Big Girls Do Cry (8 page)

But it never happened, which was not good at all, because when Leon was finished, he was done, end of conversation. I hated it, but he’d been that way since we first started dating.

I bit down on the inside of my lip. It took me a few seconds to get over my disappointment. One side of me was glad that he came so fast, because it made me certain he hadn’t been with another woman after our fight, but the other side felt cheated. I wanted to come too. He’d gotten me all hot and bothered, but for what? Nothing!

We were lying on the living room floor, clothes strewn all over
the place. I could hear Leon’s ragged breathing piercing my ear. Another few minutes and he’d be asleep.

Finally I made a move. “Leon.” I shook him, hoping he could recharge and we could go for round two. Instead, Leon lifted his shoulders and looked down at me. “Whew! Girl, girl, girl. That
was
good, wasn’t it? I told you that you liked it hard and fast.”

Good? Was he crazy? Hell no, it wasn’t good. I was just getting started. I wanted to jump all over Leon’s selfish ass, but I didn’t want to risk our tenuous reunion and send him back out into the streets.

So I did something I was getting good at. I pretended I’d had an orgasm.

“Yeah, babe. That was great.” I tried to look satisfied. “Why don’t we do it again?” Couldn’t hurt to ask. Maybe I’d get lucky. The second round always seemed to last longer than the first. At least, that’s what I remembered.

“Nah, if I give you too much, you’ll get spoiled.” Leon gave me this silly grin as he eased off my body and picked up his clothes. He slapped my thick buttocks as he headed toward the stairs. “I’ll see you upstairs. I’m going to take a shower.”

As I lay there, listening to the shower running upstairs, I thought about what it would be like to be with someone other than Leon. Then I snapped out of my fantasy and thought,
When the hell would I have time to meet another man when I’m always busy working?

It had been more than a month since Tammy and I went out to dinner. She still hadn’t given me a definite answer as to whether she would be a surrogate for me and Rashad. Every time we talked, she’d give me the runaround, telling me not to worry and that she and Tim were still mulling over the idea. I wouldn’t admit it to Rashad, but I was starting to think the answer was going to be no—that is, until two days ago, when she and Tim asked us to come to New York for the weekend. My guess was that they were planning on telling us that we were going to be parents. At least, that was my hope. I couldn’t think of any other reason Tammy would ask me to visit. I knew my best friend pretty well, and she was a coward for the most part. If she had bad news, she would tell us over the phone, not face-to-face.

So, there we were on a plane to New York. I was so excited I could hardly sit still through the hour-long flight. Rashad, on the other hand, was stone-faced and quiet. He barely moved during the entire trip. Ever since I’d told him of Tammy and Tim’s request for us to come to New York, he’d taken a wait-and-see approach. Rashad was always the levelheaded one between us, but I knew my husband, and he was excited inside.

“You okay?” I asked when we landed. Rashad was usually the first person out of his seat belt, grabbing our bags so we could get off the plane. But this time he just sat there waiting patiently with his seat belt fastened as other passengers disembarked. “You haven’t said more than a few words since we took off.”

He patted my knee and gave me a little smile. “I’m fine. Just thinking, that’s all.”

“Thinking about the baby?”

He nodded. “That and what to say to Tim.”

I gave him a puzzled look. “I don’t understand.”

Rashad put his hand over mine. “Maybe it’s a guy thing, but what do you say to a man who lets his wife have your baby?” His voice cracked, like he was trying to hold back powerful emotions. “I don’t know how I’m going to repay him.”

“Neither do I, sweetheart. Neither do I.” I leaned my head against his shoulder.

We didn’t say much as we walked hand in hand from the gate to the luggage claim area and then to the rental car kiosk. From the airport, it took us only fifteen minutes to drive over to Tammy and Tim’s Jamaica Estates home.

Surprisingly, things weren’t as tense as I expected when we arrived at Tammy’s house. We were greeted with warm hugs and kisses. I was almost beside myself with anticipation. It took all my strength and self-control not to cut to the purpose of our visit and ask them for their decision right then and there, in the middle of the foyer.

As I walked through the house, I noticed that Tammy had redecorated quite a bit. She, with her sneaky self, had stolen my color scheme and even decorated her foyer like mine, using a grandfather clock and a chandelier. Nevertheless, I was so wound up about getting our baby that I decided to forgive Tammy and her pettiness. I was going to have to deal with a lot worse from her during a pregnancy, so I might as well get used to it now.

Finally, we were seated around the living room of their five-bedroom home. Once everyone was settled down with a drink, that tension I’d been expecting took over the room. It seemed like nobody wanted to speak. We were all staring at each other like a bunch of fools, each waiting for the other couple to speak.

Finally, I just blurted out, “So, Tim, Tammy, what did you guys decide? Am I going to be a mommy or what?” I crossed my fingers, rocking back and forth in my seat. I didn’t think they were going to say no, but I was nervous as hell. Rashad took my hand in his to calm me down.

Tim coughed against his fist, then cleared his throat. “Egypt, I know you and Tammy are good friends….”

“Yeah, and?” I didn’t mean to interrupt Tim, but I couldn’t help myself. He was taking too long.

“Calm down, baby,” Rashad said under his breath. “Let the man speak.”

“Thank you, Rashad.” He cleared his throat again. “As you know, this wasn’t a small request. We had to give it a lot of thought and consideration. We’ve even prayed about it.”

Tim was beginning to get on my nerves. We didn’t need all this buildup—just get to the damn point. “Come on, cut to the chase. Are you going to let Tammy be our surrogate or what?”

Tim heaved a deep sigh. His words came out in a rush. “No, Egypt. I’m sorry, but we can’t do it.”

“Huh?” I turned to Tammy. She wouldn’t look at me. This had to be some kind of damn joke. “This isn’t funny, Tammy.”

“We’re not laughing, Egypt,” Tim answered for her. “We know how bad you want a baby. We just can’t help you.”

“Why not?” My eyes filled with tears, but I bit my lip and held back my pain.

“Well, Tammy is thirty-eight, and carrying a full-term pregnancy at her age could be a health risk. Plus, she’s overweight.” Tim was enumerating his points with his fingers, as if he had practiced this little spiel. “If she carries a baby, it could push her into diabetes. We’ve got Michael and Lisa to think about as well. My children deserve to have a mother while they’re growing up. People still die in childbirth in this country, you know.”

“Tammy won’t die,” I assured Tim. “And she’s been overweight since you met her. And we’re willing to pay for her to have the best doctors.” I knew I was babbling, but I couldn’t help myself. I had been so sure they were going to say yes, and now that Tim was refusing, I felt like someone had let me unwrap a beautiful gift and then taken it back. “She could go on bed rest the entire pregnancy.”

Tim’s voice was firm. “No, we’ve thought about it. Tammy—I mean, we—can’t afford to lose a year of our lives. I’m sorry, but we have to put our own family first.”

I turned back to Tammy, appealing to her. “I know this is a lot to ask, and I wouldn’t ask you for this if I wasn’t desperate, but I just want a baby of my own.”

“I know, Egypt, but I haven’t lost my weight from my last baby.” Tammy, wringing her hands, had tears in her eyes.

I felt if I could just get through to her, she could convince Tim to go along with our plan. “You know I would do anything for you, and I have.” I gave her a pointed look, since Rashad didn’t know about the threesome I had had with Tim for Tammy.

Tammy continued, “Tim’s right, Egypt. Having a baby would be like losing a year out of our lives. I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it.”

Rashad stood up, his back ramrod straight. “Come on, honey. Let’s go. Tim, Tammy, we thank you for your time.” He was polite but obviously pissed. I rarely saw this side of his personality.

“Why can’t you guys stay for dinner?” Tim asked. “Tammy made those beef ribs you like so much, Rashad.”

“No, thank you.” Rashad kept his eyes straight ahead.

I turned to Tammy one last time. “Tammy, please. I’d do it for you.”

She didn’t answer. She just looked down at the floor with her eyes full of tears. I now had my final answer. I wanted to throw myself at Tammy’s feet and beg her to have our baby, but instead, I got up and followed my husband to the front door, sobbing softly.

“Stop crying, baby,” Rashad said, putting his arm around me as I got into the car. “If it costs every cent I have, we’ll find someone to have our baby.”

Tammy followed us outside, crying too. “Don’t be like that, Egypt. We’re still friends. Don’t take it personally. I would do it if I could.”

“What are you trying to say, that this is Tim’s decision, not yours?” I turned to Rashad, who was now sitting in the driver’s seat. He just shook his head as if he could read my mind. “Tammy, I’ve known you long enough to know that if you wanted to do this, Tim couldn’t stop you. No, this was totally you. Tim’s just backing you up.”

“Egypt, I can’t.”

I put my hand up. “Don’t, okay? Just leave it alone.”

“Listen, why don’t you ask Isis to do it? She’s your sister, and
the baby would be more than half yours. It would have your bloodline too.”

“Don’t try to push this off on my sister. You’re the one who’s supposed to be my best friend. But I guess it’s pretty obvious how lopsided our friendship really is.” I tapped my husband’s leg so he could get me as far away from her as possible. I dreaded the flight home. Unlike the trip to New York, where I was full of anticipation, I was returning home with my hopes shattered.

“Are they here?” I tried to keep my excitement down as Jerome walked into my office. I’d been expecting some very important people for a two o’clock meeting, and it was ten after when he walked in.

Jerome didn’t answer me at first. He just closed the door behind him with his head hanging low. I didn’t like the way he was acting at all, because his body language had
bad news
written all over it. I just hoped and prayed it didn’t have anything to do with my two o’clock meeting.

“Okay, spill it. What’s wrong?”

“I just got a call from Ms. Jericho’s office. The meeting’s been canceled. They’ve decided to back someone else. I’m sorry, Loraine.”

I ran my hand through my hair as I tried to comprehend why they would cancel a meeting that they’d asked for. Had I done something wrong? Was this whole thing some sick joke to play with my emotions? Dammit! I slammed my hand down on my desk.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. I been kissing these women’s asses for over two years.” If anyone else had been in the room, I would not have shown this much emotion, but Jerome was my rock, my best friend, my confidant, and my right-hand man all rolled into one. “How the fuck can they do this to me?”

“They didn’t.” Jerome laughed. “I was just playing with you. They’re in reception.”

“Ooooh, Jerome, I’m going to kill you.” I pointed my finger at him, looking evil but feeling relieved. “That wasn’t funny. You almost made me cry.”

“Sorry, I just couldn’t help it. You’ve had a stick up your ass all week, waiting for these people to give you what you deserve. I had to have some fun with it.”

“That’s not fun. What you did was cruel. This is important to me.”

“I can see that. Don’t worry. You’re gonna knock ‘em dead.” He winked at me.

“How do I look?” I chewed nervously on my bottom lip.

“Seriously? You need to put on a little blush.” Jerome gave me a pointed look, lifting his eyebrows. “Stop chewing your lip. You know how dry they get. Oh, and put on some lipstick too.”

I straightened the lapels of my pink suit, reached into my purse, and pulled out my compact. I patted makeup over my face and used a little beige concealer to cover the circles under my eyes. I lined my lips, then put on a neutral-colored lipstick. I slid on my Sarah Palin eyeglasses, then turned to Jerome for his inspection. He nodded his head in approval.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about. Go get ‘em, girl,” Jerome whispered, making a circle with his right thumb and index finger.

“Well, then, let’s get this show on the road.” I spun my desk chair toward the door. “You can show them in now.”

While I was waiting, I contemplated how I got to this point, something I did before any serious meeting or decision. I thought about my life. I’d started my own public relations firm at the age of twenty-nine, with the help of Jerome. We’d gone through good times and bad together, and our company was still running strong. Jerome had been there for me in lots of ways, including accompanying me to events that my own husband—who only wanted to watch TV, play golf, or look for the next get-rich-quick scheme—was never interested in attending. Sometimes it felt like if it weren’t for Jerome, I would not have any social life at all. Jerome had it going on. Sometimes it was as if I were living my life through his life, since my personal life was so boring.

But all that was about to change. I straightened up my face and put on my professional façade as Linda Brooks, Leigh Seabrooks, Nancy Jericho, and Kim Garner walked into my office. They were all high-powered members of my sorority. My
sorors
, as I liked to call them.

After a round of pleasantries, I said, “Have a seat, ladies. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?” Of course, I knew what the meeting was about, but it wasn’t the type of thing you admit to until it was formally put on the table.

Nancy Jericho spoke up first. She and Kim Garner were the state presidents for the sorority in Virginia and Maryland, respectfully. “You’ve been on the national board in the past and held state office twice. You really made an impact during your tenure.”