Blurring Lines (9 page)

“Nothing’s going on here, Mom,” Cade assured her, gently releasing me from his arms. “I just … we were …”

“Get out of that shower, Cade,” Sharon hissed, red-faced. “Right this minute, or so help me, I will drag you out of it.”

Reluctantly Cade released me, and with a heavy sigh, he climbed out of the shower. “You’re handling this all wrong,” he told his mother before leaving the room.

I remained motionless, kneeling on the shower floor, staring up at Sharon’s shocked expression.

“Your father asked me to come check on you,” she explained haughtily before taking a towel from the rail and draping it over my shoulders. “He’s so worried about you.”

I held the edges of the towel together with my hand and watched as Sharon left the room only to return a few minutes later with a small pile of clothes.

“I know you’ve been through a terrible ordeal,” Sharon said, placing the pile of clothes on the closed toilet lid. “And I am so relieved and thankful that you’re home, Mackenzie, I really am.”

But …

“But this is the real world, honey,” she told me. “And in the real world, it is not acceptable behavior to … shower with your stepbrother.”

“My stepbrother,” I repeated slowly, churning the word around in my mind. “Cade is my …”

“Yes,” Sharon said in a firm tone of voice. “Cade is your stepbrother now, and I will not tolerate what happened in here between the two of you
ever
again. Is that clear?”

“Is that clear?” I thought about it for a moment, but nothing was clear in my mind. “He was comforting me,” I tried to tell Sharon, but she interrupted me.

“He is not supposed to comfort you in the shower, Mackenzie,” she explained angrily. “Not with you naked and him halfway there.” She sighed as she turned for the door. “What would poor Emily think?”

My blood ran cold. “Who is Emily?”

“You remember Emily, don’t you? Emily McAllister?” Sharon opened the bathroom door and stepped into the hallway. “Emily is Cade’s girlfriend, and I doubt she would be very happy with what happened here tonight.”

Sharon closed the bathroom door, and I was left on my own again with only my memories for company and a huge pang of jealously that threatened to choke me.

Climbing to my feet, I stepped out of the shower and stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

I had spent the past three years dreaming about Cade – using the image of him to keep me sane.

To keep me alive ...

He was the one thing I clung to when those men robbed me of my dignity.

This hurt me.

This hurt me more than a lot of what I had been through.

The thought of Cade with Emily caused me physical pain.

He was supposed to be
mine
.

But he was dating Emily.

Emily McAllister.

****

Mackenzie

February 27
th
, 2006

“So, Mackenzie. You’ve been home three weeks,” Anna announced with a smile. It was Saturday afternoon and we were sitting on the couch in my father’s lounge with a pot of tea on the coffee table accompanied by a flower-patterned plate filled with Sharon’s homemade cookies. Anna obviously didn’t need to visit during weekends, but it made me feel a little safer considering I’d seen her every day that I’d been in hospital. “How are you settling back in?”

“Okay,” I told her, because it was the truth.

I had been home three weeks and things had been
okay
. My father was trying hard to make up for lost time and had taken me shopping in the city and out to dinner last weekend.

Meanwhile, Sharon was doing everything she could to keep me away from her son. She was nice to my face, but I knew what she thought of me. Sharon didn’t want me tainting her son. That’s why she kept Cade out of the house, running ridiculous errands, and purposefully altering dinner times so that we never ate together.

Nowadays Cade was either at school, working at the mechanic’s yard across town, or running errands for his mother. And on the rare occasion he had free time, Emily was right there in the wings waiting to swoop in on him and claim that precious time.

“Have you been getting out – meeting old friends and socializing?” Anna asked before picking up one of the shortbread cookies and stuffing it in her mouth. “Mmm,” she moaned and her eyes widened in delight. “So good,” she mumbled, taking another cookie.

Anna kind of reminded me of someone having an orgasm when she ate. She enjoyed having that cookie in her mouth way too much for my liking, and her moans were turning me off shortbread for life.

“I don’t have any friends,” I reminded her. “None that want to be associated with a prostitute at least.”
And the one friend I thought I could rely on is being kept away from me …

Anna’s expression softened. “Mackenzie, you are not now nor have you
ever
been a prostitute.”

“Yeah.”
Right …

Reaching for her notebook, she browsed through a few pages before glancing back up at me. “I see you got the all-clear from the hospital yesterday.” She offered me a smile. “That’s wonderful news, right?”

“Yes,” I replied in a flat tone. “I’m thrilled that I didn’t catch AIDS or any other sexually transmitted diseases while working for Mast … those men.” Shrugging, I added, “It’s nice to be clean.”

“Mackenzie!” I heard Sharon shout in an appalled tone from the other side of the closed lounge door, which only proved that she had been eavesdropping on my therapy session.

Anna frowned at the door before focusing her attention on me. “I know you’ve been through hell and back,” she said in a hushed tone. “And it’s normal to be feeling all of the emotions that I’m sure are coursing through you right now.”

Reaching forward, Anna took my hand in hers and gave it a little squeeze. “But we need to focus on you moving forward from this. The past can’t touch your future, Mackenzie – unless you allow it to.”

“What are you suggesting?” I asked, closing my eyes for a moment as I reveled in the touch of Anna’s hand. “How … how can I fix myself?”

“Find the girl you used to be.”

“That’s impossible,” I muttered. I didn’t feel like that girl anymore. I
wasn’t
her. That was the problem. How could I find the old me, when I was absolutely certain she was dead? She had died from the rape and the shame and the utter loneliness she suffered ...

“It’s not impossible. You need to rediscover the girl you were before the abduction,” Anna explained. “Find value in yourself and take an interest in life. You are eighteen years old, Mackenzie. Maybe you should be living the life of an eighteen-year-old …”

I twisted sideways on the couch to face her. “So you’re saying what – I should go back to school? Follow my old patterns …?”

Anna nodded. “School would be a pretty good start. You surpassed every one of your tutors’ expectations when in hospital, Mackenzie. You are bright – exceptionally bright. I can pull a few strings, have a word with Principal Lowery and have you back with your old classmates by Monday.” Anna’s brown eyes lit up as she spoke and I knew she thought returning to school was a good idea. “It can’t hurt, Mackenzie.”

“But what if that girl is gone forever?” I whispered.
What if everyone thinks I’m a whore?
“What if …” I paused and inhaled a steadying breath before saying, “What if all I am now is what those men turned me into?”

“You are the creator, designer, and implementer of the person you are, Mackenzie Moore,” Anna told me passionately. “And you are stronger than you think. You can do this. You can take your life back ...”

The door of the lounge opened, interrupting our conversation.

“Shit … sorry,” Cade muttered, as he stood in the doorway wearing nothing but a pair of navy shorts, and holding a soccer ball in his hand. Cade’s bare stomach was on display and I soaked in the image of his sun-kissed skin, ribbed abdominal muscles and that sinfully sexy tattoo. “I didn’t realize you guys were in here …”

“Cade Mathews. You’re just the man I’ve been looking for.” Anna beamed up at Cade’s flustered face and beckoned him into the lounge.

“I am?” Cade looked from Anna to me and swallowed nervously. “Why’s that?”

She patted the cushion between us. “Come sit.”

“Is this necessary, Dr. Rosetta?” Sharon had miraculously appeared at the lounge door, blocking Cade’s way. “I mean, why would you need to include Cade in Mackenzie’s therapy session …?” Her words trailed off as her face reddened. “It just doesn’t seem normal to me.”

“It’s perfectly
normal
to include old friends and family members in therapy sessions, Mrs. Moore,” Anna replied coolly, eyeing my stepmother with a look of distaste, and I mentally high-fived Anna for shutting Sharon up. “Besides, Cade is over eighteen. He can tell me himself if he doesn’t want to help Mackenzie.”

“He has plans,” Sharon blurted out. “With his girlfriend – she’s leaving for Jacksonville tomorrow night …”

“I want to help Mackenzie,” Cade announced before stepping around his mother.

“Cade,” Sharon hissed, but Cade ignored her. It was quite comical really, watching Sharon’s horrified expression as Cade walked into the lounge and sat on the couch between us.

“Close the door, will you?” Anna asked sweetly, and for a moment I thought Sharon was going to blow a head gasket.

I stared in wonder at Anna who smirked and winked back at me.

Sharon’s face turned the color of fire. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before eventually slamming the door shut.

“Sorry about my mother,” Cade husked, bringing me back to the here and now. I turned to look at Cade and my mouth suddenly felt dry. “Mom’s not good with stuff like this,” Cade added before clearing his throat. Leaning against the back of the couch, he was careful not to touch any part of me as he stared straight ahead at the fireplace. “She’s a little highly-strung.”

“I noticed,” Anna shot back wryly. “So, let’s get down to the heavy. Why are you here, Cade?”

****

Cade

February 27
th
, 2006

“So, let’s get down to the heavy,” Kenzie’s therapist asked in a no-bullshit tone of voice.
I like the woman already.
“Why are you here, Cade?”

“You asked me to …” I began to say, but Anna raised her brow at me, letting me know that she wasn’t about to buy my flimsy excuses.

“Don’t overthink this, Cade,” Anna told me. “Just say what you think – how you feel. Why do you want to help Mackenzie? Why are you here?”

Shrugging uncomfortably, I clasped my hands together on my lap and forced my eyes to remain locked on the fireplace and
not
on Mackenzie’s bare thigh. Jesus Christ, she was sitting right beside me and I felt faint. The thought of what Kenzie had been through made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to wrap her up in bubble wrap.

She looked fucking beautiful ...

I got why my mother reacted the way she had about the whole shower incident the other. Mom thought I was going to fuck this up. She was terrified I was going to blur the lines. Mom knew how I felt about Kenzie when we were younger, she saw how broken I was when Kenz disappeared, and she was scared to death that I wouldn’t be able to control myself around her, but telling Mitch about it was fucking wrong.

Of course, my stepfather had had a conniption fit. I didn’t blame him. If Kenzie were my daughter, I wouldn’t be too fucking happy about catching a guy in the shower with her.

But I wasn’t just any guy. I was the guy who’d spent the best part of my life loving her. I was under strict orders now, by Mom and by Mitch to keep my distance from Kenzie.

Apparently our parents were terrified that I was going set Mackenzie’s progress back. From Mitch, this was an excuse I believed. It was valid. The man worshiped his daughter, but my mother was behaving like a goddamn bigot. Mom’s attitude towards Kenzie reminded me of a movie I once watched where this Amish widow fell in love with an outlaw cowboy. Her family disowned her, treated her like she was scum of the earth even though all the widow was guilty of was falling in love. Well, Kenzie wasn’t guilty of anything, and my mother still continued to treat her like a pariah.

“I’m here because I feel responsible,” I admitted in a gruff tone. It was more than a feeling. It was a fact. I
was
responsible.

“What do you feel responsible for, Cade?”

“Everything that happened to Kenz,” I whispered. “All of it.”

I couldn’t save her back then. I tried. I tried so damn bad, but I just … couldn’t. It was a hard pill to swallow and I was still fucking choking on my regrets.

Kenzie shifted on the couch beside me, her knee touched mine, and my whole body sprang to life.

“So you feel guilty?” Anna continued. “For something you didn’t do and had no control over.”

“Yes I feel guilty,” I hissed. How could I feel any other way?

“Why Cade?” Anna pushed. “Why should you feel guilty or even remotely responsible? You were only a child – the same as Mackenzie.”

Rubbing my face with my hand, I had to take a minute before I could answer – otherwise I was pretty sure I would roar. “I should have protected her that night,” I finally choked out. “And I
didn’t
. She was put through all of that stuff because I
didn’t
protect her.
I
took her out to the woods.
I
was supposed to keep her safe and
I
let her wander off on her own …” Shaking my head, I turned and looked Anna in the eyes. “So don’t tell me that I’m
not
responsible because I’ve been going over it for almost four fucking years and …”

“You are
not
responsible,” Kenzie suddenly piped up, causing me to freeze mid-sentence. The feel of her skin on mine when she took my hand in hers was almost too much. “I don’t hold you responsible for what happened to me, Cade,” she said in that raspy tone of hers. Kenzie held my hand so tightly in hers – giving me so much trust that I felt fucking sick to my stomach. “And neither should you.”

“How can you say that, Kenz?” I asked, forcing myself to look her in the eye. With my eyes, I implored Kenzie to understand my hidden meaning. “I should’ve taken better care of you –
saved
you …”

“You couldn’t have saved me, Cade,” Mackenzie replied softly, her eyes locked on mine. “You were just a kid ...”

“
So were you
, baby girl,” I hissed and then immediately regretted calling Kenzie
baby girl
. I needed to stop that. Damn it ... “I should have done more …” I suppressed the urge to roar. “Ugh. I shouldn’t have taken you out there …”

“I wanted to be there with
you
, Cade,” Mackenzie countered, twisting sideways. Folding her legs beneath her, she leaned towards me. “I chose to. It was
my
choice. You have nothing to feel guilty about …” Closing her eyes, Kenzie inhaled a deep breath and I watched as a small smile crept over her face. “You gave me years worth of memories that kept me alive,” she whispered, tapping her temple with her finger. “In here.” She placed her hand over her chest. “And in here.”

“I did?” My voice shook worse than my hands as Mackenzie’s words flooded my heart.

She looked right at me – straight through me. “You did, Cade,” she confirmed softly. “I wouldn’t be here – functioning and breathing if it weren’t for you …”

“So there you have it. Mackenzie doesn’t blame you, Cade.” Anna interrupted, as she climbed to her feet and stretched. “I truly believe you two need to take a nice long walk together and hash it all out.”

Anna smiled down at us both. “Being with Cade will be good for you, Mackenzie. He was your best friend before your abduction and he wants to help you now.”

“I agree,” Kenzie replied. “Being with Cade will be good for me.”

Anna smiled down at us. “What are you waiting for?”

“You want us to go for a walk now?” I croaked out. Jesus Christ, my body was burning up. I was sweating like a damn pig and all of a sudden it felt too hot in here. The heat was emanating from Mackenzie and I was drawn to that heat … fuck it, I was compelled and pulled towards that heat.

“Now’s as a good a time as any,” Anna replied in an amused tone before turning to face Kenz. “Do you feel safe going out with Cade, Mackenzie?”

I held my breath waiting for Kenzie’s answer.

She didn’t answer the doctor with words. Instead, she stood up and held her hand out to me.

My phone vibrated in my shorts’ pocket, but I didn’t check who it was.

I didn’t care.

I was too busy taking Mackenzie’s hand in mine. Like she had done we were kids, Mackenzie Moore held my complete attention.

“Excellent,” Anna exclaimed, as she ushered us out of the lounge towards the front door. “This is progress, Mackenzie,” she coaxed. “This is very good progress.”

Opening the front door, I gestured Mackenzie out before me. She didn’t let go of my hand and I didn’t want her to. It made me feel stronger, having a hold of her, touching her, knowing she was right here with me. No one was going to hurt her again, not while I had a breath left in my body.

“Can we take the bike?” Mackenzie asked in a quiet tone. Her gaze was fixated on my Ducati parked in the driveway.

Hell, yeah …
I dropped my free hand to my pocket and checked that I had my keys. “I thought you hated motorcycles,” I chuckled, feeling around for the piece of metal in my pocket. “But yeah, Kenz, we can take the bike.”

Kenzie squeezed my hand, giving me a little more trust, causing my palm to sweat. “I’m not her, Cade,” she told me as she followed me over to my bike. “That girl you remember,” Kenzie clarified when she noticed my confused expression. “I’m not her anymore. That girl is gone.”

Yeah, you fucking are …

I wished I could somehow fix everything that had gone wrong in Mackenzie’s short life. Fuck
–
it made me so angry.

Taking my helmet, I raised it above Kenzie’s head and smiled. “I bet I can find her,” I said, placing the helmet on her head. “And bring her back to me.”

Kenzie pushed the helmet downwards. She spent a moment adjusting it before lifting the visor. Jesus Christ, she looked like nothing I’d ever seen in her short white sundress and my black helmet. She looked fucking ethereal, and I had to turn my face away and remind myself that I had a girlfriend.

“You’ll never find her, Cade,” Mackenzie replied sadly.

“I’m going to try, Mackenzie,” I shot back before mounting the bike. “Let me help you.”

Mackenzie climbed on behind me. “Trust me,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around my bare chest. “You already are.”

You already are …

Fuck.

“So where are we going?” I asked her when my voice found me once again.

“The creek,” she replied and my blood turned to ice in my veins.

“What, no, we’re not, Kenzie. Damn, we’re not going anywhere near that damn place.” What the hell was wrong with her? There wasn’t a chance in hell of me taking Mackenzie back to the place she’d been taken away from me! I lost her out there. I couldn’t go back and take that risk again.

“I need to see it for myself, Cade.” She squeezed me tighter. “And you’re the only one I want with me when I face my demons.”

Damn!

“I missed you,” I told her, because it seemed like the right thing to say. What the fuck else could I say or do? I could hardly make up for the past three years of her life. I couldn’t wipe away Kenzie’s memories or rewind the past. I couldn’t fix a damn thing. All I could do now was some damage control. Try and give Mackenzie as good a life as she deserved. Give her whatever the hell she needed. Whatever the hell she wanted. Even if it meant taking her to the fucking creek …

“I missed you more,” was all she said in response, and those words somehow caused the guilt I felt to weigh heavier on my shoulders. “I thought about you,” Mackenzie whispered. “Every moment of every day.”

My hand dropped to my stomach, instinctively covering Mackenzie’s small hands without my brain’s permission. “I thought about you too, baby girl …”

“Cade.”

I heard my name being called and I stopped mid-sentence before casting a glance towards the house.

My mother was standing in the doorway, this time with a look of horror stamped on her face. Shaking her head ever so subtly, Mom implored me with her eyes – fucking begged me – not to do this. Not to go with Mackenzie. “What about Emily?”

Mackenzie is more important …

Ignoring my mother, I kicked off the stand and revved the engine.

“Hold on tight,” I ordered, before pulling out of the driveway with the girl of my dreams wrapped around me like ivy.

****