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Authors: Claire Rayner

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‘Darling,’ she read. ‘I hoped you’d be home in time for me to say a proper goodbye, but I couldn’t wait any longer. The thing is, they want me to cover a convoy of merchantmen from the US. Don’t panic – they’re not all sinking by any means. And I’ll be very carefully looked after. Foreign correspondents tend to be coddled – dinner with the captain and all that – so there’s no need to fret yourself. The trip starts in Boston and takes the route that runs north of Ireland to Liverpool. It’s well accompanied – corvettes, cruisers, the lot. (Is that info me indulging in ‘Careless talk’? Of course not –
you
won’t tell Adolf, will you?) Anyway, it may take a while. I go to Liverpool tonight and they’re taking me out to meet the convoy on one of their smaller corvettes or whatever they call them. By the time I get back I’ll be deeply knowledgeable about nautical terms, take it from me. Don’t worry, darling, but it will take time – I may have to go further than at present is planned, and that means I could be away as much as four weeks. I’ve made sure that the Admiralty will have all the information about where we are at all times (to the best of my ability, that is!) so don’t worry, you’ll get news of me as often as possible. But remember that “often as possible” could turn out to be hardly at all. They’re fighting this war as best they can and putting
things in order of priority, and let’s face it sweetheart, our billets doux aren’t exactly top priority. But you are with me and always will be and I’ll be thinking of you. This could be the best piece of reporting I’ve done yet, you know that? Take care, sweetheart, I love you absolutely ever so much all the time. D.’

She put the letter back in its envelope carefully and lifted her head and looked at old Goosey who was making the inevitable pot of tea from the kettle which had been sitting hissing quietly to itself on the range.

‘It’s all right, Goosey,’ she said and was enormously pleased with herself, for her voice was as steady as it normally was. ‘Mr David’s had to go on a special job and he’ll be away a while – ’

‘How long a while?’ Goosey said bluntly, still bent over the kettle, her plait of thin grey hair flopping over her shoulder to make her look like a very elderly baby. ‘And where?’

‘Maybe a month or so,’ Poppy said, and was still steady. ‘As to where –’ And she looked down at the envelope in her hand and then folded it carefully and put it in her pocket. ‘To sea, Goosey,’ she said and this time her voice shook a little. ‘He’s going with an American food convoy, on the North Atlantic run – ’

And then she turned and went upstairs, leaving Goosey alone with her tea, unable to stay another moment. Because she knew there were tears of desperate fear in her own eyes, and greatly suspected they’d be in Goosey’s too. And she couldn’t have borne to see them.

21
 

Christmas came and went in a flurry of activity, but not much fun. At the hospital great efforts were made to provide the patients with a little Christmas cheer, with boxes of last year’s decorations being dug out of ward cupboards and arranged hastily on battered walls, and a measure of beer provided for every adult male patient and a glass of sherry for every woman. The children were lavished with sweets from staff and from parents, so they had a lovely time making themselves thoroughly sick, and by the end of Boxing Day Robin and Chick, like most of the nursing staff, were exhausted and thoroughly out of temper with the whole notion of Yuletide.

‘As if there wasn’t enough to do without all this!’ Chick said disgustedly on the Sunday after Christmas, looking at the rows of drunks sporting assorted examples of battered anatomy who filled the waiting hall benches in Casualty. ‘It’s odds on they’ll start raiding us again tonight – it hasn’t been that much of a respite, Christmas or not – and the last thing we want is boozers getting in the way.’

‘You wouldn’t mind so much if you weren’t tired out,’ Robin said and lifted her head from the pile of mackintoshes she was scrubbing. Staff Nurse Meek was still being as hateful as she knew how to be to Robin and Hamish, and Robin consequently spent more of her time up to her elbows in dirty water than any other nurse. ‘What time did you get to bed today?’

Chick was evasive. ‘Early enough,’ and went on spreading kaolin on lint to make the antiphlogistine poultices that the department used in such vast amounts for the treatment of infected wounds and boils. ‘God, I hate this job. It’s like putty, this stuff, and the smell of it – ’

‘I rather like it. It beats crappy macks, anyway,’ Robin said, and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. Her fingers were red and swollen with cold because the hospital’s hot water was at low ebb following a raid earlier in the week which had caught the big boiler-house at the rear of the courtyard. ‘And don’t change the subject – ’

‘The only reason I have to do ’em,’ Chick said, studiously not looking at Robin, ‘is because that grade-A bitch Meek, may she rot, has taken it into her head to punish anyone who dares to be a friend of yours. I’ve heard of vindictive, but she honestly is the end – ’

‘She’s going next week. All you have to do is be patient,’ Robin said. ‘And the Main Theatres can have her and welcome. It’ll get easier then. So, tell me – were you out with both of them again today?’

‘Oh, damn you, Robin Bradman,’ Chick said. ‘You’re as bad as my mother used to be, always quizzing – all right, so I did. So what? Work’s so miserable at the moment that I have to do the best I can with my days to make it tolerable.’

‘Just make sure Night Sister doesn’t find out you’re not in your room by noon, that’s all,’ Robin said. ‘She can’t be fooled by a bolster in the bed for ever. What I can’t understand is why you go out with both of ’em at the same time.’

‘It’s a bit tricky –’ Chick agreed, and began to spread gauze over the layer of grey kaolin she had at last finished applying. ‘But what can I do? They’re both staying at your grandmother’s house, and it’s difficult for them not to know what the other’s doing, if you see what I mean. So whenever Daniel makes a plan with me, somehow Harry turns up too.’ She chuckled then, a self-satisfied little sound that irritated Robin greatly. ‘It makes Daniel absolutely furious, but I don’t really mind. It’s rather fun to have two chaps fussing over you.’

‘I dare say it is,’ Robin said shortly and slung the huge mackintosh she had at last finished over the drying horse, and then bent to mop up the inevitable puddles she had made. Staff Nurse Meek would bawl at her at the top of her voice if she didn’t, as she knew from bitter experience. ‘I wouldn’t know.’

‘Oh dear,’ Chick said sympathetically. ‘Did Chloe horn in again today?’

‘I really have no idea,’ Robin said, even more shortly. ‘And what’s more, I don’t care. For heaven’s sake, Chick, do move
over. I can’t get this one done properly if you keep your trolley so close. And anyway your poultices might get contaminated.’

‘Don’t take your fury out on me,’ Chick said comfortably, though she did move her own working trolley out of the way. ‘Save it for the person it belongs to.’

‘Chloe? I wouldn’t waste my breath on her –’ Robin began.

‘Actually, I was thinking of Hamish,’ Chick said mildly and shot a glance at her from beneath her lashes. ‘He’s not exactly a baby doll, is he, lying around for someone to pick up as and when she fancies? I mean, he is a person with a mind of his own. If he accepts the wretched woman’s invitations, he’s the one to blame, rather than Chloe – ’

‘I really don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Robin snapped. ‘And that’s the last mack, thank God. I’d better get those drums packed now, or Meek’ll explode.’ And she flung the last mackintosh into place to dry, mopped out the sink, and fled to the other side of the department. Talking to anyone, even Chick, just made matters worse.

Maybe especially Chick, she thought then, as she began to pull pieces of cotton wool off the big roll to make them into swabs ready to be packed in the big metal drums in which they would be sterilized. She had too shrewd an idea of what was going on in Robin’s life and was far too pushy about meddling. It was all very well, Robin told herself with some anger, to be a free and easy Canadian and all that, but there had to be times, surely, when you showed a bit of tact, and tact was the one quality Chick conspicuously lacked.

But she didn’t lack common sense and Robin had to admit that what she said about Hamish not being a helpless doll was absolutely true. He was a person with a mind of his own – more mind than most, in fact, for hadn’t he set himself against all conventional thinking in refusing to put on a uniform? – and if he let Chloe with all her obviousness take him in, surely the fault was as much his as hers?

Robin’s hands slowed down as she thought of it all, and her eyes felt hot and tight. It had all seemed so silly at first; she had just been amused. But not for long. They’d come off duty one morning, she and Chick, to find Chloe’s small car in one of the spaces in the courtyard reserved for the consultants. Robin had recognized it at once, for it was a rakish little red roadster with huge headlights that made it look as though it had a face on
which a positively wicked leer could be seen. It suited Chloe exactly, Robin had always thought, and to see it in the hospital’s yard was amazing and she stopped short to stare. Chick, who had been chattering at her, had gone on several yards before she realized that Robin was not beside her and turned back to see what had delayed her.

‘What on earth is she doing here at this time of the morning?’ Robin had said, and then reddened as Chloe, seeing her, had got out of the car and came over to her.

‘Morning, ducks!’ she had said. ‘My word, but you look rough. Too awful working at night. I’d loathe it.’ And she’d given a pretty little shudder and then nodded coolly at Chick. She herself was looking chic and elegant as only she could in beautifully cut black slacks and a little red jigger coat. Robin looked at her almost despairingly, well aware of her own straggling hair and shiny nose on a face which was quite innocent of any make-up.

‘Looks as though you loathe working during the day too,’ Chick had said, looking at her watch with some ostentation. ‘Shouldn’t you be at your madly important job in the War Office by this time?’

Chloe had looked at her with naked dislike. ‘Actually, my dear,’ she had said, ‘It’s Saturday, and we don’t go in on Saturday unless there’s a madly big push. Some people do, of course, but I’m not one of them, glory be. One needs some time to call one’s own, war effort or no war effort.’

‘We wouldn’t know,’ Chick said and smiled at her, a glittering, rather wolfish grimace that had no pleasantness in it at all. ‘Time to ourselves is something we don’t expect. And we’re right not to on account of we don’t get it.’

‘Poor you,’ Chloe said and flicked her eyes away from her and back to Robin. ‘Darling, your poor hands! They look like a pile of pork sausages! You ought to use some cream on them. I’ll try and get some for you. It’s madly short in the shops but I have one or two useful contacts.’

‘I’ll bet you do,’ Chick said, looking at the car. ‘How else would you get petrol?’

Chloe didn’t look at her but couldn’t resist answering, ‘I get a special allowance because of my job,’ she said. ‘Essential services, you know. Now, Robin darling, do remember to remind me about that cream. I do so want to help you. And
you could do with some new lipstick too. Can’t you get any? I’ve a few ends I’m sure that you can have.’

‘We aren’t allowed to wear it in uniform,’ Robin said. ‘I’ve enough for off duty, though, thanks all the same. No need to give me leftovers of yours – ’

‘Oh dear, oh dear! You sound just like you did when you were small, complaining because you couldn’t stay up late like me! No need for that, sweetie! We’re all grown up now.’

‘Some more than others,’ Chick said nastily and then tucked her hand into Robin’s elbow. ‘Come on, Robin. We’ve been working all night, unlike some people, and we need our sleep.’

This time Chloe ignored her completely and kept her eyes on Robin. ‘Any news from home?’ she said. ‘I never seem to get a moment to phone Poppy, what with work and one thing and another.’

‘I’ll bet,’ Chick murmured.

‘No,’ Robin said. And her voice sounded husky suddenly and Chick, knowing how anxious she was about her stepfather, tightened her grasp on her arm. ‘Ma’s working all the hours God gives of course, and we haven’t heard anything about David. So I suppose everything’s all right –’ Her voice had sharpened then. ‘Is that why you’re here? Have you heard something that – oh, my God, Chloe, do tell me! What is it?’ And her eyes had widened in sudden terror. Standing now at the dressings table and rolling her cotton wool swabs with savage little movements of her wrists, Robin remembered the way fear had leapt in her, how certain she had been that Chloe’s unexpected appearance at the hospital had been because she was the bearer of some awful news.

But Chloe had just lifted her brows and laughed. ‘My dear infant, why on earth should I have any news for you? I told you I never get round to calling poor old Poppy as it is – ’

‘The War Office,’ Robin said. ‘I thought perhaps – ’

‘No, my dear,’ Chloe said. ‘I deal with quite different matters.’ And she put up her hands to pull her red woollen cap to a more becoming angle as her glance shifted over Robin’s shoulder. ‘Ah! Here comes the reason I’m here. Good morning, Hamish! Have you had a ghastly night too?’

Robin had turned her head and seen him coming from the direction of the porter’s rooms, where he was accommodated. He had clearly hurried off duty at a great rate to wash and
change, for his hair was clinging damply to his skull and his face had a newly shaved look about it. He was wearing a thick woollen jumper with a round neck, rather like the ones the women patients in the wards spent hours knitting for the Sailors’ Comforts Fund, and looked a totally different person from the bedraggled man in the shabby brown overall which was the insignia of a hospital orderly and in which Robin usually saw him.

‘Good morning, Miss Bradman,’ he said and then nodded at Chick and Robin. ‘I can hardly bid you good morning since we were all on duty together the night.’

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