BOMAW 1-3 (98 page)

From the courthouse, Sylvia and Shawn met with Shanna. When they pulled into the lot where all the mobile homes were on display, she had a huge smile on her face, she'd found the one she wanted. Leading them to it where Gert was still looking around inside. When they stepped up and inside Sylvia was impressed, "Oh my goodness Shanna, this is absolutely stunning. You go girl! Look at the space in this place! You know I've never looked in one before. I had no idea they were so well done and the spaciousness is surprising."

"I know... everything is brand spanking new... modern, look at this kitchen!" She went and posed by the sink with a gleaming smile, copying one of Vanna White's poses as if presenting a prize on Wheel Of Fortune.

"I love it Shanna, nice size living room, does the furniture come with it?"

"Yep... you order what you want, and they put it in before they put it together upon delivery and then anchor it."

"Wow... what do you think Shawn?" Sylvia asked.

"Its nice, as long as you like it Shanna, that's all that counts."

"You gonna mount it for her, or you hiring someone?" Gert asked coming from the back room.

"We'll see. It would be cheaper if Derrick and Jake helped me out with it... I'll have to talk to them." Shawn stated. All three women looked at each other when he mentioned Jake. Shanna feeling a nervous giddiness invited them to, "Come look at the bedrooms, there are three of them, and there's two bathrooms and a laundry room, and a little office room with internet line connections already in place above this desk that's also built in ready for a computer. I love it, the arrangement, the color scheme, the carpeting, I have no complaints at all. In the master bed, I even have a Jacuzzi bath. I can easily say... this is home for me."

"Good enough then." Shawn responded heading his own way to get a closer look at the place. Sylvia followed Shanna and her mom into the large bedroom and whispered to Gert, "Have you talked to Jake yet?"

"No... I've been trying for two days, he was supposed to be back from wherever he went yesterday. Haven't seen him yet. Don't worry about it, everything will be fine, first chance I get, I'll be talking to him." She whispered to Sylvia, they heard Shawn coming and all three started ooouing and aaawing at one thing or another, doing what women do. Complimenting how this was designed, or that was made, switching immediately to ideas for the bed and breakfast since Shanna would be helping Sylvia with the decorating and design.

"Okay ladies... that's enough - you can talk decorating later - let's get the papers signed and the money down, time is ticking over." Shawn hinted like a Mack truck, making all three turn and narrow their eyes at him. "We know!" They reminded him at the same time. He was already moving towards the door and going out of it, waiting to hand Sylvia down the narrow wrought iron, temporary steps. His mom and then Shanna were last, "Shawn... you think you and Derrick can build me a deck? I want a really nice one, I can pay for that right away."

"Sure, whatever you want... just let us know." He responded walking with her to the office so they could make the purchase.

From there, they drove to the hall that was booked for their reception, Shanna was able to get the keys so they could start decorating it. Gert reminded them of the time, that they were to meet with the minister of the church, Sylvia and Shawn left right away to do so. He sat them down and counselled them on the fact that their relationship was a bit young, not yet a year old, were they certain they were ready for marrying so soon.

"We couldn't be more certain or ready, we're not that young and new to this. We both know what we want, and we wish to marry." Shawn informed him.

Reverend Hamilton looked from Shawn to Sylvia. She was quiet, with a tolerant, and polite smile about her. "Do you feel the same?" He asked.

Sylvia took a deep breath, hesitated a moment too long for the reverend and Shawn, but answered, "Yes... we're ready... although, a longer courtship would have been nice, but... we love each other." The reverend stared at her a moment, as Shawn's eyes searched her as well. "I see, and so... why didn't you two go for a longer courtship?" The reverend asked.

"We can spend that time getting to know one another as husband and wife." Shawn answered quickly.

"Yes... I'm sure - we can... we will." Sylvia agreed, yet... her stomach did a series of flip flops, making her heart pound just a bit rough.

The reverend leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest staring at Sylvia.

"Hmmm, I'm having a few reservations here. I'll tell you why... you're not - giddy - excited - nor are you leaning into your fiancé with a kind of devoted and sure look I like to see in a bride to be."

"Well certainly not all brides that you marry are that way?" Sylvia asked, choosing then to lean closer to Shawn, the move didn't escape the reverend nor Shawn.

"No... of course not. But... the divorce rate is high. Real high. You both need to be determined to be devoted to each. You both need to feel nothing is more important than the person you're about to commit yourself to. You both need to marry with the thought of divorce, no where in the midst of being a possible out - if it doesn't work. Last year, I made a promise to myself and to our heavenly father... that I would not again marry a couple that gave me feelings of doubt."

His words were like a shock to Shawn's system, he was feeling suddenly nervous and worried, that old sensation of insecurity suddenly resurfaced. "There is no reason to doubt us." He interjected to smother the feeling.

"I don't doubt you young man. I can see your eagerness and enthusiasm. It's you I'm worried about." The reverend spoke honestly to Sylvia.

She gulped realizing she was exposing fears that could jeopardize all of their plans - she felt a need to explain herself. "Look... I'm just nervous. I was previously married for quite a few years, to the wrong man. It was a long, gruelling, stressful experience. I love Shawn, but I'm not going to lie to you, or to him... I have moments... when I'm scared. Men are..." She started, then stopped - trying to gather her thoughts. She knew what she felt, what she feared, and that she loved Shawn... but the day was upon them, and her stomach was a mess, and the longer she took to express herself, the more emotional she was feeling.

"Men are... what?" The clergyman asked gently.

"Well... they can be... dangerous, unpredictable... scary... if... you don't know what you're getting into."

"Sylvia? Are you saying you're afraid of me? You know me." Shawn addressed her uneasy.

"I know Shawn... don't misunderstand me, I'm just saying, that... I'm nervous... I feel that marriage is and should be a permanent institution. I felt that way the first time, and recently I learned, my thinking was all messed up and its harsh to realize after all this time, that I should not have stayed in that marriage. Here I am ... again... about to marry."

"I'm not Armundo, Sylvia."

"No... I know you're not... but-..."

"You know what I see... that the two of you may need more time. Certainly more time needs to be given for her to gain more confidence in what you two share. To gain more confidence in you. Are you aware of her fears?" Reverend Hamilton stated gently.

"Of course I am! I would never hurt her, she knows that. Sylvia... surely you know me? Where is this coming from?" Shawn asked feeling shaky.

"Look... I'm sorry... this is turning out all wrong. I only meant to express the way I sometimes feel and sometimes fear, I can't help it when I get just a bit fearful."

"Not of me... you know there is no reason for you to ever fear me."

"I know Shawn." Sylvia felt her innards twisting, she knew she was causing him worry, but she was only saying what she felt. Yet, at the same time that she felt nervous tension building within her as the day drew near, she wanted to marry him just as bad as she was afraid to. She was divided. Half of her, the adventurous brave half, was eager and in love with him, but the other half, in love with him yes, however... that side was more cautious, telling her to slow it down. That side kept reminding her of how Armundo had been before they married, and once the vows were said... in the blink of an eye - he was totally different. She had seen enough of Shawn's temper to know, that if he ever grew angry enough to hit her, she would be hurt and hurt bad. All the time this day was coming towards her, she ignored the speed and realization that once the invitations went out, and people started looking forward to their wedding she would be under obligation to go through with it. To do otherwise would humiliate Shawn... and there was no doubt that she loved him too much to put him through that. She needed to overcome this sensation, brace herself up and go through with it. Once it was over, everything would be fine and she would have stressed for nothing.

Taking a deep breath, she looked at the reverend, in the eyes, "I want this. We love each other, and there is no need to wait. Pre-wedding jitters are normal, are they not?"

The reverend smiled and nodded, "Yes they are. But - I have a feeling here - and because of that feeling, I'm going to have to refuse to marry you."

Those words were like a firecracker going off in a library.

"What?" Shawn asked.

"I can't marry you. Both of you need to be one hundred percent sure - she needs more reassurance time-..."

"I
am
one hundred percent -
really
I am." Sylvia's heart was racing madly in her chest, her ears were ringing, she couldn't believe what she'd done. She'd ruined everything because of voicing her doubts, now the reverend was refusing them.

"You're afraid... and I can see that you are. Your wanting to go through with it has to do with obligations before others. This is a big event and no doubt many persons have been invited so they know. You're afraid of causing embarrassment to your fiancé - and I understand that. But you need time."

"We don't have time!" Shawn objected. "The date is for tomorrow! We've contacted people on short notice and they've made changes with their jobs and everything to get off and be here. There's going to be a wedding!"

"Not in my church." Reverend Hamilton stated simply.

"Nooo, please don't do this - please don't do this! I'm sorry... what do I have to do to convince you that I love him? My fears will not be conquered by next year, or the year after that! They will only be conquered by us being together as husband and wife and growing together in confidence and trust of each other." Sylvia felt her eyes pool, because as she sat fighting for this marriage to take place in the church, while she felt the guilt of keeping certain truths from Shawn, she at least told his mother and sister. Just then, as she realized she was afraid to be honest with him about that... what else would she fear telling him down the road she wondered? What if there was someone else next time besides Jake? She knew that they needed to be totally honest with each other, and here she was holding back. Everything was happening so fast, there simply was no time to tell him about his brother, she couldn't risk it... she'd kept it to herself for too long. Simply put, she didn't have the energy for the stress and drama disclosing that might bring about. They were supposed to be getting married tomorrow, once the vows were said, and they were husband and wife... all would be fine.

With her heart pounding in panic for duel reasons, with her breasts rising and falling, she tried to help the reverend see how else she felt, "He is... everything... I've ever wanted... everything. I am... haunted, and hurt... by the wrong kind of man. Now... finally-..." Tears were spilling over onto her cheeks because she was even more scared as warnings and fears flew at her like aimed darts. She ignored all else, because she wanted Shawn. She wanted this happy family. She owed it to her kids. To Angela. Everyone was depending on them to be this sure thing couple. She had a responsibility to follow through. After all,
she'd
let it get this far. Now his mother was depending on her, Shanna was depending on them. She was carrying his child, his baby. They would marry tomorrow come hell or high water... because people depended on this to take place and it would.

"Calm down..." Reverend Hamilton encouraged, grabbing a Kleenex for her.

She took it and wiped at her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Please... I need you to listen to me, because for the first time in my life... I have something... someone... worth fighting for... don't deny us this... because of my fears. I love him, and we were meant to be together, I'm asking you... pleading with you... marry us tomorrow. Shawn and I, will always be... there is no divorce in our future." She sniffed and turned to look at Shawn. His eyes were moist as well, his hand squeezing at her shoulder, he pulled her towards him and kissed her salty lips, his other hand cupping her cheek and stroking her tears away with his thumb. The gesture made Sylvia tear up even more, because she meant it. He was worth fighting for and they would be fine. She just needed to believe in what they had.

"I love you." Shawn mouthed softly to her.

"I love you too." She said louder in return.

Reverend Hamilton took a very deep and long breath.

"Okay... I'll marry you two only on one condition."

They both turned to him acquiescent to whatever he required.

"Both of you grab my hand." He instructed them, then put his hands out for them to grab one. "Now take each other's hand with the other." They did.