Blackbird Lake (20 page)

“Go ahead. I’m listening.”

A squirrel scrambled noisily along a tree branch above them. Jake studied her for a moment before speaking. She looked as wary and distant as she had that night at the McDonald house. Man, this woman had
walls
.

“Let’s get everything out on the table. Starting with your reservations about me. Don’t try to spare my feelings. Let ’em rip.”

“Fine.” She searched for the right words. “I think you’re who you are—and no offense—but that isn’t the best thing for Emma. It’s nothing personal,” she said quickly when a frown darkened his face. “It’s just that you’re famous and busy and you don’t want to be tied down. Your own words. And soon you’re going to get real busy again with your own life, and if you spend a lot of time with Emma now and in
the future, she’s going to start missing you when you’re gone. You won’t always be able to make time for her and then…she could be hurt.”

His mouth tightened and she guessed she’d just hurt
him.
She hadn’t meant to, but better him than Emma, right? Avoiding his eyes, she sank down suddenly on the grass, stretched her legs before her, and drew her knees up. When she clasped her hands around them, Jake dropped down across from her.

“Is that it?”

The sun had shifted and now slanted through the thicket of trees and she found herself staring directly into his eyes. “I’m worried that she’ll see other kids—her friends and kids at school—with their moms and dads.” She bit her lip. “She’ll see them at the park, at birthday parties, or when she goes to their houses to play—and plenty of times you won’t even be around. She’ll wonder why not—where you are—why she hardly ever sees you. Why her friends don’t know you—”

“They’ll know me,” he interrupted tersely. “I’ll be there much more than you think. You don’t need to worry.”

“That’s easy for you to say, but think about it. She’s just a little girl, Jake. With an open, loving heart. I don’t want to see her hurt and bewildered.”

He was quiet for a moment, and she waited, her chest tight.

“It’s true. I never planned on settling down or having any real ties,” Jake said slowly. “But Emma’s here and that changes everything. I’ll be around for her. She’ll know she can count on me. I might not live in the same house with the two of you, but there are plenty of kids whose parents are divorced and they don’t have their fathers—or sometimes their mothers—living in the same house, either. I’ll be around. I’m going to make this work, Carly. You need to trust me on this.”

“Trust.” She met his gaze. “Not my strong point.”

He nodded. “Maybe we can work on that. Together.”

She studied him doubtfully. He sounded sincere, but…

How did that saying go? The road to hell was paved with good intentions?

“I guess I don’t really have much of a choice,” she muttered at last.

The wind gusted suddenly, a sweep of cooler air racing down from the mountains, and in that instant, it felt more like winter than fall and made her shiver.

Jake reached out as the blast of wind blew a heavy lock of hair across her eyes. His fingers smoothed those red-gold curls back, then dipped down to brush along her jaw. His touch sent a ping of electricity jolting through her.

This isn’t good. At all.
She hadn’t been this close to him since the night they nearly burned up the bed in Houston and she’d forgotten how his slightest touch affected her. He smelled like leather and soap and mountain air. Those intense blue eyes seemed to pierce her soul. The calluses on his strong hand lightly scraped her skin, making her shiver in a completely different way than the wind had.

“You and I need to start working together.” He spoke quietly. “That would be a whole lot easier if you trusted me. If we could become friends.”

Friends?
She had an instant flashback to that sumptuous hotel room. To his hard, ripped chest muscles and biceps, the flat abdomen and powerful legs. To the feel of those muscular arms around her, his hot, clever mouth roaming down her body. Slow, burning kisses and frantic gasps in the dark…to Jake kissing her like he couldn’t get enough, plunging deep inside of her, again and again, taking her on the wildest, sweetest ride of her life….

“Friends, yes, that would make things
so
much easier,” she said under her breath, with more than a little drawl of sarcasm.

“You don’t think I’m serious?”

“Oh, I know you are. But…”

“You don’t believe we can do it.” Shifting closer to her, he captured both of her hands in his as a flurry of crimson leaves swirled around them like confetti.

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Jake.” Carly knew she
had to focus only on the issues before them. But Jake’s hands, warmly enclosing hers, distracted her. They were big, powerful, callused from riding and work. They were big enough to dwarf her slender fingers, strong enough to crush them. Yet they felt protective and comforting at the same time.

She remembered the feel of them exploring all the most sensitive places of her body, giving her so much pleasure. His touch now brought that night in Houston vividly back to her, and she almost found herself sliding closer to him. But she held on to her pride and her common sense just in time and kept her butt planted firmly on the ground.

“I see I’m going to have to convince you I can be trusted,” he drawled in a deep, solemn voice. But when she saw the gleam of amusement in his eyes, she suddenly had to fight back a smile.

“I can hardly wait to hear how you expect to do that.”

“Well, now, let’s see.” A hint of a way-too-appealing grin played at the corners of his mouth. “In my line of work, ma’am, it takes patience to learn how to rope a steer, to make that loop stick on the first throw. It takes patience to learn how to stay on a bull’s back, adapt to his movement, know what he’s going to do, how he’s going to buck by the clenching of a muscle a fraction of an instant before he does it. Patience is how I stay alive, how I make my living. I can be patient with Emma. And I can be patient with you.”

“Seriously? You’re comparing me and our daughter to a steer and a bull right now?”

His grin flashed in that handsome face. Oh, he was too good-looking, she thought darkly. And
way
too sexy. Not to mention all that low-key cowboy charm. It required every ounce of willpower she possessed to keep from smiling right back at him. Who was she kidding? It took all of her willpower not to
melt.

“Seems to me you’re just
trying
to take that the wrong way.” Those cobalt blue eyes sizzled into hers. “The only thing I’m serious about, Carly, is making this right with Emma. And with you.”

“Don’t even try to tell me you’re not angry anymore. I don’t believe it.”

“You want the truth?” The smile did fade then. “I’m sure as hell not happy that you didn’t tell me about Emma, but apparently you had your reasons. I don’t have a clue about the men who’ve been in your life before, but I sure wish you’d given me the benefit of the doubt before lumping me in with them.”

The moment the words were out of his mouth, he felt her hands clench, as tight and hard as small rocks within his. Her entire body went rigid.

Man, he’d hit the mark there. Big-time. More than he’d expected.

“That bad, huh?” He couldn’t help wondering who’d hurt her and how.

“Bad enough that I don’t care to discuss it.”

“You know, I might understand better if you’d fill me in.”

He watched her hesitate, watched those green eyes swimming with doubt. It seemed for a moment that she wasn’t going to answer. But she finally spoke with a shrug, and in a low tone, apparently deciding that if they were going to raise Emma with a semblance of partnership she had to give him
something.

“It’s not an unusual story. My father left and my mother died. I had a lousy childhood.”

“Sorry to hear it, but what does that have to do with—sorry, go on.” Jake’s thumb rubbed gently against her wrist. He could almost feel her steeling herself.

“That’s about it. I moved around a lot between my relatives’ homes, like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that doesn’t really fit anywhere. Nobody really wanted me. My cousin…my uncle…” She drew in a deep breath. “They didn’t ever hurt me, exactly, but…there was drinking, yelling, things were thrown a lot, and Phil—my other cousin—used to think it was fun to lock me in a closet for hours at a time. I was scared almost every minute.”

She lifted her gaze to his face. “That’s when I had my first panic attack. It took me a long time to get those under
control. Back then, it wasn’t a peaceful environment, to say the least. All I wanted, all I dreamed about, was a real home. Someplace quiet, someplace where I wasn’t afraid, and then…I finally found it.” Her eyes softened. “I got lucky and ended up in foster care.”

Foster care. Damn. That’s right
. And suddenly he remembered her telling him something about that the night they spent together. How her foster mother knew Martha Davies—they were related or something—and they’d visited Lonesome Way together when she was still a young girl. She’d told Jake she’d watched him jump into the middle of a fight one day….

Her next words surprised him.

“I lucked out beyond anything I could imagine when they took me away from what was left of my family. I got to live with the kindest person in the world. Her name was Annie. Annie Benton. She was Martha’s cousin and she was wonderful. She changed my life.”

Jake saw the shimmer of love and gratitude in her eyes and a wave of something he couldn’t pin down washed through him. “Glad to hear it.”

“Everything changed with Annie in my life. I felt safe. Cared for. Happy. Annie was the first person who recognized that I was smart. That I had…potential. That there was a path I could follow to make something of my life. But years later, after I graduated from college, Annie died, too. Cancer. My life by then was on solid footing—thanks to her. I had an MBA and a good job, and then…a boyfriend.”

“Uh-huh.” He waited, vaguely sensing something nasty coming.

“He was my one and only serious boyfriend. And he lied to me. Big-time.”

He watched her lips tighten almost imperceptibly. Those green eyes darkened with remnants of anger.

“Our whole life together was a lie. It seems Kevin forgot to tell me a few little details about his life. Four details, to be exact. That would be his wife—and their three kids.”

Jake whistled.

“Not to mention a lousy temper,” she added, plucking a few blades of grass, watching them slip through her fingers.

The word “temper” made him straighten. “A lousy temper? Meaning?”

Her eyes were downcast now. “After I found out he’d been lying to me all along, I ended our relationship. In no uncertain terms. Kevin didn’t like that. And he morphed into someone I didn’t even know. He shoved his way into my apartment and he…he broke things. Including something important to me.” She paused, swallowed. “It was a gift from my closest friend, Sydney. A crystal ballerina sculpture. He threw it against a wall because I wouldn’t get back together with him. I wouldn’t ignore the fact that he had a family, that our entire relationship was based on a lie.
He
thought we should continue as if nothing was wrong. As if we still had…a
relationship
. It was…terrifying.” She lifted her head. “That was the moment I realized I’d never really known him.”

“He hurt you?” Jake’s blood boiled as he thought of her at the mercy of some lying, chicken-ass jerk.

“No, not physically.” She shook her head, her eyes bitter. “But I realized I’d made a horrendous choice getting involved with him in the first place. Just as my mother did with my father. I guess the women in my family are cursed when it comes to men….”

She broke off suddenly and drew a breath. “Sorry, nothing personal. Too much information. But you asked. And—other than that,” she added with a rueful smile, “life’s been peachy.”

Yeah, I bet. So peachy you grew up living in fear. And then in foster care. With a pretty well-earned distrust of every man who might come into or go out of your life at will.

That didn’t even count an unplanned pregnancy and raising a child alone, he realized.

Aw, damn.

“Well, I’m not leaving.” Jake got to his feet and reached
down to help her up. “Not for long, at least. I’ll try not to be gone for more than a week or two at a time. And for what it’s worth, I don’t lie or cheat or break things. Don’t lose my temper much, either. It’s not the way I roll. When I say I’ll be here for you and Emma, I mean it.”

She looked like she wanted to believe him, but didn’t.

“If you hurt her, I’ll never forgive you.”

“I’d never hurt her….” Jake tugged her closer. “If I did, believe me, I’d never forgive myself.”

Something strange happened in that moment as Carly stared at him. She realized she sort of
did
believe him. At least, she wanted to. She was searching for some sign of weakness or hesitation, but saw only the determined jut of his jaw, those dark blue eyes more direct and piercing than the sun.

His arms went around her waist. She tried to stay relaxed. And immune. He obviously had no idea what being this close to him could do to a woman.
Any woman,
she thought. Her breath hitched in her throat and she swore her pulse was racing like a wild mustang across open range in an old episode of
Bonanza
.

“Friends trust each other; they count on each other. I think that’s the kind of friends we can be.” His voice was low. “I plan to spend as much time with Emma as I can. I won’t be able to live in Lonesome Way full-time,” he cautioned, “but I’ll be here to see her a lot. And whenever you or Emma need me, I’ll only be a phone call away.”

“
I
don’t need anything from you,” she corrected him quickly. She was about to add:
And Emma doesn’t need anything, either.

But she stopped herself. Because it wasn’t true. Emma deserved a chance to have her father in her life. She couldn’t deprive her of that, not if Jake really wanted to step up.

But who was to say he’d follow through? His intentions might be honorable, but he could very well lose interest after the next rodeo rolled around—or after the next curvaceous blonde he met at a bar crooked her little finger at him.