Blackwing Dragon (Harper's Mountains 5) (18 page)

Rowan glanced over at Harper who was sitting across the raft, but she didn’t seem to notice anything threatening. She wore a beatific smile as she paddled, water splashing on her side of the boat, her dark hair wet from the rapids. Her growing belly pushed against her life jacket, and for a moment, Rowan was stunned with how happy she looked. Wyatt sat in front of her. He turned just then and smiled at his mate easily. They’d been ripped up when they’d split at age eighteen, and now look at them. Wyatt, the one who was supposed to be this great grizzly alpha, was supporting Harper as she ran the Bloodrunners.

Ryder was happily chirping up front next to Lexi, and Weston’s touch never strayed far from Avery. Alana and Aaron were so freaking cute, and Rowan was proud. She was happy for her friends and what they’d found here. She was happy she’d left Damon’s Mountains because it had gotten her here, to this beautiful moment. Kane rested his leg against hers as if he could sense her swinging emotions, and she rested her hand on his knee. It was his bad one, the one that hurt him, but he didn’t grimace when she got too close to it anymore. Instead, he leaned in closer and winked at her as he told the crew to bank to the right so they could head to the restaurant that lumbered on the edge of the river up ahead.

Rowan’s heart fluttered with happiness. One hour of riding the river amid the happy chattering and teamwork of the Bloodrunners, and she was filled with a charge of energy. It was joy, she realized. Had she ever felt that before?

Kane and the boys pulled the raft up onto the sand, and Harper draped her arm over Rowan’s shoulders. “I’m glad you’re here,” she murmured, her bi-colored eyes on the others as they secured the raft. “I’ve never seen Kane like this. You’re good for him, Roe.”

Rowan draped her arms gently around Harper’s slightly rounded waist and watched Kane laugh at something pervy that Ryder said. “You really think so?”

“I know so.” Harper strode off behind the others toward the pizza shack. She turned and walked a few steps backward. “You’re good for the Bloodrunners too, you know.” She arched her dark eyebrows and turned back around to join Wyatt.

Kane was waiting for her, jeans splattered with water, shirt plastered to his abdominals, eyes glowing in the dark. Behind him, the lightning bugs were putting on a show in the woods.

She was drawn to him like she had no control over her body at all. It was as if they were both holding the ends of a strip of rubber, and the only thing that eased the tension was being close to him. Was this what it was like for the Bloodrunners and their mates? Was this what it was like for her parents?

Rowan slipped her arms around his waist, but Kane stooped slightly and picked her up. When she wrapped her legs around his hips, he nipped her bottom lip and then rested his cheek against hers. “Roe?”

She hugged his neck and leaned into his words. “Yeah?”

His whisper was so soft, so quiet, she would’ve missed it if she wasn’t so close to him. “I love you.”

The prickling tears in her eyes were instant. It was just them on the beach, surrounded by the drone of insects and the twinkling lights of the fireflies. She closed her eyes and just felt him. Absorbed his warmth and his strength. She made sure her voice would be steady before she parted her lips and said on a breath, “I love you back.”

“Pizza!” Ryder yelled from the back door of the hole-in-the-wall restaurant. “Plus it’s time for you to open your birthday gift.”

“It’s not my birthday,” Kane said.

“It is according to your social media accounts I made for you.” Ryder looked at his phone. “You have four-hundred-thirty-seven happy birthday notifications.”

Kane’s defeated sigh drew a giggle from Rowan.

He settled her on her feet and rested his fingertips gently against her lower back. He still felt like a dominant titan beside her, but Kane would never hurt her. He would never ask her to submit, so what was the point of angling her face and exposing her neck like her instincts told her to do? She was his equal.

As Kane reached him, Ryder handed him a small wad of newspaper. Carefully, Kane pulled the paper off. It was a keychain.

“Happy pretend birthday, fourth best friend. I got your favorite color.”

Kane’s expression was unreadable as he stared down at the shiny black bear-paw beer bottle opener in his giant palm. “Thanks, man,” he murmured, and now Rowan was gonna cry all over again.

Ryder scrunched up his face at her. “Gross, girl tears.” And then he disappeared inside.

Kane hooked his present on his keychain, then shoved it in his back pocket, avoiding the hell out of her gaze, but she wasn’t fooled. He felt…happy. Flattered, perhaps. He sure didn’t feel overwhelming and heavy anymore.

She pulled his knuckles to her lips and then led him inside where the others had secured a big table on the open back deck. Beers were ordered, water for Harper, pizzas chosen, and the happy chatter picked up to a constant ebb and flow of sarcastic remarks, dirty jokes, and laughter. Kane was quiet, leaned back in his chair listening and chuckling with the others almost as if he couldn’t believe he was here in this moment either. And when those gorgeous dragon greens landed on her, Rowan slid off her chair and into his lap where he rubbed her back gently and pressed his lips to the tip of her shoulder.

And this was one of those days—one she would always remember. A day when she’d had a jump in personal growth as she’d watched the same in the man she loved. A day when she realized happiness had taken over her life. A day when she hadn’t thought about Byron or her many mistakes. A day when she hadn’t pined for the mountains she’d left behind or obsessed about whether her treasure was safe in 1010 or not.

It was the day she stopped being the princess in the tower, and became the dragon instead.

“Kane the raft guide,” Aaron said from the back seat where he had his arm around Alana’s shoulders and his other hand resting out the open window. “Where else have you worked?”

Kane slid his hand over Rowan’s thigh comfortably and turned onto the dirt road that led to Harper’s Mountains. “I was a surf instructor for a few months out in California when I was twenty.”

“Badass. Why did you move here?”

Kane’s hand tightened around her leg. “Army had me for a few years.”

“You volunteered?” Aaron sounded surprised. Rowan glanced over her shoulder at him and Alana’s mouths hanging open. The Bloodrunners didn’t seem to know a whole hell of a lot about Kane.

“Drafted was more like it, and afterward, the leg didn’t work so well, so I moved around a lot. Picked up work where I could. I had trouble settling territory because anywhere that was attractive to me was already claimed by a crew, sometimes two or three. I landed here a few years back and only had the vamps and Wyatt to hold off until the rest of the crew started showing up. I thought I was done when Harper waltzed into Dratz that first night. Thought for sure I would have to move on like all the other times, but she never pushed me out. None of you did. I waited, but you didn’t seem that interested.”

“Yeah, that’s not really how any of us were raised,” Aaron said. “Most of the crew lived in Damon’s Mountains in close proximity to other shifters. I lived in a big crew and spent summers there. Having a shit-ton of shifters around is natural if you’re raised that way. I never even thought about pushing you out. I haven’t heard any of the other Bloodrunners mention it either. The vamps, though…” Aaron rubbed the scars on his neck and stared out the window. “The vamps and the wolves needed to go.”

Kane pulled through the gate of Harper’s Mountains. “I wasn’t sad to see them scatter. I had the coven and the pack both breathing down my neck. If the Bloodrunners lost that territory dispute, I would’ve had to run again. I was rooting for you not to die.”

Aaron snorted. “Thanks, man.”

The others were piling out of Weston’s truck, and the Novak Raven himself approached Kane. “We’re gonna Change together tonight.” Wes cleared his throat and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Wanted to know if you want to Change with us, too.”

Kane froze. “Me?”

“Yeah, Blackwing, you’re special to Rowan, and she hasn’t been Changing lately for whatever stupid reason, and after tonight…well…it’ll be good for everyone. It’ll be fun. A good way to end the night.”

Kane’s chest was heaving with his breath, so Rowan slipped her hand around his stony bicep. Kane flinched. “It wouldn’t be a good way to end the night for me.”

“What?” Weston looked around at the gathering Bloodrunners. “This is the fucking olive branch. Take it.”

“Wes, he’s good, man,” Ryder said low. “Kane’s probably tired. Been a big day hanging out with us.”

Okay, so her suspicions were true then. No one knew Kane didn’t have his dragon. No one but her, Ryder thanks to the trip to visit Ben, and maybe Wyatt from the unsurprised look on his face.

“I can’t shift, Novak,” Kane said in a dark voice. “And why haven’t you been shifting?” he asked Rowan.

“I haven’t felt like it,” she lied.

“Bullshit. Is it guilt?”

Rowan hunched under the anger in his voice.

“I don’t understand,” Harper said. “Why can’t you Change?”

“Because I don’t have a fucking dragon to Change into. Roe, you’re gonna make yourself sick.”

“Harper hasn’t been Changing lately either,” Rowan argued.

“Because she’s pregnant. You have no reason not to give your dragon time.”

“Yeah, well every time I Change now I feel sad, Kane.”

“Why?” he barked out.

“Because I want to Change with you! It doesn’t feel right having a dragon and flying around all willy-nilly happy when you can’t do the same. It’s not fair.”

“What the fuck is going on?” Weston asked. “Kane, you have fucking dragon eyes and you feel like a monster.” He held his hands out and looked around. “Can you all not feel that? I’m calling bullshit on you not having a dragon. I can barely breathe right now, and you’re snarling.”

Indeed he was, and the noise was terrifying.

“Dude,” Ryder said gently, pushing on Weston’s chest to keep him in place. “You know what my real dad wanted to do to me?” He tipped his head at Kane. “That happened to him. Cut him a break, okay?”

The anger and confusion washed away from Weston in an instant. It was replaced by the pallid complexion of a man who might get sick. “Holy shit,” he murmured.

Avery strode forward, her eyes on the ground, her fists clenched at her side. The timid little raven shifter was shaking like a leaf, but she didn’t stop until she was wrapped around Kane’s waist, hugging him. “I’m sorry,” she said thickly.

“I’m fine,” Kane said in an empty voice. “It happened a long time ago.”

Harper’s face fell and she turned away, but not before Rowan saw a tear stream down her cheek. Her shoulders shook, and she had a hand over her mouth as though she was trying to stifle her crying. Wyatt hugged her, murmuring something too low for Rowan to hear.

And Rowan understood such an emotional response. She hadn’t always gotten along with her dragon, or even trusted her, but the idea of a huge piece of her being stripped out of her, of never feeling the wind on her scales again, was unfathomable.

Any shifter here could empathize, and from the tears in Lexi’s eyes, even the human could, too. “You can stay with me and Harper while they Change,” Lexi said in a weak, shaky voice. “I know it’s not the same, but—”

“I’m good. I think I’m gonna call it a night.” Kane scrubbed his hands down his face roughly and dislodged himself from Rowan and Avery’s grasp. “Have a nice Change,” he murmured hoarsely before he climbed into his Bronco and peeled out of Harper’s Mountains.

“Oh, my God,” Alana whispered. “Kane’s been cleansed?”

“Is there anything that can be done for him?” Avery sobbed.

Ryder had squatted down in the grass, stripping a branch of its leaves as he watched the taillights of Kane’s ride fade away. He dragged his blazing gold eyes up to Rowan and arched his ruddy eyebrows in question.

She’d waffled tonight on whether she was going to bite him or not. Why? Because Kane had been happy. At least he’d seemed to be, and she’d thought for a moment she could let his dragon sleep and he would be okay. She’d thought maybe Weston’s vision could be changed and that Kane could just go on like he was. But his pain had leaked out here, and now she was more confused than ever.

Love will bring on the End of Days.

The End of Days.

Was there anything that could be done? Maybe, but at what cost to Kane? At what cost to the world?

Softly, Rowan whispered, “I don’t know.”

****

Kane couldn’t breathe. His chest felt as if a bus had parked on top of his ribcage.

He couldn’t stop the deep rumbling there anymore, and his knuckles had turned white from his grip on the steering wheel.

He’d planned on keeping the secret until the day he died, but Rowan had come in and changed everything. She’d made him open up, yes, but being with her also put him in the path of the crew. He’d lost the balance that had kept him steady all these years.

Stay on the outside where he belonged, and he could make it one day at a time.

But he’d seen the pity in the Bloodrunners’ eyes when they’d found out about the cleansing. He’d seen the tears and the horror. The disgust. And even if those arrows of pity weren’t aimed at him, it hurt like his heart had been pierced.

Outsider. Freak.

Kane slammed on the brakes of his Bronco and banked his open palm against the steering wheel over and over until the steering column bent backward. Fucking dragon strength. What good had that done him?

Kane stumbled out of his ride and inside the cabin.

Heightened strength had got him recruited into war. It had put him on special forces. It had put him in the dark, moving through enemy lines like the ghost he was. His strength had stayed, but his healing had not, and now his fucking leg hurt so bad. How many nights had he wanted to disappear into a bottle of whiskey just to numb the pain? How many nights had he lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling, remembering what it felt like to fly? To feel powerful? To feel in control? To breathe fucking fire?

He hit the cold water in the shower and stumbled in, clothes still on, just to ease the flames lapping his skin. He was burning from the inside out. Yearning from the inside out.

Where the fuck are you?

He locked his arms against the shower, and his muscles twitched and jumped, making it hard to stay steady.

Rowan had been avoiding her Changes. She’d felt guilty because of him, and that’s the last thing he wanted. A part of him wanted to see her dragon so fucking bad he couldn’t stand it. And then there was the weak part. The dark part that didn’t want to ever see her Change because he knew the outcome of that. He wouldn’t be able to pretend anymore. He wouldn’t be able to act like he was worthy of her. Like he was a good match. He was a fucking human in a world of shifters, and she was born to cling to mountains and roar fire at anyone who threatened her.

And what could he do? He could watch her and wish he was like her.

Where the fuck are you?

The water wasn’t helping. He had something inside of him that was pulsing and filling him with rage. Filling him with something he didn’t understand.

Gasping for air, Kane ripped his soaking shirt from his body and stumbled through the house until he felt the cool wind outside. He limped into the clearing in front of his lair. Pain, pain, pain. Pain on the outside, pain on the inside, and he was drowning. He would never escape the darkness, but The Darkness had escaped him. He had been rendered empty. And that emptiness was filling with black fog that would be the death of him and the heartbreak of his beautiful Rowan.

There was a reason she refused to bite him when they were together. He didn’t deserve her claiming mark. He knew it, and Rowan knew it, too.

If he’d been strong enough to keep his dragon—to control him, to save him—he could’ve kept Rowan for always. He could’ve kept his treasure safe and happy. He could’ve given her smiles forever, but instead, there would be nights like this when her lip would tremble and her eyes would fill with tears, and she would feel bad for what she was because he hadn’t been strong enough.

Kane fell to his knees, eyes burning, chest burning, arms burning.

He looked up at the sky, breaking apart on the inside, wishing to God he could break apart on the outside and fly. He clenched his fists and screamed, “Where the fuck are you?”