Billy Elliot (14 page)

‘It’s all right, he’s coming back out. Aren’t you, Dad?’

Dad just leaned there, tears and snot streaming down his face, saying, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ over and over.

‘Just get him out of there!’

‘Aye. I will. I will.’

And I did get him out. He was in no state to work, even the bosses could see that. They didn’t want someone having a nervous breakdown all over the coalface. Bad for publicity. They let him out the back way, away from the big crowds. It was in their interest as much as ours. Later on, in the parlour drinking tea, he tried to explain it to me, but he didn’t make all that much sense to me, to be honest. He was never all that good with words, Dad, and just then he could hardly get the words out. I’d have thought he was drunk if I didn’t know him better. But it gave me food for thought all the same. That stuff about Mam. That was true – she’d have let Billy dance. She wouldn’t care who thought what about it, and like he said, she certainly wouldn’t have let me kick his dance teacher out of the house like that.

Well, I was a bit over the top that day, but you couldn’t blame me. Seeing my dad like that made me feel different. You know? You always think your dad can cope, that he’s in charge. Like, your dad always knows what’s what, what to do, how to do it. All right, I’d been pissed off with him lately for being a useless old bloke, I didn’t like the way he was and all that. But he was still Dad, he was still responsible for things. Now it looked like he wasn’t any more. And that meant, somehow, that I had to be. I had to step in to sort that sort of thing out. It makes you think.

But. But. What a bloody time for him to crack up! What a bloody time for Billy to decide he wanted to ballet dancer! Well, I promised I’d help, but it’s one thing to say Billy’s allowed to dance. It’s a whole bloody thing else paying for him. How the f*** were we gonna manage that?

I
said, ‘Ballet?’

‘Ballet,’ said Tony.

‘Tony, man.’ I looked across at Jackie. ‘You are f***ing desperate, aren’t you?’

It was in The Bell. The two of them sitting there. Jackie looked like he’d lost about a stone overnight, totally washed out. I think he was having some sort of a nervous breakdown. As for Tony, well. I suppose he knew what he was doing. But he didn’t look all that happy about it, that’s all.

‘You’ve done it before,’ said Jackie.

‘Aye, for boxing or sport, like. But ballet?’

‘Why not ballet? If he’s got the talent.’

‘Has he?’

‘Aye, he has,’ said Tony.

‘Who says so?’

‘Well, I say so.’

‘I went round to see his teacher,’ said Jackie.

‘Mrs Wilkinson.’

‘She says he’s good enough. She says he’s the best she’s had.’

‘Well, she should know, she’s been doing it for long enough.’

‘That’s good enough for me, then.’

‘Will it be good enough for everyone else, though, Jackie, man?’

‘That’s what I want to find out.’

I looked across at Tony. He shrugged. ‘We’ve got to try, man. It’s better than the alternative, like.’

‘You’ll excuse me for saying so, Tony, but you don’t look all that convinced yourself.’

He shrugged again. Jackie glanced across at him.

‘He should have his chance, that’s all,’ Tony said.

I finished off my pint and Tony got up to get me another. I put me hand on his sleeve. ‘All right, Tony, you don’t need to bribe me,’ I said. It was just a joke, but he practically hissed back at me.

‘It’s not a bribe, man, it’s a pint.’

‘Aye, and it’s my round. All right?’ I shook my head at Jackie. ‘I never thought I’d hear you telling me you want your boy to be a ballet dancer, that’s all.’

‘Well, it’s what his mother would have wanted, George, so I have to think for her now she’s not here.’

‘So that’s all there is to it, right?’ said Tony. That’s Tony – angry as ever.

‘Right. OK then.’ I got in another three pints and brought them back to the table. We sat there a while sipping away.

‘Well, it’s not going to be easy, is it?’ I said. ‘People have got no money left for food for their own bairns, let alone – ’

‘Do you think I don’t know that? This isn’t easy for me either, George. But it’s like Dad says. Our mam isn’t here any more, so we have to do what she’d have done. Do you think she’d have just sat down and told him no?’

I knew Sarah. Well. He had a point there. There wasn’t a woman like her for sticking up for her own.

‘Would she f***,’ said Tony. ‘So. We have to be Mam for her. Right, Dad?’

‘Right, son.’

‘So, then.’

Well, maybe. And maybe Sarah would have stood a chance.

‘OK then. We’ll make a go of it.’

‘Good man!’

I nodded, but between you and me, I thought we had about as much chance of selling Maggie Thatcher’s knickers at auction as we did of getting folk to part with good money to send Billy Elliot to ballet school that winter.

Business done, Tony couldn’t get out of there quick enough. He downed his pint, wiped his mouth and got up.

‘See yer then, George. I’m off down the Social. Meeting this afternoon. Keep an eye on Dad, will you?’ He waved his hand over Jackie’s head as if he was asking me to take care of his kid rather than his dad.

I nodded, and he cleared off. Me and Jackie sat there and finished off our pints, then I got another couple in. We settled in to a bit of a session after that. It was on me. I mean, if you can’t buy a friend in trouble a few pints, what use are you? It was good for him. It was either five pints down The Bell or up to the doctor for some pills, and I know which I’d prefer. We got tiddly quick. He told me about trying to sell the wedding ring and, well, I think I understood then why he’d done what he’d done. Because, you know, Jackie and Sarah Elliot, it was a real love affair. They adored each other. He used to say to me, when he’d had a few, that he couldn’t understand how some-one like him had ended up with someone like her, he felt that lucky. Oh, I envied him. I wish I felt like that about my wife. So. He’s had a hard time these past two years. You can understand it. He must have felt so lonely. He must have felt that he had nowhere to turn.

I had something else on me mind I wanted to clear up but it took another two pints before I plucked up courage.

‘Jackie, man,’ I said at last. ‘Your Billy.’

‘Aye?’

‘You know.’

‘Know what?’

‘Well, ballet and all. It’s a bit ... isn’t it?’

‘A bit what?’

‘Well.’

‘Go on.’

‘Do you think he’s ... you know?’

‘What? Out with it then.’

‘Oh, f***’s sake, Jackie, do you want me to say it out loud. I mean! Ballet, it’s not what most boys round here do, is it?’

‘Just because he likes ballet.’

‘Aye, all right, just because he likes ballet. But ... is he?’

‘No, he’s f***ing not.’

‘How do you know?’

‘I just know, right?’

‘How do you know? How can you tell?’

‘I just do, all right?’

Jackie was looking at me, half smiling. I was relieved actually, because I thought he might be cross. But he knew what I was on about all right. He was just stringing me along.

‘Magazines,’ he said. ‘Under his bed, like.’

‘What sort of magazines?’

‘What sort do you think I mean? Sex magazines. Girlie mags. Fanny mags. You remember that sort of thing, George, don’t you?’

‘All right, all right. Well. Where’s he get them from, then?’

‘From under Tony’s bed, I expect. Quite a good supply.’

Well, I’ll tell you, it was a big relief. At least I wasn’t going to be raising money to send the lad away to go poofing in London. I leaned back and smiled. ‘Well, that must be a relief to you, then.’

‘Listen, man.’ Jackie leaned forward, and I knew I’d said the wrong thing. ‘I don’t care what he is, he’s our Billy, and that’s good enough for me. I don’t care what he does. He can stuff badgers if he likes, he’s still our Billy.’

‘Right, OK, message received. Well, Jackie, I’ll tell you, Sarah’d be proud of you, that’s all I can say.’ And I wished I hadn’t said that as well, because he sat there in front of me and his eyes filled up with tears.

I pretended it wasn’t happening. ‘We’ll go for it, Jackie. But it’s a long shot, man. It’s a long, long shot. You know that, don’t you?’

‘I know, George. But we’ll do it. Somehow.’

I thought, You’ll be lucky, but I clapped him on the back, lifted up me pint and we drank to our success. And poor old Jackie, he just sat there with his pint up in the air and cried, just sat there and cried for all the world to see.

We had a couple of days of putting leaflets through letter boxes, but it was mostly word of mouth. Half the town knew about it by then. Jackie couldn’t have made better publicity than riding into the pit on that coach, but if I’d ever thought there’s no such thing as bad publicity, I thought different by then. It was nothing new, having a meeting to raise money for some poor kid who had a bit of promise and his folks needed some help. But this was different. We’d never sent someone off to the Royal Ballet School before.

It was a thin turnout on the day, but even so, better than I
thought. You had the feeling it was mainly curiosity brought people out of doors. Jackie was sitting by me at the table at the front. I’d had some doubts about it, but he seemed to be getting a bit better, wasn’t bursting into tears all the time. Organising the meeting had given him something to do. Tony had hidden himself away in the crowd and I thought to myself, He’ll be glad when this is all over, and no mistake. They’d left Billy at home. Didn’t want him to see his hopes dashed, I suppose.

I got up and got things rolling. It wasn’t easy. The word ‘ballet’ was sticking in my throat.

‘You all know why we’re here,’ I said. ‘And you all know it’s a bit different this time. There’s a strike on, for one thing, no one has much to spare. We’ve sent kids away to be boxers and footballers and all sorts, but this time it’s Billy Elliot and he wants to be a ballet dancer.’

People were laughing. I gritted me teeth. What else could I do? I’d given me word. I rambled on a bit, then I handed over to Jackie. I was too quick, I know, but ... well. It wasn’t easy, that’s all.

Poor old Jackie! Tony should never have let him get up there. He was still a bit dazed, you could see that. I reckon the doctor had put him on pills of some sort anyhow. Everyone was staring at him, and he looked like he was facing a firing squad, not a bloody meeting hall with twenty-odd people in it.

‘You all know me.’ he said. ‘You all know our Billy. You all know George.’ He ground to a halt. I nudged him under the table. Gerron with it!

‘You all know Mrs Wilkinson,’ he said, and they laughed some more. He tried to pull himself together. ‘She say’s Billy’s
in with a chance, and I want him to be able to take it if he can,’ he said. And then, just as I thought he was getting going, he sat down. Bang.

There was this long pause before I realised that was it. ‘Right,’ I said. More laughter. It was a farce. I tried to think quick of something to say. ‘I’ve put all the fifty pences in that I take from the boxing. It was Billy or a new punchbag, and Billy’s won, and it’ll be the first time he’s got the better of that punchbag, mind.’ That got a bit of a laugh. ‘Mrs Wilkinson has put her fifty pences in from the ballet. Now, I have some raffle tickets here.’ I waved them in the air. ‘We haven’t even got any prizes yet, but we will. Anyhow, the prize isn’t the point. I want everyone to reach into their pockets and cough up. I know you’re being asked all the time, and this is just one more thing and Christmas is only just over. But this is important. Right?’

Everyone began looking at each other. A few got up. No one was moving up to where I was sitting. I reckon they were just waiting for the one to make a line for the door and the whole lot of them would run for it.

‘Hang on a minute.’

It was Tony. He was sitting right at the back. I thought, What’s he up to?

‘You all know me and all,’ he said. ‘I’m the bloke that set fire to that horse’s arse.’ Everyone laughed at that. ‘We all have to be famous for something. Well, I’m famous for a horse’s arse. Billy’s my brother and there’s been lots of times I wanted to set fire to his arse and all.’ They were all chuckling now. I was impressed. He’d set everyone at their ease, which was more than I’d done.

‘I know ballet must seem to be a pretty weird thing,’ he
said. ‘I was against it myself for a long time. But. I just want to say this. First of all – ‘ and I saw him looking up and catching his dad’s eye as he said it. ‘First of all, this strike is about the future. We all know that. My future, your future, your chil-dren’s future. And that includes Billy’s future. Not everyone’s going to end up down the pit but they still have a right to their own future, no matter what it is. You can’t pick and choose what someone’s future is going to be.

‘I’ve been speaking to his dance teacher too. And what she said to me wasn’t that Billy is in with a chance. She said he was brilliant. Brilliant. Well, he’ll be the first in our family who’s been brilliant at anything, except setting fire to arses, so I think he should get his chance. You all know, Billy and me haven’t had a mam for the past couple of years. And, well, she’d have wanted this. She’d’ve let him. In fact, she’d have bloody made him. So. Dig deep. We need your help.’