Blue Saturn (3 page)

He points to the TV, but doesn’t look at me.

“Do you like ‘The Bananas in Pyjamas’?”

He points to the TV again.

I think about leaving him to watch cartoons while I catch some more sleep, but I know that having a cat nap now will leave me feeling lethargic all day. I decide to get up and start the day.

Mikey picked at a piece of toast, but drank two glasses of milk.

“That’s better than nothing,” I say quietly as I clear the dishes from the desk. I had thought about heading down to the restaurant for breakfast, but considering Mike’s bad track record at eating, I figured I was more likely to get him to eat something with fewer distractions.

He seems genuinely excited to be heading out for the day. He had a quick shower this morning, after his breakfast, and fully co-operated when getting dressed. He has the cutest little outfits. Really stylish. It makes me feel drab in my jeans and jumper ensemble, but then I’m the nanny and what I wear doesn’t matter, as long as I don’t lose Mikey.

We head to the book store first. Google Maps is telling me that there’s an ABC Bookstore on Lonsdale Street. We walk to Flinders Street then catch a tram to Lonsdale Street. Mike has a half smile on his lips as we travel on the tram. He looks out the window and points at different things. He doesn’t speak though.

He chooses five books. They’re all “Thomas the Tank,” books. From the book store we head toward ‘Myer’ where I let him choose an array of toys. He picks two trucks and three cars, some building blocks and three boxes of Lego scenes.

Thank goodness I’ve been paid in advance. This shopping expedition is going to get expensive.

From the toy department of ‘Myer’ we head toward an art and craft store. It’s not far to walk, but carrying six heavy bags and holding onto Mike through the busy streets is a bit difficult. We’ll have to catch a taxi back to the hotel.

The art and craft store has everything we need. I pick out a large scrap book of 100 sheets of coloured paper, a packet of 24 pencils and a sketch book. They also have a collection of colouring books. I pick a generic jumbo book. Mikey’s picks out a “Thomas the Tank” colouring and puzzle book.

We hail for a taxi and head back to the hotel.

Our room has been serviced and when Mikey see’s that yesterday’s origami pieces have been removed, he cries.

“Hey, Mike. I can make some more. Would you like to make more?”

He slowly nods his head, between sniffs and climbs up onto the bed while I detangle my fingers from our shopping bags.

I’m putting the finishing few folds to the three dimensional star when there’s a knock on the door.

Gavin is poking his tongue out at me when I look through the peep-hole.

“And here I was thinking you were the nice one,” I say, opening the door wide enough for Gavin to know he’s more than welcome to come in.

“How has your day been?”

“Good. We shopped this morning. And Mike actually ate an entire sandwich while I did origami.”

“Origami?” Gavin asks.

“Yeah,” I shrug. “It’s my thing.”

Gavin looks at the bed. Mike’s bed is littered with brightly coloured paper. He picks up a penguin and smiles. “You made this?”

“Yeah,” I say, shrugging my shoulders again. Origami may not be the coolest hobby in the world, but I love doing it.

Gavin scans my artwork. “Can you make a guitar?”

I think for a minute. It’s been ages since I made a guitar. “I think I can.” I pick up a blue sheet of paper. Gavin stops me.

“My guitar is red.”

“Oh, sorry,” I say. “Surely you have more than one guitar.”

“I do. I have four. And they’re all red.”

I laugh and fold a red sheet of paper longways, down the middle.

Guitars aren’t easy to fold. They take a bit of patience, and a lot of small folds. But my fingers move nimbly over the sheet and a few minutes later, I hold out a small guitar to Gavin.

“Awesome,” he says, smiling at me. He sits on the end of Mikey’s bed. “You look tired.”

I laugh through my nose. “I am tired. We had a bad night last night.”

Gavin nods as though he knows what I mean. “We have our first show tonight otherwise I’d offer to help out.”

I shake my head. “It’s my job to look after Mike. How bad can six weeks of sleepless nights be? Mothers do it all the time. I’ll survive.”

Gavin looks down at the paper guitar in his hands. “This is really cool. Thanks. I better go.”

“Good luck tonight.”

Gavin smiles as he stands. “I don’t need luck. I have pure talent.”

His confidence makes me smile. I watch as he pats Mikey on the head and leaves.

5.

I can hear Mikey moving around the hotel room. He’s pacing again. I look at the time on my phone. It’s a quarter past twelve in the morning.

When he sees my phone light up in the dark, he stops and looks at me. He slowly comes toward me and stands next to my bed. Then he pulls the covers back slightly and climbs in next to me. He lies down, wriggles up close to me, resting his head on his blanket.

I don’t know if this is right or wrong. Should I make him go back to his own bed? Maybe I’ll wait until he’s asleep and I’ll sleep in his bed.

He pulls his thumb from his mouth and holds onto a strand of my hair. “I want my mummy,” he says.

His words hit my chest hard and I find myself wrapping my arms around him and pulling him in close to me. I don’t say anything. What can I say? I have absolutely no idea if he’ll ever be seeing his mother again, because I haven’t been told where his mother is. And I doubt whether I’ll get any answers from Mike. Maybe I should ask Gavin. Or Liane.

I feel Mikey relax in my arms and it’s not long before he’s sound asleep. I don’t move. I don’t get up to go to his bed. I hold him against me until I feel my own eyes getting heavy and tell myself that just for tonight, he can sleep with me. But tomorrow, he will have to sleep in his own bed.

I wake up when I feel a little foot kick my stomach. Next to me, Mikey wriggles and stretches until I hear a little murmur and I know he’s awake.

“Good morning, Mike,” I say sleepily.

He doesn’t answer, but he pulls a piece of my hair into his hands.

“What would you like to do today?” I reach up and turn on the reading lamp above my bed. “I thought, if you’d like, we could go to the zoo. Would you like that?”

A small smile comes to Mike’s face.

“We’ll have to rug up nice and warm. It’s going to be cold today.”

While Mikey eats his cereal, I turn the morning news on to see what the weather forecast is. But what I see makes me stop mid step. The entertainment news is on and they’re showing highlights from Blue Saturn’s first Melbourne show. Mike is centre stage, singing. He’s getting the crowd involved, holding the microphone out over the edge of the stage encouraging them to sing along to the chorus. Gavin is to the left of him, laughing at something. Mike laughs too and then sings the first line of the next verse.

I know the song. It was their first ever hit and still one of the biggest songs in Australian charts history. It was number one for twenty seven weeks, only to be knocked off the top spot by another hit single, which stayed in the number one spot for twenty two weeks.

How do I know this? Because like every other twenty-something year old in the country, I listen to their music. I wouldn’t say I follow their career, but it’s been hard to ignore Blue Saturn’s rise to fame over the years. It seems that they’re everywhere!

The screen switches to the studio, and the entertainment guru is sitting in a room, interviewing the band. Mike is wearing sun glasses, as is Paul and Steve. Gavin is the only one who is brave enough to show his face uncovered. And I have to admit, he looks fresh and rested.

Mikes makes a joke about not being to bed yet and flashes what is supposed to be his charming smile. It looks charming, I have to admit, but unfortunately I’ve seen a less than charismatic side to Mike and the entire effect is lost on me. It actually makes me shiver.

The entertainment guru feeds the bands’ ego’s, telling them that their show was “energetic”, and had a “real rock sound”, and that their performance was “absolutely perfect.”

The entire time, Mike is grinning and nodding his head in agreement. Obviously he’s never heard of being humble.

I roll my eyes and switch off the TV. When I turn see if Mikey is still eating, he’s pointing at the TV. “More,” he says.

“You want to watch Mike on the TV?”

Mikey nods his head. “More.”

I turn the TV on and Mikey smiles. Sadly enough this is the first time he’s seen his father in two days. And the way his little face lights up when Mike speaks breaks my heart.

We get ready to spend a day at the zoo. I pack a backpack with Mikey’s blanket - it goes everywhere with us - and also throw in one of his new cars. I take two packets of chips from the mini bar and a bottle of water.

I slip Mikey’s jacket on and we head off downstairs.

The lobby is a buzz of excitement. There are people everywhere, camera’s flashing and people yelling.

“Mike!! Mike!!”
I can hear being called out above all the noise.

I look down at Mikey but he is oblivious to the fuss. He’s more interested in looking at the dancing water fountain in the foyer. I look up again and the crowd parts as Mike steps forward, smiling and waving and moves toward the staircase, where Mikey and I stand.

I know he sees us, even though he’s still wearing sunglasses because that sickly grin he wears suddenly drops and he slows his pace. I see his head move as he looks down at Mikey, who is still watching the water fountain.

He doesn’t stop to say hello. He doesn’t acknowledge us. He walks straight past us and starts to climb the stairs.

“Come on Mikey. Let’s go see some animals.”

It’s cold, my hands feel like ice, but Mikey is having such a great time, I don’t want to ask him to go back to the hotel just yet. We’ve been standing in front of the squirrel monkey exhibit for a while now. Mikey is watching in awe as they jump and leap around their enclosure. He laughs when one falls.

His laugh makes me laugh and I look down at him.

He looks and points at the monkey. “He fell down Indsy.” Then he laughs again.

“He sure did, Mikey.” I kneel down next to him. “Do you think he’s okay?”

Mikey nods his head. “He’s pretty tough, just like me.”

My heart melts. “You’re a trooper, all right.” I rough up his hair a bit and watch his face as he reacts to the antics of the small primates.

This child is absolutely beautiful. He must look like his mother because I see nothing of Mike in him. Or maybe I just don’t want to see any of his father in him.

We both thoroughly enjoy our day at the zoo. We stay until closing time. It’s been a big day and we’re not in the taxi for more than a few minutes before Mikey lowers his head down to my lap and falls asleep.

When we arrive at the hotel, I lift Mikey up and carry him to our room. I know he’s awake, but he’s tired and I’m more than happy to carry him.

I ask him what he’d like for dinner and he asks for fish and chips from the room service menu. I’m feeling a little fatigued myself so I’m more than happy to eat in tonight.

We eat. Mikey has a bath while I shower. Fortunately, he can’t see me from the bath. I slip into my pyjamas and wrap a terry towelling robe around me. We hire a movie, but Mikey only lasts to about the half way mark. He falls asleep next to me on my bed. I don’t move him. I let him sleep there and I decide to sleep in his bed.

He has slept the entire night. I’ve woken up because my body is telling me it’s rested enough. As I move my head to turn on the lamp, something pulls my hair. I look down and Mikey is sleeping next to me with a handful of my hair.

I sigh. How on earth did he sneak into my bed without my knowing? I must’ve been more tired than I thought.

Mikey opens his eyes slowly and then closes them again. When he opens them the second time, he smiles. “Good morning Indsy,” he says.

“Good morning, Mikey.”

I decide that we need a quiet day after our mammoth day out yesterday. Mikey and I build a Lego town and then destroy it by throwing blocks at the buildings. He draws for half an hour or so before he goes back to throwing blocks.

Mikey has a small nap after lunch. I spend the time reading a novel, which I’m beginning to think I’m never going to finish. I’m not much of a reader, but Meredith told me this book is ‘life changing’ so I will persevere.

When Mikey wakes up, we head down to the river for a little walk to get out into the fresh air for a while. But Mike is clearly tired and after about twenty minutes of watching boats on the river, we head back to the hotel.

“Maybe tomorrow we can go to the aquarium,” I’m saying as I open the door to our room.

The scent of male cologne hits me almost immediately. I step in slowly and feel a cold wave of nerves go through my body when I see Mike standing at the window, looking out to the river below.

“Where have you been?” Mike asks.

“Down at the river,” I answer.

“Where did you go yesterday?” he asks me.

“To the zoo,” I answer quietly.

“I don’t want you going out with Mikey.” He turns around and looks at me.

I hold his gaze and tilt my head to the side. “You can’t honestly expect us to stay cooped up in a hotel room for the next six weeks.”

“I can and I do.” He steps toward me and looks down at me. “He’s my son and you work for me. So you’ll do as I tell you.” He pushes past me and heads toward the door.

“I won’t,” I say quietly. “It’s unreasonable to expect a four year old boy to sit in a hotel room for weeks on end. It’s not fair.”

“He was perfectly happy doing it before you showed up.” He puts his hand on the handle and opens the door.

I scoff at his arrogance. “You call what he was happy? The kid was miserable.”

He turns around and looks at me and I instantly regret saying it. Not that it's not true but a parent doesn’t need to hear that their child is miserable. “Look,” I say. “If you’re worried about his safety...no one seems to know who he is. We’ve not been bothered by anyone.”

Now it’s Mikes turn to scoff. “Of course you haven’t. Who would ever notice you?” He shakes his head at me and leaves the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

*****

A loud bang wakes me and my heart immediately starts thumping in my chest. Someone is at the door to my room, trying to open it. I try to remember if I put the latch across before I went to bed last night.

I hear a beep and then the light from the hallway enters the room as a dark figure walks in.

I sit up in bed and as my eyes adjust to the light, I see the figure stumble against the wall before standing upright again.

“Mike?” I whisper.

He groans and comes toward the bed, falling down heavily on it.

“What are you doing here? You’re in the wrong room.” I can smell alcohol and cigarettes on his clothes.

“It’s my room,” he slurs.

“No. It’s our room, Mikey’s and mine.”

“I’m paying for it, so I’ll use it whenever I want.” He crawls up the bed next to me and falls down heavily. Seconds later, his breathing slows and I know he’s asleep. Or passed out cold. Either way, I don’t think he’ll be waking up any time soon.

I get out of bed and go to Mikey’s bed. I curl up on the edge and try to sleep. But I can’t. Mike starts snoring and I have absolutely no idea what to do. Should I wake him up and force him back to his own suite? Should I take Mikey to Mike’s room? Should I call Gavin? I would if I had his number or knew his room number. And there is no point calling reception. They wouldn’t put me through to Mike, so there’s little chance they’ll put me through to Gavin.

Mike moans in his sleep and moves on the bed. I silently pray that he wakes up and goes back to his own room. But he soon becomes still again. He’s obviously rolled onto his back because the snoring becomes louder and I know I am not going to get another wink of sleep.

There is a knock on my room door. I get up out of bed and look through the peep-hole. A very large man is standing outside my door.

I latch the door with the chain and open it. “Who are you?” I ask.

“I’m Wayne, Mike’s security. Is Mike here?”

“Yes he is. He’s...asleep,” I say, closing the door to remove the chain and letting Wayne in.

“Sorry about this. Mike has a habit of disappearing when he drinks. And last night he drank enough to drown a fish.”

“Oh,” I say, suddenly self conscious about being in my pyjamas.

Wayne smiles at me. “Give me your phone.”

“Why?” I ask.

“I’m going to programme my number in as your number one contact. If Mike ever...well, if you ever need me, you can call me. Day or night.”

“Good idea.” I retrieve my phone from next to the bed and hand it to Wayne.

“I’m going to put Gavin’s number in too. Gavin is sober, has been for months. He’s pretty good at helping out with Mike. Gav and Mike are like brothers, really close.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“And I’ll give you Mike’s number,” he shrugs. “Just in case. Now I’m going to text your number to me, Gav and Mike.” Once he’s finished, he tosses my phone onto the bed. “It was nice to meet you Lyndsay. And remember, you can call me day or night. As long as it’s for Mike. He’s a slippery little maggot.” He goes to the side of the bed where Mike is sleeping. “Come on Mike. Up you get.” Wayne grabs him under his arms and lifts him up.