Borrowing Trouble (9 page)

Chapter 13

              “Big plans for your half day, Ms. Lynne?” Landon asked as he signed off on his mileage log and put it in the bin on Ms. Lynne’s desk.

              She glanced up from the stack of paychecks she’d been sorting through and smiled at him. “Nothin’ major, sweetie. Thought I’d go see my sister up in Starkville.”

              “Ah, so the usual,” Landon teased. He always asked that question on their half-days, every other Friday, and she always gave the same answer. Life didn’t change much around these parts. Landon glanced back in the direction of Jay’s office, knowing it’d definitely changed in some drastic way over the last week, though.

Landon was almost afraid of how happy he felt. He’d figured after that night, the beautifully awesome night when Jay had made love—because there was no other way to describe what they’d done that night—with him, maybe Jay’d go M.I.A. But no, Jay had come by almost every night that week.

Yes, they’d gotten each other off each time, sometimes twice, but they’d also gone back to their comfortable friendship. Except, there was touching. Sometimes, Landon would be cooking and Jay’d come up behind him and wrap his arms around Landon’s waist. They’d be watching a game and Jay would put his hand on Landon’s knee. He always seemed to be feeling it out, but Landon wasn’t complaining. He was shocked at how affectionate the man was.

It was almost a dream. He’d always thought, back when he was a closeted kid in a small town, how nice it’d be to have someone there whom he trusted, who wanted him. He wanted someone who got his love of his small town and the country and sat with him on quiet nights with their heads leaned together on the porch swing.

He snorted at himself for being so corny. Since it was a half day at the saw mill, he’d only had to do one haul to Laurel and Jay’d only had to go in for payroll, so Landon offered to help finish Jay’s deck. The weather had started cooling down over the last couple of days, so when Jay said he wanted to finish before it got too cold to work, Landon thought it’d be a good time to test the waters, see if Jay would be okay outside of the comfort zone of Landon’s house.

Landon was not ready to give Jay up yet, and he feared at this point, he was already in over his head.

“Landon?”

He turned his attention back to Ms. Lynne, who arched one of her painted on brows. “Ma’am?”

“I asked if you were doing anything special.” Her frown held a level of displeasure Landon hadn’t ever had turned his way, even if the old bat didn’t particularly care for him. She cast an unhappy glance back toward Jay’s office, then back to size up Landon.

“Oh, no ma’am. Nothing special.” Nothing that was her business anyway. He did his best to keep his game face on. Jay would not look kindly on Landon’s mooning outing their current… situation.

“You behave yourself, y’hear?” The words loaded with innuendo did not fall on deaf ears, nor did the calculating look in Ms. Lynne’s eyes go unnoticed. He didn’t figure she’d cause trouble, but she’d definitely not been fooled by Landon and he had not one clue how to control any damage other than smile at her as usual, and affect his best
aw shucks
attitude.

“I’ll do my best. Figure it’ll be a lazy weekend, doing some chores, helping out where I’m needed.”

Ms. Lynne eyed him another moment before smacking her tongue in her mouth and going back to her work. Landon’s shoulders lost a bit of their tension as he fled her front office and trekked down the hall, giving his daddy a wave.

As nonchalantly as possible, he stuck his head in Jay’s office. “Headed out, boss man.”

Jay put a hand over the mouthpiece of the phone he’d been speaking on and stage whispered, “Have a good one.” His manner stayed professional and relaxed, but the twinkle in his eye held a promise, a fondness that did funny things to Landon’s heart. He tamped down on his smile.

“Still need help finishing your deck?” Landon asked conversationally.
Nothing to see here, folks.
Jay gave him a thumbs up and a wink before going back to talking to whomever he’d been speaking with on the office phone.

Landon made his way back out of the office and to his truck, tossing a few waves of farewell and good wishes for the weekend to some of the fellas.

Getting in his truck, he took a second to breathe. Damn the situation for being what it was. He finally had a guy he liked a lot, who liked him back in his own way, who appreciated the same simple life Landon did. Jay had so many qualities Landon could ask for. But a week of screwing around and getting each other off did not a relationship make. So many things about their situation were complicated, but Jay took to things like a duck to water. His almost childlike wonder in each new exploration together, in each time Landon touched him, was enough to bring bigger men to their knees.

Landon knew Jay’s kids would be an issue in just a couple more days. They hadn’t discussed, at all, the possibility of continuing their encounters once life got back to a normal pace, rather than the laissez faire vacation bubble they’d found themselves in over the last week.

So many of Jay’s actions, his words, made Landon hopeful. Even if that was foolish. There had to be some way to work this out.

Landon didn’t expect Jay to come blasting out of the closet, hell, Jay didn’t even have a word for his feelings yet—gay, bi, fluid, confused. At least Jay had dropped the “I can’t be queer” shit. That ship had definitely sailed. But what did they do with that?

It wasn’t like Landon marched in parades, and he wasn’t exactly screaming about his homosexuality in their hometown. That’d be pretty damn stupid. But people who mattered knew. Was that something they were working towards?

Landon tried to remind himself, though, that in just a couple months, thirty-six years of Jay’s life had just been stripped and bared to have been completely different for Jay than the man thought. He had to have patience. That didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous as hell, but so long as Jay wasn’t flipping out yet, why should Landon?

Because it’s so much more than just sucking his dick.
Landon dropped his head to his steering wheel. He had told Mitch about the misunderstanding over Brit and Jay hooking up, but he hadn’t exactly fessed up to the fact he was pretty much dropping trou every time he and Jay were in the same room together. Landon didn’t imagine he’d like Mitch’s saying out loud what Landon tried not to say to himself.

“It’s a delicate situation. It’s only been a little while. Give him time, give yourself time,” Landon told himself in the rearview mirror. Maybe the pitter-patter of his heart in Jay’s presence would go away or dampen as they spent more time together.

He couldn’t help the inelegant snort that escaped him. That’d be the day. Seemed now, every day they got closer. And Jay was surprising Landon by actually speaking when something freaked him out, and his silences weren’t loaded ones that kept Landon guessing. The only thing causing worry was the lack of acknowledging life as they knew it would change...again...when the kids came back.

A knock on his truck window startled Landon. He smiled when he saw his daddy on the other side, and rolled down the window.

“What are you doing hanging out here? Don’t you got better things to do, boy?” his daddy asked with a grin.

“I do. Got lost in thought.”

His daddy cast a sidelong look toward the office before speaking seriously. “Notice you and the Hill boy are pretty tight these days.”

Landon went to talk, but his daddy held up a hand to stop him. “Now, I’m not accusing you of nothing. You know I try. Just remember things could get difficult if y’all were more than just buddies.”

Landon glared at his father. “Why do you feel the need to have this conversation, Daddy?”

“Like I said, I’m not accusing you one way or the other, son, I’m just letting you know I see Ms. Lynne putting together ideas, asking things.”

Landon grimaced and flicked his eyes back toward the office. “I thought she did look a little funny when she asked about my weekend.”

“You know that old biddy don’t got nothing better to do with her time. She won’t rightly go running around telling everyone, but even
one
person could be a problem.”

“Well, nothing to worry about,” Landon told him, hoping his smile was convincing, but not looking his daddy full in the eye so’s to tell either way. He hated lying out-right to his parents, so he decided to go with that vague answer. Whether it flew or not, his daddy just popped the door with his knuckles twice.

“Have a good weekend, son. Stop on by the house if you want. Your mama’s always asking how you are.”

He tossed a two-finger wave at his daddy, smiling as he turned the key in the ignition, starting up his truck. He set out for home, wondering if he should tell Jay about Ms. Lynne and his daddy’s conversation. Seemed like real life might be catching up to them sooner rather than later. But that seemed about Landon’s luck on most things.

***

              Jay thought Landon seemed a bit quieter than usual when he’d arrived at his house, but after they’d started working on the deck, sawing and hammering, Landon seemed to lighten up. If there was one thing he learned from his daddy, nothing eased your soul like working with your hands, creating something useful.

              “We’ve done more this afternoon on this thing than I’ve managed in the six months I’ve been in this house,” Jay said.

              “Well, you know us young guys, we got more stamina. Get things done quicker.” Landon winked at Jay.

              “I don’t hear all that many complaints about my age from you in other places,” Jay snickered. He didn’t know where his ability to be so light hearted about his sexual relationship with Landon came from, but he rarely found himself second guessing teasing about it. Nah, he wasn’t all that overly friendly with Landon outside either of their four walls, but when it was just the two of them, he found himself more relaxed than he ever remembered being.

              So many changes were happening, so much newness had been a part of his life lately, he didn’t really even have time to balk at it, otherwise he’d just be sitting in a corner catatonic, way he figured it.

              “So…” Jay said, turning back to measuring and marking on a two-by-four. “I talked to my old marriage counselor.”

              Landon’s head popped up and his mouth wobbled up and down like a goldfish before he regained his composure. Jay felt a tug in him to kiss the surprised look off Landon’s face, but he really wanted to get the words out.

              “I don’t know who it shocked more, me or the doc. Didn’t do all that much talking when we used her first time around, so when I called in, she thought I may have finally snapped.”

              “Did you?” Landon sounded so serious, Jay felt the guffaw start in his chest before it belted out of him. “Well, it’s a legitimate question.”

              “I thought so. I guess I was worried I was taking all this too well.”

              Landon’s expression gave away nothing, which was a first in a while. Landon usually was particularly easy to read, especially for Jay. Jay’d decided once they started exploring whatever it was that transpired between them, the least he could do was be open with Landon. He didn’t want anyone getting hurt, and it was Jay’s life that was the more complicated of the two right now.

              “What’d she say?” Landon asked.

              “Well, I was almost expecting a referral to a friend who might be able to talk me out of my new-found attraction for men,” Landon snorted. “But, one good thing about the doc being a baby—one of the reasons I’d discounted her help to begin with—she was a bit more enlightened than that.”

“And?”

“She said she was worried I was compartmentalizing again.” At Landon’s concerned side glance, Jay continued. “She was as surprised as me when she said I was right and I’d probably just shut that stuff down so I didn’t worry my folks.” Jay walked over to Landon and brushed their fingers together as he passed him some of the marked lumber for Landon to saw.

“She called it Martyr Syndrome, but the way she laughed at that, I’m pretty sure she made that up.”

“Yeah, but it’s a pretty apt description.”

              “That it is.” Jay stilled Landon, looking him in the eye. “I messed up my marriage by not knowing me, and by not talking. I don’t want to do the same with you, only … I’m still real confused. I know I feel good with you. And I love spending time with you. So I’m trying to keep from thinking it into the ground. But she said that may be a problem, because I’m not looking at the reality of when my kids come home.”

              Landon sighed, sadness dripping from his every pore. “I thought about that. I’ve been concerned. I guess I don’t want to set myself up to think this is more than it is.”

              Jay rubbed his hand over his sweaty brow. “Thing is, like I told you to start with, I feel
so
much when I’m with you, I want to make promises. Especially when you get here looking all sad after we had the night we did last night and get to spend this afternoon just the two of us. It feels so
right
, it’s hard to let myself dwell on those who will think it’s wrong.”