Blackbird Knitting in a Bunny's Lair (9 page)

As he looked at his nervous, uncertain lover, Aiden saw Jeremy on his knees, bloody and half-conscious with a gun pointed at his head, and he wished he could choose not to love him at all.

That seething he’d felt the day before boiled up to his groin, to his stomach, to his chest. Oh God. Jeremy had just… just set himself out like a lamb to the slaughter! Where was Aiden’s rabbit, the one who bolted when Aiden’s mother looked at him funny?

I admire the hell out of him. He’s a hero.

He almost died.

Yeah. Maybe when Jeremy wasn’t so tired, so spacey, so terrified of this new house with all of his stuff in it—then Aiden could forgive him for almost being beaten to death.

Because Aiden’s chest still ached just thinking about it.

But forgiveness had waited this long, hadn’t it? Besides, it was dinnertime.

Craw had made dinner for them and welcomed Jeremy to Ben’s house, and then he’d done Aiden a solid and disappeared, probably to go coo love poems into the phone, since Ben was still in Boulder until the morning plane. Aiden and Jeremy lingered over the chicken casserole, and a heavy silence fell.

“Was nice of Craw to make dinner,” Jeremy said into the quiet.

Aiden grunted. He still couldn’t quite believe that the gruff asshole he’d known for much of his life in Granby had gone all gooey over Ben’s cold hands. But then, Ben had stared at Craw the way Jeremy stared at Aiden, like the object of their affections could reattach frostbitten fingers with a few heated breaths. There wasn’t much Aiden wouldn’t do for that look—he knew that now.

“I never knew the old bastard could cook,” he said, although by now he’d had Craw’s chili and his eggs and whatever he made for Thanksgiving.

“This is plain cooking,” Jeremy said, but he wasn’t criticizing. “It’s good to make you fat.”

“Hm.” Aiden swallowed his last swig of milk. “Well, have another bite, Jer. You could use some of that.”

It was Jeremy’s turn to grunt. He stared at his half-full plate for a few minutes and pushed some food around.

And then he brought up the valances. Again.

Aiden realized he was about asleep as he sat.

“Yeah, Jer,” Aiden said quietly. “We brought the valances. We brought the books. We brought the floor safe, may it rust in peace. This here is our home. Your name and my name on the rental agreement, and later on the mortgage, your rabbits in the hutch outside. You gonna be able to live with that?”

Jeremy breathed in sharply and looked at Aiden with a plain face—which actually gave Aiden some hope and happiness, because if he wasn’t faking a smile or faking seriousness, then that meant he was being real and honest, and that was when Aiden liked him best.

“I missed holding you,” he said nakedly, and Aiden swallowed hard. “You slept next to me for two months. Every night in the hospital, I wanted it back.”

Aiden got out of his chair and fell to his knees in front of his stubborn, damaged lover. “I’m so pissed at you I could beat you twice,” he growled, but he had his head in Jeremy’s lap and was wrapping his arms around Jeremy’s slight waist, so perhaps Jeremy took that in the spirit in which it was intended.

“I’d just as soon go to bed.” Jeremy’s voice, choked and bemused, accompanied a shaking hand through Aiden’s hair. “I’ll shower first.”

“We’re not having sex tonight,” Aiden said, no-bullshit like, because it would take a while of reacquainting himself with Jeremy’s new skin to be able to be comfortable with the idea of sex again.

“I’m not climbing into that bed with you smelling like hospital,” Jeremy said sharply.

“You showered this morning!” Aiden protested. It was a bad memory to bring up, because Aiden had sat on the toilet the whole time, wanting to make sure he’d be okay.

Jeremy’s face twisted. “It doesn’t smell like home,” he said apologetically. “Maybe our soap, my clothes… it won’t feel so temporary.”

Aiden sucked in a breath. Of course. Jeremy spent two years getting used to his little apartment on the outskirts of town. He’d grown up in hotel rooms. Having that apartment taken away from him must have been earth-shattering.

Aiden nodded. “Here, Jer. I’ll get the dishes. Go shower.” He stood awkwardly and pulled Jeremy into his arms. Like this, draped around his body, Aiden could protect him.

For a moment Jeremy shook in his embrace, and Aiden squeezed tighter. He must have squeezed too tight, though, because Jeremy wiggled away, kissed his cheek, and trotted upstairs to the bedroom with the adjoining bath.

Aiden made quick work of the dishes and bundled up the casserole. He went outside to check on the rabbits—the new breeding pair Stanley had bought them was happy in their rabbit hutch. The special heater was nice because there was still plenty of snow and a bitter wind in February, and Aiden couldn’t wait to introduce Jeremy to them in the morning.

When he got up to the bedroom, Jeremy was coming out of the shower, shirtless, in a pair of sweats. He felt Aiden’s regard on his skinny, scarred body, and a flush traveled from his neck, down his chest, his ribcage, then down to his very concave stomach.

“I was just getting a shirt,” he mumbled, and Aiden’s breath stopped so suddenly, he saw stars.

“Don’t,” he growled. Without preamble, he invaded Jeremy’s space, wanting to heat him and cover him and
maul
that pale body with his own strong, healthy one. He bent and kissed Jeremy’s shoulder, and then the side of his neck, and then the center of his chest.

Jeremy sighed softly, relaxing into his touch, and Aiden palmed his shoulder blades and kept kissing things. Pink nipples, the bumps on his broken ribs, the decreased muscle on his bicep. Aiden brushed his lips on all of it, and as Jeremy’s warmth and arousal started to permeate the smell of shower and soap, Aiden’s kisses grew more aggressive.

He fell to his knees again and stripped Jeremy’s sweats off, placing little nibbling kisses down Jeremy’s hip bones and his thighs while Jeremy clung to his shoulders and thrust his hips in quivery, tight movements.

Aiden took back everything he’d just said to Jeremy about no sex. Dammit, he had
permission
.
He
needed
to know Jeremy’s body again, and the one thing he knew, the one thing he truly knew, in his stomach, was that he needed to mark it as his. Suck marks, sweat, semen—Aiden wanted it all on or in his Jeremy so that nobody, not the mob, not the universe, not Jeremy’s surprising sense of honor, nobody would have the gall to do this to Aiden’s lover ever again.

“Boy,” Jeremy said, undulating uncomfortably. His cock was at full mast, and Aiden put two fingers in his mouth, getting them lubed up as much as he could, before dropping his head and sucking on Jeremy’s balls. Jeremy let out a grunt and knotted his hands in Aiden’s longish, curling hair.

“Boy?” he quavered.

Aiden thought he should probably ask if Jeremy was comfortable or not, but his whole body was shaking with urgency. He took his two slicked fingers and probed gently while he pulled Jeremy’s erection into the back of his throat.

“Boy!” He sounded alarmed, and his knees shook enough that he rested his slight weight on Aiden’s shoulders.

Aiden pulled back enough to turn his body and Jeremy’s too, and shoved so Jeremy was back against the familiar bed they’d moved from the apartment.

Jeremy sat down abruptly.

Aiden was still on his knees, and he burned a glance at Jeremy.

“Jer?” he said harshly.

Jeremy’s wide brown eyes caught his, and Aiden nodded until Jeremy nodded back.

“You’re looking at me? You’re hearing this?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said. If he’d been a cartoon animal, Aiden would have seen his heart beating clean out of his chest.

“You need to tell me if it hurts. You need to tell me if it doesn’t feel right. You hear me?”

“You wouldn’t hurt me,” Jeremy said, so sincerely Aiden had to grit his teeth.

“Not on purpose,” he muttered. “But I’m telling you, Jer, it’s gonna be fierce.”

Jeremy cocked his head. “You got that in you?” It almost sounded like idle curiosity.

Aiden shoved at Jeremy’s legs, spreading them, giving him better access, and Jeremy let out a low, breathy moan.

Okay. Good. Because Aiden took that as permission not to stop.

It was so much easier to lick him from the end of his cock to the pucker of his asshole when Jeremy was spread out, legs bent, on the bed and Aiden was on his knees before him.

Jeremy made nonsense noises—“Boy, let me… can I… just wanna touch you”—but he wasn’t using the words “doctor said no” or “that hurts,” so Aiden wasn’t listening. It was good that Jeremy was getting excited about this and that he was hard and making those sexy keening, grunting, wanting sounds, but other than that, Aiden wasn’t interested. This was all about making Jeremy his again. He thrust his tongue deep into Jeremy’s clean asshole, and Jeremy let out a deep-pitched sound of need.

“Good,” Aiden muttered. He engulfed Jeremy’s cock hard and deep and fast, until Jeremy bucked wildly and Aiden could feel the skin of his balls tighten up as all of the muscles in that whole area got ready to launch the big white O.

“God!” Jeremy groaned. “Aiden!”

Aiden pulled back. “You want to come now or when I’m inside you?” he asked. Jeremy thrashed a little and groaned without words, so Aiden figured it was his choice.

He reached to the end table and came back with the lubricant he’d bought when he and Jeremy had first started doing this. The bottle was only a little empty, because they hadn’t had much time before his bunny had tried to be a wolf. Aiden dumped a healthy amount on his fingers so he could take the doctor’s advice and open Jeremy up to ease the way. The passage was tight, and he spent a minute easing it, stretching it, fighting his every need to just leap on top of Jeremy, maul him, rut up against him, thrust inside. He paused for a minute, mastering himself, suddenly fearful of hurting someone who would die before he hurt Aiden.

Jeremy grunted and hunched down to meet the thrusts, so Aiden took it on faith that this was something they both needed. He fumbled his belt and jeans open with one hand while Jeremy beat at the comforter on either side of him, and it was the oddest thing, kicking off his half boots while his middle finger was buried deep in Jeremy’s body.

He was naked from the waist down in a moment, and he shoved at the backs of Jeremy’s thighs. “Scoot back, Jer,” he grumbled, and the words sounded so ordinary in a silence that had been punctuated by Jeremy’s sex sounds and Aiden’s labored breathing.

Jeremy complied, and Aiden positioned his cock right at the place where all that heat met, and concentrated very hard on moving slow and easy.

It was excruciating. Jeremy gripped him so tight, and he was not quiet during sex. “Aiden… God… yes… keep going! Please, please, please… oh… oh… omigod! Aiden! Deeper! Please, boy… more! More, more, more, more, more, more… now, please, please now!”

Finally Aiden was all the way inside him and Jeremy was wiggling and scrunching, begging, but Aiden needed something first. He leaned forward, his knees on the bed, his cock in Jeremy, and made sure Jeremy could see him, face-to-face.

Jeremy was sweating and flushed and his eyes were huge, and Aiden could see a pulse throbbing in his throat.

“Jer?” Aiden said, intent on those brown eyes.

“Boy?”

“I am your home.”

“Okay,” Jeremy breathed. “Okay.”

Aiden started thrusting and at first it was slow, but Jeremy cupped the side of his neck and pulled him down for a seeking, needing kiss, and suddenly slow wasn’t an option.
Mine! Mine, mine, mine, mine!
Aiden sped up, and then he moved faster, and
then
he fucked Jeremy until Jeremy’s ass bones dug into Aiden’s thighs with every smack of their flesh, and Aiden didn’t care.

Jeremy cried out after a few moments, and Aiden made him grab his own cock, wanting to see Jeremy stroke himself, wanting to see him come across his own chest. All over his body, Jeremy would have marks that were from sex and from Aiden and not from violence and not from something that should never, ever have touched him in the first place.

“Boy!” Jeremy cried out, and Aiden’s vision went unexpectedly black. He grabbed Jeremy’s hips and hauled him up and thrust into him like he was driving away demons.

Jeremy clamped down on him so hard he couldn’t pull out for another thrust.

And Aiden came and came and came.

He fell forward and realized he’d just fucked Jeremy blind into the mattress when he’d been tired and weak to start with, so he rolled to the side.

“I’m sorry,” he panted. “So sorry.” God, his vision was blurring.

“You needed it,” Jeremy breathed back. He tilted his head, and Aiden was suddenly looking into those brown eyes that had haunted him from behind bandages for months—and haunted him behind Jeremy’s guarded heart for years before that. Right now, they were the opposite of faraway. They were right there with Aiden, seeing all of him as he lay collapsed and weak from the thing he’d just done.

“What about you?” Aiden asked, feeling young and stupid. “You didn’t need that. You needed gentle and….” He closed his eyes against Jeremy’s thin body. “I failed you.”

“No, no no no,” Jeremy hushed. He rolled his whole body, heedless of the come all over his chest and stomach and probably gushing over his thighs too. “You didn’t fail me, Aiden. You didn’t. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I put myself in harm’s way. I am. I’m so sorry.”

Aiden closed his eyes and shuddered. The thermostat would go off in half an hour, but for the moment, he was grateful for all the weatherizing Craw and Ben had done in the fall. It was warm and cozy here, and they were naked, bare, and without protection.

“You should be,” he muttered. He opened his eyes and saw that Jeremy had a hickey on his neck, and one on his ribs, and one on his stomach. He had one on his thigh, and Aiden’s come running from his ass, and his own come all over his chest. Reluctantly, Aiden got up to go get a cloth to wipe him off, and when he came back, he found Jeremy still there, lying on his side, half-asleep.

He went gently with the cloth, with helping Jeremy find the sleep pants and T-shirt Aiden had gotten him for Christmas, with peeling back the covers of the new comforter and sheets and wool blankets and helping Jeremy slip inside. He grabbed his own boxers and sleep shorts and T-shirt, and eventually he slid in behind Jeremy, thinking his rabbit was very much asleep.