Border Lord's Bride (8 page)

Shaking off the past, she palmed the gift she had for Lucius tonight and left the chamber. As she walked toward the steps leading downstairs, she wondered if the new earl had returned home yet.

The thought of seeing him again made her pulse race with both excitement and nervousness, given the way they'd parted last. She started down the hallway and entered the great hall to see the girls were already there and were clustered about the MacKinley men, talking and laughing. Rose was at Lachlan's side. At the sight of Elizabeth, Rose lifted her hand in a beckoning wave.

Elizabeth nodded and smiled. The smile hitched on her lips a moment later when her gaze locked with Lucius's. He stood with a group of men near the hearth. He was staring at her. She could feel his bold gaze sweep from the top of her tawny hair, over her breasts and hips, right down to her slippered feet, before lifting to her face. Admiration shone in his eyes. He said something to the man beside him and moved away, toward her.

Somehow Elizabeth managed to keep her expression serene, but her treacherous pulse thrummed at her temples at his approach. "Good evening, my lord."

"What gave you the idea that you could authorize a banquet tomorrow night without my consent?"

She couldn't read the expression on his face and for a moment it was difficult to breathe. Was he angry with her for continuing to plan their wedding feast or was he teasing her? She couldn't tell. She wanted to explain herself, but he was watching her so closely she couldn't think clearly. She looked away. "I did it for the girls." She shook her head. "That's a lie. I did it for you."

"I know." He touched her chin, tilted her face, and forced her to meet his gaze. "How is your head?"

"Better, thank you." He looked every inch the gentleman tonight. His claret tunic and dark breeches set off his broad shoulders and his long muscular legs. His dark hair was pulled back at the nape with a thin leather tie.

"Lucius, about that kiss…"

He brought his finger to her lips, stalling any further words. "For tonight, let's just enjoy each other's company the way we used to. All right?"

She nodded, then smiled. "You're not truly angry about the banquet, are you?"

He returned her smile. "Once again, you made the right decision. It's Christmastide tomorrow, and it's the perfect way to celebrate." He dropped his hand from her chin and his gaze moved past her to those assembled in his hall. "You and the girls have been busy."

"More than you know." She smiled sweetly.

"You always did know how to pique my interest." He looked at her once more. "But I shall ruin your attempt to intrigue me by not asking you anything more."

"You wound me, my lord."

"I'll make it up to you by being your escort to supper."

She felt a small bit of satisfaction that he'd invited her as though she had the option to say no. "I'd be honored." Together they headed for the dais on the opposite side of the chamber. He seated her first before sliding onto the chair beside her. Once they were seated, the other guests followed them to the table.

Rose and Lachlan sat next to each other. "Rose has certainly taken an interest in Lachlan MacKinley," Elizabeth said, nodding in the direction of the young couple.

Lucius's expression darkened. "She's too young to be entertaining thoughts of that kind."

Elizabeth leaned close to him. "They are older than we were when we first—"
Kissed.
She broke off her words at his dark frown.

"I haven't adjusted to the fact that the girls have matured while I've been away," he said with a frown. His frown remained in place as the meal progressed, making Elizabeth question whether to proceed with her plans. She clutched the small token all the harder as a reminder he was worth the risk. With luck, the keepsake of their past would soften his mood.

By the time the meal ended, her nerves were taut with anticipation. He moved his chair back as though preparing to leave. Her heart leaped. "Lucius?"

He paused and searched her face.

"Before you go…" She reached for his hand, clutching it with her own, passing the item from her warmed palm to his. She pulled her hand away and waited, hardly daring to breathe.

His gaze remained expressionless as he opened his palm and stared at the rock she'd placed there. "You kept this?" He brought his thumb down to caress the surface where years ago he'd scratched
You win. L.C.
after she'd bested him in one of their many footraces along the length of the loch.

"I treasured it," she said softly.

Any darkness in his face vanished and his lips pulled up into a half smile. "You were so quick footed then."

"Want to see if I still am?" she teased.

His eyes brightened. He flattened his fingers over the rock. "What about the snow?"

"Too much of a challenge for you?"

His grin became devilish. "I never could resist a challenge, especially from you." He took her hand and started from the room. Then he stopped, his gaze moving to Rose and Lachlan. "Perhaps I should stay."

"They are well supervised by Marie and Hadwell, as well as all the other MacKinleys."

Still he hesitated. "I remember my own thoughts about girls at that age," he confessed. "But you're right. They're safe enough here in the great hall if we're only gone a short time." He started forward until they were in the hallway. Grabbing two cloaks from the pegs by the door, he tossed one around her shoulders before he donned the other. "You may regret this," he said, his earlier good humor in place once more as they headed for the loch.

Light from the full moon reflected off what remained of the melting snow, illuminating the night with a silver sheen. The sound of Elizabeth's excited laughter warmed Lucius to his core despite the chill air stinging his face and neck. Elizabeth hurried down the cleared path from the manor to the loch's edge and took up her position. For a moment, he saw the girl she'd been so many years ago—her muddied hem, her hair pulled back, her face alight with laughter. That image vanished and he paused to appreciate the reality before him.

She was still spirited, but as she hitched up the edges of her gown to reveal her stockings and soft leather slippers he realized she'd become a very desirable woman. A woman who could be his wife if he only let go of the past.

He forced his thoughts aside and joined her. "I'll have the advantage over you with my boots, you know."

"The ground is clear of the snow nearest the loch, and I've been known to run far and fast in these slippers. You're trying to divert my attention. Will you never learn?" she teased.

"Ready?" he asked with a laugh. "To the end of the loch."

She nodded. "One. Two. Three."

On the count, Elizabeth flew across the snow. He ran beside her. She made running appear so effortless. She always could run faster than he could on a sprint, but he could take her every time when they ran for distance. The perfection of the moment washed over him. They'd fallen back into the past so easily tonight: the teasing, the memories, the warmth flowing through him, having her by his side. Joy filled him as he chased after her. No one had ever been able to lighten the darkness inside him as Elizabeth had. She made him feel as light as air, as carefree as a boy, as innocent as the first kiss they'd shared that one warm summer night by the loch.

The thudding rhythm of his heart filled his ears as another more fearful sensation gripped him, consumed him. His footsteps slowed. She surged ahead.

He didn't deserve such joy, and he certainly didn't deserve his old life back. He'd hurt too many people. He stumbled, then stopped.

Her footsteps slowed, then headed back toward him. "Lucius?"

He heard the concern in her voice and turned his back to her. "I can't do this, Elizabeth."

"Race?"

"Nay. I can't give in to my feelings for you." The words sounded loud in the sudden silence of the night. He drew a sharp breath, trying to control the surge of guilt welling in his chest. He felt so out of place, like a ghost moving through the shadows of his own life. Where he didn't deserve to love or be loved in return.

Elizabeth put her hand on his arm and turned him to face her. "We can take this slowly." He looked at the pallor in her cheeks, the haunted darkness in her brown eyes. "Don't you see you deserve to have joy in your life, especially after everything you've been through?"

His mouth went dry. His palms grew damp, and his guilt grew with each inward breath.

"Talk to me," she whispered.

His gaze skittered away to fix on a clump of snow in the distance. The weight of that guilt became a great, crushing pain in his chest. "I've done so many things wrong," he said brokenly. "Things I can never make right."

"We all have, Lucius. You need to put the past behind you and move forward with your life."

"There are too many reminders," he whispered. "Everywhere I go on the estate, everything I see, reminds me of my father, of Marcus, and how I forsook my duty to them both. Then there's Peter." He swallowed roughly. "He was burned to his death because of my choices. If I'd never joined the Templars, he never would have followed me. He'd be alive today if only…"

"Lucius, don't torture yourself over things you cannot change. You cannot deny your father, Marcus, even Peter their own choices, their own lives. They were not your puppets, but grown men with destinies of their own."

He said nothing, simply letting the night and the darkness engulf him.

"Your brothers are gone," she continued. "Your sisters, however, are very much alive and in need of their brother. You said that's why you came home. You wanted to spare them the penury that would befall them if your uncle assumed the estate and the title."

She stared at him, challenged him. "Rose is eighteen. She deserves the chance with Lachlan to see if they can make a match. Camellia, Heather, Iris, and eventually Lily all deserve that as well. They deserve a chance to make their place in this world. Then if after they are settled, you choose to leave it all behind, that's your choice."

He clenched his jaw against the reminder of his duty. "And what of my duty to you?"

She flinched. "It is I who owe you, my lord. Not the other way around. Your family paid my father's debts as a part of our betrothal contract. You own me every bit as much as you own the estate and all it entails."

He owned her. He wanted her. But could he take on that responsibility without crushing her as he had the others he'd loved? Lucius clutched his fists at his sides, fighting the urge to pull her close. He wanted to wrap himself in her warmth and maybe, just maybe, feel like he didn't deserve to be alone.

But he was afraid.

She looked at him, and in the depths of her eyes he saw the pain he'd caused, and something else, something he couldn't name. She kept staring at him, saying nothing. Silence stretched between them, one that began to nibble at his confidence in his decision. "Don't look at me that way."

"What way?"

"As if you know I'll change my mind."

"You will." Her voice trembled just a bit, belying the conviction of her words. Then softer, she said, "We belong together."

Chapter Seven

Did he hear what he thought he heard? For a moment he felt a flash of pure hope before his usual guilt swamped him. Did he truly deserve the joy she spoke of earlier?

"I know you have feelings for me, whether you choose to express them or not," Elizabeth said softly.

"Have I said—?"

"I saw the painting."

She'd seen the painting? His breath stilled in his chest as embarrassment warred with confusion. "Now you know my deepest secrets."

"Nay," she said softly. "Your secrets are still your own. I have no idea why you painted me or what the portrait truly means. Perhaps you'll explain it to me in time."

He wanted to accuse her of overstepping her bounds, wanted to make her feel as exposed as he felt right now. "You had no right to go upstairs and into my old chamber. The girls know better."

He was glad when she flinched. "They went to the second floor because I asked them. They only wanted to please you, as did I." She drew back from him. "What I found in your bedchamber was much more than I expected. And I'm not talking about the painting. You've abandoned that room and that part of your life. Why?"

He frowned. "It was easier to abandon my past than revisit it."

She met his gaze. "The past and our experiences there can be a teacher instead of a tormentor. Sometimes we have to go through certain trials in order to become the person we are today." Elizabeth's gaze sharpened on him. "Perhaps it's time you to face your demons, Lucius. Then, maybe you'll find the happiness you are withholding from yourself."

She turned and strode away from him, heading back to the manor, leaving him alone in the chill night as the truth of her words resonated within him.