Billy and Me (20 page)

‘But you don’t have to!’

‘I just can’t bear the thought of losing him.’

‘You know what, I never once thought about life without Albert. Not once did I think to myself, “How will I cope if he’s no longer here?” But then he died and I learnt how to cope. Even when Peter decided to leave me and move halfway across the world, I coped,’ Molly says. ‘My point is, there’s no point worrying about
losing Billy when you still have him. Where’s the sense in that? All you’ll end up doing is tainting everything with your doubt.’

‘I guess …’

‘My girl, just remember that it’s you he comes home to every night.’

‘Yes, but is there any point in him coming home if he’d rather be somewhere else? There’s so much happening at the moment, opportunities being offered every day – it’s all so exciting for him. But for me it’s just …’

‘Overwhelming?’

‘Yeah. I guess. I’ve got nothing exciting to give him.’

I hear Molly sigh down the phone. ‘Don’t let your doubts get into his head – nothing will push him away faster. That boy loves you, Sophie. You’ve got to start believing you’re good enough.’

Billy meets his fellow cast members for
The Walking Beat
at rehearsals a couple of weeks before filming, with the director wanting to warm them all up so that they don’t waste time on set. Following his first day with them all, I don’t ask Billy too many questions when he first comes through the door (I don’t want him to know I’m trying to size up the situation), but when we’re sitting down for dinner a little later I try to delicately ask a few questions about the cast. Trying to prise information out of him without making it known that I’m worried the girls are maneaters, ready to pounce on my man at the first opportunity they’re given.

‘So, what’s everybody like?’ I ask innocently, twirling my spaghetti round my fork.

‘Really nice, actually. I didn’t really get a chance to talk to people that much, there’s so much to do. The guys in the band are awesome. Literally they just sit there jamming any time there’s a break. It makes me wish I knew how to play something.’

Billy’s character Stan is the band’s lead vocalist and frontman. Whereas the rest of the band were cast for their musical abilities, with the director wanting them to be able to function as a band, the role of Stan needed
someone with charisma, charm and sex appeal as the driving force … so ego over musical talent.

‘You feeling left out?’

‘Kind of … and talentless,’ laughs Billy. ‘I’ve made it my mission to be able to play a song on guitar by the end of filming.’

‘Which song are you going to learn?’

‘God knows … an easy one!’

‘So, what’s everyone else like? Are all the girls nice?’ I ask, placing a big forkful of pasta into my mouth to stop myself asking more questions.

‘You mean my groupies? They seem nice,’ he says with a shrug. ‘All really welcoming and just as nervous about the whole thing as I am.’

‘I bet they are. What are their names?’

‘Erm …’ Billy says as he struggles to remember them. ‘God, this is bad. There’s Holly, Rebecca, Karen and Sarah. I can’t remember the other two, I didn’t see that much of them. It’s good to have a bit of rehearsal time, it helps to get rid of that awkwardness of being touchy-feely with someone you’ve just met. This way, when we get on set we’ll just be able to bash out scenes easily rather than having to be wary of upsetting each other.’

‘Right …’

‘They’re looking forward to meeting you.’

‘Really? I thought you didn’t get a chance to speak much?’

‘We didn’t, but you’re always on my mind,’ he says, with a laugh and a wink.

It’s good to know Billy’s been talking about me, that I’m not banished from his mind the moment he steps into a room full of girls. However, I wonder if he has mentioned me because he’s looking forward to having me on set with him, or because someone’s been getting too close for comfort?

‘How were things with Heidi?’

Billy screws up his face.

‘What does that mean?’

‘She’s been a bit off with me. A bit … frosty.’

‘Why?’

‘I’ve got no idea, I thought things were fine between us. Although she’s been like it with everyone else, too, not just me, so something must be going on with her.’

‘That must be strange for you, after being so close.’

‘A bit, but as long as she’s OK in the scenes and does her job, which she seems to be doing, that’s all that matters.’

I find myself happy that Heidi has placed some sort of barrier between them; I’d rather that than them being overly close and familiar, remembering the good old days.

On the morning of the first day on set we get picked up by a driver at five am. It’s painful to see that time in the morning, no matter how excited I am to join Billy at work. I clamber around the bedroom trying to make my brain function enough to get dressed, not sure what to wear. Seeing Billy lazily put on his comfies, I end up throwing on a pair of jeans, a woolly jumper and a pair
of Ugg boots Billy bought me for Christmas (I’m pretty sure they’re the comfiest thing ever invented).

When we eventually get into the car, we fall straight back to sleep.

As soon as we arrive at the studio, an hour later, we are ushered into Billy’s dressing room, which is basically a caravan in the car park. It’s simple, cute and very warm. It has a little kitchen/living/bedroom area all rolled into one, with a brown sofa-bed in the bay of the window, TV, kettle and fridge in the one space. It has its own bathroom attached to the side of it with a toilet, sink and shower inside. It’s not the most glamorous place in the world, but it’s exciting, nonetheless. For me it is, anyway, Billy has obviously been in various different versions of the same thing many times before.

We barely have a chance to put our bags down when there’s a knock at the door.

‘Come in,’ calls Billy.

The door opens and a man wearing a red knitted hat and black bomber jacket walks in carrying a clipboard under him arm.

‘Hello, Billy!’ he says chirpily.

‘Stephen, good to see you, buddy!’ Billy says, as they share a man hug. ‘This is Sophie.’

‘Hey!’ he says, turning to me and shaking my hand.

‘Hello!’

‘I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Stephen, I’m the Second Assistant Director. Basically it’s my job to make sure Billy is here and happy with everything that’s going on.’

‘He does an awful job,’ mocks Billy.

‘Oi!’ laughs Stephen as he playfully punches Billy in the arm.

‘See? If I’m bruised the make-up ladies are going to be so mad at you!’

‘You’re such a peach. Right,’ he says, turning his attention back to me. ‘If there’s anything you need at all while you’re with us just give me a shout or simply stop one of the runners or anybody with one of these,’ he says, gesturing towards a walkie-talkie-like contraption in his back pocket.

‘Thank you,’ I say with a smile.

‘Right, first things first, guys, what can I get you for breakfast?’ asks Stephen, rubbing his hands together.

‘Seeing as it’s Sophie first day on set, let’s go for the works!’ suggests Billy.

‘It would be rude not to,’ chuckles Stephen.

After we’ve sampled almost everything catering has to offer – cereal, bagels, pastries, full English breakfast and French toast – we’re stuffed.

When Stephen knocks on the door again he finds us curled up on the sofa watching
Daybreak.

‘Billy, are you ready for hair and make-up?’

‘Yep!’ he says, getting up off the sofa and having a good stretch.

‘Do you want to go with him, Sophie? It’s a bit of a squeeze in there with everyone running around, but he shouldn’t be too long.’

‘Not with a face like mine!’ jokes Billy.

They both turn to me to see if I’m going to join Billy
or not for his first trip out of the trailer. I’d quite like to if I’m honest, but the way Stephen phrased the question, as though he was discouraging me from going, makes me think it’s probably best for me to stay here.

‘Erm … if you won’t be long and it’s tight for space then I’ll just meet you back here,’ I shrug.

‘BillyBillyBillyBillyBillyBilly Buskin,’ sings a girl’s voice while she bangs on the bottom of the door, before flinging it open. ‘Oh!’ says the girl in shock at spotting me on the sofa, as she stays at the bottom of the trailer’s steps. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she says in confusion, checking the sign on the door to make sure she hasn’t gone to the wrong dressing room.

‘Don’t worry, he’s just off getting his hair and make-up done. He shouldn’t be too long now, though.’

‘Oh,’ she says, wrapping her long fluffy coat around herself.

‘I’m Sophie,’ I say as I walk over to the door, eager to introduce myself to this girl who is clearly close to Billy.

‘Sophie? Oh! You’re his girlfriend! Of course! He has been so excited about you joining us here. It’s lovely to meet you. I’m Holly,’ she says as she offers me her hand to shake, instantly becoming friendlier now she’s made sense of the situation.

‘Holly!’ booms Billy’s voice. I pop my head out to see Billy walking towards us both. He’s wearing a light brown wig, with long straggly hair hanging around his face and over his shoulders. He looks ridiculous.

‘Heeeeey! Billy Bear! Nice hair!’ she laughs as she runs over in his direction, throwing her arms around him. Billy laughs back as they both start walking towards me.

‘So you’ve met Sophie already, then!’

‘Only just,’ I say.

‘I’ve been here for hours. I’m already bored!’ she chimes. ‘Stephen told me you were in so I thought I’d hunt you down.’

‘You already had hair and make-up?’

‘Can’t you tell?’ she asks, flicking her red hair off her shoulder. ‘I’ve even dressed!’ she says, opening her coat to reveal a tiny mini dress. She kicks out a foot behind her in a cutesy Marilyn Monroe way, and lets out a girlie giggle.

Despite knowing it’s only a costume, I instantly feel underdressed in my comfy clothes. Even though Billy also arrived in his comfy attire, I hadn’t thought about the fact that he’d be spending most of the day in his costume. I make a mental note to make more of an effort tomorrow, especially if all the girls look as gorgeous as Holly.

‘She was nice,’ I say, once Billy is back in the trailer and Holly has gone to say hello to someone else.

‘Holly? Yeah, she’s sweet.’

‘You seem quite close.’

‘Not really, I probably speak to her a bit more than the other girls, that’s all. They all get a bit funny about just coming over and talking to me, whereas Holly doesn’t seem fazed by anything.’

‘I think she might have a bit of a thing for you.’

‘Nah! Don’t be daft,’ he says, as he takes his shoes off and sits back down on the sofa beside me.

‘She seemed quite smitten.’

‘It’s nothing like that, she’s honestly like that with everyone, goes round hugging anybody. It doesn’t mean anything.’

I don’t know why Billy is so quick to dismiss the possibility. Could it be that he is blind to her obvious affection for him? Or is he just trying to shut me up and extinguish my fears?

There’s another knock at the door, which Billy opens to find a woman in her late fifties carrying hangers full of clothes, which appear to be weighing her down.

‘Hello! I’m Judith, your dresser,’ she says,

‘Pleasure to meet you. I’m Billy and this is Sophie,’ says Billy as he grabs the clothes from her.

‘Thank you, could you just pop those into that wardrobe for me?’ she asks, brushing her fringe away from her eyes. ‘Ah, yes, someone said you had company,’ she says, looking at me. ‘That’s a good idea. There’s so much waiting around on these jobs. It can get quite lethargic. Hello there,’ she says, sending a warm smile in my direction before pulling a notepad from her pocket and squinting at it.

‘What was your name again?’ asks Billy.

‘Judith,’ she says, looking up from her pad. ‘Sorry, just checking I’ve got everything. As I said, I’m your dresser. So I’ll be bringing you the costumes you need for the scenes each day and getting you in and out of
them … not because we don’t think you can dress yourself, it’s just for my personal enjoyment,’ she chuckles, causing us to laugh with her.

Walking into the studio with Billy for the first time, I feel nervous and tiny as I look at the enormous space around us, which resembles a big factory warehouse. With its steel walls, mountains of scaffolding holding up bright lights, and various pieces of expensive-looking equipment dotted around, all encircling the set, which has been pitched up in the middle of the vast space, it all seems pretty daunting. Bizarrely, it’s colder than I thought it would be, in both temperature and atmosphere.

The room is incredibly busy, with crewmembers dressed from head to toe in black, rushing everywhere and barking out orders to other crewmembers in a bid to get things organized quickly so that they can get started as soon as possible. The occasional person might look up and see Billy and say a quick hello, but largely they’re all so focused on their individual tasks they don’t register us.

Actors arrive in full costume, immediately helping themselves to tea and coffee, which has been laid out for them on a big wooden table, despite the fact they would have already had copious amounts of tea in their dressing rooms – my guess is that it gives them something to do while they’re waiting to be told what’s happening and that they’re allowed on set. Everyone is in their own little world, psyching themselves up for the
scene ahead. Sensing the nerves in the room, Billy and I stand quietly to one side, deciding it’s best to do introductions later when everyone has had a chance to settle in.

Today they’re filming some of the club scenes from earlier in the film, where Billy and the band are performing and are at the height of their fame. With nearly all of the actors in it, it’s meant to be full of energy and excitement, like one big wild party. From what I can see of the set from where we’re stood, the club has red leather sofas lining the mirrored walls with matching stools at the white bar, and black-and-white tiles patterning the floor. It sounds as though it should all look gorgeous, but it actually looks like it could do with a wash; the floor has been streaked with dirt and the furniture has been battered and worn in, making it all appear dark and grimy, adding to the rock and roll vibe the designers have been creating.

In today’s scenes Billy’s character Stan will be the ultimate showman, strutting around the club with more than an air of self-importance and arrogance. Every time I look at Billy I get the giggles thanks to his long hair and costume, which is an unbuttoned cream shirt, low-slung jeans held up by a chunky buckled belt and big black boots. He really does look like a seventies rock star, so it feels quite surreal to be snuggling in to him.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘All right,’ Billy says with a nod and shrug. ‘Today should be more fun than anything else.’

‘Where’s best for me to stand?’

‘Well, anywhere that you’re not in the way and not in shot would be good.’

‘No, you don’t say.’

‘You’d be surprised how many visitors have wandered into shot without realizing it on past jobs.’

‘Seriously? OK, I’ll stay alert then,’ I promise, hoping I don’t manage to embarrass myself by making such a stupid blunder.