Billionaires, Bad Boys, and Alpha Males (110 page)

“I don’t know, Nicole.
 
Why don’t you tell me what else you and
Jeb talked about behind my back?”

“I knew you’d do this,” she
whispered.
 
“I knew it.”

“What did you know?” he demanded.

She looked at his red face, his bulging
eyes.
 
She was so tired of defending
herself against whatever new mistake she’d made.
 
“I can’t do this right now.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I just can’t.
 
Please stop talking.”

Red stared at her.
 
“Nicole, are you breaking up with me?”

“I need some time.
 
Just…just leave me alone.”
 
She got up and ran out of the bedroom
and downstairs.
 
She wanted to
leave, but it was late and she didn’t want to make a bigger deal of things than
she already had.

Instead she went to one of the guest
rooms at the far end of the house, and lay in the cold, uninviting bed.
 
She turned on her phone and saw she had
missed calls—a bunch of them.
 
A couple of calls were from her parents and one or two calls from
Danielle.

Nicole knew she couldn’t tell her mom and
dad any of this, they would just tell her that Red was a terrible person and
how she needed to get away from him.

She dialed Danielle, waiting for her
friend to pick up.
 

“Look who it is,” Danielle piped at the
other end of the line.
 
“I thought
you’d forgotten all about me.”

Nicole smiled at the sound of a friendly
voice.
 
“Sorry about that.
 
I know I’ve been a shitty friend.”

“Hey, what’s wrong?
 
Are you okay Nicole?”

“Yeah.
 
Sort of.”

“Tell me what’s going on.
 
Tell me right now.”

So Nicole did.
 
She told her about Red’s mother, his
business problems and their argument in Germany, and then how things had gone
when they came back to the mansion in Connecticut.
 
“I feel like such a drama queen,” she
said.
 
“I know I sound totally
nuts.”

“Just a little nuts,” Danielle
admitted.
 
“Look, we’ve all been
there.
 
It’s hard when you really
care about someone and the relationship is tumultuous.
 
It’s difficult to know whether you can
get past it or if you’re just wrong for each other.”

“The thing is, mostly it feels so right,”
Nicole whispered.
 
“I mean, he’s
really sweet and loving and I know he cares about me.
 
I feel like he’d do absolutely anything
for me.”

“Okay, that’s awesome,” Danielle said.

“But then he has these moods.
 
You know, with his mother being such a
miserable person, I think he has a lot of issues.
 
On top of that, his business is falling
apart and it’s really stressful for him.
 
I know he’s trying, though.
 
I see how hard he’s trying.”

“Do you love him?”

Nicole didn’t even need to think about
it.
 
“Yes, I love him completely.”

“And you believe he loves you?”

“I know he loves me.”

“Well, then,” Danielle told her.
 
“I think if you’re both in love then you
kind of owe it to the relationship to try and figure it out.
 
Obviously you need to come up with
better strategies, ways to resolve conflict.”

Nicole nodded.
 
She’d gotten teary again.
 
“It’s just hard.
 
He takes it out on me sometimes, getting
mad at me for doing the wrong thing.
 
I’m just doing the best I can.”

“Well, that’s not okay.
 
He shouldn’t make you feel bad for being
yourself.
 
You aren’t being
malicious toward him and he needs to handle his own issues.”

“Yeah.”
 
Nicole nodded.
 
She already felt lighter.
 
“Thanks, Danielle.
 
You’re a good friend, you know that?”

“Actually, yes.
 
I do know it.”

“Hey, how are you doing?”

“Can’t complain.”

“No seriously.
 
Tell me what’s been going on with
you.
 
I’m sick and tired of dwelling
on my own stupid problems,” Nicole laughed.

Danielle laughed too.
 
And then she told her about the guy
she’d met last week who’d turned out to be a total jerk.
 
He’d taken her out to a nice dinner and
paid for it and pretty much assumed that meant he was at least entitled to a
blowjob.

Nicole just thanked her lucky stars that
Red wasn’t one of those guys.

Danielle said that it had been hard
living in their apartment by herself, and feeling more alone, feeling the lack
of a companion in her life.

“I’m going to come back and spend more
time with you,” Nicole said.
 
“We’re
going to hang out more, I promise.”

“It’s okay,” Danielle said.
 
“I’m doing fine, seriously.”

“I know you’re fine, but I think it would
be fun to have a girl’s night—get manicures, get our hair done.
 
Maybe eat ice cream later on and watch
bad TV.”

“Sure,” her old roommate laughed.

“Hey, thanks again for listening and for
giving such great advice.”

“No problem, Nic.”

Nicole got off the phone, smiling to
herself and thinking how lucky she was.
 
Her life was charmed and most of the time she didn’t even appreciate it,
she was so wrapped up in the day-to-day silliness of work, and Red’s issues,
and their relationship.

Feeling a new sense of purpose, Nicole
dried her tears and went back upstairs to talk to Red and apologize for leaving
the room that way.

But when she got there, he was gone.

A strange fluttering sensation moved
through her stomach.
 
She checked
the bathroom and he wasn’t there either.
 

Next, she walked to the study, hoping
against hope that she wouldn’t find him in that damn room again.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly where he
was.

“Hey,” she said, watching him as he sat
in that same chair near the window, drinking some kind of alcohol.
 
It almost felt like she’d gone back in
time.

“Hey,” he replied, not bothering to look
at her.

“I’m sorry that I left like that.
 
I should have stayed and tried to work
things out, but I just felt upset and overwhelmed.”

“I totally get it,” he said, taking a
quick sip from his glass.
 
He
swirled the liquid around absentmindedly, still not looking at her.

Nicole came forward into the room.
 
“Are you okay?”

“No, not particularly.”

“What is it?
 
You’re scaring me a little.”

Finally he turned and looked at her.
 
His eyes had circles under them and his
expression was pained.
 
“I’m sorry
if I’m scaring you, Nicole.
 
You
should never have to feel scared.
 
Never.”

“I just want things to go back to
normal,” she told him.
 
“Let’s go
lay in bed together and laugh and talk and kiss.
 
This is silly.”

“No it’s not.”
 
He shook his head slowly.
 
“I thought a lot about how I’m treating
you and I don’t think it’s very good.
 
It’s not what you deserve.”

“You treat me wonderfully.
 
You just have some things to work out.”

“No, it’s way beyond that,” he said.
 
“I’m no good for you, Nicole.
 
I’m a bad guy and anyone who’s with me
is going to end up in a bad place sooner or later.
 
I can’t let that happen to you.
 
I care too much about you.”

She walked closer still and tried to
touch his shoulder but he pulled away.
 

“Red, you’re tired and you’re upset.
 
You should sleep on it and then we can
talk tomorrow.”

He glanced at her sadly.
 
“Fine,” he said.

She held out her hand.
 
“Come to bed with me.”

“In a minute,” he said softly.
 
Then he went back to staring outside.

She left the study, her stomach doing
flips and twists as she tried to understand just what was going on.
 
She told herself things would be better
in the morning.

***

When they woke up the next day, Jeb was
already gone.
 
He’d left a brief
note on the kitchen counter saying that he was sorry if his intrusion had
caused any problems, and that he was glad to have met Nicole.

When Nicole showed the note to Red, he
barely even glanced at it.

His eyes were red-rimmed and glassy as he
drank his morning coffee.
 
“I’ve
called a car to come get you,” he said.

She just stared at him.
 
Her stomach sank.
 
“Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Not really.”

“Red, please—you need to get some
rest.”

He sipped his coffee.
 
“I’m not going to change my mind on
this, Nicole.”

“Why are you intentionally trying to
sabotage us?” she said.
 
“After
everything we’ve been through?”

“Exactly,” he replied.
 
“We’ve been through too much in such a
short time, and let’s be honest.
 
It’s all my fault.”

“That’s not true.”

“But it is.
 
All of these games, all of the hoops
I’ve made you jump through, the mental gymnastics.
 
It’s all because of me.”
 
He thought about it and laughed a
hollow, despairing laugh.
 
“I’m
really just like her.”

“Just like who?” Nicole said, already
knowing the answer.

“Just like my mother.
 
The manipulating, the
self-obsession.
 
We’re two peas in a
pod, her and I.”

“That’s not true.
 
You’re not like her at all.
 
You’re a kind, loving, decent man and I
won’t let you talk about yourself that way.”

“Thank you for saying that,” he
smiled.
 
The smile didn’t touch his
weary eyes.
 
“But just the same, I’m
going to give you the greatest gift I can possibly give you—which is to
disappear from your life.”

The tears started now.
 
She wiped them away, angry at herself
for being weak again.
 
“This isn’t a
gift.
 
You’re taking away the best
thing either of us has.”

“You’ll look back in a few months or a
year and see that I did you a favor,” he told her.
 
“Now come on.
 
The car is waiting.”

She almost refused to go, but from the look
on his face she knew it was no use.
 
Red had made up his mind.
 

When she got outside to the car, the
driver was already putting her bags in the trunk.
 
Nicole turned toward Red.
 
“Looks like you were all prepared to
kick me out.
 
Just like your mother and
your brother.”

She saw him flinch a little at her words,
and regretted it instantly.
 

“It’s very different,” he said.
 
“You’ll never possibly know how hard
this is for me.
 
But I care more
about your happiness than my own, and you deserve a far better life than I can
ever give you.”

“That’s such bullshit,” she told
him.
 
The tears were coming
again.
 
“You’re just afraid.”

“Not for myself,” he said, taking her arm
and gently walking her to the car.
 
“Go on now.
 
And have a
wonderful life and remember that there’s someone who will always love you, no
matter what.”

“Is this how you show your love?” she
cried, getting in the car.

“Someday you’ll look back and
understand,” he said, closing the door.

Nicole closed her eyes and didn’t open
them again until she was far away.