BOMAW 1-3 (87 page)

Shanna stared at her. "What are you saying momma?"

Gert had her face covered, using her thumb and fingers to wipe at her eyes, "They killed him... somebody did. I know they did! I know they - did... the fucking white bastards!"

"Maybe he just up and left momma, maybe he could see that the only way to get away from you and not give in to temptation was to just run off."

"Noooo... he wasn't like that. He would have told me. Besides, we had plans you see, to run off together... no... someone found out. I try not to even think about it. It shakes me so bad. Anyway... more weeks went by, my body was changing, and there I was... just barely sixteen and with child. With not a clue as to who the father was."

They sat quiet a moment more, both reflecting and thinking.

"Sooo, I finally got that letter written to Bart. Instead of breaking it off, I told him I was with child. I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't about to raise a child on my own. It was a good thing I was done with school, because I just stayed around the house with Ruthie. She would shake her head and saying,
"I knew it was gone happen. Lettin' you run off and into things that way, they got nobody to blame but theyself! He off in the army in some God forsaken country, - it is his ain't it?"
She stopped and asked, and I of course said,
"Of course it is!"
She cut me a knowing look saying,
"Emm hm - if you say so."
As if she knew something. I could lie to her and my parents... and Bart - but - I didn't know."

"So how do you know momma... that Shawn is ... daddy's son?"

"You know what Shanna... I prayed every day and night that he wasn't. I wanted him to be Edwin's so bad, that when he was born, I searched him all over for some little sign that he might be Edwin's. But he looked so much like me, when I was a babe, there was no way of telling, especially with Edwin being light skinned, plus he had really curly hair, not the kinky curly, but very similar to DJ's hair type, where they can still wear an afro but it will lie down if they force it to. I didn't know for years to be honest. Your daddy and I finally married when Shawn was about 14 or so months old-..."

"I didn't know that! I thought you married while you were pregnant!"

"Nooo... there had been no time to. He was sent into Vietnam, and I ... after Shawn was born, took off leaving him with Ruthie to get back into the marches, and still hoping upon hope that I'd find Edwin before Bart returned from Nam. You know what, if I had found Edwin, I was willing to tell him that Shawn was his even when I didn't know for sure... but I wanted it so bad, I was willing to do it. Of course, I never found him. He was never seen or heard from again. Then Ruthie put her foot down with me, and I had to stay at home and be a proper mother to Shawn."

"Then daddy came home from Vietnam?"

"Yes... he was one of the lucky ones, after a year in Vietnam, he was shot in the side, rump and leg; they sent him home. Because he was a preacher's son, and a loner for most of the time, he didn't know about all of my shenanigans. I was so lonely that I clung to him. I finally took Shawn to the hospital to meet the man that would be his father, whether he was his father or not. Shawn didn't know him of course and didn't want a thing to do with him. Bart seemed to be okay about him, proud maybe,
"He looks just like you Gert, but I don't know about them pretty looks. I may need to toughen him up a bit, else he won't be worth his weight in salt."
You know, I was so riveted by the realization that I was actually going to have to marry Bart and be his wife, that I never paid his words any attention."

"Oh my goodness momma, I can't believe what you're telling me. I never ever figured that it was that way with you and daddy. I always thought you two were in love with each other from the very start."

"Oh he loved me, thought the world of me... would have done anything for me. Because I knew that, I married him. After all, he was a good looking man, very proud, never asked anyone for anything... would not. In fact, after he got out of the hospital and we married, my father offered him the chance to start up his own business, and Bart turned him down. Said he would do for his family himself. My father didn't think I was up for the challenge and gave me over two hundred thousand dollars of my own. Bart refused to let me use it, and believe me Shanna, there were times when we needed that money. But he would not let me touch it, no matter what we were going through, if I even mentioned it, he would tell me if I couldn't take it being a wife to him, then to leave. I couldn't leave, I was pregnant with Derrick by that time, and simply put... I wasn't a quitter. Annnd, I was starting to fall for him all over again. I don't know... something was happening to him. He was changing a bit... he was all of a sudden, more harsh. Never hit me mind you... he never would, but - there were times that his experience in Vietnam made him act strange. Sometimes I'd catch him staring off into space, or staring at Shawn a certain way... that made me uncomfortable. I would scoop him up and take him off to bed."

"You think he knew momma? About Edwin?"

"Sometimes, I wondered about that. Ummm, he once found a tablet of mine and I'd absentmindedly scribbled Edwin's name on it, had drawn a heart around his name with an arrow shot through. He brought it to me and asked who is that?
"You draw that?"
My heart must have skipped a beat, and of course I lied, told him Elaine had been over, scribbling on the tablet. Next thing I know, a week later, he says we're leaving South Carolina. That we were moving further North, there was land in Wisconsin going for dirt cheap... and now was the time to go for it and here we are."

"Wow... but... momma... you still haven't told me how you know Shawn is daddy's?"

"Your daddy, has a birth mark, underneath his right arm, shaped like the state of Texas, red/brown in color; right along his side. When Shawn was about eight years old and was getting ready for school, I walked into the boys room, having to iron their shirts and saw Shawn pulling his T-shirt on, and my eye caught a mark on him I thought was a scar. I asked him, what is that? He lifted his arm further showing it to me as he looked down at it himself. I looked closer and realized that is was a birth mark. When he was a baby, it was just a little dot, but as he had grown, it too grew. By the time he was sixteen, it was the exact same shape, color and in the exact same place as your fathers. That nailed it shut. I knew beyond a doubt by then, that he had always been Bart's son. There had been other indications that they were same blood, but for the longest I'd held on to that silly hope... that he was Edwin's."

"So have you
ever
loved my father?" Shanna asked.

"Oh yes ... it took me a while. I had to grow up first you see, but I finally did and when I did, I knew that I loved that man. He deserved nothing less. He's gone through some things Shanna, over the years... from the war, there were times when... I had to watch him carefully with Shawn. He was sometimes... too rough. Too harsh... and ... unyielding with him. I tried not to intercede too much, but ... he would go, too far with him. I'd try to reason with him and say to him, Bart he's just a boy... you put too much on him, you expect too much from him; give him a break sometimes. Sometimes he did, and he would take Shawn fishing to make up for something or the other. You see, your daddy once told me about this one young boy Vietnamese that he always admired. He was very young, maybe thirteen or fourteen, and this young boy - against all the odds, stood up, fought and protected his mother and sisters against your fathers infantry unit. They were trying to take his sisters and mother to have sex with them, but he fought for them tooth and nail until your daddy stood up for him because he could see the child's desperation to protect them. He said that he was tough, determined and willing to die to protect them. He never forgot him. Unfortunately, while your daddy was on a guard station, they'd rushed him, killed him - raped his sisters and mother as well. When your father came back and found out what had happened, it snapped something in him. He was in that dirty ugly war for 5 more months after that. Combined with his own beliefs by his father, your dad for some reason, tried to make Shawn into that young boy. I can't explain it. All I know is... being the oldest, was hell for him. I tried to protect him many times... from his father." Gert shook her head.

"Oooh momma... I never knew... I've never seen this side of daddy."

"Oh course you wouldn't have. Your daddy was always gentle with women, with girls. Shawn however, got your daddy when he was at his worst, and he was the oldest. Derrick took quite a bit too as well, however, by the time Jake came along... Bart seemed to run out of steam. So much so, that he went from giving Shawn too much attention, to giving Jake, hardly any at all. Jake never saw all the hurtful things your dad did to Shawn, least I don't think so, I'm thinking all he ever saw was the things he did to make up for it. There I was, stuck in the middle, I always had to comfort Shawn more, coddle him a bit more, because he was going through so much more. Yet, to Kathy Ann and Jake, he was the favorite. It wasn't that Shanna, it was just that your daddy made his young life a living hell. I had to be there for him. Heaped upon him were all the things that were wrong with us both at first, without us meaning to do it."

"Aaaah I see... but why was Jake being ignored?"

"You know what Shanna... I don't think your daddy knew what to do with him? He'd never had any brothers being the only son. He had his mother and two sisters. So - sometimes I think, he was good for only one son, or two... in the case of Derrick, but I don't know if he knew how to include another one. So sometimes, he would shoo Jake off to be with me and you girls; Jake resented that. He couldn't lash out at your father, but Shawn... he could lash out at. But he couldn't beat Shawn, so he did other things to hurt him."

"Like... humiliate him by embarrassing him and going with all of his girlfriends."

"Yes... unfortunately... I'm afraid so. I couldn't see it at the time. I placed him as a middle child with too much energy, as mischievous as I was. My poor son, he couldn't compete with Shawn who was the oldest. He couldn't have Derrick for himself, because Shawn and Derrick were close and protected each other, sticking together. So what was left for him, his two little sisters, whom once again... his father doted on... spoiling you and Kathy Ann - who tried to champion Jake... but he didn't want her attention, he wanted his fathers. And you know what Shanna... I think there were times, when he would have loved for Shawn to include him. But... he'd set up his own vicious circle, because of always doing things to aggravate Shawn and Shawn, was slowly growing more tense, more angry, more impatient. His only means of relaxing was when he drew. I would watch him just slip away, as if he was in another world. So I bought him his first canvases and paints, and later on a professional camera. Once again, Jake felt left out because I'd bought that for Shawn, in his eyes, making Shawn again... special. Jake just wanted somebody's attention. I just wish I'd realized it back then before it was too late... before the two grew so far apart. But I was too busy protecting Shawn and looking after him to know it then."

"Wow... you know what... I guess its true, because Jake was fine once Shawn left home. He didn't do those things to Derrick."

"I know. But now that Shawn is back, I see the old Jake starting up again. You saw the way he was with Sylvia... I sure hope to God he doesn't interfere with your brother again, they're grown men now, Jake should be over that."

"Hmmm." Shanna murmured not so sure. The 80 X 80 garage door opened with Jake pulling his truck out and her father with his work overalls walking out slowly beside it. The two got along well now, Jake and her father.

"Shanna..."

"Yes momma?"

"You keep what I told you, to yourself now... you hear?"

"Of course momma, I would never tell anyone. I promise."

"Whoa dude, so all this land yours then?" Mundo asked Shawn as they walked over his land from behind his house, leaving the women in the house gabbing. Victor had to work so it was only sister and brother, Isaac and Darren.

"Yep, all of those woods down the back and over. There's a lot on the other side of those woods, I'm going to purchase that as well for my sister." Shawn spoke as they slowly strolled along.

"Is we gone get t'ride yo' motorcycle?" Isaac asked for the fifth time, out walking with them.

"Listen up lil'o'white boy! Ask 'bout that motorcycle one mo' time, an' I'mo choke yo'lil end and hide you in these woods! Understand?!" Mundo asked his nephew, who was starting to get on his nerves.

"No you ain't - gone choke me... I'ah tell my mama - she choke you - hide you in'dah'woods!" Isaac fussed back, bringing a grin to Shawn's face watching nephew and uncle come up against each other.

"I don't think so! 'Cause you gone already be hid in the woods! So there!"

"My - my - my ghos' come back... tell my mama - on you! An' she - gone - beat - yo' - black - ass!"

Shawn threw his head back and roared laughing as Mundo looked over at him grinning, trying not to laugh out, he loved to get his nephew wound up.

"Yo' mama can't beat no'body! Who you think yo'mama is! She ain't bad!"

"My - my grandmama beat yo' ass then!"

That one got Mundo, his laughter joined in with Shawn's as he bent over holding his stomach.