Blinding Beauty (39 page)

How many times had he taken this
embrace for granted? Ever reached up and gently but firmly guided
her jaw up to his. All the pain and loneliness and worry and
passion that he had been harboring poured into his kiss like oil
into a flame. Never had he loved her more.

For one brief, glorious moment,
his lips melted into hers.

But only for a moment. All too
quickly she pushed herself from his arms. The shake of her head was
nearly imperceptible, but it was still there. The all-too-familiar
cool solidity quickly chased away the fleeting look of uncertainty
that her eyes had held for that short second.

“
I told you. I have nothing left
to give.” With that, she was gone. A hollow ache filled him as he
watched her begin the winding descent down the tower steps. It was
not long, however, before he became aware of the anger that had
been simmering within him since Isa had returned. Common sense had
cautioned him against allowing his desires to control him, but the
loss of his wife was simply too much.

“
Garin!” he shouted as he took off
quickly behind her. Only a few steps down, and he had passed her on
the stairs, but Ever didn’t stop. “Gather my things!”

As always, despite the distance,
Garin somehow heard him, and was waiting at the foot of the tower
steps. He didn’t work to conceal his disappointment, his mouth
turning down on one side as it always did when he was displeased.
He followed Ever, as Ever burst into his chambers and began to
gather his belongings in a violent storm of purpose.

“
And where might you be
going?”

“
I’m going to find that
enchanter.”

“
How?”

In response, Ever held up the robe
he’d taken from Isa when she’d first arrived home.

“
All I have to do is follow this.
It’s from Bronkendol’s castle. It should lead me between the
realms.”

“
And then what do you expect to
do?” Garin continued to trail Ever as he stormed down to the armory
to gather his favorite weapons. “You still have the silvers of
glass in your eyes. You don’t know what he plans to do with
those.”

Ever paused on the
threshold.

“
It doesn’t matter. I will find
him. And then I will kill him.”

CHAPTER
THIRTY-NINE

Blindsided

Isa watched
as Ever’s horse carried him down the mountain road. Only once did
he slow to look back. Though she couldn’t see his eyes, she knew
they were searching for her. She thought about waving, but what
would the purpose be in that? It would only encourage him in this
foolhardy end he was racing towards.

It was so strange not to feel.
Tears should have stung her eyes, and apprehension should have
seized her chest, nearly suffocating her. As strong as her husband
was, Isa knew now that Ever was no match for Bronkendol. He hadn’t
even been able to remove the glass slivers from his own eyes, let
alone come rescue her. The Fortress’s strength was old, but it was
infantile in comparison to that which ran through the enchanter’s
blood.

Morbidly curious, Isa continued to
dig down deep inside of herself. She had once felt as though words
could never come close to expressing the connection she felt with
Ever. But now it all seemed in vain, for her heart felt as hollow
as the animal skin drums the soldiers used to signal
battle.

“
What was it?”

“
What was what?” Isa kept her eyes
on the distant figure below as she felt Garin move behind
her.

“
You kept something from
him.”

“
I didn’t lie, if that’s what you
mean.” She swerved to face him.

“
Omitting a fact of importance can
be just as dangerous as a blatant lie, if not more so.”

“
He never asked for every detail
of my time there, so I didn’t give it. Is that such a
crime?”

Garin scowled. “Your husband could
hardly think clearly enough to eat once you were home. Now he’s
riding off into the jaws of the enemy for you, and you have the
brazenness to sit here and play semantics?”

“
I don’t know what is so difficult
for you all to understand.” Isa looked him straight in the eye. “I
have told you time and time again that the enchanter emptied my
heart. I have tried, believe me!” Isa realized her voice was
growing louder as she spoke. It was the closest she’d come to
feeling since she’d been in Bronkendol’s chair, and the feeling she
drew near to now was exasperation. “I can’t understand why he went
at all. He cannot challenge the Glass Prince. No one can. I thought
I’d made it perfectly clear that he would simply be wise to allow
things to pass as they will. His decision to ride off for my sake
was foolish and rash, and I had no part in it.”

“
Your husband will die if you do
not do something! Look deep inside yourself, Isabelle! Do you truly
wish him dead?”

Despite her lack of feeling, Isa
had to fight the urge to cower. It was the first time she’d ever
heard Garin shout in such as way. Worry lined his face, and the
slight lines of gray in his dark hair stood out. And though the
Fortress steward did not have the blue rings of fire in his eyes
that the monarchs kept, Isa thought she saw a hint of the same blue
emanating from around his entire being. Her heart thumped once in a
strange, uneven way.

“
I do not wish him dead! I wish to
know why my fire is gone. I wish to know why I’m still breathing
even though my fire has died! I wish to know why I was allowed to
go through such pain and suffering if I truly am a daughter of the
Fortress!” She was shouting now, although she wasn’t sure
why.

Garin watched her, his arms
crossed and his eyes still flashing, but he didn’t interrupt as she
continued her tirade.

“
I have tried to feel! But when
Bronkendol emptied my heart, then placed me on the back of a horse
with little water and even less food, and sent me through terrain
which no one should survive, every bit of feeling I’d tried to hold
onto was blown away into nothingness. I have nothing
left!”

Garin simply stared at her. His
eyes were not cruel, but they were determined, and his silence was
suddenly worse than if he had shouted hateful words at her. A
familiar, yet foreign feeling attempted to enter her. She couldn’t
tell though whether it was anger or sorrow or worry or foolish,
foolish joy. Instead, she took a deep breath and steadied herself
on the corner of the solid cedar table that was littered with every
kind of book and scroll imaginable.

“
My husband did not to listen to
me, and he failed to keep me safe. The Fortress has failed me, too.
I simply don’t see the point in trying to fight for or against this
heinous fate any longer—”

“
Now stop right there.” Garin was
suddenly so close to her that he had to tilt his head down to look
into her eyes. It was a challenge she didn’t flinch from. “Do you
think you’re the first Fortress queen to suffer? Have none before
you ever felt pain, too?”

“
The Fortress abandoned me! It let
that monster steal all that was left of my power!”

“
And?”

Isa stared at him in shock. What
did he mean and? Isa had put all of her trust in the Fortress, and
thus in Ever, and neither of them had keep her from the pain that
had ultimately broken her.

Garin walked over to a bookshelf
four shelves down and pulled an ancient leather book. “Queen
Adeline.” He flipped open the pages with a puff of dust that made
Isa cough. “Lived four hundred years ago. Was stabbed in the chest
by one of her handmaidens who had been paid off by an enemy. She
was journeying to investigate the welfare of Destinian merchants
who were disappearing.” He slammed the book shut before laying it
down and pulling another book from the shelf.

“
Queen Dione, who lived seven
hundred years ago, was abducted and tortured by a sorcerer who
demanded to be shown into the Tower of Annals. When she told him
she would not desecrate that which was sacred, he beat her for days
on end until her husband arrived. By then, she was blind in both
eyes.” Placing this book on top of the other one, he folded his
arms and began to rattle off more names.

“
Princess Martine never married
because her father and brother were killed by her betrothed the eve
before their wedding. Queen Odile lost five of her sons in the War
of Boars. Queen Mother Radelle was forced to take the throne again
when her eldest son, King Aubin, was killed before her very eyes,
and she did not have time to properly mourn until her youngest son
was of age to be crowned, thirteen years later. Need I go
on?”

Isa wanted to retort that none of
those women had watched their hearts being ripped from their
chests, but her throat was too tight. All she could do was blink
rapidly while her eyes developed a strange sort of sting at the
corners. Garin placed his head in his right hand and inhaled
deeply. He stayed like that for a long time, as though the memories
or stories, Isa did not know which, had overwhelmed him. When he
did speak again, his voice was kinder, and his eyes held something
closer to the affection she was used to seeing.

“
You are not the only one who has
been taken advantage of. As shrewd as he is, even Ever’s power has
been taken advantage of. Those who do not wish to solve their own
problems call out in distress, and your husband, dutiful as always,
rushes in to help.” Garin looked down at her left hand. Isa
followed his gaze to the blue, crystal ring that hadn’t glowed in
quite a long time.

“
And yet,” he said, “Ever’s
strength does not run dry. It cannot, for it is not his to run out
of. The power comes from the Fortress itself, which is gifted to
the Fortress from the Maker. So truthfully, the power was stolen
from the Maker, not from you.”

Isa swallowed, her throat suddenly
dry.

“
I still don’t understand why the
Fortress would allow me to be used in such a way, why it would
allow my power to all but disappear, and then to have the rest,
along with all my feelings and emotions, stolen away.” As she
spoke, a small smile suddenly flickered across Garin’s
face.

“
I don’t believe that Bronkendol
stole all of your power or your heart. You say your heart is empty,
but I think it’s merely boarded up. You feel things deeply, Isa.
It’s part of who you are. But you make the mistake of allowing your
feelings to be too tied up in your willingness to do what is
necessary.”

“
I told you, I—”

But Garin held a hand up. “If you
are truly without feeling, then why are you glaring at me with such
disdain?” Again, that small, irritating smile crossed his face, and
Isa swallowed what she had been about to say. As much as she hated
to admit it, he had a point.

“
I know you don’t feel like
helping your husband,” Garin said in a soft voice. “But love isn’t
doing things when we feel led to. Love is doing what someone needs
when they need it. Hang feelings, Isa! Good wine will bring
feelings, but when the night is over, none of those feelings bear
witness to the truth! Feelings can come and go any time. When the
Fortress wants you to do something, it will give you the power to
do it. And it will expect it of you, whether you feel like it or
not.”

Isa sighed and turned to walk out
upon the balcony. The world below her looked still. Specks of
animals grazed in distant fields, and patches of wood dotted the
land from the mountain on down to what she knew was eventually the
distant sea. Garin’s words spun circles in her mind. What she
wouldn’t give for a way to put her thoughts in place, to know what
she was truly thinking, for in that moment, she did not
know.

“
I’m not blind to the way Ever has
treated you since the wedding.” Garin placed a calloused hand on
top of hers and squeezed gently. “He tries, but the boy still has
much to learn. Sometimes anger manifests itself in strange
ways.”

“
You think I’m angry with him.” It
was all Isa could do to keep her voice steady.

“
If I’m wrong, then why are you so
opposed to helping him?”

Something inside of Isa burst.
Like a dam bursting from the surge of spring rains, what felt like
scales flew violently from her heart. With a cry, Isa clutched at
her chest and fell to her knees.

Loneliness from Ever’s constant
absence.

Pain from his doubt.

Fear, now that her fire was
completely gone.

Sorrow for all she had done and
seen flooded her and poured from her eyes in unending streams.
Immediately, Garin was there, holding her shoulders as she
wept.

“
The fire is gone, Garin! I woke
up here, and it was gone! And now Ever is gone, and Launce is gone,
and I don’t even know who I am anymore.” She continued to weep as
Garin pulled her gently to her feet and began to wipe the tears
from her cheeks.

“
That’s the wondrous thing about
the Fortress. Just because you have temporarily lost sight of who
you are, that doesn’t make you any less the Fortress’s daughter
than it would separate you from your blood father if you disowned
him.”

At the word disown, Isa began to
sob even harder. She truly had disowned the Fortress. If Ever had
been unfaithful to her in his attentions, she had been unfaithful
in the Fortress a thousand times more with her words and careless
actions. But Garin lifted her chin so she was forced to look him in
the eyes.