Bittersweet Trust (4 page)

“No, I wouldn’t. People who love someone with their whole body and soul never give up on the one person who means the most to them…” I whisper, leaning into her. I watch her body shudder at my mere presence. She can tell me I have no hold over her heart all she wants, but her body tells me otherwise.

“Maybe that’s the problem. You forgot to love me with your soul and decided that loving me with just your body was a better idea.” Her head tilts to the side as she gives me one of the dirtiest looks I’ve ever seen.

“Loving you with just my body would be the most exhilarating thing in the world, but you mean more to me than that. You have somehow weaseled your feisty ass into my heart and now that you’re there, there isn’t any way to get out…” My lips are right next to her ear, and I can practically feel my teeth grazing against her skin.

“My advice to you, sweetheart, is to never fight the inevitable… I’ve tried. Believe me when I say I have tried to fight against whatever it is that is between us. It’s not working… It just makes me want you more.”

Her nail digs into my chest, pulling me from my very dirty thoughts. “Things have changed, Corey; I have changed. There is more to us than some stupid game. There’s a baby involved and though I know that doesn’t mean shit to you, it means everything to me.”

She thinks our baby means nothing to me?

“Our baby and you…“ I can’t even find the words to say what I want to say. I want to make her understand what I am going through without hurting her. I need her to know it has always been her whom I have wanted.

“You guys are my world,” I simply say. I watch as astonishment shows in her features and then morphs into anger.

“Well, you aren’t ours. At least not anymore. This is more than just a game, Corey. This is my life. My heart. My emotions. If you intend on being a jackass then you can leave.”

She turns on her heels faster than I can respond, giving me no time to reach out and stop her.

She forces me to head back to the table and leave her be. Cornering her might have been wrong, and forcing her to talk to me might have been even worse, but she has to still want me. If it was ever real between us, she would never be able to walk away. All I know is that when she wants me again, and she will, it won’t be because I forced her to be with me. It’ll be because it’s the right thing, and she can trust me.

“What the fuck was that about?” Douchelan asks as soon as my ass hits the chair. I debate if I should be an asshole to this guy or just lay it on him what she means to me.

I stick true to my nature.

“That was me having a causal conversation with my girl whom you need to learn to keep your hands off of,” I growl out. I’m not entirely sure why I do this, but I feel the territorial need to.

He laughs directly in my face like the fucker he is.

“That girl isn’t yours. You lost the right to even say that when you left her knocked up and fending for herself. If I were you, I would leave her alone. You never know what kind of trouble you can bring upon yourself if you hurt her again.” I see the threat in his eyes. I can feel the hate he has for me in his words, but I don’t care. I can give two shits what this guy thinks about me, except for the fact that what he says is true: I lost that right.

“Don’t threaten me, pretty boy. I will fuck your world up so…”

“Stop,” Jenna breaks in.

“No. He deserves my fist in his…”

“Knock it the hell off. We’re in a public place so act like an adult,” Jenna disciplines sternly. If this was the old me, I would have laid into her so hard she would be in tears. But Jenna knows I fucked up. Jenna knows the hurt that burns inside of me, eating away at everything good.

“Yeah, act like an adult,” Ryder mocks.

“Shut up, Ryder,” Rex responds, clearly annoyed with his brother’s antics.

“I’m telling you now, Corey, that if you hurt her again, I will mess up your face. Not only that, but I will make it impossible for you to find someone to love your pitiful excuse of an ass,” Declan the douche says across from me.

My fingers itch to lay my knuckles into the side of his cheek, to bruise his face. Instead, I reach across the table and grab him by his neck. His fingers dig into the table cloth, and I don’t even care that we’re making a scene. All I want to do is get my point across.

“Listen here, pretty boy. I’ve loved that girl since the second she told me to fuck off and take the high road. You might be a replacement for the time being, but you’re not me. That baby inside of her is mine. Everything about her is mine. I love her, and I’ll be damned if I let you get in the way of me proving that.” I release him, slamming him back into his chair. I look around the room at the staff and my friends. They look at me as if they don’t know me, and when I turn around, my eyes catch a pair of green emerald colored ones.

I do the only thing I know how to do - I leave.

Mimi

I am going to puke. Again. This is the third time this morning that my head is gazing into the toilet bowl. As if it isn’t enough to make me feel bloated all the time, have heartburn nonstop, and pee every other minute, I am also constantly vomiting.

I hear the click of the front door opening. Great. Jenna is here to go with me to my appointment, and I am not ready. I have been a complete mess since our dinner extravaganza the other night. I wanted to see Corey, to have him hold me and tell me everything would be alright, but the more and more I thought about it, the angrier I became and the more I cried.

“Are you ready to go yet?” Jenna’s voice yells from the front of the apartment. Was I ready to go? Not really. I don’t want to see this baby without his or her father sitting next to me. I am scared and alone.

“Uhh... Yeah…” I respond weakly. I flush the toilet and stand, adjusting myself. I need to brush my teeth and tame my hair a little bit.

“Wow, you look…” I can hear the amusement in her voice. She thinks it is absolutely funny to see me out of order.

“Like shit. Is that what you were going to say? Because I definitely feel like shit, so I may as well look like it too.” I grab my toothbrush and brush my teeth before I run my hairbrush through my hair a couple times until it looks somewhat normal.

I do all of this while Jenna watches me from the door. She’s cautious in the way she stands, and I finally detect the heavy steps of someone walking across the wood floor toward the hall.

“Who did you bring?” I ask between clenched teeth. The last thing I want to do is deal with another shit storm.

“I don’t want you to be mad at me, but I didn’t have any other option. He practically invited himself…” she trails off as Corey’s face shows behind her. I glare. Anger fills my veins. I’m done playing nice with him. Done being the same old Mimi he knew.

“What possessed you to think that you could actually be here?” I clench my fists, anger and hate mounting within me. I don’t hate Corey. I tell myself that every day. I can’t hate someone who is damaged.

A look of remorse crosses his face, but is quickly replaced by smugness. From that single look, I can feel my insides melting, becoming goo by the hold he still has on my heart.

“I’m here because that baby,” he says, pointing to my abdomen, “is mine. I know I told you I wanted nothing to do with you or our baby, but I lied. I’m a bastard and a shitty boyfriend and son, and I will probably be a horrible father, but I know I’m going to try. I’m going to try because our baby deserves something that you and I were never given. I refuse to continue being selfish and putting myself first.” He drops his gaze to the floor but not before I catch the torment and hate that lie deep within him. His demons are written all over his face. Suddenly, a flicker of pain develops in my chest for the man standing in front of me.

He’s endured so much heartache in such a short amount of time. Sometimes, late at night, when I’m thinking about my life, I think about how much he’s been through and how broken he must truly be to run from everything good in his life.

“I never said you couldn’t be a part of this baby’s life, Corey. You walked out on me. You made the decision for both of us. Yet you walk in here acting like you can still control the situation, like you still love me. But what if I don’t love you anymore? What if I can’t do this with you? What if I want more than you’re willing to offer?” I know I am rambling, but I have a desperate need to say what’s on my mind and in my heart. I have to protect not only myself, but my baby as well.

I watch as his mind digests what I’ve said. I can see the anxiety forming on his face, and I feel a sliver of satisfaction soak into my bones to see him in a place he put me in not too long ago. For a moment I feel happy, but then it disappears, and I feel slimy for hurting him the way he hurt me.

“Alright, guys, I know there’s tension, and you two need to have a discussion about things, but you need to put your issues aside because we really need to get going,” Jenna butts in, looking down at the time on her phone.

“Yeah, whatever, let’s go,” I mumble, making sure my shoulder pushes a little roughly into Corey’s as I walk past him. I know I said I don’t hate him, but I’m still mad. If he thinks he can come back into my life and win me over like nothing happened, he has another thing coming.

***

I sit in the back seat of the car, glaring at my best friend and ex-boyfriend. I am livid that Corey would go to Jenna to get her to help him weasel his way into my life again. I feel betrayed that Jenna would actually help him after everything he did to me. As if it wasn’t enough to simply break my heart, he now has to keep splitting the pieces even more by pretending to be the man I thought he was.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Jenna orders from the front seat. My glare intensifies. Corey turns around, his dark brown eyes twinkling in the sunlight. I force myself to look away but can still feel the heat from his eyes on me.

Stop looking at me, asshole… I chant the same thing in my mind over and over again. See, this is the problem with me and Corey: Even when we’re hating each other, there’s a pull from something that causes us to keep coming back for more. It’s like no matter how hot the fire between us burns, we both would walk through it over and over again just for one last touch or taste. Call me crazy, but I think it’s God’s way of saying, “Buck up and make each other better. Make it work.” Sometimes people come into your life and leave, but not before putting an imprint on your heart and teaching you a life lesson. Corey came into my life to make me whole; something within me was missing, waiting for him to fill that void. He had…no, he still has…a purpose in my life, and though I desperately want to hate him, I know I can’t.

I pull myself from my thoughts when I hear Jenna ask if I’m ready. Am I? No, not really, but I’m calmer and less scared. I don’t want Corey here, but I’m thankful he is.

He smiles at me softly as he comes around the car to open my door. Just as he reaches for the handle, I open the door myself and slip out, coming face to face with him.

“I was going to get that for you,” he sulks, obviously irritated that I didn’t wait for him.

I shake my head at him before speaking, “Let’s get something straight, Corey. I don’t need a gentlemen. I can open my own damn door; I’m not fragile or weak. I need a man to stand by me and care for me. Stop trying to be something you’re not. I’m not buying your act.”

He takes a step back, letting me through so we can enter the doctor’s office. After we walk through the double doors, Corey and Jenna head toward the waiting room while I go to registration.

“Mimi Jones. I have an appointment with Doctor Clive,” I say to the woman behind the desk. She types something on the computer, her eyes looking me up and down, judging me to the core, I’m sure.

“Alright, here are some papers I need you to sign. Here, here, and here,” she explains, indicating the places where my signature is required. I sign all the documents and hand them back to her. She directs me to go sit down, and I do as I’m told. I take notice of Jenna and Corey laughing at something. I smile a smidge at the very fact that they have both matured so much. Jenna forgave Corey, and Corey finally realized it wasn’t Jenna’s fault that his dad fucked up.

“What’s so funny?” I direct my question at Jenna because I’m currently not speaking to Corey. Yes, that’s a childish thing to do, but I don’t care. When I look at him, I either want to take a baseball bat to his face or kiss the fuck out of him. Neither choice would be good for us.

“Oh, nothing. I was telling Corey about how Rex burned macaroni and cheese the other night.”

I give her an ‘are-you-kidding-me’ look before saying, “Who burns macaroni and cheese?” We all laugh, and then Jenna says, “That’s what Corey was saying. I told Rex never to cook again. NEVER. I wonder what he would do if something happened to me…probably starve to death.”

I chance a glance at Corey, and our eyes lock. In that moment, it’s like time stands still. Everything happening around us slows down, and it’s just me and him. He looks into my eyes as if he’s trying to tell me he’s sorry with his soul, knowing very well that words will never do justice to the damage he has caused.

“Mimi…”

“Mimi…” The nurse’s voice echoes in my mind, and I shake my head trying to escape the quandary I am in.