Boston Avant-Garde 6: Chiaroscuro (14 page)

Lars will never be a father.

The thought gave her a jolt in her midsection. She’d imagined a whole world where they were married with a family. It was her fondest wish. They were
her
happy fantasies, but she knew Lars shared at least some of them. Things he’d said, comments he’d made, his family’s expectations. Those had been strong factors in her ever having entertained the idea of him as a husband and father. Until right now she’d always assumed Lars
did
want those things. Just not with her.

Owen’s soft rumble pulled her back to the present. “Mattie?”

They were both staring at her. She felt blindsided, as if they’d waited to tell her until all her defenses were down and she was vulnerable after sharing an incredible sexual experience. What was she doing anyway? Having sex with two guys was amazing. For just a moment, they’d all been entwined in something so close, so precious, she’d thought her heart might burst with the strength of her emotions.

Now this?

She shot an accusing glare at Owen. “You knew.”

His expression said yes, though he looked as if he might open his mouth to disagree. Was he actually considering lying about it? Owen’s gaze cut to Lars as though waiting for him to take the lead, and she’d abruptly had enough. Her stupid sketch had been a fantasy. There was no world where she wasn’t going to be the third wheel in their relationship.

Mattie launched herself off the bed before she could lose her resolve. Grabbing her clothes, she shoved arms and legs into holes without caring if they were the right ones.

“Mattie, wait!” Lars leaped to his feet.

With the evidence of their passion coating the insides of her thighs, Mattie shook her head and pulled on her camisole. “No, I think I’ve waited enough. I wish the two of you all the happiness in the world. Next time you need a plaything to spice up your sex lives, go find someone else.”

OWEN CRINGED WHEN the door slammed shut behind Mattie. He had been blindsided by what happened. Her reaction was the last one he’d expected. It didn’t fit with anything else he knew about her. Why would she turn her back on Lars after he’d divulged something so incredibly sensitive?

Now Owen wasn’t sure what to say. He’d been the one to push his lover into being honest, and it’d blown up in their faces. It was like divine confirmation that relationships didn’t make any sense.

“Well, that was bullshit,” Lars muttered. “Apparently she prefers a stallion to a gelding.”

Owen didn’t have a response to that bit of twisted logic. He thought her reaction probably had more to do with her feeling like an object than Lars’s sterility. At this point the three of them were acting like hormonal teenagers hell-bent on protecting their feelings. It was exhausting.

“I’m going back to work.” Owen extracted his pants from the pile and began pulling them on.

For about five seconds, Lars looked as though he might argue. Then he gave in and started to dress. “Me too. If I finish up this proposal, I might be able to leave town a week early.”

Owen’s breath caught in his throat, and he forced himself back under control. He couldn’t stop Lars from leaving. He wasn’t even going to try. That sort of begging wasn’t in Owen’s repertoire. He’d already violated most of his personal taboos by entertaining the notion of a long-term attachment to anyone, much less to two people. Both of whom seemed to be as damaged as he was.

He reached for the knife he’d laid aside earlier and strapped it back into place against his calf. The next step he took should’ve been out the door, but Owen couldn’t leave without getting one thing off his chest first.

He gazed at Lars, willing him to understand. “The only one who doesn’t think you’re man enough—is you.”

Chapter Eleven

Mattie knew from the expression on Selena’s face that she looked even worse than she felt. If that were possible.

Selena ushered Mattie into the foyer of the three-story brownstone she shared with Demon, Malachi, and their daughter, Allie. The front room was a comfortable blend of East meets West with its modern furniture and Asian art arranged around a traditional colonial fireplace. Selena waved Mattie toward a seat. “You look like death warmed over.”

Mattie slumped onto a couch and tried not to look as dejected as she felt.

“So what happened?” Selena asked.

Considering all of Selena’s meddling in the last few days, Mattie felt like she should be the one asking the questions. There was one in particular Mattie really wanted an answer to. “Did you know Lars was there when you sent me down to talk to Owen?”

“I suspected he might be.” Selena gave her a coy smile.

“Why would you do that?” Mattie’s throat grew tight as she fought back tears. “You keep shoving me in their faces when it’s plain the two of them have a great relationship without me in it.”

“I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.” Selena perched on the edge of a sleek leather chair. “You’re telling me you think Lars and Owen are gay?”

Mattie searched for words that could possibly make Selena understand. “Gay is a label. I don’t know if they’re gay or bi, or what. I
do
know they’re totally into each other. Neither one of them needs me as anything more than a cum receptacle.”

“Whoa, hang on.” Selena grew tense. “That’s not true. My cousin
loves
you, Mattie. He does.”

“Yeah? Well, he also
loves
Owen.”

The look on Selena’s face suggested Mattie had lost her mind. “So?”

Mattie felt as if she were chasing her own tail, spurred on by the fear of Daniel Hyde and the constant emotional upheaval of having sex with two people when she had no idea where she stood with either of them. She couldn’t wrap her mind around what Selena was suggesting. Did her friend really think the three of them could get involved in a committed three-person relationship?

Only if we spent twenty-four hours a day in bed.

Mattie thought of Lars’s condition. He couldn’t father any children. Owen had obviously known. The two of them were closer than Mattie and Lars had ever been. How was she supposed to compete with that? Did she even want to?

“Mattie?” Selena prodded gently.

“Lars can’t even father kids,” Mattie said abruptly. “What does he need with a wife?”

“Wait.” Selena’s green eyes grew round with shock. “He
told
you that?”

“Tonight.”

“What did you say?”

Mattie frowned at her friend’s tone. She didn’t like how Selena had gone from sympathetic to demanding. They were supposed to be friends, not judge each other. “You weren’t there. It was like he told me because he wanted me to understand how hopeless it was for us. Owen was there, and he already knew. I’m just a plaything to them.”

Selena leaped to her feet. “He told you something that personal, and you just
left?
How could you, Mattie? How could you do that to him? He’s spent years never telling anyone he had cancer. Do you know how awful that would be?”

Mattie’s brain hiccupped as she processed that tidbit. Lars hadn’t even told Selena? His family hadn’t known? Yet Owen had. Obviously the two were closer than anyone thought.

Selena wasn’t through. “He only told me about what happened because it came up the other morning when we were discussing his ex-fiancée, Isabel.”

Another mental stumble. Lars had been
engaged?
When? Mattie was having trouble keeping up, but Selena wasn’t slowing down.

“That bitch left him high and dry when she found out he was sick. He hasn’t told anyone—
anyone
—since. And now he tells you the truth, and you do the same thing! What’s wrong with you?” Selena was shouting now, her voice bouncing off the walls and ricocheting in Mattie’s ears. “He feels like he’s not enough man for you. And you just made him right!”

Mattie caught movement from the corner of her eye, and realized that Demon was leaning casually against the wall in the dim hallway that led from the front room to the kitchen. Obviously Selena’s verbal assault had escalated beyond the limits of normal.

What would it be like to have a man so focused on her and her safety and happiness that even a shouting match with her friend would draw his concern? None of that for Mattie. She got stuck with guys who were worried about each other and figured she could take care of herself.

A tiny voice in the back of Mattie’s mind kept trying to remind her that Lars and Owen had been plenty concerned about her Daniel Hyde troubles. She was just too raw and angry to examine any of that right now.

Mattie stood up and gave Demon a cold smile. “Nothing to worry about in here. I was just
leaving
.”

* * * *

Lars stared blankly at his computer screen, trying to focus on the document he’d been trying to finish for the last hour. So far his trip back into the office had been useless. The only thing it had managed to do was give him far too much time to think.

Hooking his foot on the edge of the desk, he spun himself in a lazy circle. The city lights were spread out below, the inhabitants and their lives looking like a child’s play set. Lars kept waiting for the familiar pangs of wanderlust. A longing for London’s skyline or Paris or Stockholm, but it never came. Instead he stared at the familiar shape of the State House clock tower and the purple hue of the Tobin Bridge. The Garden’s blue lights cast a familiar glow on the cityscape, and brought back fond memories of his uncle taking him and his cousins to see the Celtics play. He liked Boston. It was just as familiar as London and had always felt more like home. Since meeting Mattie and then Owen, it felt even more so.

Lars sighed. He was on the verge of picking up the phone to call Owen when it began buzzing insistently on the corner of his desk. The display showed a London number, and his gut clenched.

“Lars Aasen,” he said, glancing at the time. It was already six thirty in the morning there.

“Hello, Lars.” Inspector MacInnis still had a faint Scottish burr even after more than twenty years of living in London. “Sorry to call in the middle of the night. The blasted time difference is bloody inconvenient.”

“It’s perfectly all right, MacInnis.” It wasn’t as though Lars was doing anything productive anyway. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m going to e-mail you some particulars on your next case. I know you’re on holiday, but we could really use your experience to dismantle an auto theft operation.” MacInnis paused, and Lars had the image of him sipping tea from a china cup. Laughable since the man was at least six feet tall and two-hundred-fifty pounds. “You seem to be rather handy at unraveling international crime rings. Don’t think our vaunted superiors haven’t noticed. You’re up for promotion when you return.”

Lars should’ve been thrilled. He opened his mouth to say as much, but the words wouldn’t come.

“You there, mate?”

“I’m here. Just a little tired.” The excuse rang hollow in Lars’s ears. “E-mail me what you have, and I’ll get started looking it over.”

“Smashing!” MacInnis sounded far more excited over the possibility than Lars felt. “Ring me once you’re home, and we’ll go out for a pint.”

“Will do.” Lars injected some enthusiasm into his tone. “Enjoy your tea.”

There was a
click
, and Lars was alone again with his thoughts. He set the phone down and resumed staring at his screen. Unfortunately he couldn’t get the images of Owen and Mattie out of his head.

Lars liked to think he was open-minded and adventurous in the bedroom. A ménage was simply an extension of that kink. But it certainly didn’t mean he was ready to navigate the waters of a three-sided relationship. It worked for his cousin, but that didn’t mean it would work for him.

He groaned and covered his face with his hands. Being with Mattie had always been hot. A shot of lust sent a jolt of awareness to his groin. She was round in all the right places and had a libido that never quit. Insatiable, he’d once called her. Always ready to straddle his cock and ride her way to orgasm or take him in her mouth.

She loved to be touched. She needed the contact. Spending the night in her bed meant snuggling close under the covers and talking until the sun came up. She was clever and funny, with a wild imagination. Lars had spent hours describing all the places he’d travelled. He’d told her things he’d never told anyone else.

Lars relaxed back into his chair, not caring that his cock was tenting the front of his slacks. There was no one to see and no one to care. It was just him and his memories of her sweetly yielding flesh.

His hand strayed to his fly, and he fantasized about Mattie unzipping his pants. He pictured her releasing his erection from the cotton boxers stretched tight across his throbbing skin. He brushed his fingers over the swollen shaft and teased the tip until a bead of liquid wetted his hand. Mattie would’ve lapped at the fluid and sucked until she got more.

Lars groaned and wrapped his palm around his shaft. He began pumping his cock, giving in to the desire coursing through his veins. He imagined it was Mattie’s mouth against him, her hand clamped around the base of his penis and her fingertips lightly stroking his sac.

His eyes snapped open, his thoughts automatically going to Owen. It had been Owen who unquestioningly accepted Lars’s deformity. Owen who had made Lars feel like a man despite having lost part of what made him one. The memory of Mattie’s unbridled enthusiasm and Owen’s unparalleled skill had Lars gasping for air. The two of them together would push Lars instantly over the edge.

He thrust his hips, stretching his sac away from his body and yanking on his cock. He needed more—Owen’s hand manipulating the thickness of Lars’s erection while Mattie’s tongue probed the hole at the tip. Mattie with her legs spread, welcoming Lars into her body while Owen pushed his cock deep into Lars’s aching asshole.

Lars was gasping, both hands now wrapped around his dick as he worked it in a furious attempt at orgasm. His skin burned, wanting to be saturated by Mattie’s sweet juices. His ass clenched, longing for penetration. Climax hovered just out of Lars’s reach.

It’s not about physical release. It’s about the connection.