Blood and Mistletoe (2 page)

“Okay,” I said lamely.  “At least we can still make it to Kaye’s solstice celebration.”

“Yes,” he said.  “Have you enquired about the dress code?  Witches can be very particular about their festivals and ritual gatherings, especially the eight annual Sabbats.”

Kaye had mentioned the dress code for her party alright.  I felt my face burn.

“Clothing is optional,” I said.  I shook my head.  “I’m going to need therapy after this party, but Kaye has done a lot to help me over the past few months.  I can’t turn down her invitation.”

“Madam O’Shaye has done much for us all,” he said.

True, Kaye did help to save the entire city of Harborsmouth.  The least we could do was attend her holiday ritual.

“Well, don’t get too excited about the dress code,” I said.  “I’m wearing clothing.  Not really a big fan of public nudity, or hypothermia.”

“I can think of ways to keep warm,” he said.  His eyes smoldered, shifting from black to bright luminous green.

I took an involuntary step back.  Not at Ceff’s otherness, I actually thought his glowing eyes were sexy, but at the threat of what they promised.

Ceff and I had been dating for a few months now, but we hadn’t actually touched yet.  No hand holding or stolen kisses in the dark.  I had already experienced traumatic visions from handling a piece of Ceff’s bridle and wasn’t quite ready to risk touching the man himself. Coming into physical contact with something old always increased the risk of multiple visions, and Ceff was ancient.  What would it be like to kiss an immortal kelpie king?

I wasn’t ready to find out, yet.

I dug in my pocket, covering my retreat by checking my phone.  No new messages.  That in itself was a Christmas miracle. 

Ever since I agreed to take Forneus’ first case, and helped to protect the city against invading, bloodthirsty
each uisge
, our phones had been ringing off the hook.  Jinx had cases scheduled for every day of the week going into the New Year.  Business at Private Eye investigations was booming.

Apparently the fae who lived in Harborsmouth were in need of a private investigator.  Jinx and I were happy to fill that niche.  But working with fae meant calls at all hours, and Jinx could only field so many of our clients.

More often than not, the job was something that couldn’t wait.  When someone with fangs and claws shows up and says it’s urgent, you know it’s a real emergency.  Your options are to either drop everything or turn tail and run.  I really picked the wrong time for a social life.

I guess I should give Ceff a break.  I’d had to cancel my share of dates due to emergency cases.

But now here we were, Ceff and I alone with no beasties breathing down my neck for the services of Ivy Granger psychic detective and Ceff had to leave.

Story of my life.

*****

Jinx rolled her eyes at me while I went back to sipping my noxious coffee.  I was at Jinx’s mercy when it came to the grocery shopping, since touching shopping carts and bags of coffee beans was always a bad idea, so I tried to keep her in a good mood.  Maybe I could convince her to buy some real coffee.  The kind that didn’t taste like it was brewed with cookies, or someone’s old fruit cake.

“Sorry, you’re right,” I said.  “Ceff didn’t really want to go.  I’m just frustrated.”

“Of course you’re frustrated,” Jinx said.  She put a hand on one voluptuous hip and pointed a well manicured finger at me.   “You’re a twenty-four year old virgin.”

“Well…well, I have a unicorn!” I said.

I crossed my arms wishing Jinx would butt out of my non-existent sex life.  I’d hoped that she’d back off once I started dating.  Instead, my relationship with Ceff just seemed to fuel her need to interfere. 

Jinx turned and wiped her eyes with a dish towel.  Was she crying?  I was grumpy, but Jinx was used to my mood swings, especially before my first cup of coffee.  She set down the towel, looked at me, and started laughing.

“Oh my God, you should see yourself right now,” she said.

“What?” I asked.

“Dude, you sound like you’re five,” she said.  “And you’re dressed in little kid pajamas.”

“You bought me these pajamas,” I said.

“I know,” she said, sniffing and dabbing at her makeup.

“You suck,” I said.

“Yes,” she said.

“And this coffee tastes like stale cookies,” I said.

“Totally,” she said, nodding.  “It was a Christmas gift from Olly.  He has a skateboard competition in Oakland, so he dropped it off last night before leaving town.”

“He bought us coffee?” I asked.

“He probably regifted it,” she said, shrugging one tattooed shoulder.

“That makes more sense,” I said.  “And he’s too much of a conspiracy buff to drink something someone else gave him.  At least it wasn’t Kool-Aid.  He would have freaked.”

“Plus, one whiff and he’d know it smelled like gingerbread men died in there,” she said.  “It’s no wonder he gave the whole bag away.”

“Seriously,” I said.  “Nastiest coffee ever.”

“Want another cup?” she asked.

“Sure,” I said. 

It tasted gross, but a girl needs her caffeine fix.  I gulped it down while Jinx took another dainty sip.

“You know what?” Jinx asked.  “This probably tastes exactly like cookie monster pee.”

I spit gingerbread coffee all over the counter.  Jinx could be a total pain, but she really has a way with words.

And the two of us living together?—always entertaining.

Chapter 2

I
was finishing up with my morning client when I heard a commotion at the front of the office.  Greeting clients was Jinx’s job, but with the variety of faeries seeking our services lately, I figured I’d better check things out.

There aren’t any walls between my desk and Jinx’s, or the front door, but the mother bugbear sitting in front of me was doing a fine impersonation.  Adult bugbears are not only huge, but they’re also covered in fur.  This one’s auburn fur stuck out in every direction, making it impossible to see what was happening at the front of the room.

I stood, on the pretense of fetching a glass of water, and peered around the bulk of my oversized client.

Damn.  Forneus was standing in our office doorway and Jinx was brandishing a sharpened cross like she was a rockabilly incarnation of Buffy the vampire slayer.  As I watched in horror, Jinx lifted the edge of her dress and slid a second cross from a sheath on her thigh.  My office assistant got bonus points for style and preparedness, but I really didn’t think killing our clients was good for business—especially with a bugbear sitting, oblivious, at my desk.  Any second now my satisfied client was going to turn around and reconsider the agency she hired, and our payment.

No way was I losing that fee.  Tracking down that cub took me over a week.  And bugbear wrangling is no treat.  I worked hard for every penny and I wasn’t letting Jinx and Forneus’ flirtatious fighting scare off my client.

Plus, I needed that money to pay for coffee.  There was no way I was beginning another day drinking the stuff Olly gifted us.  Not after Jinx’s comment.  I’d picture a fuzzy, blue monster singing “C is for coffee” while peeing into my cup.

That settled it.  I needed to take control of the situation, quickly.

“Let me just get the invoice from my assistant and we’ll be done here,” I said, smiling at the bugbear.

I tried not to show my teeth.  Flash too much tooth and some predators will think you are issuing a challenge.  I did not need to add a bugbear pissing contest to an already bad situation.  I don’t think our office would survive that level of chaos.  I know that I’m not up for that fight.  Have you seen the size of their claws? 

I walked casually past the bugbear who was eyeing my dish of honey candies.  I discovered while hanging out with my friends Marvin and Hob, a bridge troll and a brownie, that pureblood fae have a weakness for sweets, especially honey.  I kept the dish of candies on hand for situations like these.

Now that my clientele has changed, I may not be able to keep the office warded and filled with anti-fae charms, but I still kept a few tricks up my sleeve.  It never hurt to be prepared.

“What do you two think you’re doing?” I hissed.  I turned my full wrath on Jinx.  She didn’t even flinch.  Guess I can’t be scary when a person’s seen me in my snowman pajamas.  “What happened?”

“That damn demon is here again,” Jinx said, never taking her eyes off Forneus.  “That’s what happened.”

“That’s all?” I asked.  “He came through the door and you tried to stake him with a cross?”

“I can assure you that I have done nothing untoward,” Forneus said.  His sulphuric breath made me gag.  “I merely offered this lovely lady a compliment.”

“What did he call you this time?” I asked.

“He called me his pet,” she said through clenched teeth.  “I warned him last time that if he addressed me that way again, I’d kill him.”

“She did warn you,” I said, turning to the demon.  I took a step forward to stand between them.  “But, as much as I’d like to see her cut you with that cross, I have a client waiting—a
paying
client.”

That last bit of info was for Jinx.  She immediately lowered her weapons and slid them neatly into her hair and up the skirt of her halter dress. 

“I’ll get the paperwork,” Jinx said.  She hurried to her desk and pointed at the chairs arranged beside it.  “You take a seat, demon.  And don’t even think about leaving one of your business cards in my waiting room.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said.

The demon folded himself primly into one of our mismatched chairs—mismatched because we had to douse a chair with holy water and trash it after one of Forneus’ earlier visits.  Just for the record, burning brimstone is Hell on upholstery.  He was lucky we let him walk through our doors at all.

I walked back to mother bugbear, who was miraculously still sitting facing my desk.  A glance at my empty candy dish showed why.  I’d have to restock my supply soon. 

I saw a trip to the candy store in my future.

I may not like to shop, but going to the candy store with Marvin was a treat.  I didn’t have to touch anything, since the kid was happy to put everything in the basket for me.  With no worries about psychic visions, I could kick back and watch Marvin’s smile grow. 

Marvin’s smile was worth the effort.  His mouth was healing from his previous injuries and the kid was looking better by the day.  Not that anyone in the candy shop could see his true face.  Marvin was one of the fae, a teenage bridge troll, and wore his glamour whenever we hit the streets.

I’d check in with Marvin later.  I had an errand to run at Madam Kaye’s Magic Emporium, and Hob was still allowing Marvin to sleep on the floor of the spell kitchen, out behind the shop.  The place may be owned by Kaye O’Shaye, the most powerful witch in Harborsmouth, but Hob, the resident hearth brownie, was in charge of the kitchen.  I could visit Marvin, get the items I needed from The Emporium, and be back before dark…if Forneus didn’t hold me up.

“Here you are,” Jinx said, setting a folder on my desk.  Jinx beamed at the bugbear as she pointed to the folder.  “Just read and sign the last page.  And make checks payable to Private Eye.  We’re also happy to accept cash and all major credit cards.”

The mother bugbear lifted a leather pouch onto the desk with a thud.  Gold coins spilled from the bag as she scratched her mark onto the page, with her claws.

“Ivy?” Jinx asked.

I knew what Jinx was asking.  In addition to psychometry, I also have the gift of second sight.  My second sight allows me to see through the glamour that most fae wear to the monstrous visage that lies beneath.  This was another gift that could feel like a curse, but it was a talent that came in handy when accepting payment from faeries.

Fae, both Seelie and Unseelie, have an aversion to paying humans real money.  Since humans usually can’t see through magical glamour, faeries often pay with illusionary money that reverts to its original worthless form after they have safely gone.  It wouldn’t be the first time that a faerie tried to pay with leaves and twigs.  But this gold was real.

And I wasn’t human.

I nodded to Jinx.

“We also accept gold,” Jinx said, smiling.

Jinx led the bugbear out the door and I strode over to where Forneus sat in his expensive suit.  I crossed my arms and tapped my foot.

“Okay, demon, why are you here?” I asked.

Forneus spread his hands and opened his eyes wide in mock surprise.

“Can’t a friend drop in without a reason?” he asked.  “’Tis the season after all.  Perhaps I’m here to spread holiday cheer.”

“Or an STD,” Jinx muttered.

Jinx closed the door behind our bugbear client and came to sit on the edge of her desk.  She sucked air through her teeth and winced.  The reason became clear when she pulled a thumb tack from her generous derriere.  Jinx really was the most unlucky person on the planet.  Which made taunting a demon a ridiculously bad idea.

“I will have you know that…” Forneus said.

“No,” I said, holding up a gloved hand.  “No way.  I do not want to hear about your sexual exploits.  I don’t care where your pitchfork has been, Forneus, just keep it in your pants.”

“Amen,” Jinx said.

Forneus grimaced at the holy word, but continued to leer at Jinx.  She was adjusting the bust of her fifties-style halter dress in a not so subtle attempt to drive Forneus crazy.  Watching the demon lust over my best friend made my stomach heave.  It was time to change the subject.

 “So what’s the job?” I asked, rubbing my brow.  Forneus had only been here a few minutes and already I had a headache.  “And don’t tell me that this is just a social call.”

“Well, I do have information you may find valuable,” Forneus said.  “For a price.”

Forneus’ eyes glowed red and his face shifted as the muscles writhed beneath the skin.  It was a reminder that our guest wasn’t human.  Forneus may wear a handsome face while doing business, but his preferred form while topside was a leviathan-like beast the size of our entire city block.  I didn’t know what form the demon attorney took when residing in Hell, but the glowing red eyes were a clue.