Big Girls Do It on Top (6 page)

"I love you, Anna," he started again, as if reciting something he'd memorized. "I know this is maybe a little crazy and a little sudden, but I just know it's right, it's meant to be. I love you too much to ever let you get away again."

I had a sudden flood of panic as I realized what he was leading up to. My eyes stung and burned. My breath caught, and I felt as if time had stopped. The breeze, which had blowing al the time, had gone still, and the even birds were silent.

Jeff opened his hand, showing me, yes, a black box. He opened it with one hand, revealing a slim platinum band topped by a princess-cut diamond, glittering in the sun.

"Wil you marry me?"

Shit. Shit shit shit.

I didn't know what to say, what to do, what I was even thinking or feeling. Tears fell unheeded, tears of joy and confusion. I loved him, so much. I wanted to be with him. But...this? Now?

"Anna?"

"Jeff, I—I love you, so much. I do. My heart is saying yes, but—"

"But?" Jeff was puzzled, confused, hurting.

"I'm not saying no, Jeff, I'm not."

"But you're not saying yes."

"I'm saying, can I have some time to think? I mean, this is so sudden, so unexpected. I only want to be with you, and I...I want to say yes, but...I just need a day or two to real y think about it."

Jeff nodded slowly. "I guess I get that. But you're...you're not saying no?"

I shook my head and put my hands on his clean-shaven face, kissed him hard and deep. "No, Jeff. I'm not saying no. I just need to process it before I say yes. I don't know if that makes any sense or not, but I just—"

"No, it does. I did sorta spring this on you kind of suddenly. I love you, sweetheart. If you need some time to think, then that's fine by me. Take whatever time you need."

Not long after that, we packed up, the champagne unopened, and left. Jeff seemed quiet, or rather, more subdued than usual. I felt bad, knowing he'd hoped it'd be a joyous occasion, an exuberant yes. I just couldn't give him that, not yet. I hadn't even considered him proposing, not for a long time yet.

We went home, and for the first time in days, we went to sleep without making love.

* * *

We had a DJ shift the next day, at, of all places, The Dive. The place where I'd first met Chase. As we unloaded and set up, my gaze went to the alley where I'd first touched and tasted Chase. A pang went through me.

I didn't precisely miss him, per se. He'd been vital to me feeling my own worth. Before him, I'd never thought of myself as beautiful, really. I'd accepted myself, and even liked who I was, but didn't think of myself as an object of male desire. Chase had changed that. He'd shown me men could think I was beautiful. He'd wanted me, he'd shown me in glorious detail what sex could and should be.

Without him, I wouldn't have ever had the courage to approach Jeff.

My thoughts were a whirlwind as we set up and started the first set.

Jeff had proposed.
Proposed
. He wanted to marry me.

But what if I'd been wrong about Chase? What if he'd had real feelings for me, too? If I was being honest with myself, I'd felt things stirring for him, which was part of the reason I'd bolted at the first opportunity. Sex with Chase was great, and he'd given a priceless gift in helping me see my own power as a sexual woman.

What if I'd been wrong?
The thought wouldn't go away.

Jeff wants to marry me.
Why was I hesitating? I loved him. I knew it, felt it as true deep inside me, in my bones and my blood, in my heart and my mind, in the core of myself as a woman, I knew I loved him. What was more, I trusted Jeff, completely.

We had a dead spot, no one signing up for songs, so I sang, to prompt some requests. I did "Alone" by Heart. It was a song I'd loved pretty much my entire life, and it was something I could perform in my sleep and nail it every time. I knew each note the way I knew my own face in the mirror. It was comforting and familiar when al the rest of me was tumultuous, chaotic, confused.

I stepped outside after my song ended, caught my breath and tried to calm my jangling nerves. When I went back in, Jeff was cueing up a song, a strange, tight expression on his face.

A male figure was standing just off to the side of the stage area. I didn't recognize him at first, since he'd shaved his head and was wearing plain tight blue jeans instead of leather pants, and a tight white T-shirt instead of something flashy and rock star. He turned, mic in hand.

Chase.
What the hell is he doing here?

My heart shot into my throat, my fists clenched, my stomach dropped away. If I was confused before, there simply wasn't a word for my emotions when Chase's eyes locked onto me.

He looked good with a shaved head. It set off his eyes, the sharp contours of his gorgeous face. He'd gauged his ears and had new ink crawling up his forearm.

He didn't smile when he saw me, didn't walk toward me, just stared at me, hard, intense, poised.

The music started, the opening bars of a song I knew al too well: "With or Without You" by U2. Oh, hell. God, he sounded good. He sang the entire song standing sideways on the stage, pinning me in the doorway with his fiery gaze.

I can't live...with or without you
...

It was clearly a message, each word spoken directly to me. He was pouring his heart out to me, telling me what was inside him. By the time the song ended, I knew one thing for absolutely certain: I wasn't over Chase Delany.

Oh, god.

Tears were sluicing down my face, chest heaving. The song ended, the music faded, Chase spotlighted on the tiny stage. No one spoke, no one moved, no one even breathed. Everyone was waiting. For what?

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jeff standing behind the mixer, a glass of Coke in his hand.

Chase reached into his pocket, pulled out something small and round and glinting in the dim barlight. He held it up, slowly lowered himself to one knee.

No, no no no. Please no. Oh, god, no. Please don't—

Chase spoke into the microphone, his eyes drilling into mine: "Anna, I know this is crazy. We haven't known each other all that long, and I know we had a big misunderstanding. But the thing is, I'm in love with you. I fell in love with you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you. I can't live without you. I want you to come on tour with me. I want us to see the world together.

"Anna, will you marry me?"

The glass in Jeff's hand shattered.

A single sob tore from my throat. I shook my head, turned, and slammed against the crash bar and out into the night.

The End of Part 4

Continue reading for a sneak preview from

the full-length novel, coming soon
.

I focused on breathing. Breathe in, clutch the bouquet of roses in trembling fingers; breathe out, one slow step forward. Wide double doors were pulled open from within the chapel, revealing a dozen dark wood pews, fil ed on both sides of the aisle. Each pew is garlanded at the aisle-end with a bow of white silk and a single pink rose. The aisle itself was covered in pale pink rose petals, strewn by a flower girl, a niece of Jamie's.

My heart was beating so hard I thought the entire chapel could hear it pounding like a drum. When the doors opened, an older woman with silver hair began Mendelssohn’s "Wedding March" on a grand piano and everyone stood. I was shaking so bad the roses trembled in my hands. My knees were weak, my throat thick and burning.

Then I looked up and saw him. He was resplendent in a traditional tuxedo, his eyes wavering with emotion as he watched me. As if sensing my nerves, he smiled at me and mouthed
I love you
. My nerves receded, and I could move again. I'd been rooted to the spot at the doors, Jamie behind me holding my train. Now, with his eyes on me, loving me, I was able to take the first step forward.

The aisle was't al that long, but the measured walk from the doors to
him
seemed to take an eternity. With each step, I realized more fully how ready I was for this. I didn't think I would be, even when I agreed to marry him. I worried, all the way up until the moment I saw him at the altar, that I wouldn't be ready. But I was.

I'm ready. I want to do this.

With every step closer to the man I love, I realized that this was exactly what I wanted, and you couldn't have dragged me away from the altar with a thousand wild horses.

At long last, I reached him. A step up, a second, and then his hands were in mine, holding me, steadying me. His eyes burned into mine, the love in his gaze bringing tears of happiness to my eyes.

"Dearly beloved," the minister began, "we are gathered here today to celebrate the blessed union of this man and this woman..."

It really sank in, then, as the minister began his brief sermon:

I'm getting married.

*
Big Girls Do It Married,
the full-length novel, is coming soon
*

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Jasinda Wilder

The Preacher's Son #1 #2

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Big Girls Do It Better (#1) Wetter (#2) Wilder (#3)

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Mimi Strong

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Big Girls Do It On Top