Bondage
Torquere Press Novels
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An Agreement Among Gentlemen by Chris Owen
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Bus Stories and Other Tales by Sean Michael
Bareback by Chris Owen • The Broken Road by Sean Michael
Caged by Sean Michael • The Call edited by Rob Knight
Catching a Second Wind by Sean Michael • Cowboy Up edited by Rob Knight Deviations: Bondage by Chris Owen and Jodi Payne
Deviations: Discipline by Chris Owen and Jodi Payne
Deviations: Domination by Chris Owen and Jodi Payne
Deviations: Submission by Chris Owen and Jodi Payne
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Founder by Jodi Payne • Galleons & Gangplanks, editor Rob Knight
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Locked and Loaded edited by SA Clements
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Personal Best II: A Going for the Gold Novel by Sean Michael
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PsyCop: Partners by Jordon Castillo Price
Racing the Moon by BA Tortuga • Rain and Whiskey by BA Tortuga
Redemption's Ride by BA Tortuga • Riding Heartbreak Road by Kiernan Kelly
Second Sight by Sean Michael • Secrets, Skin and Leather by Sean Michael
Sex, Lies and Celluloid by Chris Owen and Jodi Payne
Shifting, Volumes I-III, edited by Rob Knight
Soul Mates: Bound by Blood by Jourdan Lane
Soul Mates: Deception and Soul Mates: Sacrifice by Jourdan Lane
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Tropical Depression by BA Tortuga
Under This Cowboy's Hat edited by Rob Knight
Under This Cowgirl's Hat edited by SA Clements
The Velvet Glove Vol. I by Sean Michael
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Windbrothers by Sean Michael
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher.
Deviations: Bondage
TOP SHELF
An imprint of Torquere Press Publishers
PO Box 2545
Round Rock, TX 78680
Copyright 2007 Chris Owen and Jodi Payne
Cover illustration by Pluto
Published with permission
ISBN: 978-1-60370-195-2, 1-60370-195-8
All rights reserved, which includes the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever except as provided by the U.S. Copyright Law. For information address Torquere Press. Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680.
First Torquere Press Printing: November 2007
Printed in the USA
If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware the this book is stolen property. It was reported as "unsold and destroyed" to the publisher, and neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this "stripped book".
Deviations: Bondage
By Chris Owen and Jodi Payne
We would like to thank our editor, Nomi S.Burstein, for her tireless and enthusiastic work on this series. She's read the four books more times than we even want to think about and treated each round of edits with palpable eagerness and dedication. She's not only a wonderful editor who loves language and words and stories, but she's also a true fan, which is something authors are lucky to have.
We count ourselves blessed.
Thank you, Nomi.
With love,
Chris and Jodi
Noah didn't have much in the way of souvenirs from his vacation in Paris. He didn't have a tan to show off, or a tattoo. He didn't have a shelf full of knickknacks or a stack of postcards. But he did have a pair of worn-in chaps, a couple of very nice welts from his Master's whip on his back, and some great stories. Even his pictures, the few he had taken, had come out fairly well.
Dinner was spaghetti. It was a simple meal; after eating out every night for a week he was ready for simple again. He hoped Phan would bring his usual bottle of Coke, of course. Beyond that, he'd made no plans for the evening, thinking that Phan might have something to unload if things were shaky with Bradford, Phan's provisional Dom. When the doorbell rang, Noah found himself hurrying to answer it.
Phantom grinned and bounced at him as soon as he'd opened the door, the bag with the Coke thumping solidly against Noah's back as Phan hugged him. "Oops, sorry! Hey, missed you! God, it smells great in here," Phan babbled at him, all smiles. He was dressed in loose jeans, which was a change for him, and a fuzzy sweatshirt that smelled like incense. "Have a good trip?"
They were still in the hall, for God's sake.
Phan had a way of making Noah smile despite himself. Sure, all this happy cheerful energy could be covering something, but for now it was fun and Noah went with it. "Oh, my God, Phan. I've never had a vacation like that. Paris is beautiful, and one of the kinkiest towns I have ever been in." He took Phan's bag and headed for the kitchen. "Come in, come in!"
"Paris? Really? Ah, you've never been to Rio." Phan was hard on his heels, one hand skimming Noah's back. "So? Pictures? Shopping? Did you go to the Louvre? The Eiffel Tower? Tell me everything! Well, not everything, just the highlights, but tell me everything. And feed me."
"I've never been
anywhere
until now. Sit!" Noah laughed and went to the stove. "Pictures are right there on the table. The Eiffel Tower was my favorite touristy thing, I think; the view and the evening air, it was romantic and beautiful and I felt like such a kid in love. The Mona Lisa was cool, too, I guess. But, Jesus, we had to wait in this long-ass line."
"The lady still draws a crowd," Phan said absently and Noah looked over to see him rifling through the photos. "God, it's beautiful," Phan said, flipping to the next one. "Some of these are really nice, Noah."
"Thank you." Noah put a pile of pasta in the center of Phan's plate and then one on his own. "Did you check out the one I got the other American tourists to take of us? That's my only picture of Tobias and me together; it came out pretty good, huh?"
"Uh-huh. You both look insanely happy," Phan said with a grin. "And he should always smile. Well, unless he's whipping your ass; it wouldn't work so well then, but you know what I mean." Phan looked through a couple more photos and finally set them aside. "He looks good," he said simply. "So do you."
"Thanks." Noah smiled at Phan, who looked a little thin to Noah, but he couldn't be sure, so he decided not to say anything about it. "It was such an amazing week. I have a couple of other things to show off, but eat first." Noah handed Phan a serving pitcher of sauce. "That's homemade, but quickly. I didn't stew it all day like I should have. Hope it's okay."
"If it's got garlic, it'll be good. You worry too much." Phan grinned again and dug into his plate with flattering speed. "So, what's this other stuff you wanna show off? Sir buy you presents?" He winked outrageously and took another mouthful. "Mm. Good."
"One or two notable ones, yeah." Noah had planned to wait until they were done eating, but he was too proud of his marks not to show them off. "Look." He stood up, turned his back to Phan, and tugged his sweater up to his shoulders. "Bullwhip. In public, in this club that was so strict I wasn't allowed to speak at all."
There was dead silence behind him and then he heard Phan's chair scrape back. "Shit," Phan breathed, and warm fingers traced around the mark on his right shoulder. "That's... wow. Not at all? God, did you make it?"
"I don't remember breaking the rule, but Sir says that sometime after the whipping, when he finally let me get off, that I was begging. Honestly? All I remember is that I needed the fucking cock ring off, and then just feeling a lot better and waking up from dozing in his lap. Can you believe that?" He didn't turn around, letting Phan explore the marks. "It was tough. I didn't really like the rule. I mean, I get not speaking to other people, but not being able to speak even to
him
, or to respond to his crop or the whip, I didn't like that at all."
"Yeah, it's always better to yell," Phan agreed. He was tracing the other mark, his fingers gentle and soft. "Christ." A moment later he cleared his throat and stepped back. "Did you get punished for losing it at the end?" he asked, going back to his plate, a little slower than he had been moving before.
"Oh, yes. But not for a day or so; my ass was way out of commission for about twenty-four hours." Noah smiled as he remembered taking Tobias in the hot tub, but as much as he'd like to brag about it, that moment had been so intimate, physically and emotionally, that he couldn't bring himself to say a word about it. It was private, and better kept just between Tobias and him. He lowered his sweater and sat down again, then picked up the bottle of Coke and poured himself a glass. "It was just... an incredible trip."
"Sounds like," Phan said with a grin and a nod. "Shame to come home from something like that, sometimes. Oh, did you sign? Bradford wouldn't tell me anything." He set down his fork and reached for his own glass as Noah passed him the bottle.
"Yes, we have a new, open-ended contract." Noah leaned across the table a little. "We're buying a place downtown, and we're going to move in together."
Phan's eyes widened and he dropped the bottle. "Oh, shit!" He grabbed it and swore again before standing up. "I'm sorry. God, what a mess--" Before Noah could do anything, Phan had grabbed a cloth from the counter and was wiping up the Coke. His hands were shaking, and he apologized again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to -- well, obviously I didn't mean to, but damn. Sorry."
"It's okay, Phan," Noah dove for another towel and got it damp to help get the sticky soda off the floor. "It's fine. It's just Coke." He knelt with Phan on the floor and took one of Phan's hands in his. "You're shaking."
"Am I?" Phan looked at their hands for a moment and shrugged. "I skipped lunch. I'll be fine in a minute," he said, pulling away.
Noah let him go but kept an eye on him while they finished cleaning up the spill. Skipping meals might explain why Phan looked thinner, but it wouldn't cause him to lose his cool like that. Not just all of a sudden, which probably meant that he was more than just stunned by Noah's announcement that he and Tobias were moving in together. As he got back to his feet he looked at Phan. "Well, if you skipped lunch, you're not skipping a bite of dinner. Sit and eat. If I let you go hungry, Sir will never forgive me." He moved to the sink and tossed the towels in it.
"Yes, sir," Phan said and Noah looked back to see the cocky grin in place once more. "I'll eat every bite. You sit your ass down and tell me all about this new place you're going to get. Is he going to let you help pick it out?"
Noah studied Phan carefully before answering. "Sir says he's going to look, but I can't imagine him buying anything without showing it to me first. He was insistent that I give him requests for what I wanted in the house."
"Cool," Phan looked impressed. "Knowing him, he wants something big and airy, lots of room to play." He wound spaghetti onto his fork and grinned. "Make sure you get a fireplace; this one rocks, and it would suck to lose it."
"Oh, good point, I'll tell him. I told him I wanted a garage so I could get a bike." Noah snickered and winked at Phan. "I don't know for sure, but I think he liked that idea."
"Leather," Phan said with a nod and what Noah assumed was supposed to be a wise look. "So, what else? Open-ended? That rocks. You're all married and shit now. And I didn't even get you a present yet."
"You know, I made a joke about bringing him to my precinct functions as my spouse and he actually said he would go. I guess we're that committed, yeah, but for some reason it doesn't feel at all scary to me. It just feels good. Really good." It did feel good. Like his tailored leather chaps good -- comfortable, right, and secure. "Your support is a great gift, Phan."
Phan shook his head. "You're perfect for each other. I've never seen him so happy, so... balanced. I'm thrilled for you both, and that's the honest truth." He looked sincere, his eyes serious as they met Noah's. "You've both done a hell of a lot for me -- but more for each other. You work."
Noah felt himself melt a little inside. Phan was sweet, and he really did seem sincere in his happiness for them. He wasn't sure why he still couldn't let that little nagging voice go, the one that said Phan might threaten things between him and Tobias. It didn't seem possible, really, and he was seriously going to have to work on losing it. "Thanks, Phan. That means a lot to me." He took a bite of his dinner. The sauce really wasn't half bad.
"I mean it," Phan insisted, gathering more spaghetti. "And this is really, really good." He did seem to be eating well -- better than Noah had seen him eat before. "So, movie and cuddle later? I missed a week, you know -- I've been pining."
"That sounds awesome." He wanted to know how things were with Bradford, too, but he didn't want to ruin Phan's appetite when he was eating so well. He'd ask more casually when they were cuddling and Phan felt safer. "We both missed you. You came up several times."
Phan's fork faltered for a second, but he continued winding the last of his noodles and asked, "Did I?" Noah didn't think he'd ever heard such a carefully casual tone outside of a police interview.
"Of course," Noah said, still studying him. "We talked about how much you would have liked the clubs, and the hotel... I don't know, you were just on our minds a lot. We missed you." He watched Phan carefully as he spoke.
"Oh." Phan smiled at him, just a little, and said, "Well, where there's kink, my name comes up. Were they good clubs? I mean, aside from not being able to talk to Sir."
"They were good." Noah tried to read past the words, but Phan was pretty good at hiding things. "There was the one really kinky one, and then there was this super classy upscale place that was a lot like Bradford's place, except black tie only. Really nice, and I could talk to him at that one."
"Oh, suits! I bet you both looked stunning. Did you get to play with an audience again?" Phan pushed his empty plate away and pointed to it. "I'm a good boy; praise me."
"You are a good boy," Noah chuckled. "I'll make sure I tell Sir as much. Want more?"
Phan shook his head. "Thanks, but no. Got my figure to watch, you know. Just want that cuddle. Eat, man!"
"I'm done. I think I got fat on vacation. Come on." Noah stood up, smiling. "I want a cuddle, too." He took Phan by the hand and tugged him toward the living room.
"You're not fat," Phan assured him. "Trust me, you're just fine." They got to the couch and Phan looked at it and then Noah. "Um. However you want. I'm not sleepy this time."
"Cool." Noah sat and tucked himself into the corner and held his arms out. "Grab the remote and get comfy."
Phan snuggled into him, his head on Noah's chest and his legs splayed out on the couch. "Ah, nice," he sighed, passing over the remote without even turning on the TV. "You're warm."
Now it was time. Casually, like he hadn't been planning it all evening, he asked, "So what did you do while we were gone? How are things going with you and Bradford?"
It was impossible to miss the tension that invaded Phan's body. "Oh, you know. Okay. I do what I'm supposed to, he does what he's supposed to... the bathrooms freaking shine."
Okay, so subtle wasn't the way to go. He'd try blunt. "What's the knot in your shoulders all about, then?"
Phantom shrugged and shifted a bit. "Just... I don't know. It's not... I serve, you know? I do what I'm told to, I have the structure. The rewards are pretty much a lack of punishment. We don't have sex, and we don't want to. He can't flog me, can't do anything more than pile more work on me or spank me... it's hard, is all."
It did sound hard, Noah had to concede. Phan's therapist had prohibited pain as discipline, mostly so Phan could learn to live without needing extreme pain in his life, but this seemed like he needed something else altogether. "Maybe you should start looking for a new Dom? One that might be a better fit? Or don't you feel ready for that?"
Phan shrugged again. "Don't want a new Dom," he said softly. He shook his head. "Let's talk about those clubs again."
Noah felt his own shoulders getting stiff this time. "Why don't you find us a movie?" He didn't much feel much like talking anymore.
He shouldn't have asked. It was his own fault. If he didn't want to know the answer then he shouldn't have asked Phan the question. But he did ask, and now he had to live with Phan's honesty, didn't he? Phan wanted Tobias back. Noah suspected that he'd always wanted Tobias back, which begged the question, was Phan really sincere when he said he was happy for them? How was Noah going to trust anything Phan told him anymore?
Did Tobias know?
"Okay," Phan said quietly. He got up and went to the shelf by the TV, his finger tracing over the spines of the movies. "You know what, I should go," he said, and Noah regretted that he'd been less than discreet in his reaction to Phan's words. "Talking about me is never a good idea." He turned to face Noah and smiled sadly. "Sorry. Tell Sir I said hello and congratulations, okay? I couldn't be happier that he's got you." His eyes were earnest again, clear and steady, and Noah couldn't find anything but truth there.
It didn't make sense.
"Phan..." Noah wasn't sure what he wanted to say but he knew that letting Phan leave right now wasn't the answer. Frankly, he felt more confused than ever about the whole damn situation, and he was back to wondering how wise it was to have offered his support in the first place when there was such a clear conflict of interest. "Look, this is... don't go yet, okay?" Noah stood up and went to him. "You should probably know that Bradford asked Tobias to come for dinner tomorrow night. He said he wanted to talk about you. So whatever is going on is going to be out in the open soon enough."