Black Keys (The Colorblind Trilogy #1) (55 page)

Panic started rising inside of me, but I tried my best to convince myself that he wouldn’t do that to me, not again, not after everything that had happened–I was sure. Still, I waited for his confirmation. He’d taught me that assuming and judging made things darker and harder to understand than when you searched for an answer or an explanation directly.

“Yes, Princess,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed, facing me.

“What for?”

He didn’t reply right away, only moved his hand through his hair, seemingly as if he was trying really hard to figure out how he was going to reply to me. “I– uh...I arranged your flight back to the States,” he said, pressing his lips into a tight line, barely looking into my eyes.

“What?” I asked in shock. “What do you mean back to the States?”

“You’re going home, Princess.” He offered me another small smile that you could barely see, even while staring at him.

Home!

I felt my chest swelling at the thought, not sure if it was in happiness or sadness, and that alone was enough to confuse the heck out of me.

“Home? Tonight?”

He nodded.

“But what about our deal? We agreed I’d stay for six months, for Janna’s sake,” I reminded him, though doubting he’d forgotten about that.

“I came up with something. Don’t worry yourself about that, Beautiful Princess,” he tried to smile. “We will leave once you’re ready.” He got up, but before he could go anywhere, I got out of bed and stopped him, noticing that I was back in my sweatpants, though I had no idea how I’d gotten them back on, but not really caring either.

“You’ll come with me?” I asked. After all, he’d said
‘We.’

“Yes, Princess, I’ll accompany you to the airport,” he replied, not turning back to look at me.

Oh!

“That’s all?” I whispered my question. Was he really going to send me back home that way? Just like that? That simple? He came up with something and that was it?

“If there’s anything you need, just say the word, Princess,” he said.

You.

I need you.

“So, you’re just shipping me back home only six days after the wedding. You’re saying that you came up with something, and not to worry myself.
What
could I possibly need?” I said with hurt in my voice. “You have everything set,” my voice cracked.

“Isn’t that what you want, Princess?”

“How could you even ask that?” My eyes welled up with tears. “After yesterday and the wonderful time we spent together, how could you think I’d still want to leave?”

I heard him sucking in a breath. “Because after what happened this afternoon, you couldn’t possibly still want to stay, if ever.”

“But I’m fine,” I argued. “Something bad was going to happen but it didn’t, and you saved me. It’s over. Why are you dwelling on it?”

“Because I won’t always be by your side, Princess,” he said. “You’re safer in your own country.”

But I’m safer with you.

“Yeah,” I said, my tears already falling all over again, “but did you even stop to think about how I would feel about it?”

He didn’t reply, and after a pause of silence, I nodded to myself. “Maybe you’re right, maybe I should go home. I’m just sorry it’s so easy for you to send me back home like that, after yesterday. I thought it meant something to you, but I really was mistaken.”

It was then he turned to face me, and in a split second he was right in front of me, his hands cupping my face and his eyes locked with mine. “Don’t,” he whispered, his face all pain, hurt and sadness. “Don’t go there, Beautiful Princess.” He shook his head. “It meant more to me than you could ever imagine.”

“Then why?” I whispered back, my tears blurring my vision. “Why are you sending me off? Why?”

“You’re not safe here, you have to go home.”

“I’m fine,” I insisted.

“You’re far from it,” he said. “Just look at you, look at what’s happened to you since you came here. You’ve lost weight, you’ve cried every single day–several times–you were insulted and pushed around, you’ve had two death threats and you almost faced something they call ‘Common Deflowering’–while I call it ‘Gang Rape’.” He pressed his lips together hard. “Do you have any idea how all of this is hurting me? It’s killing me, Princess, killing me!”

I put my hands over his wrists while he still had his holding my face. “Then let me stay, let everything go as planned,” I told him. “I’ll spend those six months here, and it’s going to be okay.”

“You can’t know that, Princess,” he said. “I told you: royalty is a dirty game. Everyone is lusting after the throne and searching for ways to get themselves closer to it–it’s sickening. I’ve had my food poisoned twice and my brother has been shot just an inch from his heart, my father faced an assassination attempt against him, and my mother has gone crazy with her obsession to make my life perfect, to be the perfect king for decades to come. And don’t even get me started on my uncle and cousin.” His eyes begged me to understand.

“I can’t risk anyone hurting you anymore to get to me or my father like Jasem did. He only made a scene thinking the shock would kill my father with his weak heart and bad condition. I thank God it turned out okay, but I don’t know what will happen in the future. I’m not willing to wait and see, only to end up with something even worse happening to you within those six months.”

His words were convincing, but...there must be some way. “It couldn’t go worse,” I tried.

“Stop it, Princess!” he said softly. “You don’t understand. This,” his thumbs brushed away my tears, “is hurting me more than I can explain; your tears are too precious to me.” He whispered, “Do you have any idea how I felt when the first time I heard those beautiful lips calling my name was in terror and fear, crying for help?” He touched his forehead to mine. “It gutted me, Beautiful Princess. Gutted me.”

My tears flowed in silence. I didn’t know what to say to him; I was choking. There was so much I wanted to say, and at the same time, I had no idea how to put my feelings into words. I had no idea what to say.

“Mazen,” I whispered.

“Princess. My Beautiful Princess,” he whispered, his lips touching my forehead for a moment too long and too short at the same time. When I looked into his eyes, I saw the tears rolling down from them.

“You’re crying,” I choked out, reaching up to touch his tears, just learning in that moment what precious tears really meant as I saw his.

“How could I not, Beautiful Princess?” He asked, “Do you feel this?” He took my hand that was touching his face and put it over his chest, right above where his heart was. “It’s bleeding,” he told me, his teary eyes looking deep into my matching ones, before he pulled my head to his chest, my ear replacing where my hand was just a moment ago. “Do you hear it?” he asked. “It’s breaking,” he told me, and I couldn’t control myself as I hugged him and cried for the loss of someone who wasn’t even mine.

“It’s not even slightly easy for me, Princess, but I have to let you go.”

No, no! Please, no! Let me stay, let me!

We hugged until our legs almost gave out, we cried until there was no place on our faces that tears didn’t stain, and we hated our fates until there was no way to hate them even more.

“Can’t you come with me?”

Please, please, please!

“I wish I could,” he said sincerely, “but I have a duty here, responsibilities I can’t get away from.”

I nodded in understanding, but not in acceptance.

“I wish you could,” I told him honestly, hot tears wetting my cheeks, a pleading look in my eyes.

“Maybe in another life, Princess,” he smiled sadly, “when it wouldn’t be too dangerous to be with me, and only safer away from me.” His voice broke.

I hugged him tightly. “I’ve never been safer than when I’m with you.”

“But I can’t always be by your side,” he reminded me with the same words again. Words I hated so much, it wasn’t describable.

“So, that’s it?” I asked. “We get a divorce now?”

“We were never married in the first place, Princess,” he stated.

I pulled away and looked at him with a frown and tearful eyes. “What?”

“On paper, yes, but not in front of God,” he said. “You were forced, and in my religion, that’s a deal breaker.”

I looked at him for a moment, trying to understand.

“But just to make sure,” he said, looking at me for a moment, then said two words in Arabic, sounding as if it stung his tongue to say them. “You’re divorced, Princess.” Tears glistened in his eyes again.

I smiled sadly through my tears and nodded. “You can stop calling me Princess now.”

He shook his head. “I never called you
‘Princess’
because it was your title, Princess.”

And
that
caused more tears to come. His lips kissed my tears away, and then he pressed his cheek to mine and whispered, “I’ve never yelled at my mother until she wanted to hurt you. I’ve never wanted to kill anyone until someone treated you with disrespect. I never knew what falling for someone truly was until you came into my life.”

 “Falling?” I gasped.

“So hard, Princess,” he said, pulling back the slightest bit to look into my eyes. “Can’t you tell?”

I replied to him by pressing my lips to his. I kissed him hard. I kissed him
‘don’t let go.’
I kissed him
‘let me stay.’
And I kissed him
‘please, understand.’

He kissed me back, just as hard, just as passionately, but he kissed me
‘I’m sorry.’
And he kissed me
‘I have to let you go.’

We kissed ‘
Goodbye.’
Because it was our only option. A choice forced upon us.

Saying goodbye to Mona was more emotional than I’d expected, I hugged her for a long time, and we both cried heavily.

“Take care of yourself,
Benty
,” she said through her tears.

“You’ve yet to tell me what that word means, Mona,” I smiled sadly, my own tears rolling down my cheeks, feeling how much I was going to miss her already, this woman who held a place in my heart I’d never thought she would own.

“It means
‘My child…My daughter’,
” she replied with a sad smile of her own, and it was too much for me not to hug her again and cry some more.

When I asked to visit the Queen Mother before I left, I was welcomed with open arms, kisses and more prayers which, even though I couldn’t understand, warmed my heart to the highest point.

Prince Fahd was waiting by the main entrance of the palace. He wished me a safe flight, and I asked him to take good care of Hope and Faith; I wasn’t going to take them away from their mother. He then assured me that he’d have the best people looking after the branch office until I decided what I would do with it, telling me that Princess Huda had been taking care of it for the past two weeks and would do it for as long as I wished. I didn’t even know she was doing that, though I was grateful.