Biker (17 page)

Not only did she stress over the money, but she also stressed over leaving Blaze in Vegas. Why did she care so much? Why could she not stop thinking about him? And not just Blaze, but the thought of doing one final heist. After the last debacle, Noelle had sworn that she wouldn’t do another one. But she found herself tempted, against her better judgment, by the promise of another four hundred thousand in cash.

She couldn’t even wrap her mind around that kind of money.

Her nights were sleepless.

Noelle went to work on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, but by Thursday she was so stressed out and sleep deprived, that she called out of work.

Noelle rarely called out of work. In fact, the last time she called out had been back in the winter, when Todd had stayed home to take care of her all day.

Frustrated, she threw a pillow against the wall. She hated remembering how thoughtful Todd had been at times, especially now that she knew he had been sleeping with someone else while still taking care of her.

She lay awake, staring at the ceiling. It was almost seven in the morning, and what she really needed was to sleep so she could return to work well rested the next day. It was summer, so she debated calling Quinn or Liz, knowing they were off from school.

Instead, she tossed and turned, thinking about what she could do with the possibility of eight hundred thousand dollars. She didn’t remember falling asleep, but next thing that she knew, it was one in the afternoon.

Yawning, her stomach growling with hunger, she climbed out of bed, her body stiff. She was reminded that Blaze had made her so sore that she could barely walk.

She had to stop thinking about him.

She made herself some breakfast, and pulled out her laptop. There was an email from Vivienne about setting up dinner. With everything going on, Noelle had completely forgotten that she had agreed to have dinner with her sister and to meet her new boyfriend.

Vivienne had suggested doing dinner that Sunday night, which was sooner than Noelle had expected, but still, it was a welcome distraction. She'd been wanting for some time to improve her relationship with her sister.

Vivienne invited Noelle to her home for dinner, and Noelle responded that she would be there on Sunday night. Instead of moping over not having Todd to take with her to dinner, she daydreamed about taking Blaze.

She was definitely going crazy.

Noelle couldn’t help frequently checking her phone, wondering, hoping, that he would reach out to her.

But she knew he wouldn’t.

He had left the ball in her court. She could either choose to never contact him again, and forget all about Vegas, or she could contact him and tell him that she was in for one more heist.

Even if she did participate one more time, she still had another decision to make. She could say good bye to Blaze one final time, and make a decision to never see him again, or she could go completely crazy and reckless and what? Run away with Blaze? Go live on a tropical beach with him?

Noelle actually laughed out loud.

Could she really just leave her life behind and run away with someone she barely knew?

Yet, a small voice in her head reminded her how freeing that would be.

She couldn’t handle any more thoughts about Blaze. She was exhausted from the internal struggle and sick of her indecisiveness.

Grabbing her phone, she speed-dialed Liz.

“Hey!” Liz answered, her voice sounding worried.

“Hey yourself! What are you up to?” Noelle asked, cutting right to the chase.

“Just working on some lesson plans for summer tutoring. Why? Are you okay? Are you at work?”

“I actually took a mental health day today. But I’m going stir crazy now. Want to get out and do something?”

“Sure! But what's going on? Why did you need a mental health day?”

“Oh, you know. Just with everything that’s happened. I haven’t been sleeping very well, so I let myself sleep all morning, and now I just want to get out of the house.”

“Oh, well that makes sense. You’ve had a lot going on. I just need about fifteen minutes to reach a finish up here. Want to come over? By the time you get here, I'll be done.”

“That sounds great! Maybe we can go for a walk or something?”

“Yes!” Liz said happily, “I’ve been completely slacking off and need to start working out again!”

Noelle hung up, grateful to have something to do for the rest of the day. She dressed in gym shorts and a tank top, then grabbed a change of clothes and threw them in her bag, just in case they ended up doing something later.

Noelle couldn’t help herself as she pulled open her desk drawer and looked at the two envelopes one more time. She had to constantly keep checking them. She wished that she could talk to Liz or Quinn about her dilemma, but she knew she couldn’t. She was too ashamed to tell her friends about her reckless actions and poor decisions.

Sighing, she grabbed her keys, and headed out to Liz’s house.

Noelle had vowed not to talk to Liz about Blaze, and truthfully, she
couldn’t
talk about him without jeopardizing herself. However, as the day wore on, and the women took a long hike and then came back to the house to order take-out, Noelle realized that it would be impossible
not
to talk about him.

“Okay,” Liz said, putting down her cup of water and giving Noelle a pointed look. “I don’t know what is going on with you, but something is definitely up!”

Noelle’s friends knew her too well. She was foolish to think she could have kept such a big secret to herself. Her mind raced as she thought of a way to talk about Blaze, without admitting what had happened, or sharing all the shameful details.

Noelle sighed. “Yes, something is going on.”

“Tell me! Is it Todd? Have you tried to contact him?”

Noelle blinked. It was so strange to realize that she barely had a moment to think about Todd when she was so obsessed with Blaze. In fact, life with Todd now felt like a dreamy blur. She felt as if she had lived that part of her life in a haze, and after meeting Blaze, everything came into focus. Now she was
really
living.

“No, actually. I haven’t given Todd much thought. At all.”

Liz’s brow creased. “Well, that’s good, right?”

“Yes, it’s good. I guess. But I’ve been thinking about someone else.”

“Noelle!” Liz accused scandalously. “If you are seeing someone else and you haven’t told me or Quinn, then I’m going to freak the hell out!”

“No, no! I’m not seeing anyone. But it’s that guy from Vegas – Blaze. You remember him?”

“Umm, yeah. How could I forget him?” Liz’s eyes took on a dreamy look as she remembered Blaze. Her eyes snapped back to Noelle. “But what does he have to do with any of this?”

“Well, I kind of got his number, and we’ve been keeping in touch,” she paused, unsure of how much to share. She took a deep breath and decided she was going to share as much as she possibly could without mentioning the money or the heists. “And I kind of went back out there to see him last weekend.”

Liz’s jaw dropped.

She was speechless, which was rare for Liz.

“Are you serious?” she asked disbelievingly.

Noelle nodded. “I know it’s crazy, but we had such chemistry, and it was such a great distraction from Todd.”

“Oh my god, Noelle!” Liz squealed, “How could you keep this from me?”

“Well, I was embarrassed. And it was kind of crazy.”

“Yes, it certainly was!”

“The problem is that I’m developing feelings for him, and I shouldn’t be! He lives out there and I live out here, and we have two completely different lives.”

Liz nodded, taking the information in slowly. “What does he do for a living?”

Noelle bit her lip. “He’s involved in his family’s business. I don’t quite understand it.” That much was true. She
didn’t
understand the lifestyle, or the rules, or any of the other crap that was associated with the Widowmakers MC and their clubhouse.

“Well, women have been known to do crazier things,” Liz reasoned. “You aren’t the first person to fall for a stranger. And there are plenty of long distance relationships, especially with online dating these days...”

Noelle stuck her tongue out at Liz. “Be reasonable. Clearly, this is a byproduct of my bipolar disease. I’m only making these crazy, rash decisions because I’ve basically fallen off the wagon with Todd dumping me.”

“That might be the reason,” Liz said thoughtfully, “or maybe you just desperately needed a change in your life. I mean, you and Todd were practically married. You lived a very safe, comfortable life with him.”

Noelle buried her head in her hands. “I know,” she moaned, “I just don’t know what to think. I pretty much told Blaze good bye last weekend, because I can’t believe that I went out there like that.”

“Well, did you have a good time while you were out there?”

“Yes, I had a great time actually. We really connected,” she saw Liz’s face, “and not just in the bedroom!”

Liz laughed.

“We have a lot in common,” Noelle continued. “He is bipolar too.”

Liz raised her eyebrows.

“And we had similar issues with our moms while growing up.”

“It sounds like you guys
do
have a lot in common,” Liz observed. “Not to mention he’s gorgeous. So why not try something long distance? It sounds exciting!”

“There’s just so much more to it. I mean, can I realistically consider a future with someone when we live so far apart?”

“Well, why are you so worried about the future?” Liz argued. “I mean, you just got out of a long-term relationship. Have some fun!”

“Well, yes, but don’t you think I should be ‘having fun’ locally and not clear across the country?”

“I kind of see your point.” Liz gave Noelle a sad look. “That’s a whole lot to have been happening in the past two weeks. I still can’t believe you didn’t tell us.”

“I was just so confused. I’m still confused.”

“How does Blaze feel? What does he want? Does he want to see you again?”

“Yes. He told me he has feelings for me. He wants to see me again but he also wants me to think about what I really want for myself.”

“Wow. I’m kind of jealous.”

Noelle gave a little laugh. “Yeah. A hot guy wants to see more of me.” She shook her head. “I just need to think more. I need to think about what I really want and if it’s worth it to pursue things.” She ran her hand over her face. “The scary thing is that I can see myself with him. A bipolar couple, for God’s sake, and I think that’s just crazy and frightening.”

Liz nodded, and Noelle was surprised that she didn’t offer any more advice, or tell her that she was nuts for picturing herself with Blaze.

“Well, I’m here if you need to talk.” Liz laughed. “And don’t do anything stupid like run off to Vegas and get married!”

“Oh, so funny,” Noelle teased, giving Liz a playful shove.

The topic of Blaze didn’t come up again, and Noelle was relieved to have an uneventful afternoon with her friend. She felt refreshed when she returned to work on Friday, and her shift was so busy that she barely had time to think about Blaze.

As she drove home from work on Friday, she felt that she might be alright if she never saw Blaze again. She could stay away from his frightening lifestyle and throw herself into her work. Noelle could pay off her student loans, easily sell her condo, and move into a house. She would have enough money for a hefty down payment and she could live without major financial worries.

Yet even as she considered those choices, thoughts of Blaze still nagged at the back of her mind. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the familiar looking car sitting in the parking lot outside her building. Unaware, she entered her building and went up to the third floor. As she came out of the elevator, she felt all of the air leave her lungs.

There stood Todd, leaning against her condo door, looking calm and cool.

Noelle stopped in her tracks, her mind spinning in a hundred directions. First, out of habit, she felt a wave of happiness at seeing his familiar face. Then a wave of shock, followed by confusion, and lastly, anger.

“What – what are you doing here?’’ she sputtered, not moving another step closer to her door.

Part of her felt like her old self again, and she wanted to reach out and throw her arms around Todd. Then she remembered what he had done to her, and she wanted to slap him.

Another part of her was so annoyed, because he looked so...normal. So unaffected. He looked as if his entire world had not been turned upside down.

She realized that was because his world hadn’t changed much at all. Todd had a replacement waiting long before he dumped Noelle.

It was only Noelle who had been forced to adjust to a new life, one without Todd and one without the future she had originally envisioned.

She shook her head to clear the thoughts. She didn’t want that life with Todd anymore.

Todd stared at her, looking just as she had remembered him. He was dressed in jeans with the black loafers he always wore. He was wearing a dark green polo shirt that brought out the color of his eyes. It was a shirt that Noelle had seen him wear a dozen times before. His hair was just as it always was, combed to the side – dark and wavy.

“Wow. Okay. That was some greeting,” he said.

“I’m sorry, Todd. How would you like me to respond to the fact that you’re camped outside my condo,” she snapped. “Forgive me that I’ve forgotten my manners,” she added sarcastically.

She moved toward her door, and Todd jumped out of the way.

“Now please tell me what you’re doing here.”

Sheepishly, he looked down at his shoes. “Actually I was coming by to get a few things that I left here.”

Noelle laughed. “Well, I’m really sorry but anything you left behind is gone.”

“Gone?” he asked stupidly.

“Yes, gone,” she clarified, feeling angrier by the second. How dare he show up here on her doorstep nearly three weeks after walking out of her life and asking for things he left behind?

“What do you mean?” he asked, crossing his arms.

“Trashed.”

Todd began to lose his cool composure. “You threw out my things?”