had trouble understanding it. How could you put your faith in something you couldn't see? Laurel's family did, and he'd never known anybody as happy as they were.

He had so many questions about what he'd read in the Bible, and he needed to talk to someone. Simon seemed the logical person to help him understand the words he'd read, and his house was just ahead.

When Andrew pulled the car to a stop in front of the cabin, Simon stepped onto the front porch and waved to him. “Andrew, good to see you. Get out and come in. You're just in time for supper.”

Shaking his head, Andrew got out of the car and climbed the steps to where Simon stood. “I didn't come by to eat. I wanted to talk with you.”

Simon put his arm around Andrew's shoulders and laughed as he guided him into the house. “Anna always fixes enough in case somebody drops by. Granny taught her that. I think she did it because back in my single days I used to show up at her house to eat nearly every day.”

The smell of baking bread mingled with the spicy aroma of cinnamon enveloped Andrew as he entered the house, and his stomach growled. He flashed a sheepish grin at Simon. “I guess I am a little hungry.”

Simon laughed again and slapped him on the back. “Glad to hear it. We'll talk after we eat. I can always think better with a full stomach.”

An hour later Andrew and Simon were relaxing in the rockers that faced the stone fireplace in the front room of the cabin. Andrew's belt had tightened considerably during the meal, and he considered loosening it. “That sure was a good meal. The chicken and dumplings were the best I've ever eaten.”

Simon nodded and patted his stomach. “I thought so too. Anna has always fed me well.”

Anna stuck her head around the door at that moment and smiled. “Do you two need anything else?”

Andrew groaned. “I'm completely stuffed, Anna. Thank you so much for asking me to supper.”

“You're welcome anytime, Andrew.” She glanced at Simon. “I have some catching up to do in my journal, so I'll be in the bedroom if you change your minds.”

Simon rose from his chair, walked over to her, and kissed her on the cheek. “I'll be in when Andrew and I are through talking.”

She smiled up at him, and the look that passed between the two of them made Andrew's pulse race. He and Laurel had looked at each other that way until a week ago, but he didn't know if they ever would again. He swallowed hard and looked down at his hands clasped between his knees.

He heard Simon return and sit down, but he didn't look up until Simon spoke. “Andrew, what's troubling you?”

The soft-spoken words held so much kindness and compassion that Andrew's throat closed and moisture pooled in his eyes. He shook his head and took a deep breath before he returned Simon's gaze. “My life is falling apart, and I don't know what to do about it.”

“What's happened to cause you so much pain?”

Briefly, he told Simon about his life with his father and their confrontation in Gatlinburg. Then he related the argument that had brought about his estrangement from Laurel. “I want things to be different in my life, but I don't know what to do to change it. I've read the Bible Matthew gave me, but it's hard to believe the things I read.”

Simon settled back in his chair and crossed his legs. “Like what?”