Big Girls Don't Cry (4 page)

“Hello, this is
Gretchen
,” I speak calmly, before noticing my Vaseline covered hand has smeared onto my phone. Wiping it from my ear I continue, “How may I help you?”

“
Gretchen
! Hey this is, Billy, at Club Fitness. How’s it going?”

“Oh, Billy.
Hi. It’s going well. What can I do for you?”
I ask
, trying to sound surprised. I finish wiping my
hand on
a
pillow case
,
and
reposition
the phone to my ear.
‘
God, e
ven his voice is handsome.’

“I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.”

“No, no.
Just watching T.V.”

“Great. I was calling to see if you were interested in setting up your first session.”

“Now!
I mean…”
‘Oh God, what am I doing? Say
no, say no! S
ay you
’
r
e
busy. Say anything!’
“Okay.
When?”
I ask,
instead
.

“What works better for you.
Mornings or evenings?”

“Definitely evenings.
I’m not much of a morning
workout person.”
… ‘
I’m more of a never workout kind of
person
.’

“I have tomorrow evening at 7 PM. Will that work?”

“Oh wow. I’m not sure,”

“Great! I’ll see you at 7 PM. Have a good night
Gretchen
.
I look forward to seeing you
tomorrow.”
Before I can protest,
he
’s gone
.

“SHIT! Oh God! What did I do?
” I quickly
panic
,
circling
aimlessly
in my room
,
as I picture tomorrow
’
s death by asphyxia.

~ ~ ~

“You’ll be fine. Take a deep breath,” Michelle soothes.

“What if I really do have a heart attack, or pass
out fro
m lack of oxygen? I mean, it happens! I’
ve seen it on
several TV shows
. I’m scared Michelle,”
I pout,
with my
heart racing.

“I know, but you’ll be fine. I promise. Just pace yourself and take it easy. I’m sure he’ll know your limitations and you’ll be fine.”

“You think?”

“Absolutely!
Plus, just think about how hot he is. You can endure a little pain to be trained by a hot stud.
Right?”

As my eyes land on my vibrator
lying
on my bed, I have to say I’m inclined to agree with her. “Right
…
At least I’ll die a happy woman.”

“That’s the spirit… A happy virgin, anyway,” she yells, laughing loudly into the phone.

“Oohhh, you bitch,” I scold, before joining in. We make plans for lunch the next day and say good bye for the night.

My blood is still pumping fast as I stand naked in my bedroom.
Seeing
my
reflection
in the dresser mirror I suck in my stomach and push out my boobs
, picturing
a thinner me.

‘She’d be a beautiful girl, if she would lose some weight.’
With a loud exhale I let out my breath
jumping
on
to my bed
with a bounce. Finding Billy, I hold him in the air speaking seductively, “You love me no matter what I look like, don’t you Billy?” he answ
ers with a low vibrating hum
.

CHAPTER FOUR

“
Hi
Billy, it’s
,
Gretchen
.”

“Hey
what’s
up
!
Where are you? It’s
after 7. You’re late.” His voice is happy
,
and I know he is smiling as he speaks.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m… I’m outside.”

“
Well, come on in!”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”
Billy
asks
,
concerned
.

I pause
with
my
embarrassment being
the
reluctance
. “I’m scared,” I whisper
softly.

“Scared,” he chuckles. “Why?”

“I’ve never been in a gym at night before.”

“What was that? I can’t hear you. The music’s really loud in here tonight.”

I know why the music is loud—
t
his is whe
n
all o
f the beautiful people come to work out, and p
ick up on each other, and
the management
like
s
to
create
a meat market, club
like atmosphere...
‘What am I doing here?’

“I’m not going to be able to make it
tonight
,”
I speak quickly,
closing
my phone
.
I
lean
back
against the wall
and hate myself for not going in. Tears fill my eyes as
I move
quickly to get out of the area.

“
Gretchen
!
Gretchen
!”

I turn to see Billy
jaunting down the side of the b
uilding. He
approaches quickly, smiling
al
l
the way.

“Hey, Billy,” I say, busted. “Billy, I don’t know if I can,”

“
Shhhhh
.
You don’t have to explain.” Stopping a few feet
away
, Billy turns and looks over the area surrounding
gym
. The club is built into a strip mall that offers several different shops and
restaurants
. “Come on, take a walk with me,” he offers, as he turns towards the mall.

The sun is setting and
the surrounding
lights are beginning to twinkle on
. I feel more comfortable at night, and
soon I’ll be able to hide in the dark— so,
I reluctantly agree.

“Come on!” he yells
, looking
back,
and
moving quickly
away
.

“Where are we going?”
I ask
, catching up.

“We’re going to get something to eat. I’m starving,” he says, looking back and smiling
,
while rubbing his flat stomach. He’s dressed in a dark blue nylon sweat suit with white running shoes. Even covered, his muscles are very
noticeable
. He
looks
more
like
a man who
just walked off a
photo shoot for Nike or Adidas, than a personal trainer.
I don’t ask any more questions, as I follow close behind.

~ ~ ~

“I’m famished,” he
says
, and a
Thai waiter sets down
several
bowls
of what
Billy
promises
will be my new favorite
ethnic
cuisine
.
Thick steam rises from th
e
brightly painted vessels;
and my mouth waters as
he
dishes out a helping of thin noodles into my bowl. He follows it with a nice portion of steamed veggies and
a
modest
piece
of
white
fish. “Mmm. Yummy yummy,” he
assures
.

There’s a quiet moment as I watch Billy slurping up a hanging string of rice noodles from his chopsticks. His
proficiencies
show, when the bowl is half empty after two
scoops of
the
small wooden
sticks.

I still haven’t touch my food- I’m a little in shock that I’m sitting in a
restaurant
having what I would call the closest thing to date that I’ve experienced in
several
years.

“Eat up,” Bill
y
says, looking up from his bowl. “It’s really good; you’ll love it.”
His words were muffled by the food he had stuffed in his mouth.
Another bite and his bowl
sits empty
. Without hesitation
it’s refilled and he’s back to work twisting the sticks.

“You must be starving
,
”
I say looking him directly in the eye.

“Oh man. You have no idea. I went straight from practice, right into training a client. I was dying from lack of nutrition.”

“What kind of Practice?”

“Mixed martial arts.
I’
m 7-0 as a pro
.
”

“That’s cool,” I reply enthusiastically, having no idea what he is talking about
, but wishing so badly I did.
‘An
artist.
It figures.
That’s why he’
s so nice.’

“I’m a fighter,” he s
ays, with a wide smile, sensing
my cluelessness.

“Oh wow!” Okay, so that’s not what I thought it was, but how cool!

“Yeah, I’ve been fighting for two years.”

“I thought you’re a personal trainer?”

“
I am. But, t
hat’s
just
how I pay the bills
until I make
it
into the UFC.”

“The what?”
Normally, I would probably be too shy to even ask about stuf
f I don’t know anything about,
but Billy has a way of making me feel okay about not knowing. It’s weird, I don’t even know him, but he makes me feel so comfortable. He’s so relaxed and confident, it kind of rubs off on you.

“The UFC.
Ultimate Fighting Championship.
It’s the biggest organization in the World for mixed martial arts. When you make it there, you’ve made it.”  His eyes light up and sparkle, and my stomach fills with butterflies from his excitement as he speaks.
‘Oh, Lord. Please let him make it.’
I pray silently, staring
at his
beautiful
face
.

“You’re too handsome to be a fighter,” I blurt out.

“This mug!
” he jokes,
laughing
. ‘
Surely
,
he has to know how
gorgeous
he is.
’

Billy explains that it’s been a dream since he was a kid to fight in the UFC. He’s been working and training at
Club Fitness
for over a year
,
and recently promoted to
the
head fitness trainer
position
.

“It’s my second passion, behind fighting. I love helping people reach their fitness goals. It
is
super rewarding to watch the
metamorphous
of
a person
. And, not only the weight loss part-but the emotion
al
, and spiritual part of it as well.”

“This coming from the man who likes to punch people in the face,” I say, smiling
while picking at my food
.

“There’s gotta be a balance, Miss
Gretchen L
ane
.” He smiles
, and
I think
how angry whoever paid fo
r that beautiful smile would be
if something happen
ed
to it
.

“Okay, Mister Billy…Badass
!”

Billy coughs out a small noodle, be
fore his hand covers his mouth
. “Hold on,” he laughs. “Let me get m
y napkin.”  After a dignified
wiping
,
he sets the napkin on the table and extends his hand. “Billy
Mack.”

“Hi, Billy.
Gretchen
.” Again, I feel the strength and tenderness of his touch, and it sends chills throughout my body. I shiver slightly with thoughts of him touching me, and I
look down
concealing
my desire.