Blood and Feathers (41 page)

“Don’t you see? I understand what you feel, because I feel it too. I feel it because you do...”

“But I don’t
know
what I’m feeling! I just... can’t.” The words tumbled out of Alice’s mouth. And it was true. She didn’t know.

Since Mallory had told her that her mother was still alive, still there, somewhere, Alice had imagined what it would be like to see her again. To speak to her. To
rescue
her. It was the reason she had walked into hell without a second thought, despite the fear and the cold and the horror. It had kept her going through the darkness, through the noise, even through the rage and the fire and the pain. And now, after all the years without her – after everything that had changed – she was faced with a stranger. A stranger who was both more and less than her mother. Or at least, her mother as she remembered her.

Seket nodded, as though she heard everything Alice thought.

“How else could you feel, Alice? What do you expect? I am who I always was, but you did not ever know me, not truly. You could not. And you... look at you. You were a child. My child.” She broke off, looking down at her feet. Alice followed her gaze. She was barefoot. Seket cleared her throat. “Don’t you see? I never chose to leave you. How could I? Never.” Her hands crept towards Alice’s face, hesitated, then continued, smoothing down her hair. “It was because I didn’t want to leave you. Because I wanted to protect you. I was ready to run forever, to outrun the angels. And I could have. I know I could have... except...” She tailed off and Alice pulled away.

“Except what?”

“Except that I knew, Alice, when you were born. I knew what you would be, and I didn’t want you to carry that, to carry the burden. I went to Michael. I called him, and he came. But Gabriel, he heard my call too. He followed, and he found me.”

“So why didn’t you just run?”

“I told you. I couldn’t let you...”

“Then why not let me choose? Why not just run, and let me decide for myself?”

“Because that’s not how it works.”

“So instead of one – what did you call it? – ‘burden,’ you decided to leave me with another one?”

“I don’t understand. Everything... your emotions are so confused. What is it you’re asking me?”

“I’m asking why you couldn’t just stay alive.”

“Ah.” Seket shook her head. “I tried. I trusted Michael.”

“Well,” said Alice, shoving her hands into her pockets, “that was your first mistake, wasn’t it?”

“You’ve met him?” Seket seemed surprised.

“Oh, yes. He’s lovely. If you like sociopaths. We had a nice chat earlier.”

“He’s here?”

“They’re all here.
All
of them. I came looking for you.”

“Alice...” Seket looked around her uneasily. “Alice, how did you find me? This is the lowest level of hell. You can’t have come this far on your own. Where are the angels?”

“As far as I know, they’re picking holes in the Fallen somewhere by the Gate. It’s a warzone.”

“It always has been a warzone. You just couldn’t see it. But who is with you? Who led you here?”

“Long story. Mallory, mostly.” She watched Seket’s eyes widen involuntarily, and pretended not to notice. “And there’s Gwyn, although between you and me, I’m not sure he’s talking to me any more. Especially since I just tried to kill him. Down here, I had a guide called Abbadona. I used to date him a few years ago, but we realised it wasn’t going anywhere, what with him being one of the damned and everything.”

“I can’t tell if you’re joking.”

“You’ve been gone a while.”

“This is important, Alice. Who brought you here? To me. Now.
How did you find the way?”

“I just did.”

“No, you didn’t. You were led. By whom?”

“Charon, maybe. I followed the ice. It came here.”

“Charon?” Seket drew back with a hiss. “Alice, you need to leave. Now.”

“Absolutely. And you’re coming with me.” Alice leaned forward, trying to take Seket’s hand, but she pulled away, shaking her head. “No, Alice. You need to leave. Leave me. Just go.”

“What?”

“Go!”

“I’ve come all this way, and you think I can just go?”

“It can’t be helped. Go. Go to the angels.”

“Come on. We’ll go together. We can find Michael; talk to him.”

“No time. Alice. Go.” Seket’s voice was cracking and with each word she drew further back despite Alice’s pleading. Suddenly, she sucked in a great breath of air and turned away. “Too late,” she whispered.

“Mum?” Alice laid her hand on her mother’s arm, but there was no response. “We should go.”

“Oh, Alice.” There was something sharper about her voice, something slicker and altogether colder as she turned her head back towards Alice. And although the voice was still Seket’s, the words were not. “You think all this makes you special, don’t you? Everything you’ve been through. All this...
loss
. I’m afraid it doesn’t. Careless, perhaps, but special? Hardly. It’s all just part of life’s grand pageant. People live, people die. Just accept it. Let it go. Move on.”

“Get out of my mother.”

“Make me.” Lucifer’s eyes shone red in Seket’s face. “Go on. Make me. If you can.”

“You’re threatening me, but you’re not going to follow through on it, are you? So what do you want?”

“Listen to you! Give you a little taste of your own ability and suddenly you’re staring down the devil. It’s fighting talk. I like it. Shows spirit. I could use that.” Lucifer took a step closer. Alice took a step back.

“I could have killed you a hundred times over since you set foot inside the Gate. Just so we’re clear. Why would I go to all the trouble of bringing you all this way just to kill you now? Do think about it for a second, would you? And relax. You asked me what I want. It’s simple. I have a proposition for you.”

“No.”

“You haven’t even heard what I have to say.”

“Don’t need to.”

“Now, really. I’m disappointed in you. How can you make an informed decision if you won’t even listen to your options? How can you
choose
, Alice?”

“Oh, piss off.”

“Now, now.” Lucifer’s tone grew darker. “It’s a long way from here back to the surface. You have no idea what I could do to you between here and there, so don’t test my patience. I’ve been more than reasonable so far – heroically so, given that you just killed my gatekeeper. That was, by the way, entirely unnecessary, not to mention inconvenient. So I suggest you hear me out.”

“And then what?”

“And then, you choose. Simple.”

“‘Simple.’ Of course.”

“You should hear what I have to offer. I’m asking for so little. And in return, I’m prepared to give you everything you ever wanted.”

“And what’s that, exactly?” Alice folded her arms.

Lucifer shrugged. “Your family.”

“My family. Right. Gotcha.”

“Would I lie to you? Now? Why would I do that? Why would I go to the trouble to bring you here, to
lead
you here? Consider that.”

“My family’s gone.”

“Hardly. Your mother is, well, a little occupied at the moment, but she’s still here.”

“And my father?”

“You don’t think I can arrange for one man, one simple, pointless little man, to be released? Me?” He made a tutting sound. “You really don’t think very much of me, do you?”

“Wait – released?”

“You didn’t know?” Lucifer’s smile split her mother’s face like a wound. “You didn’t know. Ah, angels. They’re tricky things, aren’t they?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your father had an agreement with them, made it a long time ago. When your mother... well. He didn’t want to go on, found living too much of a struggle. Who wouldn’t, when they had shared their life with an angel? But the angels, they knew about you. They knew what you could be, and they wanted to keep you for themselves. So he was offered a bargain: that he would raise you, would keep going day after day after day, and when you were ready, when the time came, he would be released. He would be released, and could join your mother.” Lucifer paused, batting his red eyes at Alice. “Of course, the angels neglected to mention where your mother
was
.”

“That’s not true. You’re lying.”

“Am I?
Am
I? Are you sure?”

“They wouldn’t. None of them would...”

“You’d be surprised what a little ambition can do. For someone who shares blood with the angels, you don’t seem to know an awful lot about them, do you? They’re not so different from you – just as vain, just as self-centred. All scrabbling to be the best at doing what they’re told, just so they can earn the right to be told what to do by someone slightly higher up the food chain. I see they’ve worked their magic on
you
.

“I’m offering you something else, Alice. I’m offering something
in return
. And all I’m asking is that you serve me instead. I can show you how to take that gift of yours and turn it into something special; something truly extraordinary. That alone is worth serious consideration, let alone the rest of my offer.”

Alice found herself sitting on the ice, looking up at Lucifer while he wore her mother’s body like a suit. And still he kept talking, pacing backwards and forwards, absorbed in his own words.

“I had hoped that with a little encouragement you might come to see things my way. That once Xaphan showed you what you could
be
, you might be willing to hear me out.”

“Xaphan... Rob. All of that...”

“Was for this, yes. And it might have amounted to something if Michael hadn’t stuck his nose in.”

“He pulled me away. From Gwyn.”

“Didn’t he just? Meddling, meddling. Always meddling.”

“If he hadn’t... he said something about my hurting Gwyn.”

“Hurting him? My dear girl, you would have torn him to pieces, and then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. Not at all. Gabriel would have seen to that.”

“But Michael stopped me.” Something clicked into place in Alice’s head. “He made sure I had a choice.”

“Who knows what goes on in
his
head? I stopped trying to keep up centuries ago.” He rolled his eyes. At least, it looked like he was rolling his eyes. In truth, it was impossible to tell. “So. There’s my offer. I trust you find it acceptable?”

“And if I don’t?”

“I could start by splitting you in half while you’re still breathing. Or burying you headfirst in the ice here. Or maybe I’d just throw you back into the Dark House. I gather you’re familiar with it?” His eyes narrowed at her.

And then a peculiar thing happened. Lucifer twitched. His whole body – Seket’s body – jerked violently, and the red eyes dimmed. Not by much, but enough. “Alice? Alice. I don’t have long.”

“Mum? You’re free?”

“Hardly. Listen to me. You can’t help me. I know you want to, but you can’t. You can’t.”

“I have to. I came here for you. I came all this way.”

“I know, and I love you for it. But you have to go. If he comes back... when he comes back... I...” Seket’s voice was straining. If there was a fight for control of her body, she was losing it. Of course she was.

“Alice, he’s coming. He’s coming, and he wants an answer. Promise me you won’t give one to him. Hold on. Promise me you’ll hold on.” Her voice was fading now, even as she backed away from her daughter.

Alice shook her head. “I don’t understand.”

“Just... Hold on.” Their eyes met, and for a moment Alice saw something there, something that had not been there before. Something almost like hope. “Have faith,” Seket whispered and closed her eyes. When they opened again, they were red from lid to lid.

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

Keep the Faith

“I
CAN’T ABIDE
being interrupted. And just as we were getting to the interesting part, too. You have an answer for me?”

“No.”

“No, you don’t have an answer, or no you’d really rather like to see just how many ways you can hurt?”